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FamilyLife Today® Kathy Koch: Start with the Heart

Why Teens and Preteens Don’t Listen (and How to Make Them Want To): Dr. Kathy Koch

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March 4, 2026
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Middle schoolers who grunt. Teens glued to screens. You love your kid—but do they feel liked? On Family Life Today, Kathy Koch sits down with Dave Wilson and Ann Wilson to expose performance-driven parenting and show a better way. If you’re tired of comparing, correcting, and panicking about faith, tech, or rebellion—this conversation meets you in the mess and points you toward your child’s heart.

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Why Teens and Preteens Don’t Listen (and How to Make Them Want To): Dr. Kathy Koch
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About the Guest

Kathy Koch

Kathy Koch

Dr. Kathy Koch (pronounced cook), is leading a charge to celebrate kids the way Jesus did and still does. Her ministry, Celebrate Kids, Inc., based in Fort Worth, TX, is dedicated to inspiring parents, grandparents, and those who work with children, teens, and young adults to nurture them to develop a convinced identity in Jesus Christ.

Dr. Kathy’s influence is renowned, impacting parents, educators, and children through her compelling keynote addresses, workshops, and spiritual engagements. Renowned in Christian education and advocacy circles, Dr. Kathy actively contributes her expertise to schools, churches, and community initiatives, aligning with organizations like the Colson Center, Teach Them Diligently, Care Net, and Summit Ministries to amplify her message of faith and empowerment. Her insights have garnered recognition in documentary films, notably by Kirk Cameron, and her articulate discussions are frequently featured on platforms like Focus on the Family, Moody Radio, and the American Association of Christian Counselors, further solidifying recognition as a thought leader in child development and faith formation for kids.

Dr. Kathy’s literary contributions, including seven books published by Moody Publishers, delve into critical themes of cognitive development, digital engagement, and intentional parenting, showcasing her scholarly depth and practical approach to child rearing. Her academic credentials are equally impressive, with an earned PhD in reading and educational psychology from Purdue University, and a rich background in academia and educational practice, including her tenure at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. Since founding Celebrate Kids in 1991, Dr. Kathy has woven her deep love for Jesus and her commitment to glorifying God into the fabric of her mission, demonstrating her lifelong devotion to transforming lives through enlightenment and faith founded on the always relevant transformative Word of God.

About the Host

Photo of Dave and Ann Wilson

Dave and Ann Wilson

Dave and Ann Wilson are hosts of FamilyLife Today®.. Dave and Ann have been married for more than 38 years and have spent the last 33 teaching and mentoring couples and parents across the country. They have been featured speakers at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® marriage
getaway since 1993 and have also hosted their own marriage conferences across the country.

Episode Transcript

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Why Teens and Preteens Don’t Listen (How to Make Them Want To)

Guest:Kathy Koch

From the series:Start with the Heart (Day 1 of 3)

Air date:March 4, 2026

Kathy (00:04):

There’s way too many parents today—and I’ll just be bold and say this—who believe that the child’s job is to perform so that they look good to their peer group on social media, et cetera. Kids become performers; and kids become human doings, former human beings. There’s no freedom in that.

Ann (00:29):

Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Ann Wilson.

Dave (00:36):

And I’m Dave Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Dave: We’ve got Kathy Koch in the studio. I want to jump into your book, which is Start with the Heart: How to Motivate Your Kids to Be Compassionate, Responsible, and Brave (Even When You’re Not Around). I want to go there—but I do want to do this; I think you’re going to be golden at this—I wrote down, in my notes, “Top Three Things”—I’m just going to throw them at you—whatever comes to your mind, when I say, “Top three things middle school kids are struggling with.”

Kathy (01:12):

Believing that they’re worth anything to anyone would be one of them.

Feeling hopeless and helpless.

And invisible and in the way, so “I have no value.” Some of them have said to me, Dave: “I know I have value—God made me, and Jesus died for me—but I don’t feel valuable here.” The struggle is real in their environment of a home; and the school; and even, maybe, a youth group. I think that would be huge.

