Read an excerpt

The following excerpts are from the new book, Barbara and Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest.

 Excerpt 1 Facing identity questions, the authors find it is best to turn to God.

“What do I do with me? Facing identity questions at this stage of life is a surprise to most of us. “Midlife crisis” is a term generally associated with men, not women. Yet, we are unprepared for the quandary we suddenly find ourselves in. The physical changes in our bodies and the relational changes with our husbands, children, extended families, and friends leave us feeling confused and wondering who we are—Is this the end of “me”?

“Some days it feels that way, but we know it’s not.

“Where is the stability in this season? How do we find our center, our sense of purpose? How do we begin to regroup and rearrange our lives? What are we getting out of bed for each morning?

“Let’s recognize that, as baffling as they are, these feelings of being lost, of wandering, of not knowing who we are anymore are healthy. Painful, yes, but nonetheless healthy as they signal that there is more to come in life. When we realize we have been getting our identity from our kids or our husband or our job, we are beginning to see more clearly the inability of other people or other things to fill the real needs of our souls. And that is a very positive place to be.

“We were all created to know the Creator and to have a relationship with Him. Our real identity is always best seen in relation to God and His purposes for life. He is the One who made us and who knows us best. He is in control.

“God has woven the experiences of our lives for His purposes and our good. He is writing a story of redemption in each of us. And He will allow the difficulties, the transitions, and the hollow places in our lives to help us see that we are frail and weak and in need of the Savior, Jesus, His Son.”

Excerpt 2  When kids leave so do many of our relationships resulting in loneliness.  

“What do I do with my loneliness? One of the most surprising things that many empty nesters experience is a loss of connection with other people. It’s hard when many of your friends still have a child at home and they are talking about things you are no longer part of. Weekends that were once filled with your child’s athletic events and school engagements are now suddenly empty. The calendar is strangely void of adult camaraderie that used to take place around the common interests of teenagers.

“Looking back, we realize that for most of our parenting life our friendships developed with the parents of our children’s friends. When we were mothers of young children we were desperate to be around other young moms in the same situation. They understood us. They knew how we felt. They were exhausted, too. There were MOPS groups, study groups, and play dates. We could talk as our kids played. And then as we approached the teen years, we had friends with whom we could discuss the issues of curfew, movies, peer pressure, and setting limits. We had a natural bond. We sat at ball games together. We were all in the same boat.

“Often in the teen years, we laid aside deep interaction with other adults. We were busy being available to our teens, being at home on weekends so they could have their friends over. In some ways we put our own social lives on hold in order to spend these last years with our kids.

“And now we have time. But not all of our friends are empty nester yet. And some have already launched into their next career. They aren’t where we are. It’s hard to identify someone in our season. There isn’t a child alongside to give you a clue.

“Without a friend to talk to, we are lonely.”

From Barbara and Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest. Copyright © 2008 Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates. Used by permission of FamilyLife. All rights reserved.