Are You Setting Goals in Marriage—or Just Reacting to Life? Luke Middendorf

Episode Transcript

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Are You Setting Goals in Marriage or Just Reacting to Life?

Guest:Luke Middendorf

From the series:Are You Setting Goals in Marriage or Just Reacting to Life?

(Day 1 of 1)

Air date:March 18, 2026

Luke (00:04):

We’re called to take courage in the journey God’s given us. And how can we take courage in this life when we live in a broken world, when the culture is attacking marriages and families? It’s pretty simple; and yet, really hard to do. We take courage because we know who we are; we know where we’re going.

Dave (00:33):

Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Dave Wilson.

Ann (00:39):

And I’m Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Ann: We have our new President of FamilyLife, Luke Middendorf with us, as we’re going to listen to a talk that he gave on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise.

Dave (01:01):

Yeah, we’re out on the boat today—this is Cruise Week—you’re going to hear, later, how you can sign up for next year’s cruise. [This week,] you’re getting to hear talks that were given on the Love Like You Mean It cruise ship. And this is our new President, Luke Middendorf. He’s been in the role just over a year. In fact, it’s a year, this week, when he was on the boat. And man, he casts some real vision for who he is, and who FamilyLife is, and where we’re going. So you’re going to enjoy today.

[Cruise Message]

Luke (01:35):

Good morning, Love Like You Mean It cruise. Kristina and I were reflecting recently on where our family was just a year ago, January 2025. Really, there was a lot of normalcy in our lives, back in January 2025, just over a year ago. Here’s the thing: there was one big thing that happened January 2025 that was very different, very not-normal. I hopped on a flight, in the middle of January 2025, for a final in-person interview for the role of President and CEO at FamilyLife. That interview—and a video call that came shortly after, where I was offered the position by our Board and by Cru leadership—changed everything for our family. This exact week, one year ago, we were eagerly awaiting the Board to announce their decision to all of FamilyLife. It was going to be the week after the 2025 Love Like You Mean It cruise.

(02:44) What a whirlwind. By March 2025, we had already ended our time, serving with Athletes in Action. We were starting to lead this ministry called FamilyLife. We got our home ready to go on the market in Minnesota. By June, our kids had finished school at the school that they loved and teachers that we were invested with. We purchased a new home in Orlando in June, right near the FamilyLife headquarters in Orlando; and we packed up and were moving across the country. That’s a lot of change.

(03:22) Looking back to January 2025, we did not really know what the year would hold until we got that call, saying, “The Board has unanimously chosen you as our next leader.” We didn’t know. What God had called us to was walking by faith, step by step, and trusting Him in the journey. In so many ways, 2025 was not what we were expecting—2025 started—and the Lord carried us to a new job, new city, new school, new church, Love Like You Mean It cruise.

Here we are with you in 2026. One year ago, we were awaiting the announcement that would change the trajectory of our lives. Here’s one thing I know to be true of our family; and it’s true of yours, as well. I believe the Lord brings change to us as an opportunity to step out of our comfort zone and depend on Him even more.

(04:26) Well, speaking of change, since moving to Florida last summer, we get a question almost every time we meet someone new; they say, “Do you miss the weather?” Or they maybe make a statement, “I bet you don’t miss the weather in the Midwest.” Kristina and I certainly don’t miss the frostbite on our faces when I’m shoveling snow.

One thing we did miss was the change from summer season to fall. In Florida, the palm trees don’t change; they kind of stay the same. The temps did not drop in September; there were no chilly nights for our family and friends, huddled around a good old-fashioned bonfire. We really miss the changing from summer to fall, putting on your jeans and your sweatshirt, being cozy together, and seeing those leaves change from green to beautiful colors. We really miss that in the fall.

(05:31) I think that’s why this analogy we heard a few months ago, from pastor and author John Piper, really resonated with us at the time. Pastor Piper was talking about the concept of fallen leaves, which we found out in Florida, where we live—actually, a week ago, we were sitting outside, having dinner—and there were leaves falling in February in Orlando instead of October. Pastor Piper, in this analogy, shared about how fallen leaves, when they’re coming down, move aimlessly around the yard. These leaves are tossed back and forth, to and fro, not because they choose to; but because of the winds of that day. He said that fallen leaves get caught up in fences; they get stuck. Fallen leaves get trampled under your feet.

