by Bob Lepine

It’s no surprise that many husbands and wives think differently about sex.  While the stereotype is the always interested husband and the rarely interested wife, there are a growing number of marriages where a wife has more of a higher level of sexual desire than her husband.

But for the most couples, the stereotype holds true, and the resulting differences between men and women can be a source of conflict in marriage.

With that in mind, I want to suggest seven things wives need to remember about sex (see also seven things men need to remember):

  1. Sex is God’s idea.  He created it and gave it as a good gift to husbands and wives in marriage.  It is a key part of His plan for how we become one in marriage.
  2. For most men, this is a big deal – and it’s not because men are perverts.  The fact that your husband desires it does not make him perverted or ungodly.  God delights when a husband and wife enjoy marital intimacy.
  3. How you respond to your husband when he initiates is critical.  To be uninterested communicates a lack of respect for and honor for him.
  4. Sex is a marital discipline or “duty.”  It’s a part of how we serve each other in marriage.  It is wrong for a wife to use sex as a reward or a lack of sex as punishment.  The Bible clearly teaches that husbands and wives are not to deprive each other in this area.
  5. Men are visually oriented.  No matter how you see yourself, he is stimulated by sight.  Again, God is the One who made men with a desire to see women naked.  And the only legitimate way for your husband to satisfy this God given desire is for you to let him see you naked.
  6. Men in romance novels and soap operas are made up.  Just like Hollywood sex, the strong, sensitive caring man portrayed in most romance novels are fictional characters.  No husband can live up to the near perfection an author presents.
  7. Creativity is a good thing.  The Bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled.  This means that a husband and wife have freedom to explore what brings them pleasure and enjoyment in the sexual arena of marriage.  If either is uncomfortable with some aspect of the sexual relationship, it should be eliminated.  But passion can be stirred by variety and creativity in the sexual relationship.


Taking it One-to-One:

  • Which of the above seven principles are the best reminders for you right now?
  • Which of the above would provide the best conversation starter between you and your spouse?  Are you willing to initiate that conversation today?
  • Would you benefit from an anonymous conversation with a FamilyLIfe eMentor about this topic?  If so click here.