Habits for a Sacred Home – Finding Peace and Purpose in Motherhood: Jennifer Pepito

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Habits for a Sacred Home: Finding Peace and Purpose in Motherhood

Guest:                        Jennifer Pepito

From the series:       Sacred Home (Day 1 of 3)

Air date:                     April 7, 2025

Dave:              If you could describe our home, especially when the boys were in the home, what would be the word?

Ann:                Chaos.

Dave:              Chaos? Craziness?

Ann:                Crazy beautiful chaos. How’s that?

Dave:              Was it beautiful?

Ann:                Yeah!

Dave:              It was.

Ann:                Now, I can look back and know: “Yes, it’s really beautiful.”

Dave:              And now, it’s just quiet and beautiful.

Ann:                Yeah, it’s a little depressing at times.

Dave:              It’s pretty quiet; and it’s pretty beautiful, because there’s not much mess.

Dave:             Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Dave Wilson.

Ann:                And I’m Ann Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Dave:              Today we’re going to talk about a sacred home—

Ann:                Yeah, I like that.

Dave:              —with Jennifer Pepito. She is sitting here; flew all the way from California.

Jennifer, welcome to FamilyLife. Have you ever been here?—never?

Jennifer:         No; I’m so excited to be here. I was telling Bobby we showed the Jesus film in a little migrant village in Mexico.

Dave:              What years?

Jennifer:         Maybe 20 years ago.

Ann:                That’s so cool.

Jennifer:         Yeah, yeah.

Dave:              Really?

Ann:                How did it go?

Jennifer:         It was a long time ago; I think it was great. In my recollection, people were interested; it was a small village. Really special way to introduce them to Jesus.

Dave:              We’re talking about sacred home, but you’re sort of on sacred ground.

Jennifer:         So true.

Dave:              Think about it. This is where the Jesus film was—

Jennifer:         —consecrated to the Lord, yeah.

Dave:              Yeah; pretty cool.

Ann:                Well, talk about sacred home; you have seven children.

Jennifer:         I do! We’re on a trip here with my son, who’s 16—

Ann:                —that’s your youngest.

Jennifer:         that’s my youngest child—and my husband. The other night, we were in the hotel looking at baby pictures with him.

Dave:              Oh, wow.

Jennifer:         So then, we started looking at our family pictures. I get what you’re saying—my kids are pretty much grown up—they’re 16 to 31. It is so different. There’s still a lot of activity; I have a grandchild around every other week quite a bit. But oh, those days went so fast, Ann.

Ann:                No, the hours did not go fast. It felt like a day was a million years. But then, you look back, like, “Wait! It’s over?” It’s true what they say—when the people say, “Oh, it goes so fast. Enjoy it.”

Dave:              You blink.

Jennifer:         It’s so true; because I have a lot of kids, and it still went fast. I still look back and would love to rewind and just enjoy those little people a little bit more.

Ann:                And you homeschooled.

Jennifer:         I do.

Ann:                I want to put you on a pedestal right now.

Jennifer:         No.

Ann:                There’s seven kids that you’ve homeschooled; that’s remarkable.

Dave:              I’ll tell our listeners what all you do. I know you wrote Mothering by the Book.

Jennifer:         Yeah, my first book was really about overcoming fear. In a way, I air my

dirty laundry in that one so that you can see: “If I can do it, anybody can.” And then, Habits for a Sacred Home is all about developing a rule of life and daily practices that can help us weather just the trials of life; because life is hard.

I also have a podcast: Restoration Home podcast, and a community that goes along with that, where we support moms in that habit acquisition. It’s not easy to make those steps toward a more peaceful and sacred life on our own.

Dave:              Now, have you always been that entrepreneurial? You do a lot of things;

and I found out, just before we turned on the mics, you got married when

you were 16?

Jennifer:         No, 17.

Ann:                No, 17.

Jennifer:         Don’t subtract a year from that early age. But I was a stay-at-

home mom for a long time. We were actually in a church culture that really            discouraged women doing anything besides that. It was even kind of

frowned upon to maybe have a blog or something. I started blogging my

missionary stuff.

Dave:              Did you feel like you’re in sin or something?

