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Love Renewed: Dave and Kim Scott

with David and Kim Scott | January 16, 2017

David and Kim Scott couldn't resist falling in love. But the marriage that followed wasn't anything like they expected or hoped for. The same anger and insecurities David struggled with before they were married now spoiled their wedded bliss. Fights led to isolation, and eventually, after only 18 months of marriage, David had two affairs. David and Kim tell how God began to work in the midst of their difficulties, and how a Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway gave them hope that God could resurrect their dying relationship.

David and Kim Scott couldn't resist falling in love. But the marriage that followed wasn't anything like they expected or hoped for. The same anger and insecurities David struggled with before they were married now spoiled their wedded bliss. Fights led to isolation, and eventually, after only 18 months of marriage, David had two affairs. David and Kim tell how God began to work in the midst of their difficulties, and how a Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway gave them hope that God could resurrect their dying relationship.

Love Renewed: Dave and Kim Scott

With David and Kim Scott
|
January 16, 2017
| Download Transcript PDF

Bob: David Scott never set out to be unfaithful to his wife, Kim; but he does remember when the seeds were sown.

David: It started innocently, you know, like a lot of—how I feel a lot of affairs start. It starts with a conversation / it starts with sharing something personal—“I mean, that’s not going to happen to me. I’m above that; you know. I could never do those things,”—whatever—“I’ll just continue to go down the path I’m on now. It’ll be fine.”

Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, January 16th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. David Scott’s unfaithfulness was just the beginning of what turned out to be a long and difficult path. We’ll hear this couple’s story today. Stay with us.

And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.

 

1:00

 

Dennis: Bob, I am so pumped! It is a new year. This year, if there’s ever been a time when our listeners needed to step up and make a difference in their community, it’s today.

Bob: Let’s go!

Dennis: It’s game on! And I’m not talking about the Super Bowl®; that’s yet to be played. I’m talking about “game on” for marriages and families in our country. There is no organization big enough to take this on, except the church. You, my friend, as a listener, are the church. You are a part of what I think God wants to do in our country in bringing about spiritual awakening to our marriages and families. We have a way for you to do that—that is effective / it’s proven—and it’s working, all across the country.

Bob: We’re going to hear today from a couple who–God met them at a Weekend to Remember®getaway and did a powerful work in their lives and in their marriage. They are going to share their story with us today.

2:00

I need to step in here, Dennis, and remind our regular listeners that if you’d like to attend one of our upcoming spring Weekend to Remember marriage getaways, we’re going to be hosting these in more than 85 cities across the country this spring. If you’d like to attend, sign up this week. And if you pay the regular rate for yourself, your spouse comes free. We’re making this offer to FamilyLife listeners. This is the last week it’s available.

So now is the time to go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and find out more about the getaway. Find out when we are going to be hosting one in a city near where you live; or if you like to travel, get out of town and enjoy a weekend away somewhere and also experience a fun, romantic getaway, as a couple. Pick your location and then lock in the special rate by registering this week to attend an upcoming getaway. Again, you pay the regular rate for yourself and your spouse comes free. If you have any questions about the getaway, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.

3:00

You can get your questions answered there or you can register online; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329. That’s 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”

Now, as I mentioned, we’re going to hear from a couple today who have got a story that—well, honestly, this is one of those stories that you really wonder, “Can this marriage survive all that they went through?”

Dennis: And back a few months ago, Bob, I was in Colorado, speaking at another event. You had the privilege, here at FamilyLife, in front of our staff, to interview a couple, David and Kim Scott, from Minnesota, whose lives have been touched by a Weekend to Remember.

Bob: When you talk about a couple whose marriage was saved by a Weekend to Remember

Dennis: Yes; yes.

Bob: —well, you’ll hear the story today. Let’s listen to the conversation I had with Dave and Kim Scott.

4:00

[Recorded Interview]

Bob: If I have this story right, you were a cradle robber. You married this young woman when she was still in her teens; is that right?

