Your life is basically normal … at least most of the time. Your marriage could be better. There have been hard times—maybe even devastating times—but somehow you're working through life. The kids seem happy enough. You provide for them the best you can—a decent education, plenty of outside activities, loving parents.

But for some reason, there's a nagging feeling deep inside you, hinting that there's something more.

It's as if there is a secret that some of your friends and neighbors know, giving them that special edge on life, but somehow you've missed it. You've seen the glow from inside the relationships of their homes—even when they're having problems. What makes them different? How can you know the secret?

Every couple eventually has to deal with problems in the home—there is no perfect marriage and family. Problems like finances, communication, and conflict resolution are all important to work through in order to cultivate strong, loving relationships. That's why there are ministries like FamilyLife to help you learn how to do that.

But there is a secret. And this is something that all the resources and materials from FamilyLife can't help you with. This is the basic issue at the heart of every problem in every marriage. No matter how hard you try, this is one problem that is too big for you to deal with on your own.

The secret is this: If you want to experi­ence marriage the way it was designed to be, you need a vital relationship with the God who created you and offers you the power to live a life of joy and purpose.

Jesus Christ said, "I came that they might have life, and have it abundantly." And Psalm 16:11 tells us that in God's presence is "fullness of joy." God gives us a biblical plan for making family relationships work—and then He gives us the power to follow that plan through a relationship with Him.

In our world today, sin is not a popular word. Many people have little idea what sin is. Put simply, sin is an archery term that means missing the target, or missing mark. Romans 3:23 tells us, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

Most of us have assumed throughout our lives that the term "sin" refers only to the really "bad" acts, like murder. But in reality, sin is anything that breaks God's laws, and it is impossible to go through life without sinning. Look at the 10 Commandments, for example. Here are three of the ten:

You shall not lie.
You shall not steal.
You shall not take the name of God in vain.
(Exodus 20:3-17)

If you have broken any of these commandments—even little "white" lies or stealing something small, like envelopes from work or a pen that doesn't belong to you—then you are guilty of breaking God's laws. And it is that sin that creates a gap between you and God.

None of us has trusted and treasured God the way we should. We have sought to satisfy ourselves with other things and have treated those things as more valuable than God. We have gone our own way.

According to the Bible, we have to pay a penalty for our sin. We cannot simply do things the way we choose and hope it will all be OK with God. Following our own plan leads to our destruction. Proverbs 14:12 tells us, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." And Romans 6:23a says, "For the wages of sin is death."

The penalty for sin is eternal punishment and separation from God. And no matter how hard we try we cannot make up for the sin that we have committed. God is holy, and we are sinful. In order to enter Heaven, God demands perfection, and we have already seen that no one can be perfect. No matter how hard we try, we cannot come up with some plan, like living a good life or even trying to do what the Bible says, and hope that we can avoid the penalty.

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me'" (John 14:6).

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

"Christ died for our sins ... He was buried ... He was raised on the third day according to the Scrip­tures ... He appeared to Peter, and then to the Twelve. After that, He appeared to more than five hundred" (1 Corinthians 15:3-6).

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23).

The death of Jesus has fixed our sin problem. He has bridged the gap between God and us. He is calling all of us to come to Him and to give up our own flawed plan for how to run our lives. He wants us to trust God and His plan.

"Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12).

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9).

When the Bible talks about receiving Christ, it means we acknowledge that we are sinners and that we can't fix the prob­lem ourselves. It means we turn away from our sin. And it means we trust Christ to forgive our sins and to make us the kind of people He wants us to be. It's not enough to just intel­lectually believe that Christ is the Son of God. We must trust in Him and His plan for our lives by faith, as an act of the will.

Are things right between you and God, with Him and His plan at the center of your life? Or is life spinning out of control as you seek to make your way on your own?

You can decide today to make a change. You can turn to Christ and allow Him to transform your life. All you need to do is to talk to Him and tell Him what is stirring in your mind and in your heart. If you've never done this before, consider taking the steps listed here:

Do you agree that you need God? Tell God.

Have you made a mess of your life by following your own plan? Tell God.

Do you want God to forgive you? Tell God.

Do you believe that Jesus' death on the cross and His res­urrection from the dead gave Him the power to fix your sin problem and to grant you the gift of eternal life? Tell God.

