In the May 21, 2007 edition of Marriage Memo, we asked readers to send us ideas on special getaways with your spouse, and in the process we also received some e-mails sharing other special romantic ideas. Here are some of the replies.

My husband and I plan "mystery trips" regularly. They are not necessarily overnight trips—but sometimes include simple dates to the park, golf course, or a special restaurant. Recently, I took my husband to Nashville to see his favorite hockey team. The mystery dates make even the most ordinary date seem extra special!

Also, my husband is a pastor and we make an effort to keep Friday nights as our "date night." It is widely known that it's our special time together and we do not plan activities during our date.
-Mandy Ebel

We have secret getaways but in a smaller version. We take turns planning "mystery dates." My husband or I will plan everything out and only tell the other one what would be the appropriate dress. Some dates we have been on include a trip to the horse track, an evening at the opera, or just a nice restaurant.

We have not been able to do this as much lately. Our children are almost 5 and 3 ½. But now that they are getting older we plan to get back into our "mystery dates." Now our dates will need to be more imaginative and cost less so we can pay for the baby sitter!
-Lynn Buchmiller

After reading your latest article about surprising your spouse with a trip, I wanted to write and share with you a great idea that my husband and I have been doing for the last year.

We started taking turns every other weekend planning a surprise day or night out.

I have come to absolutely love this. I enjoy the actual planning and the anticipation of his surprise more than anything. We live in a suburb near Chicago, so with the help of the Internet, you can find all kinds of different things to do. One day, I surprised him with a trip to the museum. One weekend I surprised him with an overnight at a spa. It was something he probably wouldn't have picked but he ended up loving it. I had a massage booked for him when we arrived.

We have both come to love the planning part. We tend to search for something different that we haven't done before or visit a new restaurant

This has really helped to keep the spark alive. During your week or two of planning you're totally focused on your spouse and what would be a nice day or night for him.
-Michelle Silberfine


I can't say we did anything creative, but after my dad passed away and our oldest daughter was approaching adolescence, we felt the need for counseling. We really thought it was for help parenting our daughter, but it turned out to be a twice a month date, because we got to where we looked forward to doing something together without our children.

After a few months, I said to my husband, "You know, I really just like being with you. We could take this money and go to a nice restaurant (the counseling wasn't terribly expensive). And thus began what is now a 13- or 14-year tradition of "date night." It's every other Thursday night, almost without fail. We have never ventured far, but God has sent special blessings. We like to go to the other end of our county and have picnics at the county fishing lake in the summer.

We have been to many restaurants, but mostly we have just enjoyed each other. We realized that even in the rough times, keeping that commitment has reminded us that we are committed to one another.
-Steve and Joy Rose

I do have a special idea that I do for my husband and I call it "Celebrate My Husband Week." I do it approximately every 3 months, but he never knows when it's going to happen exactly. It's a very inexpensive gift ...

I take seven days out of every three or four months to show my husband how wonderful I think he is. I buy cards for each day and write him love letters, create poems, or simply affirm him and encourage him to be the best man he can be. I also buy his favorite foods/snacks and prepare things the way he likes them. I have taken days off of work during this week and we spend time alone while our daughters are in school. I have rented some of his favorite movies and we watch a marathon with popcorn and treats. I try to make his week all about the things he enjoys.
-Angel Newton


My husband, Chris, and I don't take many vacations together, but we do something that I think is romantic. We keep a notebook in the bedroom and write notes back and forth. Sometimes these notes are short and silly and other times they are long and romantic. I get a smile on my face every time I see that Chris has written a new message.
-Elizabeth

We have been in our "five-year house" since 1985! Timing has never been right for us to move and we're picky about wanting a couple of acres, preferably an older home, not too far out, and affordable. Well, we definitely feel we need to make this happen around next spring—our middle child will be graduating from high school and youngest finishing 5th grade—it seems like great timing.

It has become an adventure to go to open houses and drives in the county to see what's out there—usually just the two of us. Sometimes it's frustrating because we can't move right now, but mostly, it's been great. We're clarifying what we want and don't want. We're encouraged that our dream place does exist somewhere. Finally, we're looking to the future together and sharing a common adventure.
-Cathy Carson

I surprise my husband once every three months with each a small gift or a short getaway. One time that stands out in particular is that I turned our living room into a beach. I brought several large buckets and in one I placed sand, a small bucket and shovel. In another bucket, I filled it with water and included some toy fish with fishing rods. I laid out beach towels and balls. I had an ocean CD playing. Then in the middle of the beach towels I had a picnic basket filled with all his favorite finger foods and deserts. It was a very nice evening. My husband said it was one of the most in-house creative things I had done.
-Cachet Johnson

I was excited to hear about the secret getaways that are happening in the lives of many married couples. We have always found profound bonding by preparing our anniversary getaway for each other every other year also.

What I would like to share with you is a great marital "touch" we have had for the past 450 months. From the very first month after we married we have celebrated our month-a-versary. In the beginning it was filled with gifts and tender moments. Then the children (15 pregnancies and 8 children later) started arriving and the money was used in other areas but we devised a game that has continued through the years. We strive to be the first one to say "Happy Month-a-versary!" This has been a fun and tender way to say, "I am so very happy for the decision made many years ago to be with you forever!"

Of course, there have been bumps along the way but monthly we renew the covenant of marriage by these little words and our perspective is renewed.

One bump I would like to share was when, for about a year, my husband was the first to say those magical words. I told him it was because he was a businessman and always had a calendar in front of him but he came back with a simpler explanation: "Actually, sweetheart, it is because I love you more!" Ouch—not true and I was determined to prove him wrong.