Ann: How about this?

Dave (01:38):

You don’t have to do three.

Don’t do three; how about this one? “Parents should stop doing what?”

Kathy (01:43):

Oh, comparing their children to anybody else. When you empty the backpack—and you have a child with a 94; a child with an 87; or a kid just ran a track meet—you don’t say, “How did the other kids do?” Because you’re not raising anybody but your kid. As soon as you say, “How did the other kids do?”—your kid, with the 94, is going to feel like it’s not good enough unless it was the best of the best scores.

So comparison’s already on social media—it’s already the mirror effect, if you will—but we don’t need to be comparing. We need to raise the children we were given, and we don’t need to worry about where they stand in a hierarchy with other kids.

Ann (02:16):

Here’s one: “What are the questions the parents are asking?”

Kathy (02:21):

“How do I get my kid off the phone?”—would be one, which I know you two have strong feelings about that as well.

“How do I get him to listen to me?”

“ How do I get him to be obedient with the phone?—turn in the phone—stop gaming. A lot of technology questions, I think, would be huge.

“How do I get them to answer, more than a grunt?” A lot of our parents do care deeply about the children; and they want to know, “How is school?”

Ann (02:42):

They want to know their kids.

Kathy (02:43):

They want to know their kids. Of course, kids are grunting, and saying: “Okay,” “Fine,” “Good,” and not elaborating. That’s a big issue.

Dave (02:51):

What would you say is the question, or two, that the parents should be asking?

Kathy (02:56):

“How can I help you?”

Dave (02:57):

So asking your child that.

Kathy (02:58):

Yeah—not: “Can I help?”—because that’s “Yes or no.”

Ann (03:02):

Oh, that’s good.

Kathy (03:02):

And kids want to be independent, even though they know they need the parents; so “How can I help you?” And then, maybe, even follow that up with a multiple choice: “Do you need space?” “Do you need supplies?” “Do you need an answer?” “Do you need guidance?” Sometimes, we would follow up with a multiple-choice option there; “How can I help you?”

I think, when kids come to us—and we know they’re confused—I think we ask, “How did you arrive at that conclusion? What makes you think that is true?” If they come to you with a gender question—or a competition question: “I just don’t feel strong enough,” or “…smart enough,” or “I wish I could run faster,”—”Well, what makes you think that would be good for you? What makes you think that is true? Who’s taught you that?” Because listening to somebody; I think that would be huge.

(03:47) Another question that I love asking young people is: “What happens if you’re wrong?” If a kid comes to you—and they think that they can change their gender; or they think that they should drop an advanced chemistry course and just have a study period; or they don’t want to go out for a spring sport this year, but they’ve always played a sport—and you say, “Well, what if you’re wrong?” I think that’s discernment; that helps the kid think things through, maybe, in another way. Now, the parent is the one who’s in the conversation to guide the conversation rather than asking Siri, or Google, or even a friend at school.

Ann (04:22):

Oh, that’s so interesting. I just flashed back to being a senior in high school. I was a track runner; and I remember telling my dad, “I’m not going to run this year.”

Kathy (04:32):

Come on!

Ann (04:32):

My first year in six years: “I’m not going to run.”

Dave (04:34):

Of course, her dad was a coach; he coached me. He was really involved in sports—

Ann: He didn’t coach track.

Dave: —not a track coach—

Kathy: Okay; but he was in—

Dave: —he was a coach.

Kathy: —a coach, who loved athletics.

Ann (04:42):

If he would’ve asked me a question like that, and put it on me, it would’ve changed everything.

Kathy (04:49):

Interesting.

Ann (04:50):

Instead,—

Dave (04:50):

Oh, go ahead; tell them what he did. I love Dick Barron; he’s amazing.

Ann (04:54):

My dad was amazing.

Dave: He’s with the Lord now.

Ann: But he said, “I’m not going to talk to you until you change your mind, because you have to go out.”

Dave: And he didn’t!

