Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, December 10th. Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We'll hear about the process that God took Bill and Vicki Rose through as He began restoring their marriage. Stay tuned.
[musical transition]
And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us. You know, when a husband or a wife begins to lose hope in a relationship, it's really difficult for anything to stabilize or for them to move forward in any direction if there's no hope left in the marriage. But when there is a spark of hope or a glimmer of hope or when something happens in a relationship to cause that spark of hope to rekindle, that provides a lot of inertia for a relationship to move in the right direction.
Dennis: You know, when someone is in a circumstance like that, Bob, they can decide to deny reality and just pretend it doesn't exist. Others can and have withdrawn and completely pulled back from the battle and ignore it and do their best to live their own lives.
But there is another group who can decide to stay and fight and who can seek to redeem and be a vessel of grace to their spouse, to their marriage, to their children and I think, Bob, to their legacy to the generations that follow.
Bob: Yeah, we've been getting to know a couple of fighters this week, haven't we?
Dennis: We have. Yankee fighters, New York Yankee fighters.
Bob: They used to fight with each other, now they fight for one another, how's that?
Dennis: For each other.
Bob: Yeah, I pulled that one out of the …
Dennis: Bill and Vicki Rose join us again on FamilyLife Today. Bill, Vicki, welcome back.
Bill: Thank you.
Vicki: It's great to be here.
Dennis: We've learned earlier that Bill and Vicki are owners of the New York Yankees, along with George.
Bill: Let's rephrase that, okay? George is the guy. We have a little piece.
Dennis: A little crumb.
Bill: Which is why we're called "limited partners," because it is limited.
Dennis: Limited, all right. He is also the CEO of DRM Sports Management. Vicki is a speaker, a teacher, a writer, and together they have two adult children who are married, and they have a story of great redemption.
Earlier, we heard the story of Vicki coming to faith in Christ at a little dinner party for 900 people at the Waldorf Astoria, and this is interesting, Vicki, I didn't mention it when you told this story earlier. I heard about this dinner party, because it was hosted by Nancy DeMoss, the wife of Art DeMoss who, for a number of years, God used mightily, and that's where you met Christ and where the redemption story started.
Vicki: That's correct, in 1987 – November.
Bob: And this was in the midst of a time when you were separated from Billy.
Vicki: We had been separated a year and a half.
Bob: Is that okay for me to call you "Billy?" I mean, she calls you Billy.
Bill: She does, but most call me Bill.
Bob: All right, I'll call you Bill from now on.
Dennis: If you call him "Billy," I think of another manager for the New York Yankees.
Bob: There was another "Billy" in there for a while.
Bill: There was, he was a …
Dennis: He kind of reminds me of him, in a way – Billy Martin.
Bob: But you and Bill had been separated for about two years at this point. You continued to be separated for about five and a half years?
Vicki: A total of five and a half years.
Bob: But when you came to faith, your perspective on your marriage, on your high school, on what God's plan for the future all started to get realigned, didn't it?
Vicki: Yes, as I started to read the Bible and read what God says in the Bible about marriage – that He hates divorce; that marriage is for a lifetime; one man and one woman; that if you do divorce, that remarriage is not an option. I started to read the Scriptures, and I had come to a place in my life where I wanted to do things God's way not my own, because I had created a mess on my own.
Bob: He hadn't changed at all? Was still living the party lifestyle?
Vicki: Bill had not changed at all, and I had grown up just looking for things to fill me – job, marriage, children, et cetera, and none of it did. I was a single mom at that point, of two preschool children. I'd gone back to work full time as a corporate buyer for Macy's, and life was pretty out of control.
Bob: So you started inviting your husband to these dinner parties, and he said, "No, no, no," and then came to one and left in the middle, and you kept inviting him to them?
Vicki: I did. At that point, I had read Matthew, chapter 6, where God talks about supplying all that we need.
Bob: "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you."
Vicki: That one, exactly, and Matthew 6:33, my life verse, and I really felt led to leave my job at Macy's and the salary and stay home as a full-time mom and work part-time for the ministry, which is what I did. So I left Macy's, and I had figured out our finances, like, to the penny.
Bob: Yeah, you weren't divorced, so were you getting any kind of child support?
