Building a Marriage That Lasts Through Vulnerability, Faith, and the Power of Shared Struggles – Love Like You Mean It Cruise 2025

Episode Transcript

FamilyLife Today® with Dave and Ann Wilson – Web Version Transcript

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Building a Marriage That Lasts Through Vulnerability, Faith, and the Power of Shared Struggles

Guests:Dave and Ann Wilson

From the series:Love Like You Mean It 2025 (Day 5 of 5)

Air date:March 14, 2025

Dave:God wants to use your struggle—and you can’t hide it. You got to share it—to help other marriages that struggle. That’s what they’re going to connect with your struggle, but you don’t leave them there. The struggle is the connection and then you take them where you found life and victory, vertical.

Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Dave Wilson.

Ann:And I’m Ann Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Dave:Alright, we’re Dave and Ann Wilson and this is FamilyLife Today, and sort of a special day. We’re going to let you listen to a message that we did on the FamilyLife Love Like You Mean It® cruise this past February. Actually, we just got off the boat.

Ann:And it was fantastic. We want to—

Dave:No, I’m not saying we were fantastic. It sounded like you’re saying we’re fantastic. The cruise was fantastic.

Ann:Yeah, I don’t know what we were, but the cruise was fantastic. We would love you to join us next year, February 14th through the 21st of 2026. We are going to be on a brand-new ship that was just, has it even been finished?

Dave:Not finished yet. It’s going to be state of the art. And one of the good things is this year, the cruise is a week after the Super Bowl. We were actually on the boat this year; the Super Bowl was happening on Sunday. If the Detroit Lions would’ve been in the Super Bowl, I would’ve been there a day later, I’m telling you right now. But we were there. But this next year you get to watch Super Bowl at home and then join us on the cruise.

And let me tell you, this month of March is your best deal you’re ever going to get to book the cruise, and so we’re telling you right now, book it today. Here’s how you can do it. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign up there or call us at 1-800-358-6329. That’s “F” as in Family, “L” as in Life, and the word “TODAY.”

You get to hear the last message given on the boat. We gave this message on Friday, and it was really a sendoff for all of us cruisers to take what God’s done in our marriages to impact other marriages.

[Recorded Message]

Ann:So several years ago I was diagnosed with melanoma. It was super scary. I ended up, this is very traumatic for us, but I got to go down to Ohio to the James Cancer Center for a consultation, and they said, “We want you to drive down here. We’re going to do this consultation.” And I told Dave about it, and I said, “Do you want to go?” And I said, “You don’t have to go because”—

Dave:There it is. “You don’t have to go.”

Ann:“You don’t have to go.”

Dave:“I can do this by myself.”

Ann:“It’s just a consultation. It’s no big deal. I’ll just drive down, back. It’ll be fine.” And he says—

Dave:Don’t do this. I’m so embarrassed. But I actually said, “So they’re not going to do the surgery. It’s just a consult.” “Yeah, they’re going to do surgery later if they need to do it.” I said, “Well, I do have a softball game that day.”

Ann:A senior softball game.

Dave:Did you have to add the senior part?

Ann:And I said—

Dave:We can’t even run, but we can hit and field. Trust me.

Ann:I said, “That’s fine, no big deal.” So I go down there, have the consult. They said, “Hey Ann, we’d love to do the surgery as soon as possible. Can we do it today?” And I said, “Absolutely.” So I text Dave. I don’t think you picked up.

Dave:I didn’t get the text. I was turning double plays. Come on.

Ann:So I have the surgery. And my brother who lived right there said, “Hey, Jenny and I, my wife and I want to have lunch with you.” So I go to lunch right after the surgery and he said, “Can I see it?” And I said, “Yeah, they glued it, and it had a clear tape on it.” So I lifted my arm and he’s like, “Ann, this is huge.” I said, “I know, it’s huge.” And then he says—

Dave:It was really stitched up. It was ugly.

Ann:And he says, “Where is Dave?” And then his wife says, “I am so mad that you are not here with your husband.” And I said, “No, no, no. You don’t understand. It was just a consult. He had no idea that it was going to happen.” So then I drive back to Michigan, and I get a call from my best friend. “How did it go?” I told her and she said, and I said, “I’m so tired from the anesthesia, I have to pull off the side of the road. I have to take a nap. I can’t stay awake.” And she goes, “Where is your husband? Where is your husband?” And I said, “He’s playing softball.”

Dave:You know what, you could just do the rest by yourself. This is worse than it was then. This is so bad. Let’s just tell a thousand people.