Ann: He didn’t talk to me for seven days. I remember saying to him, “Now, you’re just being immature.”

Kathy (05:10):

You said that, out loud?

Ann: Yes; I’m pretty spunky, Kathy; you can tell that.

Dave: That’s why I married this girl; she doesn’t hide anything.

Ann (05:13):

“What if he would’ve given me—like, “What if he [had said]—“Okay, what would happen if you don’t do that?”

Kathy (05:18):

Right, right.

Ann (05:20):

And “What would it look like if you did?”—just to pose some questions, that might’ve gotten me to thinking: “Why don’t I want to go out?” and “What’s going on?”

Kathy (05:28):

Exactly.

Ann (05:30):

I could have answered that: It was because of fear, and I didn’t want to fail. There’s so much more underneath some of the things that our kids are doing and asking.

Kathy (05:42):

Absolutely.

Ann (05:42):

I feel like all of your material is golden.

Dave (05:45):

Hey, I’ll ask one last question before we jump into Start with the Heart.

Kathy (05:48):

We started—this is all in Start with the Heart—actually.

Dave (05:51):

I know it is; isn’t it?

It [the question] would be this—because I know a lot of our listeners—this is “Top three,” probably:

“How do I ignite my child’s spiritual faith?”—that’s their dream—”I want him” or “…her, when they’re adults, to walk with God.” They’re a middle school kid.

Or “What do I do?”

Or “…don’t I do?”

Kathy (06:12):

The first thing that comes to mind shouldn’t be hard; and that is that we model a vibrant relationship with the God of the Bible. We wake up, talking about Him. They see us honor the Word of God. They see us pull the Word out, randomly on a Thursday morning, not just a Wednesday night, Sunday morning. We talk about what we read in the Word. We talk about the experience we had in our prayer walk.

I think we teach them how the Holy Spirit leads. One of the questions a lot of young people are asking me is: “Dr. Kathy, you talk about the Holy Spirit guiding you. I’ve heard my mom or my pastor talk about the leading of the Holy Spirit; but Dr. Kathy, I don’t know how that works. How do I know if it’s I just want to do it versus God is telling me ‘how to do it.’”

“How do we ignite?”—we teach and train; we don’t tell and yell. That’s, again, part of the passion of the ministry.

Ann (07:02):

I’m seeing listeners—if this is me listening—

Dave: “Teach and train, and don’t tell and yell.”

Ann: —I’d be writing down every single one of these things.

Kathy (07:07):

Yeah, I think we teach; and we train. I think we ask:

“What would you like to know about spiritual development or spiritual growth?”

Or “Where are you frustrated, in any part of your relationship with God?”

—to let them—but you know what, Ann? It’s like, if they’re secure with us—if they trust us, if there’s no fear—then, I’ve asked a son or daughter: “Is there anything that you’d like to grow into? Is there any part of your walk with God that’s dissatisfying?” And then, they could be honest with us; and then, we say: “How can I help with that?” “Are you ready to want some help?” I think we’re very bold in that way.

I’ll say again, though, it starts with us modeling a vibrant desire to be in a relationship with God; and the fact that He matters greatly to us—He is not a Sunday-morning, Wednesday-night God—He’s a 24/7, 365 God. I could say much more, but I’ll leave it at that for now.

Dave (08:01):

That’s big.

Ann (08:02):

And because we’re talking about your book, Start with the Heart, I think that is a little segue. All of those things are connecting with your kids’ hearts when we know our kids. I think those are so good.

Kathy (08:13):

Oh, thank you.

Dave (08:14):

So what does that mean?—“Start with the heart.”

Kathy (08:17):

Prioritize your heart’s relationship, and the love that you have—which I pray is unconditional—there’s nothing they can do to earn it or to lose it. It’s not that they perform for us; they are with us. Securing the heart is:

“There’s nothing that you can do that would cause me to walk away.”

“There’s nothing that you can do that would cause me to walk towards you more.”

“We just are; we are family, and we are it. We’re in this for the long haul, just as God is with us for the long haul.”

