“Children need to see a harmonious marriage modeled by their parents. They need to see two imperfect people, who are vessels of God’s perfect love, keep going after they fail.”

“The Bible teaches that we should see conflict neither as an inconvenience nor as an occasion for selfish gain, but rather as an opportunity to demonstrate the presence and power of God.”

“According to Scripture, the source of angry words, unforgiving looks, and cold shoulders is not unmet needs. It's unsatisfied desires.”

“God wants us to approach negotiation with love and wisdom. With love for your spouse, you gather relevant information about the dispute and explore creative options, seeking wisdom to find a solution that honors God and benefits both you and your spouse. Such resolution comes through cooperation, not competition.”

“It might seem that life will be easier if we take the timid path of avoiding certain uncomfortable truths or winking at selected sins, but we always reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7-9). If we sow loving honesty and courageous care, we will reap growth in godliness. If we avoid confrontation, we will just get confrontation anyway, because sin unaddressed is sin unconfined.”

“Peacemaking is a key ingredient in a fulfilling marriage and a happy family (and a guard against divorce.) Marriages bring two sinners into close proximity where their selfish desires rub against each other day after day. Friction increases when God adds ‘little sinners’ to the mix! There is only one way to deal with this volatile mixture: with humble confession, loving confrontation, and genuine forgiveness—the three basic tools of the biblical peacemaker.”

“Scripture does not give me permission to make the sins of my spouse my first priority. I need to slow down, exercise the humility of self-suspicion, and inspect my own heart first.”

“How did Christ forgive us? By laying down His life. He didn’t wait until we apologized first. He took the initiative to forgive. I should do the same, even when it feels that my husband is clearly in the wrong. Sometimes it’s much easier for me to see only what he did wrong than it is for me to admit my part in the conflict.”

“Unhappiness within families almost always has the same root problem: unresolved conflict.”

“The goal of marriage is not to be conflict-free but to handle conflict correctly when it occurs.”

"Mercy sweetens marriage. Where it is absent, two people flog one another over everything from failure to fix the faucet to phone bills. But where it is present, marriage grows sweeter and more delightful, even in the face of challenges, setbacks, and the persistent effects of our remaining sin."

“Once I know that I am indeed the worst of sinners, then my spouse is no longer my biggest problem—I am. And when I find myself walking in the shoes of the worst of sinners, I will make every effort to grant my spouse the same lavish grace that God has granted me.”

"Our real opponent is not on the opposite side of the bed, but within our hearts. Our enemy is the desires of our flesh that oppose the desire of the Spirit. This is the fiercest and only true enemy of our marriage."

“Many marital conflicts are about nothing more than who will get the last word or who will get his way. But in marital conflicts, victory is the prize that no one can afford to win … Marriage is the only institution in the world where you can win every battle but lose the war.”

“Sometimes—especially when spouses are angry—they clam up and give each other the silent treatment, thinking that the silence will communicate their perspective. Don’t mistake silence for communication. In fact, silence is often only manipulative.”

“It is inevitable that conflict will arise between the two of you in the future, regardless of what happens to the marriage. The less able the two of you are to resolve your own differences, the more fractured your children will be. Unresolved parental conflict causes children to take sides, a destructive pattern.”

"Today, I know a lot of young couples who are frustrated with each other and their marriage because neither partner knows how to correctly relate to the opposite sex. Nobody has ever told them. They are trying to build an intimate relationship, one that’s supposed to last a lifetime, from scratch or, at best, guesswork … These young people don’t realize that behind much of their quarrels and dysfunction and anger is what they don’t know, not who they’re married to."

"No other human relationship can approach the potential for intimacy and oneness than can be found within the context of the marriage commitment. And yet no other relationship can bring with it as many adjustments, difficulties, and even hurts."