Is Jesus Really All I Need?: Christopher Cook

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Is Jesus Really All I Need?

Guest:Christopher Cook

From the series:Healing What You Can’t Erase (Day 1 of 3)

Air date:February 5, 2025

Christopher:The day that we decide that what Jesus did for us is greater than what happened to us is the day that we will take the very first step forward to transformation. It doesn’t mean everything’s going to be okay the next day; but this is about moving forward in life after loss, not moving on from loss.

Dave:Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Dave Wilson.

Ann:And I’m Ann Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Dave:So are you excited?

Ann:Totally.

Dave:Why?

Ann:Because we have someone in the studio who feels like our fourth son.

Dave:Yeah, Christopher Cook is with us, our good friend from Michigan: author, speaker—

Ann:—podcaster.

Dave:—podcaster with Win Today. Chris, what a joy to have you here.

Christopher:It’s the privilege of a lifetime. Thank you. I love you guys. Thanks for having me.

Ann:Well, we’re excited to have you—not only because we’ve known you a long time, and you’re a pretty spectacular human being—but this book is really your story. It’s a story of your life; a story of what you’ve experienced. It’s helpful because all of us have experienced some of what you have gone through, and we’re looking for ways to heal. We have had things happen in our lives—some trauma—and some of us feel so stuck. You’re all about getting out of the stuck-ness.

Christopher:That’s true; that’s right.

Dave:So you’ve been on this journey quite a while. I know we’re going to talk about—the title of your book is Healing What You Can’t Erase, but this isn’t like a book for you—this is a life journey of healing. So walk our listeners in—they don’t know you like we do—so give us a little background of your story; and then, where we’re going to go, with understanding, how God wants to heal. What a great title: we can’t erase it.

Christopher:That’s right.

Dave:It’s still there, but He wants to heal it.

Christopher:Yeah; thank you. In 1994, I was 11 years old; and my sister was 7. My mom was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, which for all intents and purposes, is a death sentence. She found a treatment protocol with a classically-trained physician out of New York City and was on that treatment program for 12 years. In 2006, sadly, she came out of remission. Things got really, really scary; she was in and out of surgery. I feel like 365 days a year, we were just on edge. Then, sadly, in 2012, she took her last breath.

Dave:You were how old?

Christopher:I had just turned 30. We’re talking 18-plus years of a journey that became, in many ways, my source of identity. It shaped my view on life and my view on myself.

Ann:Why did that shape your identity so much?

Christopher:That’s all I knew. We had a very safe, stable, incredible childhood—the best parents—but when cancer ebbs and flows in and through everyday life, it becomes normal even though it’s anything but normal.

Ann:Were you scared, as a little boy?

Christopher:Oh, yeah; yeah, absolutely.

Ann:—all the time.

Christopher:Absolutely, yes. And before this happened, I had always been a very timid, afraid little boy to begin with; so this just threw gasoline on it. As an adult, the fear manifested in a much more severe and different way.

But following her death, it was an identity crisis; I’m like, “Who am I?” Because caregiver, son; and if I’m being fully honest, there wasn’t any expectation for anything other than a miracle—so laid hands on her every day—saw the miraculous take place; saw tumors melt under my hands as I prayed. We’re like, “It’s just a matter of time”; and then, it didn’t happen.

Ann:My uncle had multiple myeloma, which is a rare diagnosis.

Christopher:I didn’t know that. Very rare.

Dave:He was young as well.

Christopher:Yeah, she was 37.

Ann:He passed away at 45. I’ve never heard of anyone living as long as your mom with that diagnosis.

Christopher:Yeah; at the time of her diagnosis, she was one of a handful of people in the United States to receive that diagnosis; because at the time—and I think it’s true today still—the majority of people who receive that diagnosis are elderly black men. She was an anomaly, and doctors didn’t know what to do with a 37-year-old Caucasian woman at the time of diagnosis. They said to her, “Hey, you can do a stem cell transplant or nothing.”

They found, like I said, a classically-trained physician in New York City, who had pancreatic cancer patients alive 25 years after diagnosis. Insurance didn’t cover it. My dad picked up a third and fourth job; we downsized. That became her protocol. She came out of remission, like I said, in 2006.

