Now and Not Yet: Ruth Chou Simons

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Now and Not Yet

Guest:Ruth Chou Simons

From the series:Now and Not Yet (Day 1 of 2)

Air date:December 30, 2024

Ruth:To anyone who is in the middle of a season, where they’re going: “I am barely making it,” and “I’m just trying to steward all these little things that feel so exhausting,”—whatever that situation is—I would say: “Look at your life right now. Take inventory of what God has given you to do and steward it well. Just because your circumstances aren’t what you hope they’ll be someday doesn’t mean that God’s not truly active in giving you the exact circumstances you’re in right now so that you might know more of Him, and be more conformed to His likeness right now, even when you’re not where you want to be yet.”

Ann:Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Ann Wilson.

Dave:And I’m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today!

Dave:Okay; I can tell you’re excited. Driving in, you had this little buzz about you.

Ann:I’m pretty excited. There’s something about, when you buy presents for someone at Christmas, and you have them in mind; and you want to give them something beautiful. Some of you, who know Ruth Chou Simons, know what I mean. She’s a blogger; she’s an author; she’s a podcast host—she does so many things—but she’s an incredible artist as well.

Dave:All I know is we bought a lot of her books.

Ruth:And I’m so grateful.

Dave:I’m always like: “Why are you buying so many at once?”

Ann:I had six on the table that I’m wrapping.

But if you haven’t seen what Ruth has created, and read what she’s written, you are in for a treat. And listen to this, you guys: “She’s a mom of six sons; married.”

Dave:Mom-boys right here—got nine boys between the two of you.

Ann:And she homeschooled! So my mind is kind of blown of: “How in the world?”—so we need to get this story.

Ruth:—but not all at the same time; okay? So let’s clarify.

Ann:You’re like the Proverbs 31 woman, that when you read [about]her, when you’re younger, you’re like, “That’s sickening.”

Ruth:Don’t get overwhelmed. We didn’t do all those things all at the same time.

Ann:And so I want to talk about some of that; but also, we’re going to talk about her book today.

Dave:Yes, today in this interview, we’re going to talk about Now and Not Yet—which we’ll get to in a minute—but you traveled across the country to get to Orlando, leaving your husband, and how many boys are in the home now?

Ruth:Three are in the home.

Dave:Alright, and the others are at college?—or beyond?

Ruth:Yeah, the three—well, one’s in grad school, almost finishing up; and one’s a junior in college; and one’s a freshman in college—and so it is a really strange season. I know you read books, and you hear testimonies of what the season’s like, but it’s something to get used to.

Ann:Isn’t it crazy, Ruth, how when they’re little, the days are like—people tell you: “Oh, the days…take advantage of this,”—and you’re like, “Well, each day feels like a million years.” But then, when they’re out of the house and you have some of them out of the house, you realize how precious those days are with the boys that are home.

Ruth:Absolutely; absolutely. And you realize that no part of the journey is about coasting—because you’ve got it all figured out—there’s a new season every corner; every time you turn the corner, you realize: “Oh, now, there’s a whole new dynamic,” “Oh, now, there’s a new set of needs.” We feel like we’re a little bit in Simon’s Family, 2.0; because without the three oldest, that dynamic has changed. We are a family of five; we fit into a smaller car. That is just strange!

Dave:Five is still quite a big family.

Ruth:Nothing. I mean, my bill when we go out to dinner is so much better; so much better.

Ann:And you’re parenting different, too; because you have adult sons, and you also have sons at home; so that even is different.

Can you give us a snapshot of your life? It was cool because, when I followed you on Instagram, you gave this little snapshot for those who are new. I wondered if you could do that for our audience: give us a little glimpse into your life of what it’s been like.

Ruth:Well, I’ll try to be succinct about it. Having graduated with an art degree, I really thought it was just something I was doing just because I enjoyed it. I didn’t think: “Oh, I’m going to do this unto the Lord,” and “I’m going to minister with it.” I wasn’t planning on running a business or being professional with my art. I just was kind of trying to take—I hate to say it—but almost an easy way out because I was living such a stressed-out life, trying to pursue a lot of other things.

