What kinds of things get in the way of sexual intimacy in your marriage? Are you looking for creative ways to change those?
Have you and your spouse discussed your desires and expectations in the area of sexual intimacy? What did those discussions look like? Were they productive?
What priority do you put on sex? How does your spouse differ?
Have you ever sought help in this area? From what source(s)?
Are you familiar with the physical and emotional gender differences involved in sex? How have those affected you?
Where have you turned in your life to learn about sexual intimacy? Did your parents offer any instruction? Were they affectionate with each other?
Have you ever read any books about sex in marriage? What did you learn? Did you discuss this material with your spouse?
Have you considered what the Bible has to say about sex?
Have you made your bedroom a place that is conducive to romance and sex for both of you? How do you think the mood would change if you eliminated the clutter or distractions?
Are you and your spouse affectionate with one another in other non‐sexual ways? Do you hold hands, kiss, hug, snuggle, etc.?
What’s one thing that I as your mentor can do to encourage you and help you in this area of your marriage?
What does “affection” look like to you?
What was affection like in your family growing up (verbal and non-verbal)?
What would you like to be different in the way your family (or your spouse) shows affection?
How did your father and mother show affection differently?
On a scale of 1-10, how much affection do you feel like you have in your marriage right now? What would you like it to be if you could patiently and gently affect
change?
Have you and your spouse discussed your sexual past with one another? When did you do that? Do you feel that each of you were fully honest in that disclosure?
What expectations do you have about sex in marriage? What are your spouse’s expectations? Have you discussed those?
Can you remember a time when your sex life was a satisfying and rewarding part of your marriage? Why were things working so well then as opposed to now? What specific things have changed? When did things start to change?
When you discuss sex, are you affirming of your spouse or do you choose words that are degrading or hurtful?
Do you save enough time and energy to enjoy lovemaking or is your schedule so full it’s just one more “to do” on your list?
Is friendship and companionship the foundation of your lovemaking? Could you invest more in that area?
Is your bedroom a sanctuary or is it full of distractions, like television, computer, kids’ toys, laundry, or clutter? What if you worked with your spouse to remove those distractions to create a bedroom that felt like an oasis for just the two of you?
Do you go to bed at the same time? Do you allow enough time to talk and listen and laugh together?
Do you and your spouse practice proper hygiene? If you feel this is a problem, would you be willing to talk to your spouse?
Are you and your spouse getting enough exercise to stay in shape and maintain energy for sexual intimacy?
Are you or your spouse holding onto bitterness or resentment over past grievances?
Does your sex edify your spouse? Are you seeking to meet your spouse’s needs first? How would your spouse answer that?
Is the past negatively affecting your sex life? Poor habits that have needed to change? Past sexual sin needing forgiveness? Past abuse needing wise counsel and healing?
Is there any emotional or physical abuse presently in your marriage? What does that look like? Have you sought help?
How do you think God views sex in marriage? What changes do you think He would want the two of you to make?
Are there specific questions or concerns that you'd like to discuss with me?
What is one step you can take in the right direction and how can I help you do that?
