“The goal of reconciliation is restoring your relationship with your ex to the friendship level, even if it cannot lead to remarriage.”

“People make their biggest mistake when they feel they can deal with the moral and emotional parts simply by walking out and saying they are not in love anymore… Sooner or later their miscalculation catches up with them.”

“The most harmful thing you can do during an attempt at reconciliation is to stir in the physical element.  To achieve genuine reconciliation, you need to reconcile emotionally first and take some positive relational steps before going too quickly into the physical ... If you are divorced, the physical relationship must wait until remarriage.”

“When Ron and I got back together, we didn’t feel like we were in love, but we began to behave in loving ways, and loving feelings slowly followed… The nicer we were to each other, the more we liked each other; the more we liked each other, the nicer we treated each other.  We began a positive cycle of kindness that grew into love.”

“The bottom line—barring legal abuse, the more spiritually upright parent does not have the right to control the other parent, his or her lifestyle, or access to the children.”

“The season of singleness is not a time in limbo, waiting for the right partner to come along so we can get on with our lives.  Those years of singleness provide an incredible and unique opportunity to be devoted to Christ and His kingdom in a way that married men and women simply do not have the freedom to pursue.”

“I find that many people want instant solutions to everything.  They want to stop hurting; they want things to be right, nice, peaceful, and secure—now.  In reality, emotionally it will probably not be that way for quite a while.”

“There is no man on the face of this earth who can satisfy the deepest longings of a woman’s heart—God has made us in such a way that we can never be truly satisfied with anything or anyone less than Himself (Psalm 16:11; 34:8-10).”

“One of the great ironies of divorce is that you may have hated your ex-spouse at the time of the divorce, but now you have to find a way to cooperate with him or her for the sake of the children.”

“I’m convinced that divorce is a death.  And death affects every part of our lives—including, potentially, our spiritual lives.  Until we deal with that death and bury it properly, we don’t give our new marriage a real chance at success.  We don’t allow God to work fully and completely in our lives.”

“It is inevitable that conflict will arise between the two of you in the future, regardless of what happens to the marriage.  The less able the two of you are to resolve your own differences, the more fractured your children will be.  Unresolved parental conflict causes children to take sides, a destructive pattern.”

“The grieving process after a divorce is often more severe and prolonged than after the death of a mate.”

“If you’re struggling emotionally, you need to stay out of another relationship.   All you do is take that baggage with you, and it can strain the next relationship to the breaking point.  Can you imagine the cumulative effect of all those unresolved emotions—those left over from the first relationship added to those of the most recent relationship?  You need to regroup and stabilize yourself before you consider another relationship.”

“What would you expect to happen between you if you both this moment appeared before God, with the Holy Spirit holding hands with each of you, as it were?  Wouldn’t you be forced to reconciliation in the presence of the King of peace?  That is in effect what happens every day when two believers pray ... Jesus told His disciples, ‘If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother [or sister] has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go on your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering’ (Matthew 5:23-24).  These words apply also to your ex.”

“Even though you may never get beyond a normal friendship level with your former spouse, you need the emotional stability that positive emotions give you.  You need the support of your former spouse in dealing with your children who learn quickly that they can play one against the other when Mom and Dad don’t agree.”

“An intact marriage is an ideal worth fighting for.  But that doesn’t mean we should treat those whose marriages have crumbled as second-class Christians.  Jesus spoke of high ideals and absolutes—but he loved real people with acceptance and grace.”