It’s honesty, dependability, responsibility.

It’s asking to be forgiven, expecting that to happen; but not demanding it in a rude and a bossy kind of a way, if I could put it that way.

It’s being present.

(09:08) Securing the heart happens, to you guys, when we like our children. I don’t know if you’ve had children or grandchildren tell you this; but sometimes, when I interview children, they’ll say: “Well, my dad has to love me; he doesn’t have a choice,” or “God has to love me,” and “I love that he loves me; but Dr. Kathy, I wish my dad would like me.” And then, when I asked children—and even, back in the day when I taught second graders, forever ago—“Well, what would cause you to feel liked?” The majority of the answer would be: “They asked to play with me.”

Rather than the kid always saying, “Hey, Dad, do you want to shoot hoops?” or “Mom, could we play checkers?” or “Grandma, do you have time to color with me?”—when the adult approaches the child, and says: “Hey, do you want to color together?” or “Do you want to shoot hoops?” or “Would you like to play checkers?”—the kid feels noticed in that moment; and the child feels valued in that moment.

And then, you know what, you guys? They see the parents sacrifice, when children say, “Daddy put his phone down, and Daddy went outside with me,”—come on! That’s huge!

And I think that’s huge between a husband and a wife. When you prioritize, and when you sacrifice, I think kids feel something very different—certainly, that’s love, but it’s also like—and you know what? When you’re liked, you’re much more likely to be obedient. When you’re liked, you’re much more likely to want to be present in that relationship; I think it changes everything.

Dave (10:14):

It’s interesting you mentioned marriage. Ann’s latest book was about: How to Speak Life to Your Husband: When All You Want to Do Is Yell at Him. One of the stories we tell in there is: I was with my men’s group on a trip. I said to them, in the rental car—I think four other guys—”Hey, question number one: ‘Do you feel like your wife loves you?’” I know all their wives; I know their families. Every guy, within five seconds: “Yep, wife loves me.” “Second question: ‘Do you feel like your wife likes you?’” Every guy, within five seconds, ‘Nope.’” They’re all like, “Wilson, what’s this about?!”

Kathy (10:45):

Yeah, what’d you do next?

Dave (10:46):

Isn’t that interesting; isn’t it? They all said, “I think she’s disappointed.”

Kathy: Oh, how sad.

Dave: “I know she loves me. I know she’s not leaving; we’re in a covenant marriage. But I feel like, every day, she’s critiquing me. She’s trying to—it is like I’m a fixer-upper,”— blah, blah, blah, blah.

I think we do that in our marriage, and I think our kids feel the same way.

Ann (11:03):

I know we do. Because what happens with kids—and this is a good thing—as parents, we’re training our kids; we’re teaching our kids; we’re training them.

Dave (11:12):

Oh, wait, the wait, wait—”Teach and train; don’t yell and tell”—“tell and yell.” Yeah, okay; I got it.

Ann (11:16):

But what happens is we do yell. Sometimes, we fall into these bad habits; especially, when teenagers are having an attitude; or they get/we say “lazy.” And I think what happens is we stop speaking life to our kids or asking them great questions. I think so many kids would say, “Yeah, my parents don’t like me; because they’re always yelling at me,” or “…they’re always telling me what to do.”

Dave (11:42):

—or “…not listening to me.”

Kathy: Right.

Ann (11:45):

I started this thing, last year, with a couple of our grandkids. The reason I did it again this year is because I said, “What’s your favorite thing you did all summer?” They said, “It’s when we walked the river with you.” I’m like, “What?!” They said, “Yeah, when you told us: ‘Let’s go walk this river.’” They’re four; at the time, they were three and five. It was rapids, and it was only like knee deep; but it was an adventure, and it was risky. I was saying, “I know you can do this; it’s going to be fun”; I pursued them.

You’re saying those are the kind of things that, when we pursue kids—we’re asking them questions, looking them in the eye—and even asking, that’s the chapter title—“How Are You Doing?”—that’s getting into their hearts.

