Ed: When Sharon and I married, it was a second marriage for us both. Our honeymoon was everything I dreamed it would be, but returning to our new home jolted my dream into reality.

Sharon: Ed came back to a ready-made family. Not only did he take me as a new wife; he also took my three small children as family, too. We were all strangers suddenly together as a family. Unexpected issues concerning discipline, finances, outside influences, and privacy surfaced. Roles quickly became confusing. Right away, I could feel the pulling apart of the relationship, and this created stress on mine and Ed's relationship as husband and wife.

Ed: I knew I loved Sharon and was determined to make this marriage work. Still, I wanted most of Sharon's time, but because of her role as mother, that meant less attention for me. I began to feel disappointment and isolation set in. We saw the warning signs that we were drifting apart and knew we needed help or a plan.

Sharon: During my childhood, I had attended church. I knew somewhere deep down that I needed God's help and that I had messed up a lot. I found a church six months into our marriage. Ed agreed to go with me even though he hadn't been in church for over 30 years.

Ed: Honestly, it was a hard decision to make to even try church because Sunday was my golfing day. Still, I was desperate and thought it may make a difference in our lives. I knew I didn't want to go through another divorce. We started attending a church and at first, I found the messages hard to hear. They showed me where I was failing. But, one Sunday Sharon and I both heard that we could have a personal relationship with Christ. This message gave us hope. We decided to give our lives over to Christ, acknowledging we couldn't make our relationship work without His help.

Power to Change

Sharon: From that point on, things were different. We continued to grow in our relationship with Jesus Christ and through Him became closer to one another. We also enrolled in a class our church offered called the Homebuilders Couples Series. It was a small group bible study on God's plan for marriage.

Ed: Through this class it dawned on us why our first marriages had ended. We didn't understand God's plan. We had been going at it from a selfish perspective with all the worldly, unrealistic expectations of our spouse. We found that God's plan is for a lifetime, and if you follow His plan, which is very basic and simple, you come to the realization that the person you marry is uniquely created by God to fulfill your needs.

Sharon: I personally learned for the first time what it means to be "one flesh." When you break apart a relationship that is meant to last a lifetime it becomes a mess. Our blended family had unique and difficult issues because we broke apart our first marriages. This wasn't God's design. God's plan for marriage revolutionized our current marriage relationship. We understood that the grace and forgiveness found in Christ is the glue that holds our marriage together. It drastically changed the way we looked at our relationship with each other.

A New Legacy

Sharon: Both of us experienced change as a result of learning these principles. I began to die to myself, not pushing my own agenda but doing what God wanted me to do. This helped me balance my dual roles as wife and mom. Ed also began to change.

Ed: I'll never forget coming out of that HomeBuilders class one night and saying to Sharon, "I don't want to be the man anymore." That's how overwhelmed I felt. Even though I didn't have father figure growing up to give me an example, I was still accountable to God to fulfill my role. There were things I had to change that were selfish, like playing golf five times a week. Becoming a godly husband and father meant spending more time with my wife and kids. Sharon and I now know that every marriage has its trials. We found that trusting Christ and studying God's word made all the difference in our new marriage, helping us work through our problems and enjoy one another as God intended. Now we live daily to provide a godly home for our kids to grow in God's love and in our love with one another and to help other families find God's plan for marriage.

Taken from the March 2005 issue of The Family Room, FamilyLife's online magazine. www.FamilyLife.com/familyroom. Copyright© 2005. All rights reserved. Used by permission.