145 Physical Intimacy Issues for Stepfamily Couples

Ron: You know, I'm learning more and more about the mind, the brain, how it works, how it all goes together. And here's a couple things that I've learned. We all need to pay attention to what we pay attention to.

Gayla: [Laughter] Okay.

Ron: Think about what you're thinking about. Be aware of where your brain is, what your mindfulness is about, and what you're paying attention to, because those are the things that you're going to move toward and believe more. Most people don't realize that what goes on between our ears has everything to do with how your body then, it brings itself in alignment with that.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: Welcome to the FamilyLife Blended podcast. I'm Ron Deal. We help blended families, and those who love them, pursue the relationships that matter most. Stepfamily author and speaker Gayla Grace is back in the Little Rock FamilyLife Blended studio with me today.

Gayla: Yes. Hello, Ron.

Ron: So good to have you here as always.

Gayla: —good to be here.

Ron: Gayla hosts our monthly live stream on Facebook called Women and Blended Families. It's also on YouTube and Instagram—

Gayla: It is.

Ron: —all kinds of places. What do you love most about hosting that? I'm curious.

Gayla: I think that we talk about a variety of topics. We have a different guest every week and so you get a different perspective on different topics that affect women in blended families.

Ron: Okay, good. So if you're not familiar with that, look it up. And of course all the previous livestreams are now available on YouTube, etc. You can go back there, and you can watch them anytime. It serves you, so if you're not a woman, tell the woman in your life. How about that. [Laughter]

So today we've got a conversation and we're going to talk about sexual pitfalls for blended family couples.

Gayla: We are.

Ron: Yes, that's an important topic, I think.

Gayla: It is an important topic that's not talked about a lot.

Ron: Yes. We're going to jump into that in just a minute, but before we do, let me just remind everyone that our next Summit on Stepfamily Ministry is coming. It's going to be in Dallas, October 10 and 11, 2024. This is the premier blended family ministry equipping conference. If you or your church has been doing or wants to start doing anything to help blended family couples, we want to encourage you. We want to equip you. We want to help you get connected with others, network with others that are doing this same type of ministry in their corner of the world.

So we hope you'll make plans to join us. And if not you, tell somebody in your church to come and be a part of it. Summitonstepfamilies.com is where you can get information. Summitonstepfamilies.com or you can just look in the show notes for a link.

Okay, sex is sex, right? Doesn't matter if it's a first marriage or a third marriage, if you've been divorced or widowed, everything is just the same, right? Well, maybe, but maybe not. For some, at least, I think maybe most, there's something different to be aware of in a blended family sexual relationship. So avoiding those pitfalls in your marriage and keeping your marriage together, that is the topic of our episode today on FamilyLife Blended.

Okay, Gayla, when you're coaching couples, which I know you do a fair amount of—

Gayla: I do.

Ron: —how often does sexuality come up?

Gayla: It comes up, but it comes up more as intimacy. They may not say the word sexuality, but as you listen to them and describe their frustration, you can catch on.
And then as I begin to ask questions, then you can see, “Okay, y'all are talking about sexual intimacy here.”

Ron: That's right.

Gayla: And it takes them a little bit to kind of really broach the subject.

Ron: Hey, you just brought up the word intimacy. I just got a little commentary here for whatever it's worth. This is off script, I know, but— [Laughter] —it just hit me. You know, sometimes when we talk about the subject of sexuality, we call it intimacy. If you're listening to a Christian radio program, they're going to use a word that's maybe a little less offensive to certain people.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: You don't know if children are listening on the radio, that sort of thing, and so we've gotten in the habit of calling it intimacy. But I think it's really important that we not make that assumption because honestly, you can be involved in a sexual relationship and it not be intimate at all.

Gayla: Oh, that is so true.

Ron: They are not synonymous terms. And it's a huge leap to just assume that. That's true in a casual sexual relationship can have very little, if at all, intimacy.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: It's also true in a marriage relationship. People have sex all the time and there's nothing heart connect about it.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: And so I just want to say that up front. We're talking about sexuality here. And we're not going to tiptoe around it. We need to talk about things that are important. We have covered this quite a bit. Later, I'll talk about other episodes where we've had other conversations with Julie Slattery, for example, talking about different aspects of sexuality. But today, we're talking about pitfalls, so let's jump in.

Gayla: Yes, because there are some differences with blended couples, and I think that's what we're trying to address.

Ron: Yes, that's right. So boundaries, for example. Let's just talk about the question of, why boundaries around marriage and sexuality at all? I mean, why did God do that?