Ann:Okay.

Dave:Oh my gosh.

Ann:If you can learn from this; I hope that you can because—

Dave:Please learn from this.

Ann:—every single one of us, we are in a battle for our marriages. There is an enemy of our marriage and our soul. He’s called Satan, and his goal is to bring isolation. At all times, he’s always on us to be isolated.

And so suddenly, I kept telling Dave, “I’m fine, I’m fine. I don’t need you.” And suddenly I had this little whisper in my ear, “Where is your husband? You have to pull off on the side of the road because he’s not here taking care of you. There you are. He doesn’t even see you. He doesn’t even care about you. He’s not even with you.” All the luggage starts flooding back. And so now I have the temptation to blame him.

And we are all faced with that, like that decision, “Which way are you going to go?” Because in the past, here’s what I’d done. I’d have thought all those things, “Where is Dave?” and I would stuff that thought right down into my very soul. “He doesn’t ever notice me,” “Oh, he’s playing softball. Isn’t that important? Senior softball.” “Oh, Dave is so wonderful and he’s something,” “Oh, but we do married stuff because we’re so good at it.” And so I just stuff all of that in there.

Have you ever been here? You have because you’re just full and then you’re one of two people. I’m the person that, I’m stuffing it. I’m going to use it later as ammunition. Do you know what I mean?

Dave:That’s called blame.

Ann:Oh boy, that’s what I had done for years and years. Or some of you, you may not use your words and yell, but you’re right here and you keep stuffing it down and you have bitterness, resentment. It becomes a poison to your soul, and it becomes a foothold for the enemy.

Dave:Well, the truth is, let me say to the men, you need to be there. I should have been there. I blew it completely thinking there wouldn’t be a surgery. It doesn’t matter. Like her friend Michelle said, when the C word’s involved, you don’t miss that one. And it doesn’t even need to be the C word. If it’s important, and I’m talking to the guys, but I think it could go the other way. It’s like when your spouse is going through something—which is what we’re talking about, marriage is going to be something. There’s going to be pain, there’s going to be struggles—be there. I missed it. I missed it, and I’m never going to miss it again. I’m not. I will be there.

So we call this session sort of the secret; that God has this secret way He wants to grow you into oneness. And guess what it is? You’re not going to like this. I’m smiling as I’m saying it, but it’s not a good thing to say. Pain, trials, adversity, struggle, whatever you want to call it, is God’s pathway to oneness and maturity. That’s what He does. He uses the hard things in our lives, and I’m not saying He causes them, but He’s there in them. He’s in every struggle we have.

And again, a lot of those struggles we bring upon ourselves because we make bad decisions, or bad things happen because we live in a broken world with broken people. But pain is God’s pathway to oneness and maturity. You want to mature. You’re going to have to go through pain. You want your marriage to be great. You thinking you’re going to get there just flying in the clouds will not happen. Pain is the way to oneness and maturity.

Now, I know you don’t want to hear that, and I don’t want to sign any of us up for pain, but I’m telling you, if you want character, we know that as parents, when our kids go through hard things, it’s character. We live in a culture now where we bail our kids out of every situation. We have a transfer portal now in college sports. It’s like, “I’m not starting. I’m going to go somewhere.” Great, but I’m telling you, when you struggle, that’s when you grow.

And so it’s interesting, we came across a passage, which I’m guessing a lot of you know that really highlights this. It’s in the book of James. It’s actually in the first chapter where James writes to the people of God who are dispersed because of what? Pain, trials, and he says this, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” Now what’s he say? He says, “Consider it joy.” And he doesn’t even say sort of joy, pure joy when you face, and he doesn’t say if you face, when you face trials. These are tests that come from the outside. Literally what the Greek word means, tests from the outside.

Temptations are tests from the inside, we bring upon ourselves. But he says consider it not happiness, pure joy. It’s a big difference. Happiness is connected to circumstances. Circumstances are good, I’m happy. Circumstances turn left, I’m sad. He says you can have joy, and I don’t mean just happy. I mean pure, deep well within you, peace and joy that’s not from you. It’s from who lives in you. The Holy Spirit of God, the power of God is in us. He can give us pure joy when we encounter various trials of many kinds. He says, “because you know,” here’s why. We know something that people who don’t know God don’t know.

