“FamilyLife gave us rails to run on.”
Just south of Nashville, in the quaint streets of Franklin, Tennessee, sits the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, of Dave Ramsey fame. Jeff Abramovitz serves as their new marketing director for Financial Peace University.
It’s another in a variety of ministry positions for the Abramovitzes. But to look at their first year of marriage?
Things weren’t always so rosy.
When Jeff held hands to exchange vows with his bride-to-be, Sue, one day in March, he had no doubts about the future of their marriage. The first family member of his generation to believe in Jesus, he felt confident his marriage would have what his parents’ didn’t. “I figured because we were both believers and talked about God and went to church, our marriage was going to be better.”
But it didn’t take long before snags in Jeff’s strategy revealed themselves. “During our first year, I treated my marriage like I could still be single. She wanted more from me than I knew how to give. I didn’t have anyone to tell me what marriage should look like. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.”
Seven years in and with 3 kids under the age of 5, Jeff still thought everything was going well. “Until it wasn’t. My wife told me it wasn’t. And she was right.”
Thankfully, a member of the Abramovitzes’ church small group invited them to attend FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® in Minneapolis in 1992.
“I wasn’t kicking and screaming like a lot of men are. But I was reluctant. But I learned some things I still use today: My mate is not my enemy. Marriage isn’t a 50/50 contract, but a covenant with each of you giving 100%.
“It got worse before it got better. But at last we had a common foundation we were going to build on.”
Jeff explains, “It’s one thing to build your relationship on Christ. It’s another thing to have someone walk through it with you on a daily basis. Until I got that practical application, I didn’t know what that looked like.”
Jeff and Sue were substantially impressed with that Weekend to Remember®—to the point of attending the conference’s Staff Opportunities meeting. Something had clicked for Jeff. “I knew my accounting job would provide for my family. But I knew it wouldn’t make me joyful and fill me up. I watched the speakers and thought, I want to do what they’re doing! I want to spend my life making people laugh, helping people understand how to be married.”
Jeff’s eyes were opened: I want to serve the Kingdom and use my gifts.
Jeff and Sue declined the opportunity to apply for staff at that first conference; they weren’t ready to raise their own financial support. But God continued his discipleship of Jeff, primarily through FamilyLife Today® as Jeff drove to work every day.
“FamilyLife was this cohesive story through a series of stories every week. I wanted to be a better dad, and I’d hear the principles from Dennis who became my marriage mentor and discipler. He and Bob would talk about issues no one was talking about, even at church.” A self-identified information hoarder, Jeff amassed the broadcast’s books and CDs.
But there was another reason the Abramovitzes believe they needed to wait to join staff with FamilyLife. “God had planted the seed for FamilyLife. But I wasn’t ready.”
Jeff had an issue with pornography. “I had been exposed to it as a child. I would go long periods of time without it. But I happened to come back to it while I was out of town for work.”
During that fateful weekend, Jeff’s employer was monitoring his work computer. Jeff almost lost his job.
“I had witnessed to them. They knew I wanted to do missionary work. But now I see God used our first refusal knowing we’d have to repair that before coming on staff”—which the couple did in 2004.
But it wasn’t before Sue sat down with Jeff during their support-raising process and explained the depth of her hurt from his battle. “How can we help other couples when you’ve struggled with porn? How can we help when we’re not very good at this?”
Jeff confesses, “The worst day of my life was telling my wife. But the second-worst day was finding out how much it hurt her.”
In retrospect, Jeff sees that “sometimes we disqualify ourselves from ways God wants to use us.” God continued to expand Jeff’s ministry through his openness with his struggle, followed by a long tenure as FamilyLife staff, and beyond—including his new position with Ramsey Solutions. It’s where Jeff now works “on a different part of the same problem,” since many marriages wrestle financial issues.
Jeff and Sue are eager to pass on the same practical, applicable hope that buoyed their own marriage through turbulent seasons. “What FamilyLife gave us was rails to run on,” he reflects. “We helped establish a pre-marriage program, too, at [our local church while at FamilyLife]. It’s helped us see how we can invest in younger couples. We know how hard it was for us.”
