Sample of Marriage Memo eNewsletterApril 7, 2008 What Does a "Moment of Truth" Do to a Marriage? By Scott Williams The Moment of Truth is one of those television shows that provokes your curiosity. Yet at the same time you think, “How could I bring myself to support a show like that by watching it?” For many weeks I was not able to bring myself to see the FOX program. But after several people asked if we were going to post about it in FamilyLife’s Culture Watch blog, I struggled through five episodes so I could write objectively. If you haven’t seen the show or its promo, contestants privately answer questions while hooked to a lie detector to get their responses. Sometime later, they are asked similar questions, but this time in front of family members and a cheering/jeering audience. The monetary payback grows as the questions get more personal. After each correctly answered question, the contestant can quit and take the money he or she has already earned. But once the contestants hear the next question, they have to answer it truthfully to secure the money. The yes/no answers are compared to the results of their polygraph test to determine whether the contest will keep moving toward the prize money. The Moment of Truth could best be described as Jerry Springer meets Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? An infamous episode You can bet the questions get plenty personal … and downright inappropriate. One particular episode was so controversial that FOX considered not showing it. But, I guess the executives came up with the same decision most of the contestants do—the monetary gain is worth whatever damage the show causes. Consider these questions that contestant Lauren Cleri answered on a now infamous episode:
She truthfully answered “yes” each time. And the tough questions were still to come. A former boyfriend was brought onto the stage in a surprise appearance. He asked:
Lauren’s reply was, “Well, I’m going to be honest and say yes.” The audience looked on as she continued to destroy her marriage and family.
And then the question that tripped her up:
Unfortunately for Lauren, her response on the lie detector indicated that her belief didn’t match the truth. She lost everything. The $100,000 she had accumulated. And whatever unity she had with her family. And probably her marriage. Most of the other contestants I’ve seen on the show chose at some point not to keep going with the questions, but you could see even in those how the questions they did answer sent shock waves through the family members who were present on stage to lend support. The damage from answering the questions is inevitable, no matter who the contestant. One woman—a conservative, committed Christian—answered her questions with confidence, believing her life was upright enough not to fear her answers. But even she couldn’t avoid the problems that her “Yes” answers would create for her family and current fiancé.
An unexpected reaction Watching this program led to several gut reactions. I was angry, for example, at FOX television for being purveyors of voyeurism and a shameless exploiter of people’s bad judgment. But I also had an unexpected reaction. I pictured myself up there on stage, answering questions aimed at my weaknesses; questions that leave me exposed for who I really am. I desire to live an upright life and make decisions that allow me to keep a pure conscience. My pattern is God’s Word, my guide is the Holy Spirit, and my hope is in Christ. But my sin is always there to remind me that I’m not the person I want people to see. If I was on that stage, it would just be a matter of time before the right question was asked, and I would be exposed as being pathetically and hopelessly flawed just like anyone else. The Bible is packed with Moment of Truth passages. Consider the following:
And look at the words of the apostle Paul. After coming to Christ, he lived a no excuses life of pure commitment. But from his own mouth he reveals that his earlier mistakes and his still-present sin nature were never far from his mind:
All of us fall short of the righteousness of God, some by stumbling and others by diving headlong into sin and wallowing in it. Yet we so often try to hide the truth from others, as if they can be fooled into thinking we’re the only ones without shortcomings. What’s even more foolish is when we try to trick ourselves—and even God—into thinking that we’re above fault. I am reminded that I need to walk in purity of heart and mind, depending on God’s Word and the Holy Spirit to keep me centered on the truth—moment by moment, day by day, all my life. The right context for truth There’s one other issue raised by a show like this: Is it right answering these questions in front of the world? Sure, the contestants stand to gain a lot of money, and the networks even more, since the questions make for good television. But the questions make for horrible marriage and family relations. The only possible purpose for asking a contestant if he keeps a spreadsheet of the number of women he’s had relations with (yes, this really happened) is that it makes good television. This man’s horrified girlfriend certainly didn’t appreciate learning this truth at the same time as the millions of others who were watching them both suffer on national TV. The real truth is that nearly every question on the show should never be uttered outside the confines of the contestant’s immediate family. When a trust is breached, a lie is told, or an indiscretion is committed, the person who committed it should seek to make it right with those who have been directly affected by the offense. No one else. Period. It was almost insulting to hear host Mark Wahlberg caution a recently married couple about answering any more damaging questions:
Of course it wasn’t wise. God is the author of truth, and He’s got bigger plans for it than The Moment of Truth. I believe that’s why we see several places in Scripture that the truth isn’t complete unless accompanied by right motives and actions.
A wife calling her obese husband “fatso” is the truth. Telling him that she wants him to lose weight so that they will have many more years to spend together is saying truth in a context of love. If there is a bright side to The Moment of Truth, it is that the show drives home the importance of communication and trust within a marriage and family. It should be sufficient warning to each of us to avoid even entertaining thoughts of sins that will not only take us down, but also the innocent people who are the closest to us. And it should warn us that when we need to speak the truth, we need to do it in a way that preserves the marriage relationship rather than destroying it. Register or manage your eNewsletters to subscribe to Marriage Memo. |
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