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Refresh Your Lovemaking

Here are 18 tips we think your husband will love.


by Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby


Are sexually-fulfilled husbands more talkative? One would certainly wonder if the two don’t go together. The following are eighteen tips we think your husband will love:

1. Take a brief rest or short nap, so you’re not so tired at night. Research shows that naps beyond forty minutes cause you to wake up feeling groggy because they give your body time to enter deep sleep.

2. If you work outside the home, try driving home with relaxing music playing in the background or without the radio at all. A quiet, peaceful drive can be refreshing.

3. Don’t speak of your husband’s sexual performance to others-whether glowingly or not so glowingly. His sexual performance shouldn’t be fodder for your casual conversations with friends and family members. Your friends may laugh, but remember that they’re laughing at the expense of your husband. Be 100 percent loyal to him in this area.

4. Rent an old black-and-white love story, and watch it by candlelight.

5. Be explicit in letting your husband know what you enjoy: “I like it when you do such and such.” Men love these kinds of directions. It’s affirming for a man to know that you think he’s a great lover. What if he’s not? Help him become one. Your affirmation and acceptance are what will make this happen. As the years go by in your marriage you will become more and more familiar with your own personal “map”. Become a good topographer, and suggest fun places to visit and those worth lingering over.

6. Be the one to begin to break down the walls in this area. Maybe things have become a bit boring and predictable. Become Mrs. Unpredictable.

7. Let him know when you’re feeling especially sensuous. We have a good friend who hung a blue garter casually on the bedpost when this was the case for her. Her husband soon discovered a love for blue garters that he’d never known before.

8. Ask him what he likes. Then consider doing it. Be the initiator! This man is your husband, and you were created to enjoy each other’s bodies.

9. Plan a treasure hunt for your husband. The first note might tell him to look in the kitchen, where he would find a second, which would lead him to the third, and so on. The last note would lead him to you-the treasure. It could be that he would find you in a place in your home that you’ve never reserved for such a “party."

10. Save money for an overnight stay at a bed-and-breakfast. If your husband isn’t a B&B man (one of ours isn’t), book a suite at a local hotel. Many of the economy chains have suites for moderate prices. It sparks conversation when the children are not the focal point of the evening and he is.

11. Place a warm call to his workplace (if the line is private) and invite him to a “date evening” at home.

12. Begin wearing the kind of nightwear he stopped giving you because you were always cold.

13. Start talking during intimacy, and tell him what he means to you and what you are experiencing. He’ll deeply appreciate your participation and praise.

14. Smile suggestively when he broaches the subject of togetherness early on in the evening. Make lots of eye contact with an “I can’t wait until the kids are in bed” look.

15. Reintroduce the “eyeing his body” gaze, and then look into his eyes. Even if his body is not like a movie star’s, it should be a source of wonder to you.

16. Remind yourself what a privilege it is to be married. Many women long for a husband. You’ve got one! Thank God for him.

17. Drop in on him in the shower and whistle appreciatively.

18. Give him a lingering kiss. Not a peck, but one that’s meaningful and conveys your appreciation of him as a man.

Bottom Line: Take him on a memorable trip tonight. And tomorrow night, too.

Adapted from How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You © 2001 by Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby. Used by permission of Mulnomah Publishers, Inc. Excerpt may not be reproduced without the prior written consent of Mulnomah Publishers, Inc.

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