To fast-forward to 2012 though, when she died, there was such an internal crisis moment for me. Because of the complex post-traumatic stress, my immune system completely crashed, you guys. And nine months after, I was diagnosed with MS. Christmas of 2013, I wasn’t sure I wanted to live.

Ann:—because—

Christopher:—the grief was so severe. I felt kicked while I was down.

Dave:Kicked by?

Christopher:—life and the Lord. I told Him: “It looks like You betrayed me.”

Dave:Yeah; you thought, “She’s going to be healed.”

Christopher:“Of course; it was just a matter of time.”

Ann:And so you were shocked; that was total trauma. You have this identity crisis.

Christopher:Completely done in.

Ann:And now, you have this; probably, a diagnosis that you are like, “Are you kidding?!”

Christopher:I lived with a subconscious belief that it was my job to make sure she didn’t die. “Oh, someone has to pay for this”; and it was me. I had to pay for it.

Ann:That was your thinking.

Christopher:Sure; it was subconscious. It was the subconscious driver to my words, thoughts, and actions; but it wasn’t until massive inner healing that the lie surfaced. I went, “Oh, that’s not even true!” But when we believe a lie, we empower it. We empower it to build, as Paul says, strongholds and lofty things.

Ann:So when you took the undertaking of this book—we’ve known you long enough—this is bleeding out of you. This is all these things in this book are the things you’ve walked through.

Christopher:I was in the valley when I met you guys, in a lot of hurt.

Dave:It’s interesting you hid it.

Ann:—in some ways.

Dave:I don’t know if you’re trying to hide it; but you came across as pretty put-together.

Ann:Yes, in our staff meetings.

Christopher:Yeah, that’s how I had to cope that way. But you know what that was? I might as well just be super candid—it’s in the book—whatever. It was a shame narrative that fundamentally told me—I wasn’t performing; I was being fully me—but “You can’t give life to this, Chris. You’re useless; you’re stupid. It’s your fault that this didn’t materialize.”

For me, it’s like I was working uphill—not insincerely, not in any type of pretense—but it’s the only reflexive way I knew how to live, to cope, to survive in a very scary life.

Ann:I mean, just the narrative that you’re saying in your head—

Christopher:It was subconscious, too, Ann.

Ann:A lot of people are there—maybe, they don’t even realize it—you kind of start, through your book, talking about shame and hiding.

Christopher:Exactly that.

Ann:What does that look like? You didn’t even know you were doing it. You didn’t even know, because it’s not on this conscious level. So what does that look like for the everyday Joe? Because a lot of us have some shame stuff; and then, we go into hiding.

Christopher:Yeah, there’s no doubt about that. And let me just go back to a principle I shared moments ago: when we believe a lie, we empower it.

Ann:Yeah, talk about that a little bit.

Christopher:Yeah; 2 Corinthians 10, Paul is clear on this; he says, “The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but they’re mighty before God for the pulling down of strongholds. In as much as we refute all arguments, theories, and reasonings, and every high and lofty thing that exalts itself against the true knowledge of God will lead every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”

Notice what he said there—every reasoning—I had a reason to think and to believe a certain way, but I didn’t have a right to; because at the end of the day, I can either move forward or I can stay stuck.

Ann:Okay, so what does that look like?

Christopher:Sure; let’s go to the hiding piece. When I believe a lie—it empowers the lie to thrive—it’s like wearing eyeglasses that are colored or tinted. Because I’m looking through them in a certain way, I think that’s reality. But the moment I take those eyeglasses off, I’m going, “Wait; what?!” That’s what living according to a believed lie is.

Ann:What do you think those lies are that most of us live in?

Christopher:I think they’re around, not our actions, but our identity most specifically.

Dave:What do you mean?

Christopher:“I am…” statements that are subconscious; such as, “I am fundamentally and fatally flawed.” “I am”—in my case—”useless and stupid. I am unlovable; I am forgettable.” They live so dominant in the subconscious that it colors every interaction, every relationship.

Let’s just say to folks who joined with us today—who are maybe dating, engaged, or even married—you will relate to your significant other through the lens of fear, guilt, shame until you deal with it. In other words, I will—instead of being a helpful resource to my significant other, and being a champion, and a coach—I will rescue them because of an innate shame narrative within me. I will become codependent. The list just goes on, and on, and on.