Kathy (12:33):

Yes. What’s so important in all of this, you guys, is that we have to believe that our children’s job is not to be excellent so we look excellent. Part of the fear here—part of the yelling and part of the we choose to distance from family members—is there’s way too many parents today—and I’ll just be bold and say this—who believe that the child’s job is to perform so that they look good to their peer group on social media, et cetera. Kids become performers; and kids become human doings, former human beings. There’s no freedom in that. It’s really back to you and your dad—and the whole: “I don’t want to run track. I’m fearful that I’ll disappoint you.” You perceived that you didn’t want your dad disappointed.

So can parents recognize that they weren’t given children so that they would look good? They weren’t given children to perform for them. Children are going to be children; and they’re going to make mistakes, because that’s how children learn. We have to separate that out. We can teach and train the very best that we can; and we can motivate; and we can pray for them—and they’re still children—that’s just reality.

Ann (13:43):

Dave, what’s one question about intimacy that you’ve always wanted to ask but you were too afraid?

Dave (13:49):

I’m afraid to answer the question you just asked me.

Ann (13:53):

Maybe, now is not the appropriate time?

Dave (13:56):

Intimacy is something that’s hard to talk about.

Ann (13:59):

Well, what if the questions you’re too embarrassed to ask are the ones your marriage actually really needs answered?

Dave (14:07):

That’s the topic of Marriage After Dark, which is FamilyLife’s newest podcast, where a real married couple answers all the questions couples secretly Google about sex. And if you want a stronger connection or deeper intimacy and a healthier marriage, this is your space.

Ann (14:26):

And right now, it’s only available to a select FamilyLife audience. For more, go to FamilyLife.com/MarriageAfterDark.

Dave (14:36):

I’ll tell you the conversation your marriage needs shouldn’t stay in the dark.

Dave: Well, let me ask you—you said, earlier, the child is longing—[they] want to feel loved and accepted for who they are—let’s go there: “What if they’re making decisions, —especially, now, middle school, high school; maybe, older—that we disagree with?”—let’s say: “I’m leaving the faith. I don’t believe, Mom and Dad, what you’ve taught me.” As a parent.” How do we love them in that?

Kathy (15:12):

We love them obediently, and I don’t say that lightly. We’re called to love—we’re called to stand in the trenches with them and to teach the truth—love is true. Let’s look at

1 Corinthians 13. What if we took that out of the wedding ceremony—or leave it there; leave it in the marriage—leave 1 Corinthians 13 in the marriage. But let’s add it to the parenting piece: “Love is enduring; and love is kind; and love is patient, and love is true and tells the truth.”

We say to our kids, “I’m disappointed.” You have a right to your disappointment—I tell this to parents all the time—now, you have to be careful what you say and you, you’re careful how you communicate that you don’t want the kid to be shamed and blamed; and choose to, then, isolate. But you have a right to say, “Whoa; that’s somewhat surprising, given the way that we’re raising you.” And then, I think we earn the right to say: “What makes you think that’s true?” or “Why is that a good idea?”

Or, again, first question, maybe, is: “Why do you think this is good for you?” I can almost guarantee you, Dave, they heard something/they overheard something; they saw something; they experienced someone or something; and they’ve got this idea, up here; and they’re asking—they’re telling you—they could have asked you; but rather than asking you, which gives you authority, they don’t want you to have, they tell you. And then we need to say, “Whoa.” I think, again, you can say that you’re surprised.

Ann (16:28):

It’s okay to say that?

Kathy (16:29):

If you’re raising children with values—and they go against the values, you better be surprised—if your goal, as a mom and a dad, is to raise up children to believe these things. If you have family values—I write in this book, and in other books: “Know your values,”—and don’t assume your kids are going to pick up on them simply because they live with you. Communicate your values: “We are prolife; here’s why….” “We are generous in times of want and plenty; here’s why…”

You have values, and you teach them and model them before your children. If they contradict those values—which, again the Scripture wins: “God’s ways are the right and the best ways; when they go against that, we’re not…”—I think, because the culture’s chaotic, and the liar is loud, I don’t think we should panic or be shocked that that’s happening, even if we feel like we’re doing a really good job, within the walls of our home. So we say, “Oh, boy; that’s surprising. Where did that idea come from? It didn’t come from within the walls of this house.”