Gayla: Yes, He put some protection in place for us and it's a good thing. I mean, He did it with a good intention, but not everybody understands that.

Ron: Yes. You know I've spent a little time thinking about this. Protection is one word, and provision is the other word. I think those are the two things that God is going for with boundaries around sexuality. And those boundaries are every person is responsible for their sexuality; single, married, divorced, widowed, everybody has responsibility to manage that.

One of the other big boundaries is reserving sex for marriage. I think there's some very practical reasons for that. So for example, physical disease, protection from physical disease.

Gayla: Right.

You know how many young girls today, you see the ads on TV, get your daughter vaccinated because she's going to end up with HPV and she's going to spend the rest of her life with a virus. Well, if she listens to God's provision and protection for her, she won't, and he won't.

By the way, you know one of the fastest populations of people getting sexually transmitted diseases in our world today?

Gayla: What?

Ron: Widowed people and divorced people over 60.

Gayla: You are kidding!

Ron: I'm not kidding.

Gayla: Oh my goodness!

Ron: Because you get to a place in life where I guess you assume, “You know, this doesn't apply to me anymore.” No, it does. It very much applies to you.

Gayla: Wow.

Ron: And it's like, listen, God's looking out for you here.

Gayla: Oh, absolutely.

Ron: He wants good things for us and so that's why He did it.

Here's another reason there's protection, protection from unfaithfulness. You know, to say to somebody “You're in charge of your sexuality” because they're single, and as if to say that's not true for married people, it's just not right. Married people need to be in charge of their sexuality as well.

Gayla: Absolutely.

Ron: And so protecting from unfaithfulness to a partner is so significant. Why? Because betrayal hurts. It cuts so deep.

Gayla: Oh, and it leaves big wounds that don't heal easily.

Ron: You know, if you just stop and think about the things that are clear in Scripture about what God says, “I get it, you can divorce.” You know, if you can't reconcile this thing, that's an option for you.

Gayla: Right

Ron: One of those two is unfaithfulness.

Gayla: —is unfaithfulness. It is.

Ron: That says something. God knows how incredibly tragic that is—

Gayla: Right, I agree.

Ron: —to a relationship. He's trying to protect us from that.

Here's another one. God, I think, is trying to help us understand pleasurable things, not as an idol. He wants that to be in perspective.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: And if we at a young age, for example, awaken love—as the way Song of Solomon puts it—too early, then all of a sudden, we're chasing after all of these sexual things that we think are going to fulfill us and satisfy us, and it becomes an idol.

Gayla: Right. Okay, Ron, then let's talk about cohabitation. Because we know that so many couples feel like, “Well, we've got to try this first and see if we're compatible,” and “We've got all these blended family complexities already, and then we don't want this to be another issue over here.”

Ron: And so we'll accommodate ourselves to this “We'll live together” and sex generally comes with that.

Gayla: [Laughter] Yes.

Ron: It kind of does. I mean, you just sort of made that decision too whether you realize it or not. And so what's God trying to protect you from?

Long ago I heard a phrase I've never forgotten. If love is blind—and we all know that it is, right—sex is a blindfold outside of marriage.

Gayla: Oh, wow. I never heard that.

Ron: Let me say that again. If love is blind outside of marriage, like you're falling in love and you kind of overlook all the little frailties about this person—

Gayla: Right.

Ron: —outside of marriage, sex is a blindfold. Inside marriage, sex is a celebration of the covenant and commitment that God has given you.

You can think of sex in marriage as a vow renewal ceremony. “This is my exclusive commitment to you.” It renews and restores the covenant that you have together, and it says, “You exclusively do I share this with,” to another person. That's in effect, a repeating of your wedding vows.

Think about how powerful that is. And it's not just with words, but it's with your body and your mind and your soul. Like this is really big stuff. When you remove it from a covenant relationship, then what are you saying in sex? Well, in part, you're saying, “I'm getting something from you.”

Gayla: Right. That it's all about pleasure. I mean, I feel like that's kind of the message of today; that's the message of society.

Ron: It's selfish in its nature at that point—

Gayla: Right; absolutely.

Ron: —versus selfless within the context of a covenant relationship. That's totally different. And you're sort of putting on blinders to that dynamic and you think you have more in this relationship with a person. The sex makes you think you have more with them than you actually do, and that's what God's trying to protect us from.

Gayla: Right; exactly.

