• Stu Weber, Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart, p. 269‐270
    “I have to admit that one of the saddest things I see in ministry is a woman who belittles her husband. Even if he has indeed failed in some way, his wife’s disparaging words compound the disaster exponentially. Her cynicism is utterly emasculating, and many times, incredibly subtle. Like a fine, thin blade, it slices deep, penetrating to the very core of his masculine soul.”
  • Susan Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 85
    “While we can often use our gifts to balance our husband’s weaknesses, we must take care that we do not attempt to change his weaknesses into strengths. There’s a tremendous temptation for us to try to play God in another’s life. This will lead only to bitterness and resentment on the part of the mate.”
  • Dennis and Barbara Rainey, The New Building Your Mate’s Self‐Esteem, p. 263‐264
    “I believe that God, as the designer of men, knew that they would be built up as they are respected by their wives. When a wife respects her husband, he feels it, is supported by it, and is strengthened from it. A man needs respect like a woman needs love.”
  • Theda Hlavka, Saying I Do Was the Easy Part, p. 28‐29
    “God deliberately created a void in the man and chose a woman to fill that void. Notice that he didn’t create a void in the woman. This is significant. God’s intention from the very beginning was that man would not be complete in and of himself. He fashioned woman to be the man’s helper, to fit his needs exactly—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally ... The term helper is used about God Himself … [Hebrews 13:6, John 14:16, John 15:26] … The word helper is defined as ‘someone who contributes strength’ … Being a helper has nothing to do with who’s stronger or smarter or more gifted or anything else. It has only to do with God’s plan.”
  • Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect, p. 1
    “Five out of ten marriages today are ending in divorce because love alone is not enough. Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husband’s need for respect.”
  • Robert Lewis, Rocking the Roles, p. 192
    “Scripture says very little about a woman’s work outside the home. But it does emphasize the priorities, values, and roles that she should use in making lifestyle decisions. There’s no one right answer to fit every situation. Each woman and each family needs to determine what is best for them, using biblical guidelines.”
  • Robert Lewis, Rocking the Roles, p. 100
    “God has given you the awesome responsibility of supporting and helping him. The power to accomplish this calling is quite simple. I call it the power of being there ... Being available to him, giving him time, energy, and priority. Giving thought and creativity to building him up. Just being there for your husband is an incredible source of strength to him. It’s life‐giving! If you don’t think your man needs that kind of support, I suggest you may be blind to what’s really going on in him.”
  • Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect, p. 221
    “What your husband wants is your acknowledgement that he is the leader, the one in authority. This is not to grind you under or treat you as inferior. It is only to say that because God has made your husband responsible (Ephesians 5:25-33), he needs the authority to carry out that responsibility.”
  • Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect, p. 34‐35
    "(Regarding the ‘crazy cycle’) both of these people love each other a great deal. They do not mean real harm; they do not intend real evil toward one another. They are hurt and angry, but they still care deeply for one another.”
  • Emerson Eggerichs, Motivating Your Man God’s Way, p. 30
    “Most wives have little idea the depth of painful feelings men have when disrespected. Men don’t display a crushed countenance and begin to cry. Instead, they get angry, go silent and withdraw. Or they attack with words of disrespect, seeking to equalize things. This goes over the heads of most wives. Instead, these women feel even more unloved.”
  • Emerson Eggerichs, Motivating Your Man God’s Way, p. 58
    "The call is for a wife to carry herself with dignity, showing honor to her husband because she is an honorable woman. Though her husband may not be respectable, God is calling her to show unconditional respect in her pursuit to obey God. She does this in obedience to the command of God in Ephesians 5:33, not because her husband deserves it."
  • Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, p. 141
    “Many Christian wives do not realize that they have two powerful ‘weapons’ available to them that are far more effective than nagging, whining, or preaching. The first weapon is a godly life, which God often uses in a man’s life to create conviction and spiritual hunger (1 Peter 3:1‐4) … and the second is prayer.”
  • Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, p. 128
    “The Scripture is clear that a married woman’s life and ministry are to be centered in her home. This is not to suggest that it is necessarily wrong for a wife and mother to have a job outside her home—unless that job in any way competes and diminishes her effectiveness in fulfilling her primary calling at home. Further, it is important for women to evaluate their reasons for working outside their home and to identify any deception behind those reasons.”
  • Robert Lewis, Rocking the Roles, p. 64
    “A servant-leader husband is interested in arriving at the truth, in knowing what is right, not in who is ‘winning.’  He’s a man of truth, not a scorekeeper.  And he knows that his wife brings a valuable perspective and sensitivity to many issues that he barely understands.  So he values her input, and together they determine what is right.”
  • Dennis and Barbara Rainey, The New Building Your Mate’s Self-Esteem, p. 180
    "Your mate needs you to be a cheerleader, not a preacher. Praise and applaud your mate’s right choices; don’t just tell him what he does wrong. Most likely he already receives daily reminders of his failures from a host of other people."
  • Think of a right choice your husband has made recently and praise him for it.
  • Good job reaching out for wisdom in you role as a wife
  • Read any of the online articles listed in this guide and let's discuss.
  • Read any of the scriptures of help and hope in this guide and let's discuss.
  • Remember that God has not only given wives the helper/lover role, He has promised to equip us for the job!
  • Remember that you are not alone if finding your role is a struggle. The wife's role in today’s society is a great challenge.
  • Read through the Portrait of a Godly Wife, read the scriptures listed there, and let's discuss those.
  • Always be willing to confess where you have fallen short and pray for strength to change
  • Show unconditional love and respect for your husband
  • You can lovingly align yourself behind your husband and trust God to teach your husband to lead over time
  • Remember Jesus as the perfect model of submission to His Father
  • Don't wait for your husband to become a perfect leader before you follow him. He does not have to qualify for the role—God has given it to him and will hold him accountable.
  • Obedience means helping your husband be the leader in your home, and this is really obedience to God, not just your husband
  • Reach out for help by finding one or two other wives to meet with regularly for accountability
  • Be your husband’s cheerleader, praising him often, enthusiastically, and loudly
  • Remember that you are human and will never fulfill your role perfectly, but God will honor your efforts and will always forgive your times of failure
  • Discuss with your spouse how you see your roles divided.  Then discuss how you each feel about that.
  • Talk about any changes you would like to make in your current roles.