Vicki: Yes, Billy was giving me child support and paying rent, and I was earning what I was earning, and as I read Matthew, chapter 6, I thought, "Gosh, how much am I making here?" And I added up what I made, what it cost me to go to work – transportation, child care, dog care, clothing, and so forth, and what was left over, finally, with new eyes, it didn't seem like that much, and I thought, "Wow, all that I'm sacrificing my kids and not being home with them all the time and being able to teach them and raise them the way I would want to – in the Lord." And the babysitter didn't know the Lord, and she didn't discipline as I would like to, and she played favorites and all sorts of things.
So I saw this and I thought, "Wow, if I don't buy clothes ever again, which is fine, because I have plenty in my closet, and if I don't do anything, if I don't have any babysitters, we could probably make a go of this." And so I left my job at Macy's, and, with Billy's permission, started working part time for Executive Ministries as a secretary, basically. I think $6 an hour was the salary, and I worked only the hours that the children went to school – so three hours a day.
And if someone was sick, I needed to stay home, and the first time that happened, I thought, "Oh, my gosh, how am I going to pay the electricity bill," and I thought, "Well, God really knows my needs, and He says He's going to supply them, so I am not going to be afraid, and I am just going to trust that we will have what we need, and then I'll be home when I need to."
Dennis: Billy, you know, here you are, you have this drug habit, you're doing lines of cocaine costing $100 a day. That's a lot of money you're paying for drugs. Now you're paying money for child support and keeping a family unit going. Did you ever resent that money that you sent back home?
Bill: No, I never – no.
Dennis: And so as she began to invite you to these dinner parties, then, the invitation finally fell on some– at least some kind of open heart, some kind of fertile soil. Tell us what took place then?
Bill: Well, I mean, the first one – she called me, and she thought she had heard that my baseball hero, growing up, was a guy named Bobby Richardson – wasn't quite sure but thought she had. And there was a baseball chapel luncheon down at the Downtown Athletic Club, which is where the Heisman Trophy used to be given.
And wanted to know – said the guest speaker was Bobby Richardson, and would I be interested in going? And I thought, "Yeah, that would be kind of cool." You know, I get to meet Bobby, and so I went down there for the luncheon, and Bobby shared his faith and his testimony and was very eloquent, and someone introduced me to Bobby, and he came back with me to the restaurant, Sporting Club, that I owned, and spent a good two hours with me and prayed for me in my office. I was not ready to do anything further than let him pray for me.
Dennis: Was he sharing his faith with you, his faith in Christ?
Bill: Yeah, he did, and he also shared it at the luncheon, but we just talked about the Yankees and our past second-base history, and he was number one, and I were number one, and …
Bob: He went a little farther than you did.
Bill: He did. Thank you for bringing that up.
[laughter]
And so you just swapped baseball stories. He said, "Can I pray for you?" You said, "Yeah, that's okay."
Bill: Yeah, I mean, what was I going to say – "No?" That was my boyhood hero.
Bob: And he took off, and you said, "Well, that was neat, I got to spend the afternoon with Bobby Richardson."
Bill: He did, but he said he would stay in touch, and he did. So that was where I started – and then what happened was I started to get really tired of feeling hopeless – is this all there is? And on Sunday mornings – Sundays were my biggest day at the Sporting Club, because it was football, and we showed every single game, live, simultaneously, the only place that was doing that at the time.
And I remember just being in tears on Sunday morning, praying out to God, not really knowing who I was praying to, but I was praying out to God, crying out, "This can't be all there is. There's got to be something better than this, and I don't know how to get out of it." And I actually started watching some of these TV evangelists on Sunday morning and, yeah, most of them got into trouble, and most of them did that, but you know what? I was there listening, and started to really seek, and that was the start of my journey out of a life that should have led me to death, really. I should – from all the drugs I did, I should have been dead without questions asked.
Bob: I'm just thinking, this is about the time that John Belushi was found dead in a hotel room in Los Angeles because he's been partying. That has to – you have to read stuff like that and go …
Bill: Yeah, but you always think, "It can't happen to me."
Dennis: How much of what was taking place in your soul was having watched your wife and her life change over a three-, four-year period? I mean, you had to be seeing a different woman emerge who had not just different values, but there was a sparkle in her eye that hadn't been there before.