Are you ready to acknowledge that God's plan for your life is better than any plan you could come up with? Tell God.

Do you agree that God has the right to be the Lord and master of your life? Tell God.

Following is a suggested prayer:

"Lord Jesus, I need you. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I receive you as my Savior and Lord. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be."

Living the Christian Life
For a person who is a follower of Christ—a Christian—the penalty for sin is paid in full. But the effect of sin continues throughout our lives.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" (1 John 1:8).

"For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing" (Romans 7:19).

The effects of sin carry over into our marriages as well. Even Christians struggle to maintain solid, God-honoring mar­riages. Most couples eventually realize that they can't do it on their own. But with God's help, they can succeed. The Holy Spirit can have a huge impact in the marriages of Christians who live constantly, moment by moment, under His gracious direction.

"Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not act­ing like mere men?" (1 Corinthians 3:1-3).

The self-centered Christian cannot experience the abundant and fruitful Christian life. Such people trust in their own efforts to live the Christian life: They are either uninformed about—or have forgotten—God's love, forgiveness, and power. This kind of Christian

• has an up-and-down spiritual experience.
• cannot understand himself—he wants to do what is right, but cannot.
• fails to draw upon the power of the Holy Spirit to live the Christian life.

Some or all of the following traits may characterize the Christian who does not fully trust God:

disobedience
lack of love for God and others
inconsistent prayer life
lack of desire for Bible study
legalistic attitude
plagued by impure thoughts
jealous
worrisome
easily discouraged, frustrated
critical
lack of purpose

Note: The individual who professes to be a Christian but who continues to practice sin should realize that he may not be a Christian at all, according to Ephesians 5:5 and 1 John 2:3; 3:6, 9.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentle­ness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law" (Galatians 5:22-23).

Jesus said:

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5).

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth" (Acts 1:8).

The following traits result naturally from the Holy Spirit's work in our lives:

Christ centered
Holy Spirit empowered
motivated to tell others about Jesus
dedicated to prayer
student of God's Word
trusts God
obeys God
love
joy
peace
patience
kindness
faithfulness
gentleness
self-control

The degree to which these traits appear in a Christian's life and marriage depends upon the extent to which the Christian trusts the Lord with every detail of life, and upon that person's maturity in Christ. One who is only beginning to understand the ministry of the Holy Spirit should not be discouraged if he is not as fruitful as mature Christians who have known and experienced this truth for a longer period of time.

If you sincerely desire to be directed and empowered by God, you can turn your life over to the control of the Holy Spirit right now (Matthew 5:6; John 7:37-39).

First, confess your sins to God, agreeing with Him that you want to turn from any past sinful patterns in your life. Thank God in faith that He has forgiven all of your sins because Christ died for you (Colossians 2:13-15; 1 John 1:9; 2:1-3; Hebrews 10:1-18).

Be sure to offer every area of your life to God (Romans 12:1-2). Consider what areas you might rather keep to yourself, and be sure you're willing to give God control in those areas.

By faith, commit yourself to living according to the Holy Spirit's guidance and power.

• Live by the Spirit: "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want" (Galatians 5:16-17).
• Trust in God's promise:"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything accord­ing to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him" (1 John 5:14-15).

"Dear God, I need you. I acknowledge that I have been directing my own life and that, as a result, I have sinned against you. I thank you that you have forgiven my sins through Christ's death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to take His place on the throne of my life. Take control of my life through the Holy Spirit as you promised you would if I asked in faith. I now thank you for directing my life and for empowering me through the Holy Spirit."

If you find that you've taken back control of your life through sin—a definite act of disobedience—try this exercise, "Spiritual Breathing," as you give that control back to God.

1. Exhale. Confess your sin. Agree with God that you've sinned against Him, and thank Him for his forgiveness of it, according to 1 John 1:9 and Hebrews 10:1-25. Remember that confession involves repentance, a determination to change attitudes and actions.
2. Inhale. Surrender control of your life to Christ, inviting the Holy Spirit to once again take charge. Trust that He now directs and empowers you, according to the command of Galatians 5:16-17 and the promise of 1 John 5:14-15. Returning to your faith in God enables you to continue to experience God's love and forgiveness.