Central and Eastern Europe

Ukraine—Reaching out through HomeBuilders

Editor’s note: Scott Stemple, leader of FamilyLife in Ukraine, collected this testimony from Andrei and Natasha Davidenko, HomeBuilders leaders in Ukraine

We were married in May of 2004, and we had many conflicts from the very start of our marriage. We just couldn’t seem to understand one another. Natasha always wanted to solve our conflicts as soon as they arose, but I needed time to cool down a bit. I worked long hours and often just wanted to catch up on my sleep on the weekends. This didn’t give Natasha much of a chance to do the things she dreamed of us doing together, and we began to drift apart.

In the fall of 2008 I went through a very difficult time. I was struggling in my family. I quit my church responsibilities and then left the church. It was at this time (February 2009) that we came to our first HomeBuilders meeting.

It was an amazing feeling as we were walking home from that first meeting. I felt like God, in His great mercy, had given us this group as a gift from Him. The atmosphere and the questions that we discussed enabled us to open up to one another like we never had before.

As we continued to be involved in the group and go on our dates to do our “homework” we began to understand the things that we needed to work on in our relationship. We noticed that we were having fewer conflicts, and I was more attentive to Natasha’s needs. We also developed new habits and began to get rid of the bad habits we had formed during the first five years of our marriage.

The couple who was leading our group moved in May 2009. Natasha and I were so excited about the progress we had seen in our relationship through this group, and we realized that if we did not agree to lead that it would stop meeting. Therefore we decided to take a step of faith and try our hand at leading.

We greatly enjoyed leading this group, but we also became aware of many other couples in our church who were having marriage problems. During one of the church services there was an announcement about HomeBuilders groups, and couples began to ask us questions about how they could participate. We decided to start a second group, but the number of interested couples just continued to grow so we started another group in September of that same year.

Now we are leading three groups. We are hoping and praying that in the near future some of the couples who are now in these groups will have the desire and vision to step into the leadership role.

The more I talk with families the more I become convinced that the HomeBuilders materials touch on very important and pertinent questions of family life. When couples become involved in these groups they become closer to one another and to God. I am sure that as this ministry continues to develop in Ukraine we will see fewer divorces and more families living out God’s plan for the family.

Poland

Romania

During his days as a heavy drinker, George got into a fight in a bar and killed a man. He was sentenced to ten years behind bars. Meanwhile, his wife not only raised their children but also found new life in Jesus. George heard of it while in prison and decided that when he got out, he would kill his wife for her conversion. But she invited him to go with her to a FamilyLife marriage conference.

“I went with bad intentions,” said George. “I wanted revenge on those who had influenced my wife. But as I listened to the messages, I realized that God was speaking to me personally. At the end of the conference, I went to the FamilyLife leaders and asked them for help. I needed to know how to ask my wife for forgiveness and how to become a follower of Jesus. I began to go to church and to follow Jesus daily. My life is changed now. I’m no longer under the influence of alcohol, but of Jesus.”

Croatia

Marriage Café in Croatia
By Davor Kukec, FamilyLife Director in Croatia

I know, I know, we are always doing something strange. But the truth is that it is not as strange as it is new and just plain different, but the best part is… people like it! We invited people to join us for a night of romantic music, practical marriage tips, and romantic atmosphere. People did come—some even came straight from the airport, some fought on the way there, some sat apart obviously infuriated with each other. But, as the night progressed, it was clear that something was happening in them.
 
We served them coffee and tea, cakes and cookies. Then I shared some practical tips on how to resolve conflict in their marriage, and we followed that with some questions that they themselves had to answer. After that, Franko and his family played some romantic music and took time to share their testimonies about how God changed them. You could see couples that stormed into the office fighting starting to slowly reconcile, couples scooting closer to each other and at the end, holding hands. They had such a great time that it was hard to break the crowd and leave (finally, we did past 11 PM), and now they are calling wanting to start the romantic café again.
 
Would you please pray that we continue to reach couples around us with this strange and unique form of evangelistic outreach in Croatia? Interesting enough, one Christian couple heard about this and they decided to use this evangelistic approach in their church in the other part of Croatia. “Strange” things happen when people pray, so please keep on praying—we need it and they need it!

Croatia

God in a "box"
by Scott and Jayne Cuidon, FamilyLife leaders in Croatia

Marija and Ivan introduced themselves to us at our marriage conference last year—our mutual friends, Petra and Hrvoje, had told us to be on the lookout for this newly-married couple who had been involved in the Campus Crusade student movement in Rijeka. As we talked with Marija and Ivan, we were really impressed by his clear testimony of coming to faith in Christ during college after having grown up in an atheistic family. Near the end of our time together, the conversation turned to their jobs and he shared how unfulfilled he was working at a car dealership. When we brought up the idea of joining the staff of CCC his eyes lit up, “That's something I could see myself doing . . . down the road.”   