Bill: There was, but I really – it was still more about me at that time, and it was really about – this was a life I didn't want to live anymore, and it just – I realized that I was so dependent on this drug, that, you know, the thought of doing this for the rest of my life – because that's what I was looking at – how do you get out of this? I mean, how do you stop the cycle? And I really didn't know the answer.
I had tried, I think it was in the middle of our separation, I had gone to two rehabs briefly. The first one, I lasted one night, and I walked out the next morning. I went home for two or three days, checked into another rehab and actually – I think I was off drugs for maybe three months at that time, and, you know, about three months later I thought I could start and do it again but do it differently, which is obviously the definition of insanity, and thought I could control it and was not able to do so.
And, you know, when you pick it back up, you pick it back up right where you left off. You don't start really small so – and then my habit just got worse, and I really, really was unable to stop, and it was in December of 19 …
Vicki: … 90.
Bill: That Vicki invited me to another one – a very small dinner held by Nancy DeMoss at her home.
Vicki: In Manhattan.
Bill: In Manhattan, and …
Vicki: At Christmastime.
Bill: It was there that I went with Vicki, and I couldn't tell you who the speakers were, but I could tell you that God really spoke to my heart that night and had used, you know, Bobby Richardson, had used the TV evangelists and had used whatever He had to do to get my attention, and it was that night that I prayed to receive Christ and still had the cocaine addiction, but, you know, just felt that I had a whole different deal. I had a Friend that was going to help me through this.
And about three months after that, I checked myself into the same rehab that I had gone to previous to that, and anyone that tells you that cocaine is not addictive, there are no withdrawals, they have no clue what they're talking about. There are serious withdrawals, and I went that night really scared because I didn't know how I was going to get through the first night with these withdrawals.
I mean, I was down on my knees that first night, by myself, in my room in the rehab, praying to God, praying to Jesus, that somehow He would take away this addiction, take away what I was going through, and the best way I can describe it, and I've described before when we've given our testimony, is I just felt this whole addiction lifted out of me, and that night, I mean, immediately, I knew it was gone. And I knew I was okay. I mean, I knew God had lifted this deal from me.
But for the next, I don't know, six months, I kind of was living with one foot in one world and one foot in the other world. I was working at the restaurant, doing my thing, and dating Vicki when it was convenient.
Vicki: Going to church with us on Sundays.
Bill: Going to church on Sundays.
Vicki: With myself and Doug and Court.
Bill: Yeah, absolutely, and we were – I don't know where we were driving to. We were driving to – I do – we were driving to see our friends, the Webers, and BJ had been the Yankee chaplain, and so we're sitting down, and I'm thinking this is, you know, it's a fun little stop to see our friends.
Vicki: Well, they were counseling us.
Bill: They were counseling us, but I didn't think this was a counseling session, going to their house and their little vacation retreat in the summer and, basically, what I got from BJ and Sheila was, "Bill, it's time to make a decision, okay, either you're with her, or you're not with her, but you can't be doing both." And, you know, it sent shivers through my whole body that I'd now have to make a, you know, nature, executive decision on what I was going to do for the rest of my life.
Bob: What did you want to be? Did you want to be in or did you want to be out?
Bill: I was very happy right then doing exactly what I was doing being both in and out.
Bob: You wanted to be right in the middle, yeah.
Bill: Absolutely, you know, and …
Bob: You said, "I want to be in."
Vicki: Yes.
Bill: Four months later I moved back in, and …
Dennis: It took you that long to answer the question?
Bill: It did. I told you, I'm not very quick.
Dennis: But, you know, I want to make a point of that, because I think some of us are black-and-white, and we want it instantly.
Vicki: That would have been me, definitely. That year, actually, once Billy had come to faith in Christ, before he came home was probably the hardest of all the five and a half years. That was the last year and the hardest year because I'm, like, "Okay. You've accepted Christ. Why aren't you going into rehab tomorrow instead of two or three months down the road?" And when you came out, "Why haven't you moved home?" It was very hard.
Bob: You were ready and wanted him back home?
Vicki: I did. I did, partly because I knew that this is where God was leading, and, yes, I did.
Dennis: And your kids?
Vicki: Oh, my gosh.
Dennis: Your kids noticed he had come to faith in Christ.
Vicki: They knew, yes.
Dennis: And what did they say?
Vicki: Well, they, prior to coming to Christ, as we would be praying for him, they would say, "If Daddy comes to the Lord, will he come back and live with us?" And so he did, and he didn't. So it was a very long year.
