Q&A: When Your Child Invades Your Relationship
Dennis and Barbara Rainey
Q: How do you handle it when your child wants to invade your time with your spouse?
Dennis: Many years ago I determined that there was only one way Barbara and I could emerge intact from having six kids in 10 years, and that was to protect our time as a couple. That means setting priorities that discriminate in favor of your marriage rather than against it.
In addition to regularly-scheduled date nights, on certain evenings we close the door to our room and say to our kids, "If this door is shut, don't come in. Mom and Dad need quiet time together." Now, we could tell when a child really needed us, but generally we held to this rule. Moms and dads need time to relate and talk to each other. The kids need to know that their parents' marriage relationship is a priority.
Barbara: It's especially important to do this when your kids are younger than 11 or 12. When your kids move into the adolescent years, it's more difficult to carve out time together because your kids are staying up later at night. If you're not in the habit of spending time together, you'll really find it hard during the teenage years. You need to establish that pattern early on. |
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