Jennifer:         Yes! I was like, “I’m going on this side!” I spoke at a few homeschool

conferences: I taught a bread-baking class, pre-Y2K, to help people prep

to be able to bake their own bread.

Ann:                That’s awesome, though.

Jennifer:         I didn’t start my business until 2016. And before that, I had been writing. I

interviewed Elisabeth Elliot for a small magazine—it was just a written email, back           and forth—I didn’t get to actually talk to her in person. So I’ve been dabbling for a        while, but my business is only about ten years old.

Ann:                But this topic, when you talk about a sacred home, you’re not saying—

Dave:              Habits: I want to know these habits.

Ann:                And you’re not saying it’s perfect.

Jennifer:         No, no; and who could be perfect?

Ann:                Exactly.

Jennifeer:      None of us, without Jesus, could be perfect; so I would definitely not want to put people off. But the word, sacred, is really about being consecrated. I think, for all of us as believers—our lives, our homes, our children—we would say we’re consecrated to the Lord.

Ann:                What does that mean?

Jennifer:         Dedicated for him. It says in the Word: “In Him, we live and move and have our being.” I think that really changes the whole perspective; because then, instead of identifying ourselves by how chaotic our present circumstances are, or identifying ourselves by the mistakes we make, we can say: “My home is dedicated to God. We are consecrated to Him; so despite the pain and struggle of today, I’m going to forgive myself; I’m going to forgive my children; and tomorrow’s going to be a fresh day. Here’s the goal; here are the habits to work on.”

The book is based on The Rule of St. Benedict. Because we had kind of loved St. Francis of Assisi; we went to Assisi, Italy, one year for Christmas. I hadn’t really read much about St. Benedict, except a guy wrote this book about how his rule could be used today to sort of bring more structure to our lives. The book was written more to almost intellectuals. I thought, “This is so hopeful”; because in 2020 in California, life was a little crazier. It was really—

Ann:                —during the pandemic days.

Jennifer:         Yes, the pandemic. It was sad; it was chaotic. It was really stressful, I think, for a lot of us. So many moms, all of a sudden, had to have their kids at home all the time, who weren’t used to that. We didn’t know how dangerous it was. It felt kind of like the world was ending, in a sense.

Dave:              Oh, I remember when I got a package at my front door, at the beginning of the pandemic; I’m like, “Can I touch it?”

Jennifer:         Right!

Dave:              Remember?

Ann:                Yes, we wiped them down.

Dave:              —like, “We can’t touch it.” It felt like the end of the world.

Jennifer:         Right; and then, I read about St. Benedict, who lived during the fall of Rome. The Pagans were overtaking the land, and sacking Rome, and all this crazy stuff. He developed a rule of life—simple little things like stability, and stewardship, and prayer—just simple habits.

Many people say that the monastic movement saved civilization; because while everyone was kind of going to ruin, they were in their monastery: still scribbling down the Scriptures, and keeping bees, and growing gardens; and in a sense, saving civilization. That idea—that mothers in their homes, reading to their children, having dinner around the table, loving their husbands—these are actually very counter-cultural actions that have revolutionary civilization-saving power.

Ann:                And benefits to the children, and the home, and the whole atmosphere of

the home.

Jennifer:         Absolutely; and things that a lot of people can’t conceive of anymore. A lot of people don’t look their children in the eyes, or they don’t have a conversation with their children; they don’t work on their marriage. They don’t cook a meal and sit around the table, which is proven to lower the risk of drug abuse, lower the risk of obesity. Basic, simple sort of old-fashioned practices have all these really life-changing powers, in a way.

Ann:                Jennifer, you’re working with and talking to young moms all the time. What

are the things they’re feeling, or dealing with, or struggling with, as young

moms?

Jennifer:         I think there’s a lot of hope in the air right now. I feel like we are, in a way,

in America, on the verge of a reformation of sorts. But I think that moms

are always struggling with fear, honestly:—

Ann:                Me too.

Jennifer:         —“I’m not doing enough.”

Ann:                Guilt, shame.

Jennifer:         The world is scary: “Can we get over this situation?” “Can we get through this situation?” I think there’s a lot of fear constantly coming.

Ann:                “What should I do with my kids? Should I homeschool them? Should I put

them in public school? Is it safe to do that?” “Are they safe to be at their

friend’s house?”