Ron: And that's true if you're 55 or 15. [Laughter] I hate to say it, but it is. It can blind people. I have friends who at this point in their life are just making decisions. It's sort of like they thought, “Well, I played it by God's rules early on and look what it got me,” and sort of in that bitterness they're just saying, “I'm going to do what I want to do.”

Gayla: Right.

Ron: And I'm like, “I see what it's going to get you.”

Gayla: And you, kind of, I guess, feel that you're immune to things now as you've gotten older and you played by the rules and now, you're like, “I'm not going to play by the rules anymore.”

Ron: Yes.

Gayla: I'm in charge of my own life here.

Ron: So God's trying to protect us. He's also trying to provide for us. Think about that; what is He providing? A climate where there can be trust, and emotional safety. It's in a committed environment. Look, if you're going to strive to even get close to naked and unashamed, you better be in an environment that says, “You're protected here.”

Gayla: And where you feel safe. I think that's a really important word. It's emotional safety that we're talking about because you're sharing a piece of you that is meant for just one other person.

Ron: Yes, yes; and we've already mentioned, I think the other thing He's providing for us is that celebration of our oneness, togetherness, exclusivity, fidelity, all of which is like a vow renewal and restores.

Gayla: Yes, it's interesting to think about it that way, as a vow renewal. It's just a different perspective.

Ron: So is God just a killjoy and is He just up there going, “Yes, I'm going to figure out a way to really make you guys feel terrible about it.” No! He's looking out for us. He has created a system in which we can honor one another and celebrate and enjoy and have pleasure, not pain. And there's boundaries around it in order to make that happen.

Gayla: Yes, but you know, if you've read the Song of Solomon, you can see that it's not Him being a killjoy. I mean, obviously there is a piece of it that is very precious and dear and special.

Ron: Absolutely. Okay, so even with that provision and protection, and we strive to respect those boundaries and live accordingly, there's still going to be a few challenges.
We've outlined a few.

Gayla: There are. [Laughter]

Ron: Here's the first one I've thought of: insecurity and fear. There's a lot of reasons people don't feel good about themselves. Sometimes it has to do with a previous relationship.

Gayla: Right. I agree.

Ron: It sort of lingers and carries in. We've had other episodes where you and I were talking about ghosts of marriage past, for example. I think that's a really important concept, especially when it relates to what happens in the bedroom.

So if you're kind of living with old messages of, “You're not good enough,” “You're not pretty enough,” “You weren't handsome enough;” if you've ever had a previous spouse say critical things of you as it relates to sexuality or romance and you know, that can linger—

Gayla: It can.

Ron: —and it carries in, and it sticks in your brain and you're wondering how now this person—

Gayla: Exactly.

Ron: —is feeling about you.

Gayla: I also think sometimes there's confusion about, “Well, what if I'm still thinking about sex with my former spouse when we're in the bedroom? Does that mean that I'm still wanting that?” No, I think it just, you know, we can't always control the thoughts that come into our mind, but we can control what we do with them, whether we dispel them, whether we just recognize, “Oh, that just is a natural happening.” And so I think we just need to recognize it for what it is. It may not mean anything at all. It may just be something that flicks in and you need to flick it out.

Ron: Yes, is that one of those “take every thought captive” moments?

Gayla: Yes, absolutely, yes.

Ron: Yes, and so you would just try to recognize it, realize what it is. It's a memory—

Gayla: Right.

Ron: —of a previous sexual relationship.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: But you're not going to entertain it.

Gayla: Do anything with it, yes.

Ron: Right. So you're just going to try to get rid of it.

And by the way, we're going to come back to this, I think a little bit later, but I'll just mention now one of the things that is helpful. You don't just tell thoughts to go away.
You have to replace it with something, right? And so attunement, we're going to talk about, is when you really, really put yourself in the moment and receive the moment, the now, and when you start focusing your attention on us and whatever's happening in this particular moment, that's partly how you dismiss any other thoughts.

Gayla: But it starts with just recognizing “This is a thought that's come in, and now I need to do something about it.”

Ron: That's exactly right. That's exactly right.

You know, I'm learning more and more about the mind, the brain, how it works, how it all goes together. And here's a couple things that I've learned. We all need to pay attention to what we pay attention to.

Gayla: [Laughter] Okay.

Ron: Okay? In other words, as you walk around life, as you do relationship, if I could say it that way, as you think about your sex life, for example, or when you're engaging in sexuality, think about what you're thinking about. Be aware of where your brain is, what your mindfulness is about, and what you're paying attention to, because those are the things that you're going to move toward and believe more. Did you know that what you pay attention to gets stronger in your brain? So I'm thinking of somebody right now that I know that watches the news all the time, like 24/7 cable news.

