Are you able to communicate openly with your spouse about this area of your married life? What do those conversations look like?
Have openly discussed sexual expectations with your spouse?
Have you sought the help of a Christian counselor or caring pastor?
Is your spouse on any medication, such as medication for blood pressure, antidepressant, etc., that could be affecting sex drive?
If you have children, how are they affecting your ability to build intimacy and closeness in your marriage?
How are you and your spouse investing in the non-sexual romance of your marriage?
Was there a particular time when your spouse appeared to begin losing interest in the sexual area of your marriage? What were the circumstances surrounding that time?
Are you or your spouse under an uncommon amount of stress? Do you see any way to begin getting out from under that stress?
Do you and your spouse pray together every day?
How can I as your mentor help and encourage you right now?
What does “affection” look like to you?
What was affection like in your family growing up (verbal and non-verbal)?
What would you like to be different in the way your family (or your spouse) shows affection?
How did your father and mother show affection differently?
On a scale of 1-10, how much affection do you feel like you have in your marriage right now? What would you like it to be if you could patiently and gently affect
change?
Have you and your spouse discussed your sexual past with one another? When did you do that? Do you feel that each of you were fully honest in that disclosure?
Have you examined your expectations about sex? How realistic and fair are they?
Is your spouse on medications that could help explain the lack of sex drive?
Is it possible your spouse is siphoning off his/her desire for you in other areas (e.g. pornography, masturbation, workaholism, lust)? Have you discussed that with him/her?
The sexual state of your marriage is often a thermometer of the rest of your marriage. How do you two resolve anger and keep it from leading to bitterness? How can you take a step in the direction of resolving those areas of bitterness?
Is your spouse a victim of past sexual abuse that he/she may not have fully dealt with?
Have you told your spouse how his/her choices make you feel? Do you respectfully communicate to your spouse what makes you feel secure in his/her love?
Do you pray for your husband regularly?
Are you a student of your spouse? Are you immersed in learning what pleases him/her most? What have you learned?