And then, again, they might grunt at you that first day; and might not answer that question. But ideally, we hang with them. And if your love is unconditional, you still go out for ice cream; you still do your daddy/daughter donut date.

Ann (17:34):

You’re still acting like you always have; you love them.

Kathy (17:37):

Please, absolutely. If you don’t/if you separate, you’ll have fewer opportunities to influence their becoming-beliefs, if I can put it that way. So let’s recognize—to the parent/grandparent listening—these are hard things. We know that there’s, maybe, some trauma and some fear in that. We don’t want you to parent out of fear. Again, this is why we’re here; it’s why we have the Holy Scripture, which is accurate and much more practical than a lot of people think.

And if I could say one more thing, it would be: “We don’t make it about us,”—in this moment, where, they come to us: “I’m wondering about dropping out of school”; “I was looking up GED is really easy; and then, I can just go be the entrepreneur”; or again, gender, or premarital sex, or something really big and ugly/the hairy spider in the corner—those are really scary things. But we don’t panic; and we still love them, strong, in those moments. We still hang with them.

What if we also said the good things that are still going on? In other words—here, let me go here—they say that they think they might want to change their gender. It’s in the back of your mind and in your prayer corner, if you will. But you still talk about:

“In what ways were you creative today?”

“Hey Brian, we’re raising you to be generous; how were you generous today?”

We still talk about all the other things; because otherwise, all they are is a walking billboard for gender dysfunction; and we don’t want that.

Ann (18:57):

And you’ve written a book about gender.

Kathy (18:59):

We have.

Ann (18:59):

It’s called—

Kathy (19:01):

—Raising Gender-Confident Kids, because we want that. My coauthor is Dr. Jeff Myers, and we’re excited about that book. We wrote that because the confusion is real. We wanted to give a tool to the parents who are really concerned, because we don’t want them parenting out of fear. There is wisdom in these days of confusion.

Dave (19:17):

And you start this book with: “Relationships Rule.”

Kathy (19:20):

Yes.

Dave (19:21):

As a parent, what does that mean; and why is that important?

Kathy (19:24):

Yeah, because they’ve got to know you; and you’ve got to know them. It’s not about performing; it’s about relating. It’s about love and like, and passion, and forgiveness, and accountability; it’s about character, really, in that thing. They’re not going to listen to you if they don’t think you know them. Why would they? There’s a chatbot out there that they think knows them better than a mom—it’s really a frightening thing—or the lyricist of that song that they love.

Ann (19:49):

“They get me.”

Kathy (19:50):

Yeah; “They get me”; exactly. You know what it is?

It’s hanging out; it’s being present, without your phone.

Inviting them to cut the carrots. Even if it takes longer for the salad to be prepared, who cares?

You make the effort to ask one of your sons to go with you on the errands you’re going to run that night, even though you might be an introvert, and you might want the quiet; you might want to listen to a podcast—I get that—but you’re a parent in the moment; and you’ve got only a few moments left. You sacrifice yourself again; and you say, “Hey, come with me to the store. Let’s have some talk-time.”

Ann (20:19):

And I think, too: “Figure out: ‘What are the best ways, and the best times, to get to know your kids?’” I know for us: laying down at night, praying for them; we end up—it could start out with five minutes; it could be an hour—and kids don’t want to sleep when they’re younger. You can lay there for an hour, just talking. And when they get older, it’s a little different; but you’re still so interested.

Dave (20:39):

You get older: it’s food, at the kitchen counter, at midnight.

Ann (20:43):

—and just asking them: “What’s going on?”

I love how practical you get. Is there anything else we can do, as parents, to get to their hearts to really know them? Especially, with a teen, who’s a little more like, “Wait,”—suspicious—like, “Wait; what are you doing?”