Gayla: Oh, that’s depressing.

Ron: Exactly; that's the point. This person is depressed and anxious and the world is a horrible place to be.

Gayla: [Laughter] Well, it is.

Ron: Because that's what you fill your mind with.

Gayla: Exactly.

Ron: And all of that gets stronger and stronger. You can't turn down your anxiety unless you're not thinking about things that make you anxious.

Gayla: Yes, you're feeding it in those situations.

Ron: That's right. You've got to pay attention to that kind of thing. If you're worried that, you know, I guess for you it would be your ex-wife in law. Like if your husband's ex-wife—

Gayla: Right.

Ron: If you're sitting there going, “You know, she's a whole lot prettier than me and she has fabulous hair. Man, I wish I had that hair.” [Laughter] You know, she's whatever, skinnier, whatever, you know, all those little things that women do to compare themselves.

Gayla: Right; right.

Ron: And then you go, “But that's not me so there's no way”—this is what that adds up to—“Randy can't be happy with me in our sex life.” That is a thought that will create anxiety in your heart.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: That comparison will live on and that thought gets bigger and stronger and guess what? Most people don't realize what goes on between our ears has everything to do with how your body then it brings itself in alignment with that.

Gayla: Right. Yes, and you know, I want to say something to the guys here because I think this is really important because of how it affects women. It has to do with what you say to your wife and affirming her and just, just about life, not just about sex life, but just in general, letting her know she's important to you. She's special to you. That goes a long way then in regard to what happens in the bedroom.

Randy has done a great job of that from day one of our marriage and it really carries over into every aspect of life. So just take that to heart, guys.

Ron: Yes, absolutely. By the way, guys, the number one—you talk about brakes and accelerators in sexuality, things that move us forward, accelerate sexual desire and interest and your body warming up to arousal. Or brakes are things that slow it down. You know, here's a brake: a two-year-old runs in your bedroom. Everybody just knows, that's a brake. Like, everything is stopping.

Gayla: [Laughter] Or a ten-year-old or a fourteen-year-old. I mean—

Ron: No matter how old they are. Grandma runs in, same thing's going to happen.

Gayla: Oh my gosh. [Laughter]

Ron: Okay, so those are brakes, and you get that. Well, for women, the number one brake is body image.

Gayla: I believe it, yes.

Ron: And so if I don't think or feel pretty, if I don't think you think that I'm pretty, attractive, then it's really hard for me to get into a place where I have energy for our sexuality.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: By the way, the number one brake for men is stress.

Gayla: Oh, I believe it. Oh, I can believe that.

Ron: Work stress, right? It could be totally different. Financial stress—

Gayla: Sure, yes.

Ron: Your mother's driving you nuts, whatever that is.

Gayla: Right, or your stepchild.

Ron: Exactly. I mean, that stuff causes erectile dysfunction for men, if at significant levels. Because your body falls in line with all of that and same thing. So, yes, attending to that in your wife and speaking words of kindness and encouragement to her about body image is helpful.

Now, here's the thing. Ladies, you got to believe us.

Gayla: You have to accept it; that's the thing, right.

Ron: So it's helping your mind. See, pay attention to what you pay attention to.
If he says, “You're so beautiful” and you say, “Oh, no, I'm not,”—

Gayla: Right.

Ron: —then what are you paying attention to?

Gayla: Even if you're saying it in your head; you're not saying it out loud.

Ron: Exactly.

Gayla: You're still talking to yourself.

Ron: You minimize and discount that. That's a difficulty. And at the end of the day, what we're saying, this is a pitfall, not just because this is a problem for all people, and it is, but in particular, if you've had previous sexual partner, you've been married before, or the other person has, now it's a comparison. Now you're less than, and it's not really healthy.

Here's another one that kind of falls into the comparison trap, and that's unlearning the old rhythms of your sexual practice and habits and behaviors and learning the new rhythms of now. You know, you can imagine one partner suggesting something and the other partner saying, “Where'd you learn that?”

Gayla: [Laughter] Oh, and they're automatically thinking, “Oh, that was from the past.”

Ron: Exactly.

Gayla: Yes.

Ron: So now I'm supposed to be like him or her, your previous partner and now there's comparison again, right? I think it's natural for people to just say, “Yes, drawing from what I think or know or have experienced in the past, or just what I've wondered about, here's a thought or a suggestion I have for our sex life.” Again, pay attention to what you pay attention to.