(06:22) The thing about fallen leaves is that they are full of motion, but they’re also empty of life. In contrast, people of God, FamilyLife Love Like You Mean It cruise, we are designed by God to live with purpose, to live with a sense of direction, to be full of abundant life in the power of the Holy Spirit, to be intentional with how we invest the days of our lives that God gives us. God designed each and every one of us to have an aim, to have a target, to focus on something significant. And I don’t mean significant by how the world defines it; I’m talking about significance God’s way. God’s good intention for each and every one of you is to develop into a joyful marriage on mission; a family on mission; a community of families, on mission, together.

(07:13) If I were to ask you, if we were sitting across the table tonight, and I said, “Tell me about 2026; what’s the aim for your marriage?” Would you have an answer? I think if Kristina and I were honest, in January 2025, we didn’t really know. Maybe, you feel like your days are full of motion, but also empty of life. Well, in the New Testament, the Apostle Paul regularly wrote about followers of Jesus having an aim and living with a purpose. For example, 2 Corinthians 8, Chapter 21, Paul writes, “For we aim at what is honorable, not only in the Lord’s sight, but also in the sight of man.” Paul also writes in

2 Timothy 2, verse 4: “No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits since his aim is to please the One who enlisted him.”

(08:36) Well, this morning, we’re going to take a little bit of a closer look at what Paul writes to the church in Corinth in 2 Corinthians 5. Paul’s call for the Corinthian church, and for your marriage today, is to live in the world, but not of the world—to engage with our calling and our mission—and at the same time, long for our true eternal home with Christ in glory. This is a holy calling meant for the Corinthian church in the First Century and for your marriage and family today, wherever you live.

If you have your Bible, you can open up to 2 Corinthians, Chapter 5, starting in verse 6: “So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body, we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage. We would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him, for we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.”

(10:01) A few reflections on 2 Corinthians, Chapter 5. Earlier in Chapter 5—a few verses earlier—Paul calls this current reality that the Corinthians were living in—“this earthly tent”:

Living in our bodies that are decaying and passing away. He also normalizes the emotions that many of us feel in our earthly tent; he talks about feeling burdened, groaning, because this is not our true home.

Secondly, Paul reminds believers that, until we see God face to face, right now, what we’re called to do is to walk by faith, not by sight. We’re called to take courage in the journey God’s given us. How can we take courage in this life, when we live in a broken world, when the culture is attacking marriages and families? How do we take courage? How do Kristina and I take courage in this year of change? It’s pretty simple; and yet, really hard to do. We take courage because we know who we are; we know where we’re going.

(11:04)

Third, Paul reminds the church that, no matter what the circumstances hold, we have a goal. We are not fallen leaves, full of motion, but empty of life. As believers—as followers of Jesus—we have a goal; we have an aim. Paul says our core purpose is to please Him. Here’s what this also means: our primary purpose is not to please others; your primary purpose is not to please your spouse; your primary purpose is not to please your kids, or your grandkids, or your boss, your pastor, or your small group, or that lady that really annoys you at your local church. Your purpose/your aim is to please Him.

(12:19) I just want to name something, as you think about those two words, please Him. It can feel like a burden. If I’m honest, when I first read it, as I was preparing this devotional, “That’s weighty. How do I know if I’m doing well or not?” The Holy Spirit, through the Word of God, just reminded me of a simple truth. I want you to hear this closely, FamilyLife friends: the good news of the gospel this morning is that, if you have received Christ into your life, Christ lives in you. Christ has given you His righteousness. Your sins have been cast as far as the east is from the west. If you are in Christ, when the Father gazes at you—here’s the good news—“He is already pleased.” Just take that in for a moment. Yes, our goal is to please Him; and in Christ, He’s already pleased. Just like He said, “I’m well-pleased with my beloved Son,”—at Jesus’ baptism in the Jordan River—when the Father looks at you, He sees Christ; and He’s well-pleased.