We know “the testing of your faith produces perseverance” and “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” And all of us want to be mature and complete. But guess what? There’s a path there. And the secret is you got to go through hard times to get there. I don’t know anybody that’s had a perfect life that is mature. They’re entitled, they’re selfish, they’re prideful. People have gone through hard stuff. I always used to say, when I go speak to the CR people at our church, celebrate recovery. I always used to go there and say, “You are the most honest people in the church because you don’t hide anything anymore. You’ve gone through this stuff, and you’ve grown through it.”

Because here’s the thing, trials or pain or struggles, whatever you want to call it, can make you better or bitter. The choice is yours. It’s really true. People have gone through hard things and they’re better, their marriage is better, their legacy is better. And how did they do that? They considered it pure joy because they knew something. They knew God was in it. You also know people, I bet you know more people have gone through the same trial and they’re bitter. They’ve walked away from God. Why? They made a choice and their choice was, “God’s not here. I don’t believe in Him anymore. I’m out.” Here’s the thing, don’t trust what you see or feel. Trust what you know. What we see and feel is God’s not here.

Ann:I think that’s why we have to be in the Word, because the Word continually tells us the Truth. If we’re not, we’ll just be conformed by the world.

Dave:And what we know, and if you want to memorize one, let me give you a simple one. Psalm 34 says God is close—

Ann:—to the brokenhearted.

Dave:—to the brokenhearted, and he saves those crushed in spirit. Memorize that one because you’re going to need it. Because when you’re in that battle, you’re going to say, “I don’t see God. I don’t feel Him.” It’s not a feeling, it’s a truth. He is close and He saves you. And some of you are there right now and you needed to be reminded of that before you get off this boat.

[Studio]

Ann:We are Ann and Dave Wilson with FamilyLife Today. And we’re hearing a clip from this boring couple that happened to speak on the cruise.

Dave:That would be us. It wasn’t boring.

Ann:No, I’m just teasing.

Dave:Actually, the story you shared about the melanoma, I was on stage with you realizing “This is a powerful moment.”

Ann:Well, we’ve shared it on FamilyLife Today before.

Dave:Yeah, but it was the room. You could feel the tension in the room of how we often miss being there for our spouse when they really need us. And I missed it in that moment. So hopefully that story because I didn’t want Ann to share it. I really didn’t. I just thought that’s one we can just keep private but if that can help couples—

Ann:But we all have those struggles. We all have those ways in which we have let each other down.

Dave:That was just a half of the talk. We’re going to jump right back in. And here’s part two of that cruise talk.

[Recorded Message]

Dave:When you get off this boat, here’s the turn. It isn’t just to go have a great marriage. We hope that’s part of it. It’s actually to go and impact other marriages. We go from isolation to oneness to impact. Now here’s the thing, how does he use us?—through our pain. Our struggle is the struggle he wants to use to help other marriages that struggle. It isn’t our victories, it’s our struggle.

And what we tend to do in the church is hide our struggles. We walk into church after screaming at our wife on the drive to church and somebody walks to me, “How you doing?” “Oh, I’m doing good, brother. Man, just walking with Jesus. God is good all the time. God is good all the time.” I mean, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but we’re lying. Your wife’s back there going, “He was just screaming at me.” “Oh, you’re good too.” “Oh yeah, I’m good too.” It’s just like that’s what the church has become.

Ann:What happens is we dress up and we hide all of our stuff because we think everybody’s like that and we’re the only ones that are struggling. But what would it be like if we walked into church and we just kind of whatever we were feeling, it just showed on us.

Dave:What’s really going on?

Ann:And so we walked in like, “This is my mess. This is my sin. This is my shame. These are my wounds.” And you think people would run away from you, but you know what you would do? You’d be like, “I need to talk to those people.” Because you would think “They’ve been through it too and they’re going to talk about it.” I don’t know about you, but when I’m in a small group and someone says, “This is what I’ve been through,” it makes you want to share your own story, doesn’t it? This is my baggage.

But then we don’t stop here. This is the difference. We allow people to see it, but then we point to our hope. Our hope is in Jesus because the blood of Christ washes away all of this. We can still talk about it, but He’s cleansed us, and we are righteous in Him if we are in Him.

Dave:It’s interesting, on our wedding night, some of you have heard this in our Vertical Marriage small group thing. But on our wedding night before we crawled in our wedding bed, I’m going to tell you we got on our knees at the foot of the bed, and we prayed out loud literally these words word for word. “God, we’re not asking you for a good marriage. We’re asking you for a great marriage that will one day impact the world for your kingdom.” You know where we got the idea that our marriage isn’t just to be great for us, but it’s the impact. We got that from the Weekend to Remember. We didn’t take a lot of notes that weekend because we thought, “We don’t need this stuff. We’re so good. We’d love Jesus so much more than anybody here. We’re going to ministry.” But we heard that. And so we prayed on our wedding night, “God, if you could use our marriage, we’re all in.” And then we struggled, a lot. You’ve heard our struggle.