When we saw that they had registered for the conference this year we were so glad that we'd be able to interact with them again. But as we sat down to talk, we noticed that Marija seemed very reserved. Jayne immediately asked her, “What's going on? It seems like your heart is heavy.” Sure enough, Marija shared that it had been a very hard year for her, and she often doubted that God loved her or cared about her life. Marija's story, while tragic, is not uncommon for people her age. She was very young when the war started in Croatia and early on her father was killed, leaving her mom to raise Marija by herself. Full of anger and hopelessness herself, her mother had drilled into Marija that you can't trust anyone. That mistrust is pervasive in all of Marija's relationships--even her relationship with God. As we sat together this past March, we talked about tragedy, trauma, and the basis for truth in the midst of difficult circumstances. Through the long conversation we urged Marija to allow God out of the box she had made for Him to keep Him at a safe distance; together we prayed the God would speak clearly to Marija and make Himself known to her.

This past Monday Jayne got an email from Marija which read,

“I owe you this message since the marriage conference in Crikvenica. God used you greatly in my life! Since our conversation I realized that I'm a precious child of God and that everything else was just Satan's deceit. I learned to trust God and let him out of that "box" into my life. That's why I'm getting baptized on Sunday the 20th of June in Rijeka and I would be very happy if you could come!”

We were so excited to be able to go to Marija's baptism to support her decision to “let God out of the box” and follow Him! Please pray for Marija, and for Ivan, that they would follow Jesus wherever He leads them—even if it's to join us on staff “down the road.”

Russia

Lev and Maria Grinfeld, FamilyLife leaders in Russia, were invited to teach family courses to the Eurasian College in Kazan. This school provides professional training of evangelical church planters in Central Asia, Tatarstan, and other predominantly Muslim regions of Russia. Kazan is called the third capital of Russia and the gate to the Muslim world.

Their program was quite intensive in the hours of speaking. There were 20-30 students in the mornings and every evening. The Grinfelds included projects such as having the girls create the portrait of an “Ideal Man.”  The boys were to create the portrait of an “Ideal Woman.”
Here are some of the students’ evaluations:

• “I will apply this course not only for marriage but for everyday life, thank you.” —Timur
• “You helped me to gain an understanding of myself.”—Mashhura
• “I liked when you teach the course, you were the compliment of one another, it is cool! You are not teaching only, but showing love and respect in your deeds.” —Samil
• “Probably it is not everything about relationship, but I think it is most important, it is the foundation, the basis on which I can boldly build relationships.” —Constantin

Bulgaria

A Support Raising Story from Bulgaria

Toncho Tonchev was praying. He asked God to show him people who would have a heart to financially partner with the FamilyLife ministry that he and his wife, Annie, started in Bulgaria. He felt that if God brought some names to his mind, he needed to be faithful to call and meet them. To his surprise God reminded him of a family—friends they knew who were having money problems and had not previously been open to giving to missions. It was a challenge to call them, but Toncho had promised to follow God’s leading and he did.

Toncho arranged for a brief meeting with the husband. Here is what Toncho said:

“My friend shared with me that after my first call, he started wrestling with God on the issue of investing in His work. God worked in his heart and showed him that he needed to change. With tears of joy in his eyes, he said that God showed him in a very clear way to give an exact amount as a one-time gift for His ministry. It was above what they would be able to normally give. It was a great way that God showed me I needed to be faithful to accomplish His will, not for my benefits but to help others to grow in their own relationship with Him.”

Croatia

Extreme Forgiveness

From 1992-1995 there was an inter-ethnic civil war between the Bosniaks, Serbs, and Croats. Formerly the Serbs and Croats lived together peacefully in this country. Then neighbor turned against neighbor as the war began.  Serbians occupied the towns and were in control.

Martina had to run for her life during the war, leaving her house and all she held dear. Her father spent several years in prison camps, being tortured by Serbs, and eventually died as a result of the injustices. They killed her grandmother and many friends—so you can imagine her reaction when the FamilyLife leader’s friends and coworkers from Serbia sat down at Martina’s table for lunch at the marriage conference.

Eventually the story came out, and then something wonderful happened—the friends from Serbia asked her if anyone had ever apologized to her for all the atrocities the Serbs did. Martina said that no one ever did that. Then Nesa and Goca, the Serbian friends and leaders of a family ministry in Serbia, did just that. They apologized in the name of Serbian people for all the wrong they did to her and her family and asked for forgiveness.