Ann:I’m thinking of myself—just because of my own sexual abuse—performance-oriented. I didn’t even realize, Chris; because as you said, it was so normal. But my narrative—I didn’t say, “I am…”—it switched to: “You are…”—“You are nothing,”—

Christopher:Oh!

Ann:—”You are unworthy,”—

Dave:What’s the different [verb] mean?

Ann:—“You are stupid.” For me, doesn’t that sound like an accusation from the enemy?

Christopher:Yes; and what happens is: we get trapped in this, where the enemy comes at us with accusation, straight at your identity. And then, what we do is we speculate—we look for events in life to confirm the bias—and then, we ruminate. Proverbs 15:15 articulates this brilliantly. It says this in the Amplified Translation that: “All the days of the already anxious are made evil by forebodings.”

What does that mean? The everyday lives of those who are consumed by anxiety and distress, are worsened because of the state of the soul; because all they see is that. We get trapped in the cycle of—accusation, speculation, rumination; accusation, speculation, rumination—and before long, trauma is indistinguishable from Tuesday.

Ann:Oh, okay. What did that look like specifically for you? Go through each of those things.

Christopher:Sure. Because I am useless and stupid—that was the subconscious narrative of shame from the enemy—

Dave:Now, did you have that thought before your mom got sick?

Christopher:Yes.

Dave:Was that something that was always there from like a little boy?

Christopher:Yeah; in my book, I talk about the earliest moment of shame. What I do for the reader is walk the reader through. In fact, let me back up and say this: there’s been so much work around shame because of Brene Brown, Curt Thompson, and John Bradshaw from the ‘80s.

But what I wanted to do, in regards to Healing What You Can’t Erase, is—not explore what shame is, because I think people far more qualified than me have added value to that space—but what I wanted to investigate was: “What shame does to our spirit, soul, and body.”

For me, it was an early experience of shame, where I made the determination, as a little boy: “’X’ happened; I am ‘Y’; therefore, I must be ‘Z’; it’s my fault. I must be useless and stupid if someone I trust says I am.”

Ann:And somebody did.

Christopher:Yes. I was so young—because of an innocent mistake, as a little boy, where I stepped on a piece of fruit on a sidewalk—I can remember it like it was yesterday. I was seven/eight, and that determination got so deep in the subconscious and in my soul that I lived out my young adult years—not actively thinking, “It’s Tuesday,”—[instead] “I’m useless and stupid, and we’re going to see how this goes.” It was the driver and the motivation for everything I did, which is why—to get to the punchline a little bit—will power and self-help does not work.

Dave:You can’t self-help yourself out of that.

Christopher:No.

Dave:It’s deep.

Christopher:What self-help and willpower will not do is get to what Scripture articulates as “the broken spirit,”—the driver, the animation. You had mentioned “hiding.” I think this is what happens, reflexively; because when we face adversity in life, we will either hide in Him or from Him.

Now, what determines which way we go—the state of the soul—”Is He a safe Father, where I have learned His nature and character?” or “Do I feel like Adam and Eve, in Genesis 3, that I have to hide?”

Ann:All of us do one or the other; and probably,—

Christopher:—we vacillate between.

Ann:Yes, yes. What do you think you do?

Dave:Well, I was going to say, “I vacillate.” There are times I hide in Him; and there’s many times I hide from Him. I actually hide from people, too.

Ann:How do you hide?

Dave: I immerse myself in anything else: I run; I escape; I go play sports;

play music; go to a movie. I mean, I just escape rather than sit with

God, or sit with people, and look them in the eye, and say, “Let’s

talk about my wound.”

Christopher:And yet, that’s the path to healing; because the Latin root of the word, “vulnerability,” is essentially “to be naked.”

Ann:What did you do, Chris?

Christopher:My temperament—you guys know this is about me—I am very much an introvert; I recharge alone. But any strength, over-extended and under stress—becomes a liability. So I hid; I didn’t just live as an introvert; I isolated.

Ann:Yeah, that’s what I would do, too.

Christopher:I isolated,—

Ann:I would hide.

