July 2004

To most, Paul and Dana Miller would be an unlikely couple to lead a marriage and family ministry; after all, they are both on their second marriages. Paul is the lay pastor involved with the marriage ministry at New Hanover United Methodist in Gilbertsville, Penn., where he and Dana are senior marriage mentors.

"We missed the key link," says Paul, speaking of his first marriage. "We missed Christ in our marriage. If Christ had been in our marriage, we would have been truer to each other."

Paul's first marriage crumbled at the end of 20 years of what he calls "a prodigal life," so Paul returned to God. It was at church where he met Dana. They were married that October, and they have worked hard to keep Christ in the center of their relationship. "Marriage is so wonderful when you share it in faith," Paul says.

It wasn't until three years ago that Paul and Dana were introduced to FamilyLife. A couple in the church knew of FamilyLife's resources, but they needed assistance in devoting more time to a marriage ministry. Because Paul and Dana had a passion for godly marriages, they volunteered to step in and lead it.

Because FamilyLife helped them keep Jesus as the focus of their relationship, they have promoted FamilyLife marriage conferences and events, material, and led a Sunday school class called Making Your Remarriage Last. This study is part of the HomeBuilders Couples Series®, FamilyLife's Bible study for couples. "Each time I do anything with marriage mentoring, it just makes my marriage grow stronger," Paul says.

In February of 2004, the Millers were able to go to their first Weekend to Remember™ conference, FamilyLife's three-day getaway for couples in Hershey, Penn. The most meaningful time of the conference for Paul came when each man and woman wrote a love letter to his or her spouse. Dana wrote:

"What I appreciate about you is your desire to serve the Lord and to keep the Lord in our marriage. Although in the beginning, I wasn't sure I wanted to make the commitment of mentoring other couples together. I would have to say that it has been a wonderful thing. I wouldn't have thought I would be happy and good at such a thing, but I feel very blessed by it. It has given me a purpose and a place in our church, which is something I never had before. And at the same time, I am (I hope) becoming a better wife, partner, and friend to you."

Paul has been carrying the letter in his pocket ever since. "I was touched enormously throughout the event. She had me crying; I had her crying—and it was the happy kind of crying, love crying," says Paul. "If a person can go to this conference and just open up to the message that's being given, that person's life is going to improve."

As Paul and Dana face retirement within the next few years, Paul envisions his ministry growing even more. "My passion is marriage and if I can prevent one other couple from failing where I failed, I'll be happy," says Paul.