David: Yes. We were—she was 19; I was 21.

Bob: How did the two of you meet?

David: We met when I was in college. I attended a small community college in north-central Minnesota called Itasca Community College. We kind of got hooked up on a blind day at the Minnesota State Fair.

Bob: What wasyour first impression of Dave?

Kim: He seemed like a nice guy. We talked for about two-and-a-half hours, nonstop, on our way home from the state fair. That was just kind of crazy to me.

Bob: What was most attractive about him?

Kim: I tend to be an introvert, and so it was super easy to carry on a conversation with him. We talked—I don’t know—about so many different things that we seemed to have in common.

5:00

I think that was the biggest thing.

Bob: When did you first make a profession of faith, or when did spiritual lights come on in your life?

David: Yes; I was in junior—senior high school. I was about 16/17 years old. I attended a Bible camp. I made a profession of faith then. I wasn’t fully-dedicated—I had no clue what living a Christ-centered life was like.

Bob: You were seven when your mom and dad split.

David: I was four.

Bob: Did it shape your view of what marriage would be for you at all; do you think?

David: Consciously, “No,”—I mean, I can’t say, “Yes; the way that this happened shaped me,” or “No; it didn’t,”—but the environment, post-divorce, definitely.

Bob: How did it shape you?

David: I would have to say that, you know, as a young guy—you know, there are a lot of insecurities that I even have today / you know, not having my dad present in my life, and [emotion in voice]—I’m going to cry up here / grab the tissues.

6:00

My stepdad is a good man. He’s a man of faith, and I love him dearly; but there’s something to be said for having a whole relationship with a mom and a dad that have not been divorced—where your biological mother and your biological father are committed to one another in, you know, crabby times and in, you know, tremendous times.
 

I have a lot of—I had a lot of loneliness / struggles as a little guy. I was very angry in my junior high years and pre-teen years. I was abusive to my body as a young guy—I tried to commit suicide, at the age of 12. I would punch things a lot—break fingers/break toes. There are a lot of insecurities I struggled with because of that.

Bob: Did you know anything about this when you met and started falling in love with him?

 

Kim: I did not. When I met him, I didn’t know that part. I knew a little bit about his family.

7:00

He and his mom were not speaking to each other, at the time. If they did speak, it was not a good thing—not-nice things were said to each other. Looking back, when we were dating, he treated me very well.

Bob: —which is often the case when you’re dating.

Kim: Yes; it is. [Laughter] Yes; I mean, he was a gentleman; so I didn’t see those negative things.

Bob: But it didn’t take long, in the marriage, before patterns of—particularly, around resolving conflict—you guys were not good at resolving conflict when you first got married; were you?

David: Not at all.

Kim: Not at all.

Bob: Okay; so what would be kind of an early fight? What would it look like, and what would you do with that disagreement? What might you have fought over? Do you remember anything?

Kim: Pretty much everything.

David: Pretty much everything—sex/finances. On my part, a lot of the bad behaviors I took, as a young man, into the marriage were active a lot.

Bob: Bad behaviors were?

8:00

David: I was addicted to pornography a lot—had a sexual-lust issue. That was prevalent in our marriage.

Bob: Were you aware of this?

Kim: I was clueless.

Bob: What else?

David: We—about a year/year-and-a-half after we were married, I went outside of our marriage relationship and committed adultery.

Bob: Tell me how that happened.

David: I worked—I was a district manager, working for a retail organization. It was with one of my coworkers.

Bob: And—you just got friendly. You’d have a lunch—you just kind of—

David: It started innocently, you know, like a lot of how I feel a lot of affairs start. It starts with a conversation / it starts with sharing something personal. Looking back, now, I’ve read books and listened to speakers talk about all these different things. At that time, I was like: “You know, that’s not going to happen to me. I’m above that. You know, I could never do those things,”—whatever—“I’ll just continue to go down the path I’m on now, and it’ll be fine.”

