How to Reconnect With Your Spouse: 5 Practical Ways

By Bethany Kuetzing

What first attracted you to your spouse?

Was it the way they pursued you or that infectious passion they carried? Maybe it was their laugh, a shared set of values, or the way your personalities just seemed to fit together.

In the beginning, it’s rarely the “big” things that hook you. It isn’t their five-year plan or their credit score. It’s the way they look when they’re laughing too hard to breathe or the quiet, steady way they sit with you and listen when the world feels too loud.

When I look back at what first drew me to my husband, it was the way he lit up the room with his smile and kindness. He felt like home to me. We could sit side by side in front of a brick wall and never get bored. We loved playing 20 questions, going on adventures together, and dreaming about what our life might be like. It was always “us against the world” from the time we were 16, until we were married at 23.

When I think about the dreams I had for my marriage, I would say I hoped he would be my best friend forever and always understand what I want and need.

What dreams did you have for your marriage?

Were any of them about the type of friends you’d be, how big a family you wanted, the fun you’d have together, the adventures you’d go on, or the intimacy you’d build?

How do those dreams compare to the marriage you have today?

I think Derwin and Vicki Gray, from FamilyLife’s Art of Marriage™, put it best: “The grass is always greener where it’s watered.”

When we were dating, it was natural to “water our grass” daily. We laughed, we played, we were there for each other, and there was a natural curiosity about the other person. When we got married and were living together, it was so easy to be less intentional about the time we were spending together because we were together every day.

But the beautiful thing about marriage is that it’s never too late to start watering again.

Wishing you could reconnect with your spouse?

Going into marriage, you have goals to tackle everything as a team, as one, but if you aren’t making intentional choices every day toward that goal, it’s easy to allow loneliness, frustration, and discontentment to settle into your heart.

Reflect for a moment on these questions:

What state is my marriage in today?
Do I feel like I am walking on eggshells?
Do I question if my marriage was a mistake?

Whatever honest answer you give, take heart, there’s hope ahead. There’s hope for growth as you take steps to pursue one another, no matter where you find yourself right now. Most importantly, there’s Jesus to walk alongside you.

5 things you can do to reconnect with your spouse and start “watering your grass”

1. Do a devotional together.

Find a couple’s devotional on your own, or you can grab one of ours: “The Story of Us” or “Drawn Together.”

2. Schedule a date night.

Pick an activity or restaurant from one of your first dates and spend time reminiscing on the memories you made together.

3. Do a marriage study together.

Art of Marriage® study or Vertical Marriage are both great to go through as a couple or a small group. We want you to start talking again and learning how to love each other as God calls us to love.

4. Start a book club with friends or one-on-one together.

The Mindful Marriage by Ron and Nan Deal is a marriage book to help you open up, get honest with yourself and one another, and move towards oneness. It is one of the most comprehensive marriage books on the market.

5. Schedule a weekend away together.

One of the best ways to start watering your grass again is to intentionally step outside your normal routines. A weekend away gives you space to talk without distractions, to remember why you chose each other, and to begin dreaming again about what your marriage can become.

FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway will help you feel validated in the struggles you face, learn from the wisdom of couples who’ve walked where you are now, and enjoy intentional time together—including a date night!

Every marriage needs more than good intentions.

A Weekend to Remember gives you two uninterrupted days to reconnect, have fun, and actually work on your relationship, before life gives you a reason you have to.

If that sounds like something your relationship could benefit from, explore the Weekend to Remember getaways near you!

LEARN MORE

Bethany Kuetzing is the brand marketing manager for FamilyLife’s resources. Before working for FamilyLife, she worked in marketing for a counseling ministry. Bethany lives in Ann Arbor, Michigan, with her husband, Peter, and son, Theodore. Bethany and Peter first met when they were 16 and have been married since 2019.

How to Reconnect With Your Spouse: 5 Practical Ways

What dreams did you have for your marriage?

Wishing you could reconnect with your spouse?