by Barbara
April 29 A recent comment on our blog came from a woman on April 17th who wrote to say, "Right now the ‘when-then’ in my life is, ‘when our oldest son decides to include us in his life again’, ‘then I will be happy’".She wrote with an obvious sense of loss and pain over this changed relationship. I am so grateful for her honesty and I understand. Though her situation and mine may be very different in terms of the particulars, I too experienced a profound loss with both of my sons after they married. I knew they needed to transfer their allegiance to their new wives. I wanted that and encouraged it. I even thought I was prepared for it.
by Susan
April 24 Now unless you grew up in the Deep South you might not know what “raaaaving” is. Raving is going on and on about something, making over someone, praising and thanking a particular person a whole lot. In fact, some say we southerners just might overdo it a bit!
However, living out of the Deep South for the last 30 years, I’ve reflected on the inherent lesson in raving. When my children were little and I did something that pleased them and they got excited, it thrilled my mother’s heart. When my husband or colleague or friend thinks of me in a special way, it fills me with joy.
by Barbara
April 22 I just talked to my daughter. Ashley has five, count them, FIVE BOYS! They are all 8 and under. She was telling me today how tired she is. Bless her. I listened and tried to encourage her. I remember so well feeling how she feels and I told her so. It doesn’t take away her fatigue but hopefully it does make her feel understood. She knows it will end someday. Today that seems like an eternity away with a two year old and a one year old who have been sick a lot this winter and are constantly hanging on her like ornaments on a Christmas tree.
But it does end. They do grow up and leave. And it’s not all sad.
by Barbara
April 17 I heard a new Bayer aspirin commercial the other day. It said, “You always took care of your children, now it’s time to take care of yourself.” The woman in the ad was one of us, a member of the boomer generation, likely an empty nester. And Bayer is right. It is time to take care of ourselves so that we have healthy bodies and lives to give for the next adventure God has for us.
When I was raising our six, I did no exercise other than running after toddlers and pre-schoolers. I didn’t have the time and besides, I hated exercise. By the time I was 40 my body was telling me it was wearing down.
by Susan
April 15 I like to finish things, to be able to put a check through something on my “to do” list. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. In fact it makes me feel good about myself! But I’ve realized that my “to do” list can become an idol. It’s all too easy to measure the value of my day by what I got done. If I completed certain things, I am happy, if not I’m grumpy.
In a world that values success and accomplishment it’s so easy to live with a “when –then” mentality. When I finish…, when I accomplish… then! But the then just turns into another when and the cycle starts all over again.
by Susan
April 11 I’m a real dog person. In fact, we’re on our 6th golden retriever. When I was pregnant with our first child I actually phoned my mother to fearfully ask, “Mom, what if I don’t love this new baby as much as I love my dog?” After she finished laughing, my Mom assured me that this was one thing I did not need to worry about!
Over the years I’ve learned many lessons from our dogs. Our retriever Duchess had the habit of always greeting me whenever I came in the front door. The moment she heard the knob turn, she’d race to the door, grabbing a magazine off the coffee table and with her tale madly wagging she’d greet me with joy. She made coming home fun. She knew how to celebrate the greeting!
Since the Rainey children are taking seriously God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply” I thought I’d share a photo of our most recent addition. This is grandchild #12, Norah Anne Petrik, born March 15th.
by Barbara
April 3 The most challenging part of the empty nest for me right now is learning how to be available to my adult children when they have needs: new babies, significant life events like turning 30 or a graduation, keeping the kids for them so they can get away with their spouse. But it’s not just showing up when they need us, but being there just to be with them and enter into their world. They want us to watch our grandkids play T-ball and basketball and graduate from pre-school. There are baby dedications, Christmas pageants, birthday parties, and baptisms, too. And we want to be there! How often I have wished I could be in two places at one time. Oh, and by the way, none of our adult children live in town. They are literally scattered from coast to coast.
by Barbara and Susan
March 25 Welcome! We are so glad you’ve logged on. We are on an exciting journey which began over 30 years ago when we began having children. And now they have slowly or maybe not so slowly left the nest, leaving us—with what? That is what we want to explore with you—this great adventure delightfully known as THE EMPTY NEST!
What will you find here? We want you to find a COMMUNITY of women so you don’t feel isolated and alone. We want this to be a COMMUNITY PAGE, not just Barbara and Susan’s page. We want to hear from you, hear your story, your struggles and joys. We will share ours as well.
Within this page you will find relevant articles on every topic possible. We cope with plenty in this season: from menopause to relationships with adult children, to aging parents to, "What do I do now?", to rekindling a relationship with that other person in my house—my husband, and a whole lot more.
A recent comment on our blog came from a woman on April 17th who wrote to say, "Right now the ‘when-then’ in my life is, ‘when our oldest son decides to include us in his life again’, ‘then I will be happy’".She wrote with an obvious sense of loss and pain over this changed relationship. I am so grateful for her honesty and I understand. Though her situation and mine may be very different in terms of the particulars, I too experienced a profound loss with both of my sons after they married. I knew they needed to transfer their allegiance to their new wives. I wanted that and encouraged it. I even thought I was prepared for it.
Now unless you grew up in the Deep South you might not know what “raaaaving” is. Raving is going on and on about something, making over someone, praising and thanking a particular person a whole lot. In fact, some say we southerners just might overdo it a bit!