Gayla: Yes, but also communicate about what your desires are in this marriage.

Ron: That's right. Keep it focused on the now.

Gayla: I know that's awkward, and it requires us to be vulnerable, which is hard, but are we going to step into that in order to enjoy what's going to come as a result of it?

Ron: I totally agree. Again, this is all between your ears. It is something that we have to take captive. I do think one of the traps of this is I need you, partner, to say something, do something, act in a certain way, that will help me not feel insecure; that will help me not be anxious; that will help me not do comparison. Yes, okay, it's a both, and.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: Like, we got to try to speak kindness to one another and be encouraging of one another and at the same time, you have to manage any of those fears or anxieties that pop into your mind. They can't kind of make them all go away. You have some responsibility in that.

Gayla: Yes, and they can't be mind readers either. So just because, as you said, you got into habits and ways that worked in a previous marriage, it doesn't mean that that's just going to automatically take place in this marriage.

Ron: Right. You said mind readers. Okay, I got a question for all you mind readers out there.

Okay, you'll get that a little bit.

Gayla: [Laughter] Oh, gee, I get it, Ron.

Ron: Here's another comparison. Sexual experiences will occasionally pass through your mind. You brought that up earlier.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: You know, again, that's not horrible. That doesn't equal lust.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: The biblical idea of lust is entertaining it, holding that thought and beginning to formulate a plan around how you can make it become reality. There is an intent to act on it, whether you actually physically take that motivation forward or not. So a passing thought is a passing thought.

Gayla: Right, a passing thought.

Ron: Take it captive, get attuned into the now, zero in on this person and what's happening here, and try to trust that your partner's doing that while you're doing that at the same time.

Gayla: Yes, absolutely.

Ron: Yes.

Okay, stress. We talked a little bit about that and how it's a big sexual brake, especially for men. It is for women as well.

Gayla: It can be.

Ron: It's just number one for men.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: Yes, even the stress over blending.

Gayla: Oh, goodness, yes, especially the stepchild, those relationships; because then you can turn on it and, you know, “Well, it's your fault.” And then if it's their fault, then also “It's your fault that we can't get this sex thing right,” and it just becomes a spiral.

Ron: I can totally see that. I can see somebody saying, “You don't back me up with your kids.”

Gayla: Right.

Ron: And they're having that, you know, stereotypical parent-stepparent conflict over children and parenting. And it's like, “So you don't back me, so you're not on my side,” and “If you're not on my side, why would I want to give myself?”

Gayla: Exactly; right.

Ron: And that happens in about a nanosecond, I think.

Gayla: Oh my goodness. [Laughter]

Ron: I mean, that happens—

Gayla: And can happen every day if we don't take control of it.

Ron: And really what we just said is that's a stressor.

Gayla: Yes, it is.

Ron: Stress is a brake.

Gayla: —a huge stressor. And it's very personal in this relationship with our spouse.

Ron: Absolutely.

Let's talk a little bit more about attunement, okay. I've got an illustration. One time Nan and I did a presentation in front of an audience, and we've done a little ballroom dancing in our time.

Gayla: [Laughter] I've heard that.

Ron: Yes, took some lessons.

Gayla: Are you good at it?

Ron: Well, I wouldn't say I'm great at it, but yes, I mean, I'm okay. I'm pretty good.

Gayla: Okay, that's fun.

Ron: Yes, and so we did—we started dancing in front of people.

Gayla: —on stage?

Ron: —on stage; we did. It was kind of fun. And here's the point. I learned in going through ballroom dancing lessons that looking at your feet is not a good idea—

Gayla: Right; I’ve heard that.

Ron: —which is what I want to do because I’ve got two left feet. So I really had to think [Laughter] and process “Now what am I supposed to do, when and how? And I'm supposed to hold her hand and do what now?” And like, there's a lot to ballroom dancing and in the beginning, you do; you look at your feet. You're so focused on what you're trying to do. It's like learning how to drive a car. You know, now you get in a car, and you do the turn signal and the steering wheel and the windshield wipers—

Gayla: And it’s just automatic.

Ron: and the radio and you're just sort of moving and having a conversation with somebody in the car and it just happens all the time. But you couldn't do that—

Gayla: No.

Ron: —if you were looking at your feet, so to speak. [Laughter] So some of us, when we get into the bedroom, we're looking at our feet all the time. We are wondering if I'm doing the right thing, “Does he think I'm pretty?”

