In my work here at FamilyLife this month, I’ve been focused on editing the sequel to Moments Together for Couples, Dennis and Barbara Rainey’s bestselling devotional.  The new book (which will be published this fall) will offer 365 daily devotions on a wide variety of marriage- and family-related topics. 

In fact, editing this manuscript has been like reading and working through hundreds of Marriage Memos.  It encourages me in my marriage … and it exhorts me to walk closely with Christ.

I thought you might enjoy reading a sampler from the book.  So with the Raineys’ permission, here is one of the devotions I just finished editing.  Be sure to read it with your spouse!

The Missing Ingredient
By Dennis Rainey

Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.
 He who loves his own wife loves himself.
Ephesians 5:28

See if you can spot the problem in this couple’s relationship:

“The first few years of our marriage were good, but the sweet talk and little whispers in the ear diminished, and we became just another married couple. My husband, however, still wanted all the perks that go with marriage. I began to resent his touch because I didn’t feel like he really loved me, just my body. I remember after making love with him on occasion, I would cry because I felt cheap and used. He, of course, was angry because he knew this wasn’t the way a marriage was supposed to be.”

Stalemate. Sexual impasse. But is it just a matter of misunderstanding? Unmet expectations? Insensitivity and selfishness?  Keep reading . . .

“I’m finding my physical desire for sexual intimacy dwindling. But I would still love to be romantically head-over-heels in love with my husband like I once was. I would love to have him touch my heart. The sad thing is, we just don’t really have a spiritual link between us.”

Ah, there it is. Underneath all the surface issues, beneath all the uncomfortable moments and silent frustrations, lies the deep spiritual need that resides in every one of us. Far too many husbands fail to recognize that what your wife wants and needs most from you is your concern for her soul—your daily desire to take her needs before the Father and unite with her in shared dependence on Him.

When you step up and take your place as the spiritual leader, you create an environment where bitterness can’t easily survive . . . and where a relationship and romance can grow.

Discuss: Talk about how you can truly lead your wife spiritually.  Ask what it looks like to her.  Then take her hand and pray for one or two of her needs.

Pray: Husbands, pray for the courage to keep leading spiritually even though you won’t do it perfectly.  Wives, pray that your husband will be encouraged as he leads you and your family spiritually. nbsp;           

These words are a good reminder that a Christian marriage is more than sharing a common set of beliefs.  It’s actively putting Christ at the center of the marriage relationship—continually seeking and serving Him.  And as the husband I need to remember that “what your wife wants and needs most from you is your concern for her soul.”   

I think my wife would agree.

You don’t have to wait until September to read more couples devotions from Dennis and Barbara Rainey.  Their bestseller, Moments Together for Couples, is available from our online store.  Or sign up to receive free devotions online.

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