9:00

But as soon as you tell yourself that you’re not capable of something, you open a window for Satan to enter in and just create chaos. That’s what happened.

Bob: At this point in your marriage—18 months in / pornography, an affair, and conflict that is not being handled well—were either of you thinking: “We made a big mistake. I want to find the exit ramp and get out of here”?

David: Yes.

Bob: You were thinking that?

David: Yes.

Bob: So, were you thinking, “I’m going to call a lawyer”?

David: Yes. Yes; I’m thinking: “I will do what my parents will do. I’ll get a divorce, and life will be what it will be beyond that. That’s the way—that’s the way of the world; right?” That’s the thought that was going through my head.

Bob: Were you thinking that?

Kim: No. You know, I grew up in a home—Christian home. My parents have been

married for—I think it’s been over 35 years, now. That was the motto I grew up in—you know, when I said my vows, I meant it 100 percent. It was devastating, you know, to be at that point.

10:00

Bob: You realized you were at that point when he came home one day and said, “I have to talk to you.”

Kim: Yes.

Bob: Take me to that scene—where were you, and what was going on?

Kim: [Sounds of crying] There are a few different moments, I guess. I remember—he had decided to move out. We were living in an apartment. He called and said, you know, “I need to meet with you.” There is this park in the town that we were living in—that’s where I met him. I was really nervous. He had divorce papers with him and, basically, just told me, “I want you to sign these.”

11:00

I told him, “I’m not going to sign them.” Shortly, thereafter, we actually met at the courthouse.

Bob: By this time, you knew that he was involved with another woman?

Kim: Yes.

Bob: Dave, you got to the courthouse; and what happened?

David: We were missing a paper from our divorce documents. So, we—[Laughter]—I know it’s awesome; isn’t it?—because that’s the way God works. So, we just decided to go our separate ways, and come back in a day or two, and get whatever we needed to.

Kim’s mom, who’s a loyal listener of various Christian radio stations, called Kim and said: “Hey, I heard of the Weekend to Remember marriage conference by FamilyLife. Your dad and I are going to send you to this conference. Would you guys go?” Kim called me up, fully expecting me to give her some sort of lame excuse; but I said, “Yes,” and we went. It was in Alexandria, Minnesota.

12:00

 

Kim: That was, actually, later. We had kind of gone through this cycle a second time.

Bob: This was—you had been to the courthouse, back—

Kim: And then, we had gotten back together.

Bob: Yes; let me reel that back, because there was—you had this first encounter with another woman, and you eventually did shut that down.

David: Yes.

Bob: Moved back in with your wife?

David: Yes.

Bob: You were going to try to make the marriage work?

David: Yes.

Bob: And what happened then?

David: About a year later, the same thing happened. I had an affair and went outside of our marriage.

Bob: Same pattern?

David: Yes—coworker—just in another city. At that time, I was—I was such a mess. It was almost like I was living in such a way where I was trying to purposely punish and abuse myself, because I had so many emotional hurts and strongholds.

13:00

 

I prayed—I cried myself to sleep at night, asking for God to take my life, and just take the insecurities and all the sin that I was in—I just didn’t want to be in it. Anything that was unhealthy, as a young man—we were in our early 20s at that time—that I could be involved in, I was involved in.

Bob: You had an encounter on a bridge?

David: Yes. This was late, one night, in the town we were living in. There’s a bridge about a mile-and-a-half. I pulled over, one night. I ripped my wedding band off. I was so angry with God, I actually threw it in Lake Superior. I stood on the edge. I was fully-determined to take my life and jump off that bridge.

I didn’t. I got back down, and got in my car, and went back home. But again, going back to what I said a minute ago, it was—I was just a wreck on the inside.

Bob: It was after the second affair that your mom called and said, “We’ll send you to the Weekend to Remember”; is that right?

14:00

Kim: Yes!

Bob: You were willing to go.

Kim: I was. I was six months pregnant, at the time, with our first daughter. [Emotion in voice] My thoughts, at the time, were, “This was our only hope.”