Dave:              I don’t think dads have that much.

Ann:                You don’t?

Dave:              We have fear, but it’s different from what you two just said. I’m like, “I’m

thinking about my work; I’m thinking about the paycheck; I’m thinking

about…” Yes, it’s crazy.

Ann:                And with seven, you’re thinking about each individual child. We all

do, as moms: “How are they doing?” “Are they stressing?” “Are they…”

Dave:              We’re thinking, “Oh, she’s got it.”

Jennifer:         And especially as they grow—it doesn’t/I don’t want to scare any young

moms listening—but the mental load doesn’t diminish as they get older.

Dave:              Oh, boy; yes.

Jennifer:         There’s less control. And that’s one thing I talk about in the book: you sort

of have to have nerves of steel to parent teens and young adults, because

no longer can you physically move them from place to place or constantly

know exactly what’s happening. It’s a walk of faith.

Ann:                I bet you said this to young moms—I’ve said it too—”God’s not surprised

of where we are in the culture and what’s happening in the world. He’s

already equipped you, as a mom, to deal with all the things that are going

on in your home, in your community.” I think, when people are living in so

much fear and afraid—for us, grandkids who are coming up, like, “Oh,

no!”—God knows exactly who they are, and what they need, and how they

will impact society.

I feel like the practicality of all the things you’re saying brings hope to a family; it brings hope to a mom, like, “Oh, here’s some things that I can do.” It’s a reminder of the incredible influence we have as moms. I think it’s fascinating—I loved going through this whole thing—the ideas in each chapter, like, “Oh, this is so good.” It’s such a good reminder, especially for our culture today.

Jennifer:         James K.A. Smith says, “We live in an unshakable kingdom. The kingdom is not in trouble and neither are we.” I feel like we’re constantly having to realign our minds with that truth: that we live in an unshakeable kingdom.

Sometimes, it is just those small habits; because when we’re in fear, we’re activating fight and flight. We’re going into a part of our brain that’s not relational, that can’t bring hope to our children. And the problem is—the more afraid we are—the more our children think that they’re the cause of our unhappiness; or that they’re the cause of our fear; that they’re the problem.

Ann:                And they’re thinking, “Should I be afraid?”

Jennifer:         Right! It’s not even enough to fake it in a way. That’s why we really do need—I love the episodes you guys have been doing with Nan Deal and Debra Fileta—because it’s not enough to fake it. We really have to get to the bottom, sometimes, of: “Where’s the lie?” or “Where’s the toxic thought?” I loved what Ron was saying about learning to replace that lie with truth; because we, sometimes, have to talk ourselves into being joyful, and happy, and showing our kids that there’s hope in the world. Having that sort of stability—that’s one of the habits I talk about—is just having stability. Even if you do have to fake it a little bit, getting to that point where you can bring that hope and peace to the atmosphere; because you are believing the Word of God over your own toxic thoughts.

Ann:                That’s really good.

Dave:              I love the thought that you said earlier: “Sacred is consecrated, because it

means that my home’s going to look different. It’s set apart; it’s consecrated.” I heard a pastor, who was in some country where you could literally be arrested and killed for praying, even before a meal. He said, “A lot of us pastors were there, and we wanted to bless the meal; and we didn’t know how to do it.” They came up with this idea: “We’ll just hold our drink up”—or lemonade or our iced tea—”and we’ll go, ‘For the King!’” That was their way to literally consecrate the meals for the King. It’s like: “Your home is for the King, and so you have these habits.”

Let’s talk about them. So the first one—

Ann:                Well, wait; let me say this; because I think she’s got some really good

quotes.

Dave:              She’s got something else. Watch this.

Ann:                No, I like this—because you say this: “How can we, as a family, be a light

in a dark world? Every single mom, every single dad is thinking that: ‘We want that.’ I want to create a movement of mothers,”—this is you—”I want to create a movement of mothers, who are nurturing sacred homes that offer hope and restoration.”

Dave:              That was good. You should have cut me off; that was good.

Ann:                And every single mom is identifying, and saying, “Yes and amen to that.”

So then, we get into the habits that are super practical too.

Dave:              Well, give us your spin on that. Is that sort of the mantra of your home?—”We want to be a light”?

