Devotion: Easy ways to become a better lover tonight

By Janel Breitenstein

Someone told me once that if you came across the most loving person you ever met, you probably wouldn’t know it. You would probably go away thinking they were a great listener and incredibly interested in you.

And honestly—there’s a metaphor there for the bedroom.

The best lovers aren’t the ones who know all the best tricks from Esquire or Cosmo. Because great techniques emerge from people who ask what their lover likes.

They’re generous in bed, while still allowing themselves to receive and actively participate in a mutual exchange. They’re patient and attentive. They create a safe place where a person feels completely known and completely embraced. They’re thankful for the whole person and individual parts of their spouse. They can both listen and express themselves.

The great lovers of the world are those great at … loving.

How much do you know about what your spouse likes in bed? Begin by lying in bed with one another, clothes optional. Ask:

  • What turns you on?
  • What do you love that I do in bed?
  • Is there something I could do to please you even more?
  • What’s one thing that could take our lovemaking up two points on a scale from 1-10?
  • Is there something I do outside of the bedroom that can create an obstacle when we’re together? (Impatience, failing to help when you’re tired, nagging, failing to take care of myself, etc.)
  • What’s one of the best memories you have of us in bed?
  • What’s an area of your body that is arousing for me to touch?

What’s your bedroom IQ?

Need to boost your IQ? Grab 4 Ideas to Improve Your Lovemaking.

The good stuff: Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine. (Song of Solomon 1:2)

Action points: The next time you make love, make an effort to take communication between the two of you to the next level. Be a student of your spouse in bed.