Bob: Did you still want to be married to him?

Kim: Most people don’t understand this, but I did—I loved him / I always had. You know, some other thoughts that went through my mind, being pregnant, was, “I don’t want to be a single mom.” I wanted my daughter to have her dad in her life. I didn’t want her growing up with the insecurities that he had growing up. I didn’t want to go through all of that. But there was also just my commitment to the vows that I made on our wedding day.

 

Bob: Did you still want to be married to her?

David: Yes; I did.

Bob: Why?

 

David: Well, obviously, I loved her for the person that she was. You know, all along, when we were going through what we were going through, I always knew that Kim was in my corner—

15:00

—where I knew I didn’t know if I had any other—I burned a lot of bridges, at that time, as a young man. So, I didn’t know if I had anybody else to go to.

Bob: When you guys were driving to the Weekend to Remember, you were not thinking, “Boy, I’m really looking forward to this romantic getaway with my husband.” What were you thinking?

Kim: I don’t know. I was probably thinking—just wondering what was going to happen. It was kind of our last effort, I guess.

Bob: When did you start to get some hope for your marriage?

David: Probably, after the second conference. We went down in Des Moines.

I mean, as soon as we went through the first Weekend to Remember conference—there was a night, on the second night, where they give you your homework.

16:00

 

So, we went back; and we did the homework. I remember sitting in the room. You were pregnant, and I remember having to call your parents and apologize to them. That was kind of a really big breakthrough for us, in terms of, you know, the direction I wanted to go.

Bob: You had to feel some sense of hope that he was coming clean.

Kim: To see your husband bawling on the phone with your parents was huge [emotion in voice].

Bob: Yes. But—so you may have felt some hope there—that weekend / the first conference. For you [David], it wasn’t till the second conference that you started feeling hope.

David: Yes.

Bob: Why?

David: You know, I think that, even though we’d made strides past the first conference, there was still a lot of unresolved conflict that we needed to work through. There was so much of it.

Bob: So, was there a point, in all of this, where you both kind of looked at each other and you said: “You know, things are going to be different, going forward. There’s a different level of commitment than we had in the beginning”?

17:00

 

Did that ever happen, or did it just develop over time?

Kim: You know, we’re still writing our story.

Bob: Yes; we are, too, by the way; okay.

Kim: So, we did—on our five-year anniversary, we did renew our wedding vows.

David: Yes.

Kim: I think that was a huge step. After that, I mean, there was ten years of a lot of financial stress—on the verge of bankruptcy. There was a lot of emotional abuse—kind of that had gone on. I went through horrible depression in that time.

David: So, a lot of the issues that were in our marriage for ten years—I was the aggressor, because there was just so much that I wasn’t willing to resolve. There was so much sin in my life that I was just unwilling to deal with—pornography was still an issue.

Three years ago, they had a purity battle at a church in a town nearby us. That’s really the point where we looked back, at the ten years prior, and were like: “Whew! I think we’re going to get through this. I think we’ll be just fine.”

18:00

Bob: Wow.

David: Yes.

Bob: A little bit—almost like looking back and saying, “Who was that couple?”—

David: Yes.

Bob: —because your husband’s a different man, today, than he was?

Kim: Absolutely.

Bob: How’s he different?

David: I have less hair. [Laughter]

Kim: Yes; you do. He is much more compassionate—much more loving.

Bob: You feel like you can trust him

Kim: I do.

Bob: Why?

Kim: He’s had to work at it [emotion in voice]. He’s had to kind of prove to me that he is trustworthy. God has also helped me to be willing to put my heart out there again. It’s been very difficult; but when I have put my heart out there, he has handled it with much more care than he used to.

19:00

 

Bob: We always love to hear stories of God stepping into a marriage and doing a work—and taking what was a mess and turning it around. But I have to tell you—what really gets us excited is when couples, like you, don’t just deal with your own stuff; but you start to reach out to other couples. You guys have started doing that; haven’t you?