Jennifer:         For sure; absolutely; yes. I am really—we can’t control our kids; I have learned I cannot control my kids—but I am excited that my children love the Lord and are doing their best to follow Him.

You talked about being a light. I think that, when you look at the life of

St. Benedict—I read a biography of him almost at the end of writing this whole book—first, I read The Rule [of St. Benedict]; and I read stuff about him; and then, I read this little biography. He actually went into a cave for three years, I think;—

Ann:                What?

Jennifer:         —and just was seeking God during those three years. And then, after

that, he came out and wrote The Rule [of St. Benedict]. I think it’s really important to know; because I feel      like there was a movement in the ‘80s to have sacred homes, really to have godly homes and godly structures. But a lot of it was based on behavior only and not on an internal change of the heart.

Ann:                It was more external.

Jennifer:         —external. And so then, you had these parents, who were very disciplined, and created disciplined homes. But there’s a lot of falseness beneath that, and kids can see through that.

Ann:                I think it led to legalism.

Jennifer:         A lot of legalism; and then, disconnection in families, a lot of brokenness. I think a lot of what we’ve been dealing with even has been maybe based on some of that hypocrisy, and the hurt, and the bitterness. But when you make being with God—attunement to God—the first thing; and then, you tack the habits onto a properly-placed identity, then I think the habits really start creating fruit.

That’s a big part of what we do in my community: is that we’re working on these habits every month. Some of the habits we’re working on are habits of connection—looking our children in the eyes so they know that we love them—at the same time as we’re working on chore chart training so they know what to do with their time. It’s like there’s this constant—

Ann:                —balance

Jennifer:         —sort of balancing act, where we have to be keeping our eyes on Jesus, and connecting with Him, so we have the power to put into place the habits.

• If we have the experience with God—but no habits—then, we won’t get anywhere.
• But if we have the habit—and no experience with God—the habits will produce no fruit.

Dave:              Wow.

Ann:                That’s really good.

Dave:              That’s beautiful and so true.

Our one son is a preacher; and he says, “You got to focus on the root, not the fruit.” The fruit comes from the root—from your rootedness in Christ—so how do you do that in this crazy—seven kids—busy wife, busy life?

Ann:                Let’s go through some of the habits.

Dave:              No, I just want to hit on the root part again; because—

Ann:                Okay; oh, I see what you’re saying.

Dave:              The saint goes to a cave for three years.

Jennifer:         I didn’t go to a cave!

Dave:              We can’t; I’m not going to put—

Ann:                We can’t even go to the bathroom by ourselves.

Jennifer:         But actually, I did have a cave moment; because I love being a mom, and

I have been a homeschool student the whole time through; I was so into it. But I did have a misplaced identity in my early years of parenting. I love my kids—a lot of it was done out of love—but there was also a sense of earning my value as a person by being a good mom and a good homeschooler.

Dave:              —and how they came out.

Jennifer:         Yeah, how they came out.

My oldest daughter, when she was around 16 years old, developed an eating disorder. We were in a culture of parents, who if you had problems, you didn’t talk about it. Everyone was perfect; you had to be perfect. It was like: “Be perfect and sin not”; it was so intense. And when that happened, I did go into a cave; it was like, “I have, obviously, failed as a mom. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

There were a few books that were very transformational. One was a Brennan Manning book; there was another one called How to Stop the Pain. I just started to get a better understanding of the grace of God—of being hidden in Christ—of being clothed in His righteousness. That just really changed everything; because then, I could keep on trying to attain the habits.

I am a visionary; but sometimes, the systems in place are a struggle for me; and I really love making my kids happy. So sometimes, making all the habits happen—I’m not perfect at this at all—but because being attuned to God is so important to me, I’m not hating myself every day if I make a mistake. I’m able to start every day from square one/slate clean: “I’m a child; I’m going to throw paint at the wall and see what sticks. I’m going to try my best to pray with my kids today, and lead with patience, and compassion. But if we make a mistake, I’m not going to hate myself, and condemn myself, and give up.”