(13:32) And if, at any time this week, you have not yet received Christ into your life, find a friend who does know Him; find someone with a lanyard; talk to Kristina and me. We’d love to help you get to know this Jesus. The good news of the gospel this morning is our heavenly Father delights in us—not because of what we’ve done for Him, not because of our ability to endure change and hardship—but He delights in us because of what Christ has done for us.

Lastly, Paul reminds the church, in this passage, that our aim—not only matters for this lifetime—but it actually matters for all of eternity. Paul talks about this concept, this picture of the judgment seat of Christ. When we think about the judgment seat of Christ, it creates a holy fear; it should in some ways. It gives weight to the decisions we make—to our actions each and every day—each and every year that passes.

(14:30) Now, I want to make this clear: the judgment seat of Christ that Paul’s talking about is not a second judgment for your salvation. If you’re in Christ, you are saved; you are secure in Him. Jesus already took your condemnation on the cross.

This judgment seat of Christ, that Paul talks about, refers to stewardship. It refers to God giving accountability for what He has entrusted to us. Think about the parable of the talents. This is a stewardship for what we’ve done with our lives on earth. Friends, God did not create human beings, in His image, to be aimless. God is not aimless—He’s also not hurried or stressed—He’s purposeful. He has a good plan—for your marriage and your family—to have a mission, to have an aim, to have a purpose. If you remember one thing from this morning:

And the Your purpose, primarily, is to please Him.

good news is that He’s already pleased.

[Studio]

Ann (15:28):

You’re listening to FamilyLife Today. We’re listening to Luke Middendorf, our new President, who’s not really new anymore.

Dave (15:36):

No, he’s been in the saddle for a year; and this was the talk he gave on the cruise, which is great stuff. We’ll tell you a little bit later how you can sign up for next year’s cruise; but you’re only halfway through, so let’s jump back in and hear the rest of Luke’s talk.

[Cruise Message]

Luke (15:49):

Well, as Kristina and I reflected more about this year, last year we felt like we were just carried by God’s grace into this new reality. As the calendar turned over to 2026, we realized: “We have a decision to make. What do we want our 2026 to look like? What do we want to be true, as the calendar turns to 2027?” As we talked more about what we wanted our aim, or our aims, to be for 2026, there’s a few principles that rose to the surface that I want to share with you this morning.

Principle number one to discover your aim for this year is: “Begin with gratitude.” “Begin with gratitude.” It’s so helpful, when you’re planning and you’re strategizing, to not just go to problem-solving mode first; but to step back, and think about: “What has God already provided for me?” Gratitude helps, in our minds, release this joy, this kind of relational joy that gets our brains engaged in a new way.

(16:52) And when we’re experiencing joy, we look at the problems in front of us in a whole new way. Kristina and I reflected on some of the things we were grateful for in 2025; it’s lengthy. I do not have the time to go through all of them today, but a few highlights:

We sold our house; praise God!

We were able to buy a new house.

We have a new school that our children love, and they’re thriving.

We have a great team around us at FamilyLife.

God provided for us, financially, in our transition.

Those are just a few things, and there’s many more. As you think about your aim, begin with gratitude.

(17:41)

Number two—the second principle—”Name your needs,” “Name your needs.” When I say, “needs,” what I’m referring to is your brokenness, your longings, your desires; and sometimes, your own gaps, areas where you need to grow. Some categories you might think about for your needs is:

Maybe, there’s something God’s calling you to do to reengage with your relationship with God.

Maybe, there’s something this week that surfaced for personal growth; or relational growth with someone in your life—hopefully, your spouse—maybe, a friend, someone at church.

Maybe, there’s a need you have to reconnect with your kids, or your grandkids, in a new way.

Maybe, there’s a need that you’re seeing in your community, that God actually wants to use you to help meet that need.

Maybe, there’s something about getting involved in your church in a new way.

Maybe, God’s calling you to become a marriage on mission together.

For us, as we reflected on 2025, all the things we were grateful for, and the needs that we had this year, a big need that surfaced, right away, was a need for deeper friendships for us in our new city.