Ann:But you were a believer in college.

Ruth:I was a believer, and I was starting to understand this idea of how to live in a rested state of trusting in God’s grace instead of my own works. I was starting to understand that, but that was the beginning of that journey. I do talk about it in one of the books we’re going to talk about today.

Part of that journey set me up to kind of think: “Oh, I’m supposed to do something dynamic with my life. I’m 22; I need to run as hard as I can; go achieve all the things.” And fast forward, I go to seminary with my husband. We actually leave seminary, without completing the degree—which is a whole other story—but left me feeling: “This feels disappointing. I feel like a disappointment. I’m not sure where I’m supposed to be or what I’m supposed to do.”

A lot of that season found us doing really mundane things; and I thought, “For sure, I’m just going to raise a family; and we’re going to just coast along.” And I thought, “Lord, I am already not overseas; I’m already not doing all the great things that I thought I was going to do for You.” Because in my mind, I thought I just had to sell it all and go serve Him overseas in order to somehow have Him pleased with me. And I was still working through understanding, theologically, what it really means for me to live in the favor and the grace of God. And so a lot of that was that season.

But as we journey through life, we realize God could call us to lots of things. He just doesn’t always give them to us all at the same time, or He doesn’t reveal it all. Dave, as you mentioned, Now and Not Yet, that really was a book that has chronicled the fact that there were seasons in my life, where I was really restless, and really ready to get out there, and do something amazing. And early on, when we had six little ones—I regularly make a joke about how, at grocery stores, people will be like: “Are they all yours?” “Were you just trying for a girl?”—and I always have to be like: “I wasn’t just trying for a girl,” “They are all mine,” “I do own a TV”; I go down the list of all the things, because they always look at you like you have ten heads. I’ve dealt with all of that.

But the reality is: it became such a blessing and such a joy to have these young men. I never thought I would have six boys; but at that time, my husband was a preaching pastor of a church plant; and then we started a classical Christian school.

I’m already taking too long, sharing this story; but basically,—

Ann:No, this is good.

Ruth:—in one decade, we had six children, started a school, started a church; and it was thrilling! And yet, I was sweeping up crushed Cheerios every day, and wiping sticky counters, and going: “Is this my dream?” “What is happening?” And the kids were screaming, and crying, and doing all the things; and ministry was happening—but it was happening during nap times and after the kids went to bed—sometimes, we would do some premarital counseling. Because what I skipped to was—that I was growing—and we were starting to be in full-time ministry, and that was wonderful!

And yet, I thought, “I have these creative abilities, and I don’t know what to do with them.” And so, in 2008, I started a blog called “GraceLaced”; and the tagline was: “Finding Grace in the Everyday.” And all that was on my mind—I wasn’t trying to go viral; I wasn’t trying to make money; get published—nothing—I was really just thinking, “How do I work out my understanding of the gospel in my everyday life when my life doesn’t look the way I expected it to?”

That was the whole point; he whole point was: “I think somebody out there, may be like me, and is not living the life that they expected to be living, or not using their giftings the way they thought; and so, ‘How does the gospel apply, in my very mundane every day, when I’m not where I thought I wanted to be?’” I started writing, and—

Ann:Was that a good outlet for you?

Ruth:It really was. I never, at all, thought about getting published; but I loved the discipline of it. What I love to tell young aspiring authors is: “One good way to hone that craft is to blog every day, every single day, for a whole year; because I chose some discipline there.” I chose some, like: “You know what? Instead of watching Netflix at night, instead of tuning in,”—I always say, “I can’t really tell you about any of those shows that were popular during that season, because I chose to put the kids to bed; and then, I worked on this blog,”—and I wasn’t making any money from it. It wasn’t anything but to have this conversation with the Lord about what I was learning and what I was growing in; and so I wrote on a blog called “GraceLaced.”