I still came in second for several months and then an aunt of mine came to live with us for a while. One Saturday, as I was fixing her hair, I was telling her about my dilemma. The next day was our month-a-versary and she was a night owl. So, I asked her to sneak into our bedroom at midnight, gently wake me up and then I would jump up, turn on the light and yell, "Happy month-a-versary, Honey!" Well, Aunt Dottie snuck in as planned, gently wiggled me, and as I lifted up to get out of bed my sweet husband turned over and said "Happy month-a-versary, Darling!"

To this day I have accused them of collusion and even on my aunt's deathbed she would not confess. Maybe before my sweetie passes on he will confess to their diabolical scheme.

I know from experience that physical getaways are important to marital health. We have found that mental getaways renew bonds of enduring love also and are more readily available.
-Juli Thompson


One thing I did a few years ago was plan a special dinner for my husband. We like to go out and often find that we'll sit at a restaurant for two or three hours just talking and getting reconnected. But when we eat together at home (we're empty nesters), we often hardly talk, just get the food down and then get about our business of the evening, whatever that might be.

Well, I set up a card table in the living room, put candles on it, set the table with nice china and had "dinner out" at home. It was a wonderful evening. Since then, we've tried to reserve our Friday nights for "home date night." We don't necessarily go out, but we try to reserve Friday night for reconnecting, having a quiet dinner, etc. Usually these are in the dining room, but sometimes I set them up in other parts of the house just to add variety (out on the deck, or a screened porch, or the living room are favorites).
-Brenda VanderMeulen

One year for Valentine's Day, my husband Skeet went all out and cooked me this marvelous multi-course gourmet meal—everything from homemade bruschetta appetizers to rum raisin ice cream made from local farm fresh cream.

That year started a tradition of us alternating years cooking dinner for the other instead of going out to a restaurant. Much thought and planning go into the menu, which is generally a surprise to the lucky one on the receiving end that year. The entire meal can take upwards of three hours to finish as we shut the whole world out and just make it a lovely, romantic, relaxed evening together.

I'm not sure which I enjoy more—trying to make the most amazing culinary delights for my husband (and possibly outdoing the previous years' meal in the process) or relaxing the whole night and tasting all the fabulous dishes my husband spent all day preparing just for me.

Okay, being the spoiled recipient wins out, but either way it is one of our most treasured ways to say, "I love you. You are the most special and cherished person in the whole world to me." I am a lucky woman and I thank God for this amazing man he brought into my life. It's only June but I'm already starting to think about what to make for Valentine's Dinner 2008!
-Deb Dew

Many couples and families think the only way [to have a] "great vacation" is if you spend a lot of money and go somewhere exotic. Truth is, a very simple breakaway can serve the same purpose.

We didn't travel internationally while our children were small and now we want to take them when we go somewhere special. They love the undivided attention and the change of venue. We also can afford vacations now, whereas in the beginning, even buying special formula for our colicky baby provided challenges to our modest budget.

One of the smartest things we did was follow in the footsteps of our youngest child's godparents. These folks were very family oriented, the dad was a senior executive in an international firm (so he traveled a lot). They bought a small beach condo years ago, when it was a little of a stretch for them. Later, they became very comfortable financially and could do anything they really wanted. This beach place was modest but lovely and only an hour and a half from their home. They spent many happy family weekends there, on the beach, in the pool, but mostly with each other.

After 9/11, we knew we wanted to get something outside of the city (Wash., DC). We took that example and bought a small chalet in a four-season resort, mostly for skiing. Every weekend, no matter what kind of week we had had, we headed off "to the mountain" for relaxation and sport. Our children built another set of (uncomplicated) friends out there. It was more rural, it had less stress, less status seekers. My husband and I relaxed, found some wonderful new friends out there also. It gave us the chance to leave our business worries behind and focus on ourselves and our family.

As our children got older, they were able to walk/drive to the ski resort by themselves, giving my husband and me more time to connect, to have those lovely long, deep discussions that were harder to fit in just a few years ago. By focusing on changing the venue, seeing trees and nature, pursuing healthy pastimes, and just seeing each other smile with a cup of coffee in the fresh mountain air was a dream.

If a family is not in a position to stretch and obtain another place to relax, or if finances don't even allow for a vacation away, then make the vacation at home. Cleanup and declutter the bedroom, light some candles, do whatever it takes to make it an oasis. Straighten up the main areas of the house so they are pleasing to the eye. Then plan an easy yet tasty meal (a crockpot works great) so that it's bubbling and smelling good come evening time. Begin your "Festive Weekend Away Here" that night. Plan something special for breakfast the next morning and maybe an activity you never would have time to do. Just doing something different is great for the senses. You can carry it over into Sunday and read the paper with coffee on your deck/balcony or in your cleaned up, sweet-smelling family room. Take a walk together. Most importantly, don't begin the walk with a laundry list of things to tackle your husband with. Ignore anything that isn't positive (including a hesitancy to want to go). Just walk. Walk. Talk will come later and you will be glad to see that if you hold your side of the "quiet," it will give your husband a place to come with what he wants to talk about but usually keeps inside.

It works if you are thoughtful, in any situation, in any income bracket. I always do it this way after having worked in the psychiatry department in a major teaching hospital and also as a life coach, I imagine dealing with a horrible illness, or something major afflicting my children, or worse, what I would do if I lost my darling husband. Even a moment or two visualizing how bad that would feel makes me all the more grateful for the time I do have.

And that's all we really do have with each other—the time we are allowed and love that we share in the here and now. For me, that's the best testimonial to give.
-Linda Donath