(18:57) The second thing that surfaced for us, as a need, was we actually needed to invest more in our marriage this year. Yes, I’m telling you: the couple who leads FamilyLife needs to invest in their marriage. We are growing with you. We invested so much in our kids, helping them transition well, we realized: “We need to recalibrate some of our rhythms of connecting as a couple in 2026.”

(19:24)

Okay; third principle to discern your aim is to: “Discern in community.” Don’t try to find your aim all by yourself, just you and God in your quiet time. Bring in trusted people who can speak into your life.

Fourth, and last principle, I want to share with you is: “Take the next step,” “Take the next step.” Don’t get stuck because your goal or your aim is too big or the vision is too far away. Don’t live in shame, thinking: “We could never do that,” or “We could never get there.” Just start with something. Take a first step; and then, take the next step.

(20:27) As I’ve been connecting, in my first year in this role, with our founder, Dennis Rainey, he often shares with me this quote when we meet. He says, in his Dennis-way, “Almighty God can bless a decision; He can’t bless indecision.” I love it when he shares that: “Almighty God can bless a decision; He can’t bless indecision.” So just take a step; and then, the next step; and do it in community with others. Remember that God’s Word is your compass; it’s your guide to lead you in the direction He wants you to go. The Holy Spirit is your power to equip you with what you need to do what God’s calling you to do.

So what’s our first step this year? What have we been working on, as a marriage and as a family? We just have two simple goals, and both have to do with these relational needs that surfaced in our lives this past year. Again, the first is invest in new friendships, invest in gospel community. Our simple thing we’re trying to do, when we meet someone new at our kids’ school or church, is we think about this picture of: drop a line in the water and see who bites. So maybe, share something a little bit vulnerable, something you’re struggling with, and see who asks a follow-up question. God desires our family to live in gospel community; and He desires that for you, too.

What’s the next step for our marriage, to invest there, to grow in our oneness? We have to find some creative ways to get date time together. In our family, back in the Midwest, we had a number of options for babysitting each and every week. In this season, we’re having to rebuild that network; so we’re seeking to do some day-dates together. We’re seeking to have more check-ins during the week so that we’re up-to-date with each other; and really to spend special time, when we get it, for extended periods of time like this on the cruise.

(22:30) As we wrap up this morning, I want to give you an activity to consider on a date experience you might have; or if you go off the island today, take a few minutes with your spouse, and begin to process: “What’s your aim for the rest of 2026?” It’s coming back to the principle that God has designed you/designed your marriage to live with intention, to live with purpose, to have an aim. Remember to begin with gratitude; to name your needs; to discern in community; and then, to take the first step. It is so encouraging to think what God will do in your marriage, in your family, in your community, and all across the world for His glory.

[Studio]

Dave (23:04):

Well, this is FamilyLife Today; and that was Luke Middendorf’s talk on the Love Like You Mean It cruise in 2026. And guess what? We’re going back on the boat in 2027.

Ann (23:16):

You can join us; we really hope that you’ll join us. Next year, the dates are

February 13-20. We’re going to be on the MSC ship again, the Grandiosa, which sounds pretty incredible.

Dave (23:28):

It means they got water slides, and pools, and hot tubs; and amazing rooms, food, speakers, bands, comedians, sunshine; bring your sun screen. Anyway, it is a great, great week that you don’t want to miss.

Ann (23:46):

And there’s so many great talks, devotionals, worship on the cruise. You can do all of it, or you can just pick and choose what you want to do—you can stay in your room, or stay on the deck—but this is a time that allows you and your spouse to really connect to each other and, also, connect to God. You’ll have some space to talk through it. And look, you have a whole year to get a sitter for your kids.

Dave (24:11):

Yeah; so why not join us? You can save, now through March 31st; just click on the banner at FamilyLifeToday.com to learn more and to sign up on our Cruise Madness Sale. I hope you’re with us next year; you don’t want to miss this one.

Ann (24:27):

And this sale ends on March 31st, so go to it; get it done.

And join us tomorrow as we have Chris and Yodit Brooks, who are friends of ours. This is a message that they gave on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. See you tomorrow.

Dave: FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife®, a Cru® Ministry.

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