Several years later, in 2013, this little thing called Instagram was getting popular. I would blog on my blog; and then, I would post a little photo or a picture; and then, do a little snippet of what I was writing on Instagram. And that turned into, occasionally, while the kids were reading their homeschool books—everybody was sitting at the table—

Ann:And yes, you homeschooled all six.

Ruth:Well, let me back up, and say, I did homeschool a few of them, full-time; but then, we started a classical Christian school that was several days a week. It was a hybrid model; so I wasn’t home, absolutely, taking charge over the whole thing; we had teachers involved. We started a hybrid school that allowed us days at home and days at school. So please do not give me credit for being a full-time homeschooler—but the homeschool heart—the heart where I feel Troy and I continue to feel that we’re the primary influences in our kids’ lives. And so that influence caused us to want to have time at the table—time where we talked about what we’re learning—time for discipleship.

Every afternoon, they would read or do some of their writing; and we would just all sit at this really messy table. I’m looking at this gorgeous table, right now, [in the studio] thinking, “I never saw [my] actual table; it was covered with stuff all the time.” And it was there, while the baby was asleep, that I would say, “Hey, Mama’s going to—I’m working on a blog series, or I’m thinking about something—so while you guys are reading or whatever, I’m going to write a little,” or “I’m going to paint a little.” Because I needed things to dry fast, I went from being somebody who was painting oils and acrylics, to teaching myself watercolor; because it would dry so quickly. It was during nap time, while they were reading an assignment, that I’d say, “Let’s try this thing called watercolor, because it’ll dry so quickly.” And so I would paint something while I was meditating on the Scriptures, while I was just thinking, “How do I calm myself down and think about God’s Word while I’m writing something?—but I’m going to paint it out.”

I would stand up, take my little old school phone, and take a cell phone picture of what was going on [around] the table, and would share that on Instagram. And people really responded; it turned into them saying, “Could I buy that? Because I really am resonating with what you just painted.” Well, I wasn’t painting it to sell it; I was painting it out of the overflow of my own heart of that one hour of silence that I could have, and that watercolor would dry really quickly before somebody’s hand got into it; and it wasn’t toxic.

I’m giving you too long of a story; but shockingly—

Ann:No! I’m sitting here crying, out of the beauty of that—of God knows all the desires—

Ruth:He does.

Ann:—I’m thinking of Psalm 37:4: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He’ll give you the desires of your heart.” I think, so often now, we’re looking at the desires of our heart instead of the delighting in the Lord. And here you are, just being faithful to the everyday—loving your husband, loving your kids—

Dave:And I think you’re also crying because—well, look at you; you really are crying!—you so resonate. And I’m guessing every mom is resonating with your story, even the crushed Cheerios—and I’m not saying dads don’t experience this; we do as well—but there’s something about two moms sitting here. It isn’t—you’re just hearing her story—it’s your story; I think it’s every mom’s story.

Ann:Just the watercolor story, of—“I need something that will dry fast,”—isn’t that a mom right there?—like: “Something that they’re not going to wreck before it dries.”

Ruth:And I wasn’t good at it; so it wasn’t that I was putting it out there because I was so good at watercolor. I was learning a new medium to fit my crazy life, just to say, “Okay, I’m going to use what I have right now. I’m going to steward this 45 minutes that I have, and see what I can have to paint, or do something when I can’t do everything I want to do,”—because oils would take up all the space; it would need ventilation; it’s just the whole nine yards of what I had studied.

And so here I am, at the kitchen table, with all my children around; and the number six was a baby, and he was taking a nap. And we were—like some of the early pictures, I have to tell you all—some of the very earliest pictures of my paintings were of a tiny pudgy little baby hand on the table; because he’d get it from a nap, and I said, “I got to finish it.” I still remember holding this baby, and his name is Hadden, and his little pudgy hands were on the very first flat-lay photos I took for “GraceLaced.”