Ann:We shared this last year that you feel like when you struggle, you feel like God’s not listening. God didn’t hear—

Dave:Well, God can’t use us.

Ann:God can’t use us. We’re so messed up. We’re unusable.

Dave:And here’s the truth. God wants to use your struggle—and you can’t hide it. You got to share it—to help other marriages that struggle. That’s what they’re going to connect with your struggle, but you don’t leave them there. The struggle is the connection. And then you take them where you found life and victory, vertical. That’s it. It’s both end. When we took over FamilyLife Today, think about this, we’re replacing a 40-year founder, Dennis freaking Rainey. You know what I mean? He’s a legend, right? And Bob Lepine. I mean, these guys were just, they’re beyond.

Ann:When they asked us, you’re like, “Are they insane? Do they even know how messed up we are?”

Dave:And so the first day, and we got trained by Bob for a year, but then we had the first day where Bob’s not going to be there. Dennis had already retired. We got to do this without anybody. We got to the studio before anybody else. Lights were off. We went in—

Ann:—to the studio.

Dave:—and got on our knees in the dark and prayed, “God, we can’t do this.”

Ann:We were on our face.

Dave:We were not even on our knees. We were all the way down. So humble. “We can’t be Bob and Dennis. They set a bar of how you live as a man and a husband.” It was like, “I’m not even close. So all we can do is share our stuff.” And we just did. And I remember closing the prayer saying, “God, please don’t let us screw it up. Please. They got a million people that listen to this thing. I don’t want it to go down to 50.” That could have happened.

Ann:Our hope isn’t in us. It’s not in our marriage. The hope is in the gospel. Our marriages are a reflection of the grace of God and what He brings. And if we can give that grace to one another, it’s a reflection of the grace that God gives us.

Dave:And the crazy thing is every one of you that walk up to us or wherever we are, that say you listen, you know what you usually say to us? “We love how honest you are and how raw you are. You’re so vulnerable. You’re so messed up. We just love that.” We’re like, “Okay, God can use broken people if those broken people point them to God.”

Ann:And it’s never too late. God wants to use every one of you, whether you’ve been married 55 years or five minutes. He wants to use you, and He wants to use your story.

Dave:Jesus said to his disciples before he went to the Father, John chapter 20, the gospel of John, He said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me,”—you know what He said?—”I am now sending you.” Do you realize that wasn’t just for the 12. That was a commission, a mission for all of Christ followers until eternity. You and I are sent ones.

Brian said it yesterday at a little thing we had upstairs with some people that partner with us at FamilyLife. He said, “We are not on a cruise ship. We’re on a battleship” Because we’re in a war. It’s a spiritual war. And our marriages are right at the center of that thing. And God wants to reveal himself to the world. How? Through your marriage and through my marriage. And then he wants to use our marriage to help other marriages. That’s how he sends light into darkness, you and I.

And we’re like, “God can’t use me.” I know, but He does. And He loves it. And so as we pull into the port tomorrow, we’re going to renew vows tonight. It’s going to be awesome night. It’s been incredible. We pull into the port tomorrow, I want to say “Put on the armor. Let’s go.” We are not going to have happy marriages. We’re going to change the world. We’re sending a boat of thousands of people. Let’s go stinking change the world. That’s what we get to do.

So I want to end this way. I want to pray for you, and we want to pray for you. Ann’s looking at me. We got 30 seconds. What are we going to do? I’ll end with this. And I know some of you have heard this story, but I think it’s just a beautiful story of how God uses our brokenness to change the world. And it’ll be our story, so it’ll be different than yours, but God wants to do the same thing through you.

It’s in our vertical—I don’t know where I shared this, but I’m sure some of you have heard this. We did the Weekend to Remember marriage conference in Hershey, Pennsylvania 20 years ago probably. And it’s a big one. I don’t know, Brian, how many, 1000, 1500? It’s a big one. And so this guy comes up to me Sunday. It’s the last session. The timers on the thing. It’s like two minutes.

I’m standing there looking at my notes. Some guy runs up, he’s got papers in his hands, and he yells up at me. I’ve never seen him all weekend. “Wilson, rip up my divorce papers.” How many have heard this story? Yeah, not very many so this is great. “Rip up my divorce papers.” I go, “What?” “Rip up my divorce papers.” I look at the clock 1:34. I go, “I got to hear their story.” I jumped down. I go, “You got a minute. Tell me your story.”