Dennis: And, you know, it's at this point I want to stop both of you and say thank you for being real about this.
Bob: Yeah.
Dennis: For your doubts, Vicki, and what you were struggling with, and your resentment and anger and everything you've expressed here about your husband coming to faith and then not getting with the program immediately. And, Bill, your own honesty just to talk about how you processed it. Because I think we forget that coming to faith in Christ, yes, there is a point in time, I think, when you do finally place your faith and trust and you give it to Him, but the change that occurs in our lives as we become a follower of Christ – yes, we become a new creature but, no, He doesn't rush in and clean up every closet, every room of the house. In fact, He's still walking around my life, still doing some housecleaning.
Bob: There's remodeling that goes on for quite a while, isn't there?
Dennis: There is, but this is what makes a great marriage – is two people who come clean, come before the Savior, bend their necks, their wills, before Jesus Christ and say, "Thy will be done, not mine, but Yours." And, at that point, there really is hope for that marriage relationship.
Everything becomes possible. It doesn't mean there aren't going to be some very tough years ahead, which we want to continue to talk with you all about.
Bob: You know, I'm thinking about how, on Saturday mornings at our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences, we help couples get on the same page; help them look together at what is God's plan for marriage. Because as you've said many times, Dennis, couples come into marriage, and he's got his plan, and she's got her plan, and when you try to execute two competing plans, that's when you have the kind of issues that Bill and Vicki experienced. And not only before they had come to Christ, but even after you come to Christ, you still have your own clash of agendas that you have to work your way through.
And, again, part of our time together at the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference is designed to help both of you ask the question not "What's my plan" or "What's your plan," but "What is God's plan for both of us and how can we take our plans and put them aside and instead focus together on what God would have us do in our marriage?"
And I know there are some of our listeners who have been to one of our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences, but a lot of listeners who have never been to one of these conferences, and we think a great Christmas gift this year would be for you to give your spouse a certificate for both of you to get a weekend away where you can relax, refocus, spend time together, laugh, learn, and just enjoy this island of refreshment in the middle of life that is a Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.
We have conferences coming to cities all across the country this spring, and this week you can contact us and purchase a gift certificate for a Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference at a special price for FamilyLife Today listeners. All the details are online, and the simplest way to find out what's going on is to go to our website, which is FamilyLifeToday.com, that will take you right where you need to go, the information is available there. Again, it's FamilyLifeToday.com.
There is also other information about resources that are available to help strengthen your marriage, and some resources that speak to the specific issue we've talked about today related to addictions and drug use and how that impacts a marriage relationship.
Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY, that's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and when you get in touch with us, someone on our team can let you know how you can get the information you need or the resources you need sent out to you.
You know, I was talking with our team here at FamilyLife just today about the fact that we are living in very challenging times for all of us – economic challenges, there are challenges our country and our government are facing, and many of us are also facing personal challenges – issues in our own family relationships, our marriage, with our children, these are challenging days. And the truth is, it's challenging for us here at FamilyLife as well, and that's why were so encouraged recently when friends of our ministry came to us and said, "We want to help, and we want to encourage other people to help, too."
So they offered between now and the end of the year, they would match every donation that we receive on a dollar-for-dollar basis up to a total of $425,000, and we were very encouraged by their generosity, and we told them that we would let you know about this matching gift opportunity, so we're coming to you and saying if you can do anything to help at this time of year with a year-end donation, whether it's $10 or $50 or $100 or $500, whatever you can do to help with the ministry of FamilyLife Today as we approach the end of the year, we would appreciate your financial support. Please know that your donations will be matched on a dollar-for-dollar basis, and we want you also to know that FamilyLife Today is a member of the Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability. The money that we receive, and the money that we spend is overseen by a watchdog group that makes sure we are being good stewards with the resources God has entrusted to us.
So we do appreciate your support. If you can make a donation online, that's easy to do. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation over the phone. And, again, we appreciate anything you can do to help with our financial needs as we approach the end of this year.
Now, tomorrow we are going to hear again from Bill and Vicki Rose about the remodeling work that God set out to do in their marriage relationship, and I hope you can be back with us tomorrow as well.
I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.
FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas – help for today; hope for tomorrow.
