Editor's Note: This is the second part of Judy Rousseau's story about her healed marriage relationship. Read Part One of Judy's story.

For more than three years while my husband, Paul, and I were separated, it certainly looked like we were on our way to becoming another divorce statistic. Paul may have made his plans, but the Lord directed his steps back home in spite of the fact that he was seeing another woman.

Then God began to work in Paul's life, and he returned to our home. And you might think that once that happened, all our problems went away and we lived happily ever after. But that is not what happened. Yes, Paul was home, but he had become accustomed to another life. Now that he had returned, he had lots of adjustments to make, and so did the rest of us.

In fact, when Paul initially moved back home, we kept most of his possessions in the living room, not because he was planning to leave again, but because we wanted our relationship to heal sufficiently before he returned to our bedroom. We also thought that this would help our children adjust to having their dad back home again.

For the first couple of weeks, he was very tired and weak from pneumonia. He slept a lot as he slowly recuperated. But during that time, Paul admitted he still had strong feelings for the woman with whom he had an affair, even though he knew those feelings weren't right.

For several months, our children were very skeptical and monitored Paul's every move. In an effort to restore our trust, he got into the habit of checking in with us frequently throughout the day. If he were going to be late, he would tell us why, where he was, and how long it was going to take for him to get home. This really helped the kids and me to feel secure that he had left his wayward life behind and that he was not planning to leave again but rather was home to stay.

After six weeks or so Paul started going to church with me (the same church that had started a prayer meeting for us). After attending for a few months, Paul felt it was very important that we return to the church we had attended previously so that the congregation there would have an opportunity to see the evidence of how the Lord had changed our lives. Although many in that church had said they were praying for me, the majority of those who told me how they felt tried to encourage me to "move on" because they thought Paul would never change.

A New Home

Not long after that, when we got our financial situation back in order, we started to discuss selling our home and moving to a larger one. It would be like a new start. We looked at a beautiful home, and it was love at first sight. And I had to laugh when I saw the name of our new street. During the years when we were separated, I would sometimes turn to Matthew 7:24-27, which tells of the wisdom of building a house on the foundation of hearing and obeying God's Word:

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall."

That was the type of home I prayed for, and now God had answered my prayers. And wouldn't you know that our new home was located on Boulder Drive!

Learning to Live With Each Other

As the weeks and months went by, I began to see the changes in Paul and me. Previously Paul shared his feelings and frustrations by exploding in a rage. It actually felt like he was surrounded by negative energy that had formed an impenetrable wall around him. Although I would get quite defensive, I wasn't very skilled at approaching him when he was upset, so I chose rather to retreat and hide until he calmed down somewhat. I handled my own anger more subtly by turning it inward and pretending it didn't exist. I don't think that I need to tell you that this was not a very effective method of communication.

Now, because Paul wasn't filled with his former anger, and I had stopped running away to hide, everything in our relationship changed. If he were upset about something, he would approach me and say something like, "Judy, I don't want to hurt your feelings but when you get your schedule so busy, I feel like I'm not important to you." I had learned not to be defensive, realizing that Paul had a right to tell me how he felt (especially when he did it in such a kind way), and I could learn how to be a better helpmate by listening to those things he had to say.

Now that we were able to communicate without short-circuiting, I asked Paul to tell me some of the things that I had done over the years to make him so angry with me. His answer surprised me. I expected that he was going to give me a long list of grievances but that isn't what happened. Instead he said that he was just angry—at everything. Much of that anger was over his lack of control and frustration over the way his life was going, but he believes that the greatest source of his irritation was that he was being convicted of his sin but resisting it.

Our lives had become so much more peaceful and simple. We were no longer spending our time and energy defending ourselves against each other but rather working together as a united front, appreciating even those differences in our personalities which we previously viewed as incompatibilities.

I love the way my friend, Beth, explains it. She told me that she had been asking the Lord to help her cope with the things about her husband's personality that she found frustrating: his inconsistency with the children, his insensitivity to her feelings, his lack of follow-through in things he had promised to do, his habit of taking a check from the checkbook and forgetting to write in the amount. As she sought the Lord for His help, she heard Him say, "Yes, Beth, I know that Mike is not always consistent. At times he can be so insensitive to your feelings and sometimes downright inconsiderate. I know that he's not especially good about keeping his promises and I know how much it irritates you when he takes a check and then forgets to record the amount. But, Beth, Mike is My boy, and I love him so much. To you, he may not be perfect, but He is My child, made in My image. When you committed your life to Mike to be his wife, I was really hoping that I'd found someone who would love My boy the way I love him. Even though it may be hard for you, would you be willing to be that person?"

In the same way, before Paul left home, little things aggravated me like wet towels on the bed, toothpaste stuck to the bathroom faucets, dirty socks left everywhere but in the laundry hamper ... After such a long season of not seeing those daily irritations, I am now able to embrace those things as clear evidence that my hubby is home.

Even though I still struggle a bit with balancing my priorities, I learned the hard way the importance of showing my husband how much he means to me. Now I want to make sure that I am the woman who is affirming him. Not only does he deserve my admiration and affirmation, but when I am meeting his needs in this way, he is not vulnerable to the attentions of another woman.

A Restored Family

Not only did the Lord heal our relationship with each other, but He restored Paul's relationship with our children. We are also especially grateful that the Lord restored our marriage because of what that restoration says to our children. When our daughter Korri got married over three years ago, she sent us a beautiful card thanking us for our contributions to her wedding day. She said that if she and her husband ever face marital difficulty, they will do what we have done and ask for the Lord's help because she knows from what happened to us that He is able and willing to help.

We've celebrated three weddings, the birth of three grandchildren and the adoption of a grandson from Korea. I think about how sad it would have been if we missed out on those things as a couple. We also had an opportunity to renew our vows on our 33rd anniversary before a congregation of tearful family and friends.

A few years ago I found a website that was looking for Christian testimonies. I wrote about what God had done for us, and soon after the site posted the story I began receiving emails, phone calls, and prayer requests from men and women hungry for hope and counsel. I guess you could say that was the birth of our ministry. We have such a passion to serve as a living example to those in hurting marriages that divorce is not the answer. Occasionally we travel to share our testimony and music but the majority of our current ministry is through the emails I send out to men and women who are standing for their marriages.

Thankful for What God Has Done

Paul has been given a very strong sense of gratitude. He might be listening to a Christian song, or sitting in church, or hugging a grandchild, when suddenly his eyes will tear up. When I ask him what is wrong, he will respond that he is just so thankful for all the Lord has done for him. He also frequently thanks me for not giving up on him when he says that I had every right to. When those times come, I get all teary myself.

We've both grown so much spiritually from the angry man and prideful, self-righteous woman that we used to be. Even though what we went through was very painful, we realize that we were given a gift—an unlikely gift wrapped up in the form of a trial. We feel somewhat like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego in the Old Testament. We went into the fiery furnace but came out free of our bonds.