I tell that story because now, 11 years later, “GraceLaced” is a really well-known e-commerce site, and beautiful resources, that help people look to Jesus with my watercolors. That started at my kitchen table because I was just trying to steward a season well. And so the message—even when you said, at the top of this conversation, about Now and Not Yet—that very title came out of that season, of saying, “Lord, what do I have right now, when my not yet is—I can’t see what that is; I am not yet where I want to be—How do I steward right now? How do I know that You’re working right now?”

And for me, pressing in during a season—where I didn’t feel like big, beautiful blooms were happening in my life; when I felt like I didn’t want to wipe another sticky counter; when I thought, “I feel like I have more gifts than this. Really, the goal is just to teach my kids not to fight for the 20th time today?”—you really think, “Shouldn’t I be doing something grand?”—like winning souls to Jesus in another country; or doing something fantastic; or standing in front of a microphone, which I actually didn’t aspire to—but I just wanted to do something really amazing for the Lord. And He was saying, “It’s amazing that you’re being faithful, right where you are.” In that season, I learned so much; and I stewarded what I could in the season I was in.

Here we are, having this conversation; and someone could see my resume, and say, “Oh, she’s a bestselling author; she’s an artist; she’s a founder and CEO of a company that is successful and lovely, and a lot of people know about it; and she speaks; and podcasts.” But the reality is I didn’t do all those things at the same time. And the things that you learn about my heart in those resources came out of a season that nobody knew about, that people didn’t see all over Instagram.

Ann:It reminds me of a chapter of your book called “Hidden Doesn’t Mean Forgotten.” You were hidden—you’re hidden in your house with all these boys, the messiness of life at that stage—and yet, God saw you—not only saw you—but was stewarding.

Ruth:And I didn’t necessarily sit there, and think to myself, “This hiddenness is going to pay off! ‘Let me be hidden, Lord, because You will exalt me.’” I didn’t think that!

Ann:You’re just surviving; please tell me you’re just surviving your days.

Ruth:I wasn’t showering every day; my hair did not look good; I probably never plucked my eyebrows; it was just not a good season. I was probably gnawing my fingers, because I was anxious and stressed out. And I’m sure it was not a good self-care—I mean, I know it was not a good self-care—season. I mean, I was so grateful if I could even get to the park with the kids and not have a meltdown or a poopy diaper.

The reality is: the lesson of hiddenness came a decade later, when I reflected back, and said, “Oh, let’s look at the pattern that I see, over and over again, in Scripture that God sometimes uses the very places, where you think, ‘This is impossible. No one’s ever going to know that I’m working so hard. This feels so hidden. What if I’m trying to be faithful, but I don’t see any fruit?’” The lessons came later, when I realized, “Oh, leave that to the Lord; that’s not for you to go chase down.”

But during that season, when I was in it, I was like: “Well, I painted this painting that I hope blesses this person,” or “Oh, I painted a painting that we’re going to use for the auction/silent auction at our school.” So I was using my giftings in ways to serve people. But I didn’t know that it would ever turn—

Ann:—not to exalt yourself.

Ruth:No; and never, in a million years, did I ever think that hundreds of thousands of people would give of their resources to purchase something that I created.

Ann:—buying your books at Christmas time to give their friends!

Ruth:So when you say there are six of my books—or whatever, or products—on your table, I think: “The season, where Ruth was hidden, would never have thought that; but I’m so grateful she couldn’t have imagined it. I’m so grateful, during that season, all that the Lord was impressing on my heart was: ‘Nothing is wasted. So steward this well, because you don’t know what’s coming.’”

Ann:I remember—I think our son was a senior in high school—and there’s something—our oldest son—so there’s something about the firstborn leaving that you feel very nostalgic; and you you’re grasping and remembering, and holding onto these memories. And I remember I had gone to my journal to journal that night of what I was feeling about him leaving. I happened to come—another journal was in the room—and I happened to see what I had written when they were all five and under. I remember the first line was: “I have no life; I have no life!”

