Conversations

Topics

For those whose spouses are deployed:
Tell me about yourself and your marriage. How long have you been married and (on a scale from 1-10, 10 being AWESOME) how would you describe your relationship?
Is this a first marriage for you both? Number and ages of your children?
How long has your spouse been deployed? If he/she is deployed, how much longer will he/she be away from home?
If you could pick one issue that you most want resolved in your marriage, what would it be? How would your spouse answer that question?
How well are you able to communicate about the deeper issues of life and marriage? How is that different from communication before deployment?
Are you able to get together with others whose spouses are deployed? What level and frequency of support do you have with spouses who are in similar situations?
How connected are you to a church family in terms of worship, activities and service opportunities?
Who do you have a Christian friend (same sex) to talk to and share with, someone who can encourage and support you? How often do you get together?
What do you do with your free time?
How often do you share with God the concerns you have for yourself and your family?

For those whose spouses have extended duty:

When did your spouse begin extended duty and what difference has that change made in your marriage and family?

How would you characterize your marriage in general? Is it strong, on shaky ground or somewhere in-between?

How do you think your spouse views your marriage?

To what degree does your spouse know how you feel? How open have you been with your spouse about this particular issue? What has been the outcome of those conversations?

How connected are you to a local church family? Describe your frequency of attendance for worship, Bible studies, activities and any service on your part.

Think about your three closest friends (couples). How free are you to share details of issues that you are facing in your life with any of them? Who do you know that you can go to with anything that concerns you?

When you spend time as a couple, what kinds of activities do you enjoy together? What are things you have in common?

If you were spending quality time alone as a couple, what does that look like to each of you? What would you do? Are you in agreement?

For those whose spouses are deployed:
When your spouse is deployed, how often do you feel lonely or isolated? When do these feelings typically occur?
How do you cope when you feel overwhelmed by loneliness?
Tell me about your daily routine. How well are you managing to keep the household running? Are you taking care of yourself and your children by getting plenty of sleep and eating proper meals? What areas do you know you need to improve on?
Do your feelings of isolation and loneliness stem from being separated or did you have some of these same issues before deployment? Could there be something else adding to these feelings?
What can each of you do to limit sexual temptations from causing infidelity in your marriage?
Who do you have to hold you accountable for your actions during deployments or periods of isolation? How honest have you been with them?
How do you think God would want you to respond in these circumstances?

For those whose spouses have extended duty:

Consider the possibility there is may be more to your loneliness and isolation than just the fact your spouse has extended duty. Can you remember when you began to feel isolated and lonely? Was it connected to anything besides the longer hours?

Is the current assignment/extended duty temporary or is there an end in sight?

Do you know how your spouse feels about the current assignment and the long hours away from home and family?

What are your feelings about your spouse, the assignment and the extended duty? Have you shared this with your spouse in a loving manner? How does your spouse respond to this?

Are you harboring any bitterness regarding this situation? Are you open to confessing this bitterness to your spouse and then asking for your spouse’s forgiveness as well as the Lord’s?

Who do you know (another couple) that can help you both through this season of your lives? Is there someone who has had a similar life experience?

What have you done to help alleviate your feelings of loneliness and isolation? How can I come alongside to help?