Christopher:—because life told me that people were fundamentally unsafe. If I opened up, it was a huge risk that didn’t play out well most times.

Ann:I didn’t understand—and maybe, you can talk a little bit more—“How do we hide in Him?” I don’t think I understood what a good Father He was.

Christopher:Yeah, come on.

Ann:I wanted to perform for Him; but I didn’t know I could hide in Him, and I was in Him. What do you think that means?

Christopher:Theologically, I use Psalm 91:1, 2 as sort of the setup for this: “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty, whose power no foe can withstand. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress. My God, on Him I lean and rely. And in Him I confidently trust.’”

It’s relearning the safety of the Lord; it’s relearning the character of the Lord; it’s relearning His love. It’s being willing to go to Him honestly, and say, as I did:

It looks like You betrayed me. But I know Scripture says You are not a man that You could lie. Therefore, I’m going to wait in Your presence because what I need more than the answer to “Why this happened?” is the healing of my broken heart. And Your Word says You are faithful. Your Word says You are the same yesterday, today, and forever. Your Word says that You are close to the broken-hearted. So I will wait for a word, and I’ll wait upon Your Spirit.

Ann:I put this in my book, too, like confession. Our friend, Jamie

Winship, talks about what confession is:—

Dave:It’s truth-telling; tell the truth.

Christopher:It’s a Greek word; that’s exactly it.

Ann:As a cop, too, he said, “‘Give me your confession,’—it didn’t mean, say, ‘I’m sorry,’—it said, ‘Tell me the truth.’”

Christopher:Right.

Ann:What you just did was: you told God the truth.

Dave:Well, how did that work out?

Christopher:He already knows it.

Ann:But what happens, when we say it—we tell Him the truth—“It feels

like You abandoned me”?

Christopher:God meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be. And that

is so important. And it’s not because He is unwilling to heal. We

have to say—like blind Bartimaeus, in Mark 10—he received his

healing after he threw off the outer garment. A lot of us are wearing

these outer garments—of fear, shame, false identities; fill in the

blank—and Jesus says, “I’m right here. Throw off the outer

garment.”

The day we decide that what Jesus did for us is greater than what

happened to us is the day that we will take the very first step

forward to transformation. It doesn’t mean everything’s going to be

okay the next day; but this is about moving forward in life after loss,

not moving on from loss. Folks, we will never move on from loss.

Dave:Yeah, that’s my question: you were talking about your mom and your MS—you were hiding from Him—so what happened from God? How did you get to this realization and start hiding in Him?

Christopher:Psalm 69:19, in the Amplified, says, “Blessed be the Lord who bears our burdens and carries us day by day.” Psalm 16:8—my life verse—says, “I have set the Lord continually before me. Because He’s at my right hand, I shall not be moved.”

I said to the Lord, “I’m pretty decent at math. I’m getting moved; where’s the break in the equation?” “Oh, I’m setting my circumstances before me; I’m setting believed lies before me; I’m setting the temptation to partner with a victim identity before me.”

Ann:What do you mean by: “you’re putting it before me”?

Christopher:It is the driver, the motivation and the focal point for every thought, word, and action in my life. I would never voice that to people, but it’s the internal motivation of the heart.

Ann:So you’re going deep into the heart, to look at it, and revealing it.

Dave:What showed you that’s what was going on? How did you come to that realization?

Ann:Don’t you love how he memorizes all his Scriptures?

Christopher:The Holy Spirit, honestly—yeah, because He’s not a man that He could lie—so I said, “Listen, I’m a pretty analytical guy. This is what You said about Yourself, so I’m going to wait here in Your presence.”

And the other thing, too—and you guys have seen me, all sides of me, just up close, over the last decade—and what’s interesting is: I look at a Scripture—like Proverbs 3: “Lean on, trust in, rely upon, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind; and don’t be confident in your own strength. In all your ways, know Him, recognize Him, and acknowledge Him; and He’ll direct, and make straight, and plan your paths,”—well, guess what?

Dave:Look at that; you memorized it in the Amplified.

Ann:That was the Amplified Version.

Christopher:It was.

Ann: I’m like, “He’s doing the Amplified Version.