 

Dave: Yes; yes. We put on The Art of Marriage® at the church we are attending. We had over 75 couples register.

Bob: Wow.

David: Yes—for this conference [emotion in voice]—her parents came / my mom and my stepdad came. It was amazing to see all these couples. By the end of the second day—it’s so short—just crying, like a bunch of sissy kids—like out in the audience—as they’re hugging and working through so much. So, we did that.

Bob: Did you guys host it? I mean, were you the facilitators? Did you share any of your stuff?

20:00

 

David: Yes. What God had laid on my heart was: “Go out to churches in the community. Talk with them. Share a snippet—four or five minutes of your story—and then go from there.” I was like: “Alright; this is going to be a little scary.” I was active in local politics / I was active on some different leadership boards in the community—so it was a huge step.

I took the step of faith—we went to all the churches. They were all welcoming: “Yes; come on in. We’ll give you a few minutes on a Sunday morning.” A good half of the couples that attended the marriage conference weren’t actually even from our church—they were from local churches in the community and hours away.

Bob: Do you remember any stories coming out of The Art of Marriage?

David: Yes; you know, there was a friend of ours whose parents were not doing very well. They’d been married for, you know, 30/40-some years. They had divorce papers ready to sign, and they nixed it [the divorce] after The Art of Marriage conference.

Bob: The first chapter of your marriage was a tough chapter.

David: Yes.

21:00

 

Bob: You’re in the second season. Now, that’s a little sweeter season; isn’t it?

David: Yes—much, much more.

Bob: That’s a nice place to be; isn’t it?

David: Yes.

Kim: It is.

Bob: Thank you guys for sharing with us / sharing your story. Would you thank them? [Applause]

 

[Studio]

Bob: Well again, we’ve been listening to a conversation I had with David and Kim Scott as we met with our staff, not long ago. They shared a powerful story of God’s redeeming work.

Dennis: And Bob, I’m—I never cease to be amazed at how God can take a couple who come to our Weekend to Remember—they’re isolated, they’re self-centered, they’re broken, they may be hopeless—but in a weekend, seeing what happens when the soul has a chance to feast on the Scriptures, and how they can—not only move out of the broken state—but into the positive category of wanting to make an impact on other people—I just love that!

22:00

I love it that a couple, in one weekend—the lights can come on in their eyes, and they can be true difference-makers. That’s what we’re asking our listeners to do: “Come to the Weekend to Remember and take advantage of a very special offer there,” and “Move from hopeless to hopeful.”

Bob: Yes; this special offer you are talking about is the opportunity that is available to FamilyLifeToday listeners this week. When you pay the regular rate for yourself, your spouse comes at no additional cost. So it’s essentially a buy one / get one free opportunity. It’s the lowest rate we make available throughout the year. And the offer is good this week. We need to hear from you before the weekend is out. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and register online, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY; and join us at a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway.

23:00

Let me just say to those of you who have thought about coming to one of these weekends in past years but life has just been too busy: “How about that this year is the year that you make your marriage a priority? And you weed out some of the other things that are maybe less important than the covenant commitment that you made to one other to love, and honor, and cherish each other till death do you part. Why don’t you join us for a great getaway weekend / a fun romantic getaway?—where, together, you can learn what the Bible teaches about building a strong and healthy marriage relationship.”

Join us at a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway. Sign up today—you pay the regular rate for yourself / your spouse comes free. You can register, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to register. If you have any questions, give us a call or check out the website. Again, it is FamilyLifeToday.com. The Weekend to Remember spring season begins in early February and goes into June—

24:00

—so plan to be with us for one of these upcoming getaways. Register this week in order to take advantage of our special offer.

Now, tomorrow, we’re going to talk to a couple who have spent more than a decade working with married men and women to help them repair the cracks that can come into any marriage relationship. You’ll meet John and Pam McGee tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for our time with them.

I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.

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