He goes, “I’ll tell you my story. I didn’t want to come to this stupid thing.” I go, “What?” He goes, “My wife dragged me here. I told her we’re getting divorced Monday. Here’s the papers. I’m not going to a stupid marriage conference where they’re going to have these perfect married couples sitting around us and a perfect married couple on stage telling their perfect marriage thing. I’m not going to that thing, but I’ll go Friday. I’m not going back Saturday. I’ll see you at the attorney on Monday.”

I go, “So?” He goes, “We sat back there,” and he points to the last row of the ballroom and it’s a big one. He goes, “So you and Ann got up there and started this thing and I turned to my wife halfway through your first talk. And I said, ‘Wow, our marriage is better than theirs.’” He literally said that. And I started laughing and I go, “So you stayed?” He goes, “I thought it was pretty good. Maybe I could learn something.”

And then he goes, you ready for this? And then he goes, “Yesterday,” which would’ve been Saturday, “I sat right there” and he pointed like five rows back and he goes, “and you shared the gospel, and you said we have no hope without Jesus. And if we leave here with a great marriage manual, but not Jesus, you can only say good luck. But with Jesus, we can have a new life and a new marriage.” He goes “Right there in that seat, I gave my life to Jesus right there.” And he goes, “We’re going home with Jesus. We have hope. Rip up these divorce papers,” which I did with him. I have them in my backpack to this day as just a reminder.

God resurrects dead things. And He doesn’t just resurrect them so you and I can. He says, “I want to resurrect you guys, and then I want to use you to the people in your apartment building, in your city, in your street and your church.” Do what the Campanas did. Just say, “Here we are God, could you use us?” And God will say, “You won’t believe what I want to do for you.” We’d like you to stand up. We just want to pray for you.

Ann:Father, thank you for these mighty men and women. And God, we pray protection over them, over their families, over their children. God, we pray that you would bless them. And Lord Jesus, I pray that you will use our mess to bring you glory. And Father, we can’t do this apart from you. We need you. And so we ask you, God, to equip us to impact our world, our home, our neighbors, Jesus, our country for you. And with the gospel, you are the hope. Father, you are the whole purpose behind everything. Heal our marriages, heal our hearts so that we can then in turn share the gospel.

Dave:Lord Jesus, here we are. Send us.

Ann:Yes.

Dave:May we have stories next year when we come back into this group and say, “God used us and is using us to impact the world for His kingdom.” In Jesus name.

Ann:Amen.

[Studio]

Dave:It was really something standing on a stage looking at thousands of couples, really, standing up, hugging each other and you could see and feel in their hearts they want God to not only move in their own marriage, but they want to be used.

Ann:Yeah, we’re Ann and Dave Wilson. This is FamilyLife Today. And I think we all wonder that; God, can you use us as messed up as we can be at times and as broken as our marriage has felt at times, can you still use us? And the answer is yes.

Dave:Yes. That was the whole point of the talk. He actually uses our pain as a connection to other couples in pain. Don’t hide it; share it and watch God work. He will minister to you, but just as much through you to impact others. So I hope you take that challenge and really let God use your marriage to help others as well.

And I also hope you join us next year on the Love Like You Mean It cruise, February 14th through the 21st 2026. You’re going to hear more talks like that and others, and it’s going to be a great week. You don’t want to miss it.

Ann:And I just wanted to remind you, this is just a marriage cruise. Every single person on this ship is there with FamilyLife to be on this cruise, to hear about marriage. You have entertainment. You have worship. You have comedians. You have great messages. It really is remarkable. And I don’t think there’s anything quite like it. So I really hope you’ll join us because it changes our marriage. It gives us a chance to connect with God and each other and even to make some new friends.

Dave:And just in case you’re wondering, no, people are not partying. It’s not a wild cruise like many cruises are. I mean, I felt bad for the staff on the boat. They’re sitting there in the casino and nobody’s playing anything. It’s a beautiful, beautiful week of exalting Jesus and working on your marriage.

Ann:And you’re on your own schedule. You don’t have to go to the sessions. You can watch them on tv. You can do what you want.

Dave:It’s a vacation with a focus on marriage. So sign up today. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign up right now. I mean right now. Or literally, you can call us at 1-800-358-6329. That’s 800-“F” as in Family, “L” as in Life, and the word “TODAY,” and I hope you make the call today.

Ann:FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife®, a Cru® Ministry. Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.

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