Kathy (20:58):

I think us being appropriately vulnerable is valuable, sharing age-appropriate things from your past. Don’t make something about you in the moment; it’s about them. But then, later, you look for the opportunity to talk about, maybe, a vulnerable time in your life: “How did you handle that fear?” and “Who did you go to for wisdom?” “How did you become resilient so that you would bounce back from that difficult situation?” I think that’s cool.

Ann (21:19):

That’s good.

Kathy (21:19):

I think, talking to the children, one-on-one. We have a tendency—at dinner, there’s seven kids at the table—“How was school?” And they go around the table. No kid, in front of the siblings, is going to talk about the fact that they were teased in school; or that they feel like they made a fool of themselves in front of everybody at the whiteboard. So, ideally, we take time for those one-on-one conversations. Bedtime’s huge; they don’t like looking at our faces if they’re going to disappoint us. They tell us that: they don’t want to see your face when they make you mad.

Ann (21:45):

It’s true.

Kathy (21:46):

Right?!—so they like the dark. Even men and women have told me they’re more vulnerable in the dark.

In the same way, I’m going for a walk, and kicking a rock—because they can’t look at you while they’re doing that—it’s easier, especially for boys, to be vulnerable. Boys will always tell you more when they’re busy doing something; they’re more shoulder-to-shoulder communicators. Where women are more eyeball-to-eyeball, with the interrogation at the kitchen table. I think you’re right, Ann, about choosing the right time and the space.

And what if we did open-ended questions?—“What do you want me to know about you today?”—what would they say? I remember doing jury duty, forever ago. There were these two men; and they were in suits and they had the leather briefcases. The courtroom in my city is really in downtown, near all the high-rise buildings. My guess is that they were lawyers—and when we were done, they were going to go—or accountants—and they were going to go to some building.

I watched these two men begin to interact when we were waiting to see if we would be needed. This one guy says, “So what/what’s your life all about?” The guy pulled out pictures, and said, “I’m married to the finest woman in Fort Worth.” And then, “Could I show you my kids? They’re amazing.” And then, the other guy is like, “Oh, my wife is better than yours. And let me show you my kids.” I watched them have a very meaningful, relatively deep conversation about family. I know—if they would’ve said, ”So what do you do for a living?” —they would’ve talked for 20 minutes about being an accountant, or a lawyer, or fill in the blank. But they talked about family, because there was this open-ended opportunity to do so.

(23:09) “What do you want me to know about you? Tell me about your day.” Is it, again, an open-ended question? I love asking kids: “When were you curious today?” “When did you feel hopeful today?” “When did you feel helpless today?” and “How did you handle it?”—asking about their heart; going to that place.

Again, you don’t have to have all the right answers; you don’t have to know what to say when they say, “I was hopeless in this minute.” Then, you say, “Well, how did you handle it?” And God’s going to lead you.

Ann (23:41):

I really love being with Kathy Koch.

Dave (23:43):

I knew you were going to say that; of course, you do.

Ann (23:45):

You guys, it’s like this fire hose of information, that I’m like, “Wait; what’d she say, again?” It’s like I need to listen to that over and over.

Dave (23:52):

I’m like, “I don’t know if I can remember it all.” And neither can you; that’s why you go get the book. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com; click on the link in the show notes and get her book, Start with the Heart; which is, How to Motivate Your Kids to Be Compassionate, Responsible, and Brave (Even When You’re Not Around).

Ann (24:09):

And we’ll have her back on tomorrow, so make sure you’re back with us.

Dave (24:13):

Our financial partners are the heartbeat of this ministry. When you join this monthly giving community, you’re not just donating, you’re building something eternal.

Ann (24:23):

And we’d be so honored to have you on the journey with us; we really would. So here’s the question: “Will you join us today?”

Dave (24:33):

I hope your answer is “Yes”; and if it is, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can click the “Donate” button right there, and become a part of the Monthly Partner Program.

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