Unstoppable tears came streaming down Martina’s face. For the first time since the war, she had a chance to finally throw away the poison of bitterness and lack of forgiveness and experience healing.

Ukraine

Ukraine FamilyLife calls their ministry Ukraine for Christ.  In 2009, they held 14 events for couples and saw over 350 people involved in the HomeBuilders Couples Series small group studies.  They held ten trainings for leaders to assist in building a spiritual movement in their country. Ukraine is one of our more mature movements and is having a national impact on the country.

Here is a comment from a recent marriage conference in Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine.

"The conference exceeded my expectations in what I would see, hear, and feel.  Just being here with my husband drew us closer together.  We stopped having 'dates' long ago and romance had faded from our marriage which brought us to the point of wanting a divorce and complete isolation. The conference helped me to see my husband with different eyes and helped us to find a common language and a new level of emotion in our marriage, capped off with the surprise of the romantic café at the end of the conference.  We have never attended anything like this that was able to change our perspectives and relationship.  Thank you for your sacrifice in this ministry of saving our marriage."

Albania

Training Camp for Key FamilyLife Couples

"Therefore, brethren, select from among you seven men of good reputation, full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we may put in charge of this task.”
--Acts 6:3

Avni and Maklen Menalla, FamilyLife directors of Albania, had an objective to start a network of volunteer leaders with FamilyLife so that a movement would spread in Albania. They developed a training camp experience to give the participants vision for FamilyLife so that they could start a FamilyLife movement in their churches and cities and also invest in their own marriages. Avni and Maklen targeted key couples who have been part of a FamilyLife event in the past. They looked for couples who had already demonstrated leadership potential.

These couples received vision for FamilyLife and training on various topics. They also participated in a HomeBuilders small group. Each couple had a chance to facilitate the discussion. This gave them confidence that they can facilitate a HomeBuilders group. They were encouraged in how to trust and ask God to give them a vision for their churches and cities, and in how to start a Family Life movement and thus impact the lives of other couples for Christ.

Avni and Maklen also had creative and meaningful fun with the couples by watching movies like Fireproof and Facing the Giants, learning to waltz, playing games, and singing karaoke. These things helped all the couples get to know each other more and enjoy good fellowship and fun.

Was their mission accomplished? Here is how some of the participants answered the question “What steps will you take as a result of this time here?”

• "We will get the church couples together and share with them what we have learned."
• "This camp has sharpened my vision and has helped me to start a small group."
• "The camp has had a great impact in us. We think God will use us in our church with other couples."
• "It has clarified a lot of marriage principles. It makes us do something in our church."

The camp experience was life changing for all of the couples. Tony and Linda have been married for a little over five years. During the HomeBuilders discussion with their small group, Linda was convicted by the Spirit that she needed to improve regarding conflict in her marriage. She realized that many times when she and her husband had conflict, she would concentrate on the few things about him that annoyed her. “The discussion revealed the selfishness in me," she said. After the discussion, she and Tony talked about that problem and shared with the rest of the couples how God had helped them. After asking God for forgiveness, they apologized to each other for leaving room for evil to interfere in their marriage, and asked each other for forgiveness.

The last night of the camp they organized a romantic dinner for the couples where each of the partners had the opportunity to write and then read a love letter to each other. "It was wonderful to see husbands and wives express their gratitude to God about their spouses," said Avni and Maklen. "Tears were hard to hold back as you heard spouses encourage, praise each other, and speaking with edifying words. The waiters that served us were stunned by the way couples treated each other and the words they heard spoken. One of them said that he had never seen such a beautiful thing."

Poland

A Midwife Delivers More than Just a Baby

This story begins in 2007 when the FamilyLife leaders in Poland, Wiesiek and Magda Grabowski, organized a marriage conference in their town. They invited a couple who were in serious crisis. Unfortunately, only the husband, Alfred, attended. They talked with him during the lunch break, and he told them about his difficult marriage and how he wanted to save it. His wife was going to a psychologist and considered this sufficient. The Grabowskis encouraged Alfred to trust God. During the evangelistic talk, he received Jesus as his Lord and Savior.

In February 2009, the Grabowkis held a parenting conference, and Alfred came with his wife, Felicia. They were planning to divorce, but they came to the conference because they wanted to learn how to be good parents to their son. The talks throughout the conference emphasized the importance of a strong marriage in the lives of children. It meant a lot to Alfred and Felicia. They understood that they couldn’t be good parents to their son if they divorced. So they decided to stay together and work on their marriage with God’s help. By the end of the conference, Felicia committed her life to Jesus just as Alfred had two years earlier.