Christopher:That’s what I grew up on. It’s like, “Yeah, leaning upon the Lord,”—to your question, Dave—“infers that all of my weight is on Him. But what do so many of us do in adversity, just in case we get let down again? We’ve got a little weight on the back leg. The Lord’s like, ‘I need all of it.’” You guys, the realization—to answer your question—I was unwilling to give Him all of it, because the accumulation of adversity had told me: “You are unsafe; life is unsafe; people are unsafe.”

Ann:“You”—meaning God.

Christopher:Yeah.

Ann:“God, You’re unsafe.”

Christopher:And I’ll never forget it. It was right before I came on staff with you guys—it was in the spring of 2015—He said, in a time of prayer, “Prove Me, and let Me show you that I’m who I am.” That began the journey of transformation, really.

Ann:So you took a little weight off that back leg that you were leaning on?

Christopher:It was so scary; it was so scary.

Dave:I remember—I think it’s our youngest and your friend Cody—I think it was Cody, who said, “If Jesus is all I need, I don’t know Him well enough for Him to be all I need.” It’s an easy statement: “Jesus is all I need,” “Is Jesus enough?”—yes, He’s enough; but if we don’t know Him, like you said: if we don’t think He’s safe; if we don’t know His character—it’s just words until we do.

Then, it’s like: “I can lift up that last foot,”—like: “I got my pinky toe; I still got that; I’m hanging on. If God doesn’t come through, I still can take care of myself.” But it’s real faith to say, “I’m lifting my foot off; I’m leaning completely,” and “If He doesn’t come through, I fall.” And God says, “Trust Me.”

Christopher:I remember one day I was driving to work, and I was singing out to the Lord; it was an Upperroom song. I just felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me; and He said, “Really?” I said, “Yes, Lord; I love You. You’re enough; You’re all I need.” And He said, “Really?” And then, He began to confront my heart; and He said, “So it’s not Jesus, and book sales, and podcast downloads?”

You guys, I got leveled right there; I went, “Oh.” So what Cody says is exactly right. Cody and I’ve talked about that, and it’s just wild!

Dave:When you were saying earlier, Chris, that you had circumstances in between or before. I thought, “Many people listening to this podcast are married, and we do that in marriage: ‘If my spouse/if marriage is good, I’m okay,’—it isn’t—‘Even if my marriage never gets to where I want, I’m okay; I’m with Jesus; I’m in Him.’” I think we make our marriage or our spouse an idol; or our kids turning out the way [we desire]. It’s like there’s nothing wrong with those being hopes; but if they’re the ultimate, none of those are ever the ultimate. Jesus is the ultimate.

Ann:And Dave, the thing I was thinking, too, is: when you think about taking all of your weight, and giving it to Jesus—without anything; you’re not holding back on anything—I’m just going to say, “For me, as a woman, that control factor: man, it is hard to let that go; because I want—‘Yes, Jesus, I want You, and don’t you need my help?’—because I’m going to help my kids, or Dave, or my job.” There’s something about having a little bit of control that you think you feel secure in it.

Dave:You think you’re safe!

Ann:Yes, yes. that’s it, Dave; that’s it.

Christopher:That’s it, Dave; it’s the safety factor. There’s no risk.

Dave:You let go; you don’t think you’re safe. But if you’re letting go, and Jesus has got you, you’re the safest you’ll ever be.

Ann:Well, I can’t wait to hear where we’re going to go tomorrow.

Dave:Well, let me just say this: you can have Chris’s book; just send us a donation to FamilyLifeToday.com—

Ann:—of any amount.

Dave:We will send you Healing What You Can’t Erase. I’m telling you: it’s a great book. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can give us a call: 800-358-6329. That’s 800-F as in Football, L as in Life, and the word, TODAY.

.

Ann:And did you know that Dave and I have a team, at FamilyLife Today, ready to pray for you? It’s this incredible honor and a privilege to lift your name up to God. So if you need prayer, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us; I really mean that. Head on over to

FamilyLife.com/PrayForMe.

Dave:And if it’s not Ann and I praying for you, someone from our small prayer team will pray for you by name. So go to FamilyLife.com/PrayForMe and submit your request. I mean, do it right now; we would love to pray for you today.

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