Because what really happens is the shame cycle starts—and they don’t say: “Oh, I made a mistake; and I’ll try again tomorrow,”—they say: “I made a mistake. I am a mistake; I can’t do this. I’m a terrible mom.” All these lies start infiltrating the way they think—which makes them not try; look grim; not be fun with the kids; not be happy; blame their spouse—all kinds of things happen from that small mistake that throws the whole thing off the rails.

Dave:              How’d it go with your daughter?

Jennifer:         She’s in recovery. She’s amazing. She just graduated with her Juris Doctorate. She co-hosts my podcast with me; so she’s on a lot of those episodes. We talk a lot about just inviting Jesus to comfort you in some of those places where you have made mistakes. She’s had to invite Jesus to comfort her in some of the places where I did put too much pressure on. I’ve had to do the same for myself, because my issues of perfectionism and performance didn’t start in a vacuum either.

Ann:                Let me ask you—because I’m helping to lead a small group of women;

15 young women in their 20s and 30s—most of them have kids. You had

seven. They’re saying: “How do I spend time with Jesus when I’ve got these kids? I’m not sleeping at night; and I have to go to bed early, because they’re going to be up before I am.”

Dave:              You just took my question. I was literally sitting there, thinking, “I got two moms in the room who have been in that world.

Ann:                How do you do that? How did you do that?

Dave:              “‘How do you’—I want to hear from both of you—because you had to do it; you had to do it.’” We only had three. We’re like low life, but you had seven.

Ann:                This is the root system. I knew that: “I can’t do this apart from walking with Jesus”; so how did you manage that?

Jennifer:         Well, I do actually think—not to plug homeschooling—I do feel like homeschooling did help me with my spiritual disciplines because, for 27 years, every day, I did what we call “Morning Time” with my children. We would get up in the morning; we would read the Bible together; we would pray together; we’d sing songs with my homeschool curriculum, The Peaceful Press. We read through the Narnia books, which are all these beautiful allegories of Jesus. We read these heroic missionary stories together. We read Amy Carmichael books together in our homeschool. I feel like my—

Ann:                This is why all these people are mentioned in your book; they’re heroes!

Jennifer:         Oh yes, absolutely. I’ve been reading out loud to my children for 27 years. A lot of these books—like Corrie ten Boom we read out loud; Sabina Wurmbrand—we read these books together. I feel like my spiritual development happened alongside my children.

Ann:                Interesting.

Jennifer:         And there’s a little book called Domestic Monastery by Ronald Rolheiser. He talks about how the mother at home, who is changing diapers and doing the dishes for her family is as much consecrated to God and as much in Christian service and communion as any nun in a convent. It kind of mirrors what The Practice of the Presence of God—Brother Lawrence wrote—about just really inhabiting and being with God throughout your day.

I have a business coach, and he told me to write down my spiritual disciplines. I was taking a walk in nature, playing with my grandbaby, making dinner for the family. Everything I do is done unto the Lord, and I’m enjoying Him as I do it: “Look at the birds today. God, thanks for making the birds.” I don’t have a lot of time; I could never get up before my kids. People say, “Oh, get up before your kids and have a quiet time. The earlier I got up, the earlier they got up; the radar was on. As soon as I was awake, somebody came wandering in their little cute little stocking feet; and the quiet time was over. Quiet time really had to be sort of an ongoing practicing His presence.

I do think homeschooling was a big advantage in that, because I was able to model for my children spiritual disciplines. Together, we were able to really enjoy being with God together.

Dave:              Now, do you think that’s easy for moms to do?—“Is she like a saint?”—or is that achievable for most moms? Can they do the practicing the presence, the spiritual disciplines, or the rule of life?

Ann:                Yeah, I think so. I think we all can.

Dave:              You sort of have to.

Ann:                Jesus wouldn’t give us a job that’s impossible. And so for me, it was the same Jennifer—my kids went to school—but especially, in the preschool years, I was struggling: “How do I do this?” They’re just so needy; you’re holding a baby all the time.

Dave:              And by the way, your husband’s needy too; he’s over here: “What about me?”

Ann:                But I think—

Jennifer:         He’s getting a little shocked over there, honestly.

