“If you have determined that now is the time to take action, do so with a heart desiring God’s best for your abusive husband. Responding to his sinful behavior from a position of safety while surrounded by caring people will enable you to rest in God’s promise to never leave you nor forsake you.”
“Reconciliation requires confessing sin and the evil of abusive behavior. It requires healing from the abuse, and healing from past hurts. It requires forgiveness … and it involves a commitment to rebuild trust over a long period of time.”
“The cross is the timeless evidence of God’s love for His people and his toughness with sin … In a world where a woman cannot trust the one closest to her, the greatest blessing you can offer is the assurance of God’s loving and watchful presence.”
“Aim to solve the minor versions of the major sins as well as the major outbreaks. A judgmental attitude, grumbling, irritability, bickering, and arguing usually precede violence … People who learn to repent of grumbling—and thus learn both gratitude and contentment in Christ—will rarely need to repent of assault and battery.”
“Cosmetic adjustments that make the person’s behavior more socially acceptable are not enough. You must expose the heart issues that motivate violence: cravings for power, love, control, comfort, money, respect, pleasure.”
“Forgive quickly, but don’t allow the abuser’s request for forgiveness to be the end of the discussion … An outbreak of violence uncovers a larger pattern of control, arrogance, and unreasonable, unending demands. Such patterns should never be swept away with the words, ‘Will you forgive me?’”
“The flesh and the devil thrive when hurts and sins are kept in the dark. For this reason, a wife can love her husband by letting him know the consequences of his sin in her life. This is not done to hurt; it is done to heal.”
“What the abuser needs are a few Christian men who are interested in understanding his emotional needs, unafraid of confronting his bad behavior, able to hold the abuser accountable for his progress or lack of it, and have a willingness to help him get his marriage and life back on track.”
“Perhaps the greatest damage done to a child who has witnessed domestic violence or has suffered abuse at the hands of a father is that he or she interprets who God is through the words and actions of that father.”
“Ministry to the violent—like ministry to any with immediately destructive sins—demands wide-awake, bold, knowledgeable intervention, full of grace and truth. The physically abusive are criminal as well as wicked, just like sexual predators. They are also highly deceptive.”
“We should listen to the cries of the oppressed (Psalm 10:17): since real biblical listening is linked to action, you may find that what you hear means taking the victim for a medical examination, calling the police, or providing a temporary place for her to stay.”
“If you have children, you have another very important reason for change. Studies show that one-third of the children who witness the battering of their mothers demonstrate significant behavioral and/or emotional problems.”
“I cannot conceive of any situation where it is loving to let a fool physically beat you. I believe it is imperative for a violent fool to be held accountable before legal authorities for his crime. There should never be a warning or a ‘next time.’ Physical abuse must be prosecuted and the sentence should include joining a therapy group for violent offenders.”
If you are being physically abused, you need someone to help you put together a plan of action.
If your children are in danger, you have a responsibility to get you and them to a safe place.
Even if you feel out of place or somewhat intimidated or embarrassed, be sure to stay involved in a local, Bible-believing church. This can be a good place for community as well as accountability and encouragement.
Biblical submission has nothing to do with immorality or abuse. God does not ask us to submit to sin.
Be realistic about ways your spouse may use deception to control the relationship. Pray for God to open your eyes to see truth. Sometimes love must risk peace for the sake of truth.
It is helpful to understand that violence usually occurs in a cycle that moves from controlling behavior to increased tension to anger to violence to remorse and promises to change, followed by more control and abuse.
Consider seeking the help of a professional Christian counselor who can also help you understand your legal rights.
The abuser may need outside help to become aware of their misperception of male/female relationships.
The goal is true reconciliation, understanding that biblical reconciliation is not just being together physically but includes repentance, forgiveness, accountability, and lasting change.
While you cannot single-handedly bring healing to your marriage, think about how you can begin to get healthier and invite your spouse into healthy change together.
If you feel like you are being controlled, establish some healthy boundaries and to learn constructive ways to express yourself.
Be patient. Change takes a lot of time, but it can happen.
Luke 18:27 reminds us that things that seem impossible to us are possible with God. Pray and talk to God about the seemingly impossible situation in your life right now.
You cannot control or change your spouse; only God can change a person’s heart. Pray for the kindness of God to lead your spouse to repentance There may be ways you are allowing your spouse to control you without being accountable. Pray for God to reveal those areas to you and show you how to handle them.