Parenting Tip # 144
If possible, through your church or perhaps with the parents of one of your child’s friends, form an unofficial parenting partnership. Hint: Encourage the other family to monitor your child’s attitudes, actions, and speech while in their home and to feel comfortable reporting observations to you.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 145
When you broach the subject of sex with your child, press through your fears, inhibitions, memories, and embarrassment. A few minutes of blushing, stammering, and clammy hands will deepen your relationship and could literally save your child’s life.
**Children need to learn a godly perspective about sex primarily from their parents. Engage in healthy, age-appropriate discussions about sex with your child to help him develop his own godly convictions and to set standards and boundaries for his life.
**Sex education is another one of those ongoing training opportunities for shaping your child’s attitudes toward life. In addition to the biological facts of sex, be sure to finish the process with moral training. Your discussions should begin with three critical topics: What the Bible says about sex, why God forbids sex outside of marriage, and how to set standards to maintain purity.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 146
The goal of sex education and instruction with children is not just protecting their virginity, but helping them protect their purity and innocence. Set your sights high and challenge your children to the highest standard, God’s standard. Challenge them in their personal convictions, the movies and videos they watch, the music they listen to, and the friends they choose, and be sure to model purity in your own life.
**Don’t be afraid to talk to your preteen about sex. You are the protector of his innocence, guardian of his purity, and gatekeeper of his soul. Don’t be afraid of what he’ll think. Go toward your child empowered by God, courageously representing His perspective. God will give you the ability to do this.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 147
If your child makes a wrong choice that results in sin, he will feel guilt and perhaps fear that you might withdraw from him in rejection. Sin, shame, and embarrassment all make it difficult to truly connect with your child, but in spite of the difficulty, he needs to see, feel, and know your love, grace and forgiveness.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 148
When a teen makes a wrong choice resulting in sin, whether it be drugs, alcohol, sexual sin, cheating, rebellion, or some other sin, he needs his parents to become God’s arms of love to him, just as God loves us no matter what we do. He still disciplines us, and there is still a consequence for sin, but there is ample grace. Grace that accepts, cleanses, and motivates to do what is right.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 149
There are great benefits to interviewing our daughter’s dates. First, if your daughter knows in advance what you will be asking and is prepared for what it will be like, she will usually feel honored, protected, and loved. Second, because the interview takes place well before the date, dad can evaluate the young man’s character in advance, giving you time to intervene when necessary.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 15
Talk with your children about God and His Word throughout the day, as a way of life.Raising Children Of Faith: Study Guide
Copyright 2002 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Group Publishing, Inc.
Parenting Tip # 150
Encourage your teenagers to focus on the friendship side of their relationships with the opposite sex. Consider allowing them to spend time with the opposite sex in group settings only, not one on one.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 151
In determining when to allow your teen to date, consider basing your judgment on how responsible you deem your child to be. Ask yourself, “Can we trust him to stick with his standards? Is he strong enough to withstand peer pressure in a boy-girl situation?”Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 152
Teens need to be taught that the ultimate purpose of dating or courting is to find someone to marry. That’s why it’s so important that teens wait to date. They also need to be very choosy about who they spend their time with in light of that definition. Help your older teens to write down the qualities they want to look for in the person they marry. What values really matter? That list can then become the criteria by which all potential dates are measured.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 153
Specific boundaries need to be established for acceptable kinds of dates for teens. Even group dates can go awry if the group makes a poor choice on its plans. The best policy is to maintain your right to approve any type of date while your teen is living at home. And be careful about making assumptions about Christian activities. Check it out first.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 154
Help your child avoid compromising situations with the opposite sex. Train your teen to keep his distance from situations that could tempt him to make wrong choices. Set guidelines for your teen to follow, such as not allowing him to entertain someone of the opposite sex in his bedroom, not allowing him to entertain while you are not at home, and so on.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 155
Hold your teen accountable for what he does on dates. When your teen goes on a date, don’t hesitate to find out what the plans are in detail. Know who the teens are, who is driving, where they will be going, and agree clearly on what time they are to be back. Then spend some time the next day debriefing him.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 156
Play the Decide in Advance game with your teen. As your child enters the preteen and teen years, start rehearsing different situations he may face later. For instance, what should a girl say to a boy who wants to park with her late at night? What should a boy do if a girl starts making moves on him? What should your daughter do if her date refuses to let her go unless she gives in to him? The best time to make these types of decisions is long before they might occur.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 157
Don’t be afraid to step in to limit the scope of your teen’s dating relationship. If you see that the relationship has become exclusive and that they are becoming too emotionally attached you may want to encourage them to back off and to put some distance in their relationships.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 158
As parents we must model humility by being teachable, admitting mistakes, and asking for forgiveness. One of the best admissions you’ll ever make to your child is, “I was wrong; I’m sorry; will you forgive me?” When our children see that we are truly humble, it is a lot easier for their hearts to be receptive and shaped by convictions that we share with them.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 159
When your child has a bad attitude or other problems as he edges into adolescence, try the following discipline technique:
Affirm your love. -- A child about to be corrected must be reminded that the parent’s actions have the right motivations.
Speak the truth. -- Be clear in your communication. Explain what has happened, why it is wrong, and make sure the child understands clearly the offense.
Call for admission of guilt and repentance. -- The child needs to acknowledge wrongdoing and appropriately express regret.
Assess a consequence. -- Examples of consequences for this age group may be withholding of privileges, grounding, and so on.
Reaffirm commitment and love. -- Always end a discussion like this with a final reminder: “I love you; I want the best for you. I’m in your corner.”Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 16
It is important for your children to hear you tell about the “praiseworthy deeds of the Lord” in your life. Try to share a praise report with your child at least once a week. Example: You can share with your children how God protected you and your family through the week.Raising Children Of Faith: Study Guide
Copyright 2002 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Group Publishing, Inc.
Parenting Tip # 160
A good place to start building patterns of accountability with your child is to insist on a call-me-if-you’re-late-or-plans-have-changed policy. Make sure your child always carries some quarters and dimes for these phone calls.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 161
Although everyone has personal tastes in media, parents need to take responsibility for setting and maintaining media boundaries that are for the good of the entire family. The apostle Paul gives us a great media filter: “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8).Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 162
Let your media choices set a high standard for media use by your children.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 163
Where television is concerned, parents have to be incredibly involved in determining what their children will be allowed to watch and in what quantity. Consider the following:
*Not allowing television viewing by children without prior approval by a parent
*Limiting television viewing to no more than 30-60 minutes per day or a certain number of hours per week
*Videotaping favorite shows. Then you can choose the ideal time for viewing, and save time by skipping over commercials.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 164
Try going on a television fast as a family. Pull the plug, and don’t watch TV for a week or a month—whatever you decide as a family. Instead, spend time playing family games, talking and building family relationships, reading and so on. You may find that the benefits to your family are so great, you may not feel the need to ever plug the TV in again!Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 165
The best approach to making movie decisions for your family is not to rely on the movie ratings system, but to view the movie yourself before you decide whether or not your child should see it.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
Parenting Tip # 166
When trying to find a wholesome movie at the theater for your family, resist the urge to see the newest movie within a week of its release. This way, you have time to collect reviews, seek out other information on the movie’s content, and carefully listen to what others you respect have to say about the movie. Check out the following great resources for help in evaluating the suitability of movies: Screen It! Entertainment Reviews for Parents, http://www.screenit.com and Movie Guide. Ted Baehr has years of experience in evaluating movie content from a Christian perspective. Write him at 3554 Strait Street, Atlanta, GA 30340.Parenting Today's Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years
Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.
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