Leading A Group

Can an average lay couple be used by God to have a significant effect on families? Yes!

God calls all of us who are His disciples to make a real difference in others' lives. Yet many laymen are held back by a lack of vision and a failure to develop ministry skills. Believe us, the world will be a better place if you allow God to share His blueprints for marriage through you. You can make a real difference in the lives of today's families.

The four most common concerns people have about forming and hosting a HomeBuilders group are:

1. "I don’t think I have enough time."

   Many potential hosts feel pressured by time—there just doesn’t seem to be enough time to do all they want. Believe it or not, HomeBuilders actually can be a time saver. This one activity can combine a number of your top priorities. It gives you the opportunity to:

   • Invest in your marriage relationship
   • Study the Bible
   • Improve your character in Christ
   • Have fun and make friends
   • Serve your church
   • Reach out to other people with the love of Christ
   • Strengthen your family by strengthening your marriage

   You don't need to spend a lot of time preparing for each session. Most hosts spend an hour or two looking through each session. And this is a valuable time in itself because it gives you the opportunity to think and pray personally about the Scriptures and issues you will study in the group session.

2. "I don’t have any training or experience in hosting a small group."

   Obviously, some experience in small groups would be helpful, but if you have basic conversational skills, then you'll do fine. HomeBuilders studies are written so that the group host just needs to ask the questions. You don’t need to be an accomplished Bible teacher to host a HomeBuilders group. In fact, your role is that of a facilitator, not a lecturer. The main function of the facilitator is to keep the discussion moving in the right direction and to provide an environment of openness, warmth, and acceptance of one another.

   If you are unsure about your ability to host, consider co-hosting with another couple. You can divide the responsibilities. Together, you can trust God to work in your lives and help other couples.

3. "How can we host a group about improving your marriage when we’re still working through issues in our own marriage relationship?"

   The best hosts are couples who are willing to share their successes and weaknesses while trying to have a better marriage. Unless you and your mate are working through severe problems in your relationship, chances are you could do a good job of hosting other married couples. Let them know from the outset that you are learning just as they are.

   One host told us, "We have now hosted HomeBuilders groups for three years. You don't lead the group as much as you guide it. You're not a counselor, but you're just another married couple who wants to see marriages work."

4. "This is not my first marriage. Why would anyone listen to me?"

   When it comes to marriage enrichment, those who have been previously married may feel they have nothing to offer. Since they have been divorced, they think that nobody will listen to their experiences or insight. This is far from true. Couples who have suffered the heartbreak of a divorce often go the extra mile to prevent this from happening to others and often make outstanding hosts. God has greatly used many lay couples that have a background of divorce.

What is required?

While there are no requirements to host a HomeBuilders groups, the following are a list of traits that we hope are embodied by the HomeBuilders host:

A desire to allow God to work in and through your life as you reach out to others.

Galatians 5:22-23 tells us that the "fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..." It’s impossible to live the Christian life in your own power, and that’s why God gave us His Holy Spirit, who dwells within you. He gives you the power and wisdom you need to make the daily choices of life. He gives us the discernment and sensitivity to leave a legacy as hosts.

We would rather have a lay couple controlled by God's Holy Spirit hosting others than a seminary graduate or a professional counselor not controlled by the Spirit. The reason being, every HomeBuilders group is different, and every situation and every person is unique. There is no way that you can be trained to deal with every situation. But the Holy Spirit can and will give you wisdom in any situation.

Jesus promised His disciples in Luke 12:12, "for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say." Many HomeBuilders hosts will find that, in the middle of a discussion, they will suddenly think of a new way to illustrate a certain truth from their lives or to emphasize an important point. And later they discover this comment was exactly what the members of that group needed. At other times the Holy Spirit will lead them to keep silent and allow the group members to minister to each other.

A desire to love and encourage people.

Perhaps no skill is more important in leading a volunteer ministry than the ability to encourage others. And all of us need encouragement. The Bible has many exhortations to encourage one another. Jesus’ ministry and Paul’s are full of encouraging words. We suggest you start by practicing on your mate.

Some people who join a group are difficult to love and encourage. God’s Word is clear that we are to love them regardless of their response. Since we know that loving them is God’s will, we can ask God by faith to give us His love for that person. 1 John 5:14-15 guarantees that He will give us that love in answer to our prayer.

Remember that God’s love is much more than feelings. It may take a while for your feelings to change. To accelerate the process, do something nice for that difficult person, secretly if possible. Find something positive about him and concentrate on it. You’ll find that God has kept His promise as your feelings start to change.

A willingness to practice hospitality.

There’s something special about inviting guests into your home even for a few hours. You don’t need a fancy house (or even a neat house) or expensive food to serve. What you do need is to honor and value your guests.

Every guest is special. You can show it in many ways, like food preparation, taking an interest in guests, meaningful communication, or even small gifts. Godly hospitality can extend well beyond our homes. It can be any act of thoughtfulness that demonstrates how much we value the person. Remembering birthdays, a willingness to help out, and encouraging notes are all types of hospitality. If Jesus cared enough to die for sinners, we should be able to go out of our way to serve those around us and demonstrate His love.

A desire to invest in your own marriage.

Everyone who has hosted a Bible study knows that the teacher always learns the most. Hosting a HomeBuilders group means that you will spend time every week as a couple talking about how the Scriptures apply to your lives. Nothing will help you grow more. We also encourage couples to use their groups to establish accountability to stay committed to their mates.

A desire to minister as a couple.

"My wife always supported my ministry," a godly pastor said. "She played the piano and attended all the classes I taught. But when we started team-teaching this Bible study [HomeBuilders] together, it was different." He went on to describe how much fun it was and how well the couples in the study were responding. Clearly he had discovered a wonderful resource in his own wife.

Unfortunately, the concept of working together isn’t very popular in our “Be your own person" culture. Individualism is revered over partnership. But in marriage, God wants us to need one another, to trust one another, and to work together for common goals. We believe one greatly unrealized opportunity in many churches is for husbands and wives ministering as a couple. In HomeBuilders you have that opportunity.

All of us have major differences. God knows that when He puts us together. In fact, the more different we are, the stronger we can be as a team. It’s like the legs on your chair. If we were to put those legs right together, how stable would the chair be? God can use our differences if we learn to work together as a team.

We would like you to think of the HomeBuilders Couples Series as your ministry—not his or hers, but belonging to both of you. Together you can have a unique influence in the lives of other couples. At the same time you’ll be strengthening your own relationship as husband and wife through the biblical applications in the studies and by trusting God together to serve others.

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