After the conference, they signed up for the Grabowskis’ summer Family Bible Camp. Two weeks after the camp, Alfred and Felicia visited with the Grabowskis and told their full story in detail. They were so eager and so happy—and in love. They said that they received three things at the conference: Jesus, each other, and a baby. They were expecting another baby! Felicia also told about the damage she had suffered by listening to the advice of her unbelieving psychologist. Now they want to grow in faith.

Who invited Alfred and Felicia to the parenting conference in the first place? The midwife who delivered their first baby. Praise the Lord!

Croatia

Dancing as a ministry? Well…yes!

Davor and Sandra Kukec in Croatia are trying to be creative in a country where people like to dance. They decided to ask one of the couples in their discipleship group to lead dancing lessons.

First, couples come for a marriage Bible study, and then they have dance lessons. Davor said, “It is a good way to attract non-Christian couples that otherwise would never have been reached, and teach them biblical truths.” It worked great! Afterward, they organized a party with some games and dancing. After two months, they stopped having dancing lessons and now only have the Bible study.

Albania

Population 3.5 million; 850 thousand families

Albania has gone through a long transition from Communism, which ended in 1991. What has suffered most has been the family.

The Albanian family is going through a very hard time because of the unstable economy. Parents are under constant stress and time pressures to eke out a living. This has resulted in a rising divorce rate, domestic abuse and worst of all, children being raised on the streets. The future of a country is dependent on family values being learned in the home, but parents in Albania have little knowledge or experience in this area. Thus the generations are being raised without those values.

Couples do not know how to deal with conflict or work on strengthening their marriage, so they turn to legal divorce or emotional divorce and isolation. There is great potential in Albania to help marriages thrive, thus to have an impact on child-rearing and the whole society as a result.

Even though not full speed yet, FamilyLife in Albania has had a great impact. Witnessing the reality that surrounds us and the changed lives through our conferences, we are filled with faith that God can change the marriages in that country.

FamilyLife marriage conferences began in 2003 and HomeBuilders groups were begun in 2006.

Several churches form HomeBuilders groups as follow-up to our conferences. This has been wonderfully out of control; therefore, we do not have accurate information on the number of groups or participants. All we know is that we have sold a lot of the Couples Series to different churches.

This basic foundation has created solid ground for FamilyLife to go full speed now in Albania and Kosovo as well. Two additional full time staff couples are serving with FamilyLife to give help to marriages today and hope for tomorrow.

The Netherlands

Reaching Russia-From the Netherlands

When Jan and Nel Kits began ministering in Russia in the early 1990s, they faced challenges that could be expected within a country that had been under communism for 70 years. 

“We were ministering in cities where large evangelistic efforts were taking place,” says Jan. “We were there to train people and churches to follow up with new believers.” But the Kits noticed that many Christians, while free in their minds from the fear and bondage of communism, were not free in their hearts. “We told them they could freely talk about Christ, but if they had done that a year and a half before, they would have gone to prison.” Jan said it reminded him of a Holocaust survivor who once told him, “I’m out of the concentration camp, but the concentration camp is not out of me.”

“They felt guilty because they wanted to share their faith, but they couldn’t do it. We wanted to help them be able to share their faith and bring people to church—which also used to be a crime.”

For five years, Jan and Nel, who live in the Netherlands, traveled in and out of Russia doing evangelistic training and teaching churches to use tools such as the Four Spiritual Laws booklet and the Holy Spirit booklet. It wasn’t long before they realized that families in Russia were being neglected, so they began an outreach to families. The issue of family would soon become the key to unlock the communist-hardened hearts of this broken country. They could conduct marriage conferences using FamilyLife’s materials. For the first time in their lives, they began to see significant numbers of Russian men come to Christ.

“Russians are a very proud people,” Jan explains. “Men especially. But in some cities, divorce rates were hitting 85%. The men felt that they were failing because they couldn’t keep their families together. They wouldn’t come to church or listen to an evangelistic presentation, but they felt the need to improve their marriage relationship. So they attended our marriage conferences, and many prayed to receive Christ.”

Jan and Nel taught couples to deliver talks on marriage and to lead HomeBuilders small groups. They realized the importance of HomeBuilders groups to sustain a family ministry, so every time they conducted a marriage conference, they also offered HomeBuilders leadership training. Attendees received materials, became equipped to start groups, and learned how they could train others to do the same.

A HomeBuilders movement in Siberia happened partly by accident when an electronic field-test copy of a Russian HomeBuilders book began making its way into e-mail boxes of some key leaders in Siberia. A few people began using the materials and forwarding the files to others. Then more people gained access to the files, and the HomeBuilders ministry spread further and further. People everywhere were printing their own books and beginning HomeBuilders groups.