Gayla: Right.

Ron: You know, “What if she is a little bit disappointed with—did I move too fast? Did I do this out of order? Did I”—and what are we doing? We're orchestrating our movements as if that's the dance. That is not the dance. The dance is, and yes, you do have to sort of practice, if I can say it that way. You do have to learn some steps.

Gayla: I agree; I totally agree.

Ron: But at the end of the day, here's the goal. The end of the day, the goal is dancing. And dancing is looking into the eyes of this other person and sort of getting lost in them while you move around the dance floor. That's ultimate attunement in the moment.

Gayla: Yes. And you know, another word that comes to mind for me is connecting—

Ron: Yes.

Gayla: —because it is. It's a deeper connection than you can find in any other part of married life.

Ron: Yes, yes, absolutely. And when you're connecting and tuning in to them, this moment, what it means, your heart expression, it's sort of like if my sexual behavior had words on it and I was trying to communicate, “I love you,” what would I do? That pulls you into the moment, and really, that's where connection starts to take place.

Gayla: Right.

Ron: And ironically, that's where intimacy begins to be born, because you're not looking at your feet.

Gayla: Yes, right.

Ron: Just a quick word; I just have to throw this in there. Pornography teaches us to look at our feet.

Gayla: Oh, goodness, yes.

Ron: It is all about mechanics. It's all about achieving some goal.

Gayla: It's all about us. It's a very selfish act.

Ron: You're not tuning into the person or the moment. You're tuning into what you're getting out of it—

Gayla: Right.

Ron: —or something that you're trying to achieve or accomplish. You know, all of that makes you look at your feet and it really just steals everything that you have to do. I think that tuning in is ultimately how you move past your past or the other person's past—

Gayla: Right.

Ron: —and invite them into this moment with you. I kind of think that's that vow renewal moment because I was scared to death when I got married. I was standing up; I was shaking in my boots. [Laughter] But at the same time, I was sort of lost in Nan's eyes and realizing, “This is a big moment,” and “I am committing myself, and she is doing the same, and God is meeting us here.” And that's the point.

Gayla: Well, yes, and as we invite God in, I think we can even pray about our sexual life—

Ron: Yes.

Gayla: —and know that that can be a part of it. I mean, we pray about everything. Why can't we also pray about that?

Ron: Yes, yes, pray before, during, and after.

Gayla: [Laughter] I don't know. I don't know. I'm not going to get into specifics on this.

Ron: You know, it's funny I mentioned that; we laugh about it. That kind of taps into, “Wow, I don't know, praying while naked with somebody.” Now that sounds intimate, both vertically—

Gayla: Right.

Ron: —and horizontally, which is probably why we sometimes think it sounds weird and uncomfortable because there is something inherently intimate about it. It demands something of us to be okay and comfortable in our own skin while we share that with God and with another person that we've committed ourselves to.

Gayla: Well, yes, I mean, I'm sure you've seen that triangle where you know you put the two people at the bottom and you put God at the top, and the closer you are to God then the closer your relationship comes together. It applies to everything in marriage.

Ron: Prayer's quite a picture of that. It really is.

Gayla: Yes, absolutely.

Ron: We hope this has been a good conversation for all of you. If you want to learn more about the subject, pick up a copy of The Smart Stepfamily Marriage. I talk some; I got a whole chapter in there about sexuality in stepfamily relationships. We have a number of other podcasts, as I mentioned earlier, on this subject. Number 30, Re-sex: The Challenges of Sex for Blended Family Couples. Number 66, A Healthy Sex Life: What Couples Should Know. Both of those were with Dr. Julie Slattery.

Gayla: Yes, and they're very good; absolutely.

Ron: And she has an amazing podcast. We always recommend her. And I did a lesson called God's Purpose and Intent for Sexuality. That was episode 131. So again, there's more stuff available to you, all for free, on the FamilyLife Blended podcast.

If you're looking for my speaking schedule, by the way, or a live stream, just go to smartstepfamilies.com and click events. One of those upcoming events is our Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. Again, that's October 10 and 11, 2024 in Dallas. We want to help your church lower the re-divorce rate in your community so sign up today, tell somebody about it. We'd love to have a representative from your local congregation to be a part of that.

Okay, next time Gayla and I are going to be talking about stepparenting dynamics that cause marital problems. You don't want to miss that so make sure you are subscribed to this podcast, either on your smartphone or through YouTube.

I'm Ron Deal, thanks for listening or watching. And thank you to our production team and donors who make this podcast possible.

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