Ruth:I feel like that’s a journal entry that every mom knows about. There’s one journal entry somewhere: “I have no life,” “I have no friends,” “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Ann:Everything in your life is geared toward these children. You love them, and you want the best for them; you’re wanting to disciple them; I wanted them to know Jesus.

Dave:You got a husband over here, going, “Hey! I’m here, too.”

Ann:Yeah; like, “I have needs, too.”

But then, when I was writing—and I remember looking; I was in the kitchen—I was writing and journaling. As I’m looking at Dave, and the three boys—they’re laughing; they’re talking—and I thought, “Oh, God, what a sweet gift—that was my life—and You were teaching me, all along the way, of who You were, of how I was desperate to need You”; because I couldn’t have done it without Him.

Dave:What do you two say to the mom, who’s listening right now? Both of you are sort of out of that stage—we’re way out of that stage, as empty nesters now, with grandkids—but there’s a mom listening, right now, who is literally wiping a poopy diaper.

Ann:It’s Maria, who has three children, and she’s pregnant with her fourth.

Dave:Yeah; right now, they’re running around the house. Whether it’s a podcast or they’re listening on radio, they can’t even really listen—you know, exactly—they may be running out the door at this school; but they’re feeling what you [two] have talked about: restless for more; you’re in the waiting. What’s your perspective for them, as they’re saying, “Okay, how do I do I think about this time?”

Ann: “How do I get through these days?”

Ruth:My number-one favorite thing to encourage anyone in that season is: “Your someday is made up of thousands of right nows. That who you become someday is actually—not because you suddenly took the right course; or you suddenly found the right babysitter for your kids; or you got to the gym; or you did some major life-altering thing—and your best life is not on the other side of those kids, grown. It might change—you might have more opportunities; you might be able to go and get your hair washed—you might have a little more self-care.

Ann:—do your eye brows.

Ruth:“We agree; we know that life changes. But your best life isn’t actually on the other side of all your circumstances changing.”

To the mom or to the dad—to anyone who is in the middle of a season, where they’re going: “I am barely making it,” and “I’m just trying to steward all these little things that feel so exhausting,”—whatever that situation is—I would say: “Look at your life right now. Take inventory of what God has given you to do and steward it well.” Because lots of little changes, and lots of little decisions—even your decision to wake up this morning, and be in the Word/ talk to the Lord, make your bed—little decisions; we can’t underestimate how much it’s shaping and forming us along the way.

We both know that sanctification is not a one-and-done process. Sanctification is a fancy way of saying that: “God is causing His children—those who are redeemed and in Christ—making us more like Him.” Well, that happens, even though we are made right instantly; we are progressively becoming more like Him, day by day, little by little. And because that sanctification process is kind of realigning us, and changing us so that we could ultimately look more like His son, Christ, that means that today is not wasted.

And so even if you’re in Carolina, and it feels like you really just want to numb yourself to death, and just hop on and watch some silly cat videos for the next 30 minutes, and just be like, “I’m not going to deal with my problems; I’m just going to watch dumb videos.” We’ve all been there; the point is not—”Wow, you should make every moment count,”—but to stop, and say: “Well, what have you been given? If you’re wanting to grow now, if you want to be somebody, who has stewarded his or her gifts someday well; steward them in little ways.”

Now, maybe, you’re like me; and you learn watercolor, because it dries fast—whatever it is—start today. Just because your circumstances aren’t what you hope they’ll be someday, doesn’t mean that God’s not truly active in giving you the exact circumstances you’re in right now so that you might know more of Him, and be more conformed to His likeness right now, even when you’re not where you want to be yet.

Ann:I’m resonating with every word you’re saying. I think there’s something about, as we’re wiping bottoms, and wiping noses, and cleaning toilets, it’s an act—I remember this one time, when two of the kids were sick; and I was cleaning this toilet, on my hands and knees—and I remember saying to God, “Father, this is my worship to You today; this is all I have. I feel like I’m doing nothing to You; it feels so mundane to me. But I’m praying, out of the mundane faithfulness, Lord, because I don’t want to do this—in terms of cleaning the toilet—but I’m so grateful that I get to be with the kids, and have these kids; but Lord, I give the mundane days to You.”