“We had no control over it,” says Jan. “It went like wildfire throughout Siberia.”

One couple they trained now lives and works in the Eastern part of Siberia, near Irkutsk. Sergey and Lena Aleev have seen remarkable results in nearby Buddhist-populated cities. Numerous Buddhists have attended the FamilyLife conferences and indicated that they prayed to receive Christ. One church in that area is made up of about 97% former Buddhists, many of whom are there as a result of FamilyLife conferences.

“Now when people introduce us, we are introduced as the trainers of so-and-so,” says Jan. “And that is exactly what we want—we want the Russians to do the work. When we are finished, we disappear. Our goal is to work ourselves out of a job. People have asked me, ‘Why haven’t you stopped working there yet?’ I say, ‘I’m not working. I’m doing what I love to do,’ ” Jan says.

Russia

During a men's prayer meeting, the men were asked to pray about usual things such as the ministry, families, and for their health. But there was one prayer request that sounded very different from the others. The man asked to pray about himself. He said, "I was in the ministry for quite a long time, but only recently God just showed to me how selfish I was, especially when it concerned my family." This man and his wife had joined a HomeBuilders group study in St. Petersburg. As he and his wife were doing their HomeBuilders project together, he suddenly saw himself in a new light.

The movement of HomeBuilders that was started in that city several years ago continues to help couples change their life according to God's plan.

Romania

The Entrance Ticket

Two hundred families came together at the Baptist church in Braila, in southern Romania, for a FamilyLife conference. The entrance ticket for every person was his or her spouse. All of them were attending this kind of conference for the first time. They came from the villages and towns around Braila with a strong desire to learn more about God’s design for the family. At every break between sessions, the people gathered around us to share their life stories.

The saddest story told was one of a poor family from a village on the Danube side. The couple sat next to each other like two strangers. The tears of the woman came often, and you could read on her face what kind of relationship she had with her spouse. During the break, she approached the FamilyLife speaker with shyness and asked her to listen to her story. The conferee was dressed very modestly. Her shoes were falling apart and her palms had some deeper cracks, which showed how hard she worked.

She'd had a difficult time convincing her husband to come to this conference. He had recently come home from jail where he spent ten years for killing a man. During the time he was away, it was difficult for the family. She had to raise their children alone and work every day for other people. During this time, she met Jesus. She became a good Christian and forgave her husband. When her husband got out of jail, it did not change the situation. He brought a lot of bad habits with him and was a worse man than when he entered the jail.

She expected this conference to be the solution for her situation. During the conference, the plan and purpose of God for the family was given, as well as biblical advice on how to resolve conflicts and honor your spouse. There were more than ten lectures about the family.

At the end of the first day, her husband came and confessed to the man conference speaker that he was a bad man, a bad spouse, and a bad father. He asked the speaker to help him change his life. The FamilyLife speaker spent a lot of time with him talking about the Lord Jesus—His death for his sins, His desire to forgive him and to give him eternal life. Then the man prayed and received Jesus in his heart.

From the point of his salvation, his face became bright and his attitude for his wife changed. A few months later he was baptized and he became a good spouse and a good father. He and his wife are now happy together.

Bulgaria

Learning How Love Can Grow

Rousse, Bulgaria was the location of a marriage conference.  The FamilyLife team had been praying that the attendees would be mostly couples.  They saw that prayer answer when 50 people attended.

Many were believers who were able to strengthen the foundations of their marriage.  They also had some non-believers who heard the gospel for the first time.  There was great variety among the couples—one couple had been married 50 years!  Another couple who attended was just a week away from getting married.

The first assignment was a test to see how well each knew the other.  The engaged couple had a few surprises and a lot to discuss.  One thing everyone enjoyed was the small group interaction.  Each group had to do three things:   

• Tell how they met
• Work together to assemble a puzzle whose theme was love or family
• Solve one case study of a typical problem for married people

The FamilyLife staff are organizing HomeBuilders groups and training the leaders for them.  They asked prayer for wisdom and for the groups to flourish and be used by God to change lives and families.  Also pray for the non-believers who attended their conferences to become involved in these studies and that they will be met with love and acceptance by the believers and will come to Christ. 

Comments by Conferees:

“I will be looking to rekindle the romance in our relationship.”

“I am committed to set aside more time for each other despite all the mistakes we have made.”

“I want to organize a special weekend to be together with my wife!”

“I want to set aside more time for my husband and to remember that he is God’s gift to me.”

“I want to start showing respect and honor my wife.”