Ann:                You learned to talk to God, all day long, about everything. I learned, in the morning—my first “Hello,” is to Jesus; and my first surrender is like, “I give You my life today, Lord.” As I’m getting up to get a baby, or to nurse a baby: “I give You my life today, Lord. I surrender everything to You today, Lord.” And then, the same when I go to bed—He’s my last “Goodnight,”—Lord, thank You for today. Thank You that You were with me every step.” But I’m praying, all day long, about everything—about my frustrations—

Dave:              —often, out loud.

Ann:                —“I’m mad, Jesus. I’m so mad I don’t know what I’m doing.” To take your thoughts captive—and even telling; confessing means telling the truth—“This is what I’m going through, God. I’m struggling with”—whatever it is. That’s what He wants—a relationship with us—and to allow our kids to see it. To pray out loud; to pray with them. It’s just living every minute in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Jennifer:         I love that you got that; I think it is achievable for every mom. I think we’re always thinking about something—and that’s the key I think—is just to learn to redirect our thoughts.

Ann:                Me too.

Jennifer:         Because I spent a lot of time, as a young mom, thinking about: “Oh, nobody loves me,” “Oh, this is so hard.”

Ann:                Oh, me too; “Woe is me.”

Jennifer:         “Why is my child not sleeping?” There’s a lot of: “God must hate me, because my child’s not sleeping at night,”—or whatever it was. My thoughts were very loose, very undisciplined. I think there is a call to take every thought captive to the knowledge of God. It’s, sometimes, a learning process;—

Ann                 I agree.

Jennifer:         —but it’s available to all of us.

Dave:              That’s so—honestly, for a husband/dad, to hear that from two moms—because in some sense, sacred can sound so clean, and perfect, tidied up. Sacred is messy and chaotic, but it’s set apart. You know what I’m saying? So what you’re describing is the chaos of being a mom, and living real life with your kids every day, is still a place where you’re set apart to be able to have an attunement with God in the middle of it all.

Ann:                I’ve shared this before, but I think it’s appropriate right now, again. One of the things I’ve encouraged moms to do is to take your home back for the kingdom for Jesus. I’m a visual person—so when I did a conference—we handed out painting stir sticks. I gave everyone that stirring stick—and I had them write a verse on it—a verse that would capture their vision and their hope for their family, for their kids. “Write the verse on it; and then, plant it—tap it into the ground—and then, take that ground for King Jesus.”

I think a lot of people have seen The War Room with Priscilla Shire and how she takes her home back. She prays over every room: “This home belongs to You, Jesus.” To me, that’s a part of being consecrated or set apart, like, “Take this home back.” Or maybe, it already is His; but again, surrender it to Lord Jesus and let Him be the One who rules and reigns in that home to be consecrated.

Dave:              We have paint sticks all through our front yard. I move them every time I mow.

Ann:                I had women show me like they’re tapping it into the ground.

Jennifer:         Oh, cute.

Ann:                It was awesome!

Give us an application for our moms, who are listening right now, as we

close.

Jennifer:         I love that you did the paint sticks. We do something similar when we move into a new home. We will pray over it; we will anoint the doorpost with oil.

Ann:                —with oil; me too.

Jennifer:         We’ll walk the perimeter. That’s actually, there’s some biblical—and also, in ancient history, they would mark the boundaries of a town, plow around it—I think there’s something very significant about just dedicating your home. Even if you haven’t done it yet, just praying over it—we would even say a little prayer of repentance—like, “God, I repent for anything that’s happened here before we dwelled here, but we claim this ground for You now.”

I think that’s a good place to start is just recognizing; then, take charge of your home. I think sometimes we see other people in our home—especially, from moms of teens and young adults; or husbands who aren’t on the same page—we think: “Oh, they want to just play video games all day,” or “They just want to watch these garbage shows.” Well, you just start taking control of your thoughts and you start having spiritual disciplines. You start developing habits of prayer, and rest, and stewardship; and then, trust the Lord with those other people; but don’t let their behavior be an excuse for you not to try.

Ann:                That’s good; that’s really good.

Dave:              That’s a good starting place.

Ann:                And tomorrow, we’re going to get specifically into all those habits.

Dave:              Yeah, we haven’t even started on one of the habits.

Ann:                I know! But we will; come back tomorrow.

Hey, if you need more help, you can go to FamilyLife.com/ParentingHelp. Again, you can go to FamilyLife.com/ParentingHelp.

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