And I know you would say this, too, Ruth: “Out of those mundane days, you have these miraculous moments, that it takes your breath away.” I’m thinking of that little baby—that little baby hand—that you drew, like God’s: “Look at you, Ruth. Look what/you are creating.” And even the fact that He allows us to give life—or maybe, adopt; or maybe, we’re stepparents—the fact that we get to be with those kids.

And Dave, I’m thinking of all the things that we get to do—which is amazing to have this honor: to be able to speak, or to do this to meet Ruth—and yet, I’ve got my youngest son, with his wife and three kids coming today; and I am giddy that I get to do both of those things.

Ruth: I love that.

Ann: In terms of priority now, at this stage of my life, that is still at the top.

Ruth:Absolutely.

Ann: Don’t you feel that?

Ruth:But you have to have eyes to see—whether you’re in the mundane; or you’re in another season, where the blessings just keep coming and you have lots of opportunities—I think, a lot of times, we live so distracted. I talk a lot about how, sometimes, we just want to hit that easy button, or skip to the good part, or numb ourselves out in the season that we’re in. Whether you’re a young mama; or you’re a career woman, trying to get a promotion; or I’m just speaking from the stories that I hear regularly; or you’re kind of just in a season, where you’re going through a lot of just hard trials, where you just think, “If I can just get on the other side of this, everything will be better.” I think we tend to numb ourselves out.

I think, when we do that, and when we’re turning to our phones all the time—or we’re just like, “I won’t talk to the Lord; I’ll just keep talking to my best friends, and never really deal with this, spiritually,”—however it is that you’re trying to numb out or skip to the good part—I think, when we do that, Ann, we miss the part that you were just describing, where we don’t cultivate eyes to see—

Ann:That’s it.

Ruth:—with gratitude. We start—

Ann:—complaining.

Ruth:Yes, and we miss the blessings that are right in front of us.

I think, for years, I used a hashtag that was—I think something like—“Gratitude makes what you have enough.” Because in my mind, every time I would snap a picture of my boys playing—and early on, when they were little, it was just kind of like this glorious and kind of terrifying sight, when they were building forts; and there was so much to clean up before dinner—but when I snapped a picture of it, and I used that hashtag, it usually was like, “Hey, I have eyes to see today,” just describing what you just described—or in exactly the way you just described—”Having eyes to see what the blessings are that are right before me.”

The only way to see that is if I actually look up—from all my distractions, and my phone, and the things that I’m complaining about—and just take a moment, and say, “Lord, give me the eyes to see what You’re doing; how You’re at work; and help me not be so focused on everything I don’t like about my right now; and pay attention to how You are actually more at work and blessing me in ways that I don’t even deserve, right this minute already.”

Ann:We need to talk more about that tomorrow.

Dave:I just want to say: “What you just said—I mean, this whole show has been—it’s all in that book, Now and Not Yet.” I’m going to say to our listener: “It’s the Christmas season. You need to buy yourself a gift; and that gift is go to FamilyLifeToday.com and buy the book, Now and Not Yet.”

But here’s something really exciting—I don’t even know if you know this—but this program is listener-supported, so financial donations come in from listeners. We’re offering this book, Home Is Right Where You Are, as a gift to our listeners.

Ruth:No way! What gift.

Dave:If you give a gift to FamilyLife, we’ll send you this for free. So here’s how you do that: go to FamilyLifeToday.com; you can make your gift there. Or give us a call at 800-358-6329. That’s 800-F as in Family, L as in Life, and the word, TODAY. By the way, that donation that you make is going to be doubled; that’s a pretty cool thing. And that’s the whole month—the month of December—so you send a donation; we’ll send you this book.

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