By Jim Mitchell
“I’m too tired” the wife says, meaning too tired for sex of course. She falls asleep thinking what she said is what he heard. It’s not. Robert Lewis explains why in his book Rocking the Roles:
“Few things affirm a man in his masculinity as does his wife’s sexual responsiveness. Spontaneous hugs, kisses, and other demonstrations of affection, as well as intercourse, do more than make a man feel good. These actions meet a much deeper need. They reassure a man. They confirm him in his masculinity!” (p.128)
So wives, when you say, “I’m too tired,” here’s a short list of what he might be hearing:
“I’m too tired… for you.”
“I’m too tired… for you to feel desired.”
“I’m too tired… for you to feel admired.
“I’m too tired… to show you how much you mean to me and the kids.”
“I’m too tired… for you to show me how much I need your protection and strength.”
“I’m too tired… to make you feel like a man… my man.”
“I’m too tired… to show you how much I believe in you.”
“I’m too tired… to remind you again that all your sexual satisfaction comes from me alone!”
Sounds a lot different than what you intended, doesn’t it? Why is what he hears so different than what you mean? Again, for a husband the physical act of sex communicates much more than just the physical act of sex.
Fifteen years of marriage and I’m just now realizing how true this is. And I’m only now getting to the point where I have the courage to admit to any fears or insecurities in this area.
To be sure, we husbands have a lot to learn too. The last thing a tired wife needs is marital guilt. Husbands click here for a few thoughts on that.
But can I encourage you wives to take a look at the list above one more time? Are you too tired for more than you realized?