“A well-meaning friend or counselor may tell you that forgiving yourself is your first step toward healing and recovery. The problem is, nowhere in the Scripture do we find God instructing us to deal with our heartaches this way. Rather, He urges us to receive His forgiveness.”

“A bitter root in your heart will manifest itself in troublesome attitudes, such as depression and despair, anger and resentment, or fear and worry. Your reactions may become typified by criticism, slander, gossip, sulking, retaliation, or other caustic behavior.”

“When you forgive your mate’s failures, you give up your right to punish. Forgiveness is an act of the will—a deliberate choice that means you will not retaliate when you feel the other person has wronged you.”

“There are many ways to show your family that you are serious about following in the footsteps of Jesus Christ, but two in particular really count: Admitting your mistakes and asking for forgiveness when you mess up in a relationship—especially with one of your children.”

"Mercy sweetens marriage. Where it is absent, two people flog one another over everything from failure to fix the faucet to phone bills. But where it is present, marriage grows sweeter and more delightful, even in the face of challenges, setbacks, and the persistent effects of our remaining sin."

“Once I know that I am indeed the worst of sinners, then my spouse is no longer my biggest problem—I am. And when I find myself walking in the shoes of the worst of sinners, I will make every effort to grant my spouse the same lavish grace that God has granted me.”

“The most successful marriage is a marriage where forgiveness is often sought and richly given.”

"Our real opponent is not on the opposite side of the bed, but within our hearts. Our enemy is the desires of our flesh that oppose the desire of the Spirit. This is the fiercest and only true enemy of our marriage."

“The wounds that have been inflicted upon you will not be made one ounce lighter by being stored up and left to fester. In fact, they will only become heavier and more burdensome.”

“True repentance will lead to feelings of indignity and anger at the past damage, a desire to make restitution, and a renewed longing for purity and godliness (2 Corinthians 7:11).”

“Many marital conflicts are about nothing more than who will get the last word or who will get his way. But in marital conflicts, victory is the prize that no one can afford to win … Marriage is the only institution in the world where you can win every battle but lose the war.”

“Before we can talk about what forgiveness is, and how we can more completely forgive our spouse or children, let’s talk about what it is not. First, forgiveness is not a feeling … Second forgiveness is not forgetting … Third forgiveness is not excusing … Forgiveness is an act of the will, a decision not to think or talk about what someone has done. It is an active process involving a conscious choice and a deliberate course of action.”

“Forgiveness is costly, but to refuse to forgive costs even more. As someone said, ‘The longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.’ And, I might add, the lonelier it gets.”

“I picture forgiveness like a game of tug‐of‐war … If both spouses continue to pull hard on their end of the rope, the still‐loose knot begins to get tighter and tighter and tighter. At some point, there’s the danger that nobody can ever untie it. But forgiveness means one spouse merely drops his or her end of the rope. This loosens the tension and preserves the possibility that the knot might be untangled by the two of you. The other person can continue tugging, but it doesn’t do any good any more.”

“Behind virtually every case of marital dissatisfaction lies unrepented sin. Couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance.”

“Have you ever wondered why God gives you overwhelming insight into your spouse’s hidden faults? Do you really think it’s for endless nagging? No, it’s for effective kneeling. No one knows better how to pray for your mate than you. Has your scolding or nagging been working? The answer is no, because that’s not what changes a heart. It is time to try talking to God in your prayer closet instead.”

"No other human relationship can approach the potential for intimacy and oneness than can be found within the context of the marriage commitment. And yet no other relationship can bring with it as many adjustments, difficulties, and even hurts."

"Giving your mate the freedom to fail communicates that you are on his team, regardless of the outcome. It tells him that even if he makes a mistake and fails, you will be there to help him up, dust him off, and encourage him to try again. The issue is not whether he will ever fail, but rather whether he will get back up and whether you will be at his side."