"Dialogue is a family treasure—the gold and silver that finances our hopes and underwrites our dreams. It may draw laughter, tears, or anger, but when tempered with grace, it gives individuals a sense of high value."

“You can view your spouse’s words either as an attack or as information that is strongly expressed. The choice is yours.”

“We must begin by admitting that people and situations do not cause us to speak as we do. Our hearts control our words. People and situations simply provide the occasion for the heart to express itself.”

“Listening means that you’re completely accepting of what is being said, without judging what the person is saying or how he or she is saying it … Acceptance doesn’t mean that you agree with the content of what your spouse says. It means that you acknowledge and understand that what your spouse is saying is something he or she is feeling.”

“How can you be an understanding husband? The most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood … As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.,, Trying to fix instead of listen is often a big point of conflict in the marriage.”

“When a wife does not speak ‘respect language,’ after a while her husband isn’t interested in communicating. Who wants to keep talking to someone who doesn’t speak your language? So the husband goes quiet.”

“Each of us needs to face how powerful the war of desire is in our hearts—how easy it is to have our words shaped by no higher purpose than our own pleasure. We need to recognize how often we speak as if we were totally unaware of the Lord, His work, and His call to be instruments of His grace.”

“No skill will help a wife more in conflict with her husband than the ability to communicate biblically. Biblical communication is based on the principles of God’s Word. God’s desire for a wife is to train her tongue to respond properly in every situation. It can be done. Getting control of her tongue is one of the wife’s first steps in biblically submitting herself to God and her husband.”

“The tongue can be cruel in two ways: by speaking evil, or by refraining from speaking good. We need to recognize the offensiveness of pervasive silence within marriage. There comes a time when silence is healing, but there is also a malicious silence ... When I refuse to speak out of cowardice, selfishness, or weariness, I am taking a step back as a Christian.”

“Try not to discuss a problem in your marriage or family with accusing words such as ‘You never ...’ or ‘Your ideas are always ...’ Those kinds of extreme statements verbally link your mate with his performance, insinuating that he is a failure. Instead, use your words with discernment to help him see the distinction between his personhood and his performance.”

“In marriage, one of the most important things about a couple is what they say to each other. When positive words flow, the relationship is robust and flourishing. If the lines of understanding and positive communication go down permanently, it is only a matter of time before that marriage dies.”

“It’s not the words we speak that make a difference, it is the power of God accompanying them. You’ll be amazed at how much power your words have when you pray before you speak them. You’ll be even more amazed at what can happen when you shut up and let God work.”

“Why is communication between husbands and wives such a problem? It goes back to the fact that we send each other messages in ‘code,’ based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.”

“While it may seem bizarre and shallow to women, we men can honestly think that if we’re happy, our wives are happy, and we won’t know otherwise unless you say something.”

"The name we give to something shapes our attitude toward it'.”

“A servant-leader husband is interested in arriving at the truth, in knowing what is right, not in who is ‘winning.’  He’s a man of truth, not a scorekeeper.  And he knows that his wife brings a valuable perspective and sensitivity to many issues that he barely understands.  So he values her input, and together they determine what is right.”

"Most men are not necessarily unwilling to meet their wife’s needs; they simply are unaware of what those needs really are."