Questions Jesus Asked: Turning All-Consuming Fear, Worry, Pain into Stronger Faith Fuel – Amberly Neese

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Questions Jesus Asked: Turning All-Consuming Fear, Worry, Pain into Stronger Faith Fuel

Guest:Amberly Neese

From the series:Untangling Your Faith—from the Questions Jesus Asked

(Day 2 of 2)

Air date:February 24, 2026

Amberly (00:04):

The God of heaven and earth cares about what you care about—the God who made the heavens and earth, the God who made the stars—that same God cares about all those things. I think worry happens—worry creeps in—when we take our eyes off of Jesus. I know that that sounds like the Sunday school answer—but guess what?—it’s the Sunday school answer for a reason.

Dave (00:31):

Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Dave Wilson.

Ann (00:37):

And I’m Ann Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Dave (00:51):

One of the things I found surprising about this stage of our life—empty nesters, grandkids; kids are out of the house—is I worry more.

Ann (01:02):

I’d be up, not being able to sleep, because I’m worrying about something over the years. You were like, “I slept great. What are you talking about?” But you’re saying, now, you worry more.

Dave (01:12):

Stress and anxiety have hit me at a level that I’ve never experienced before. Often, it’s not bad; but it’s still like, “Wow, look at me.” I’m thinking, “I can’t sleep.” There’s many, many nights I wake up and can’t get back to sleep.

Ann (01:29):

Why do you think?

Dave (01:30):

I’m thinking through the future—it could be money; it could be our kids; it could be grandkids—you name it. All the stuff that used to always keep you up at night. I used to say, “Just trust God; He’s got it.” I’m like, “I’m scared, at times.” So let’s talk about that a little bit. We’ve got our resident therapist in the studio.

Amberly (01:53):

No, it’s care-a-pist; I’ve got big care.

Dave (01:54):

I’ll take “care” any day!

Amberly Neese is with us, and she’s not a therapist. Well, maybe you are!

Amberly: No.

Dave: Is that one of your—

Ann (02:03):

She has many jobs. She has many jobs and many things she’s good at.

Dave (02:07):

You’re a comedian—a humorous—a Bible teacher, a college professor, a mom, a wife. What am I missing? You do it all.

Ann (02:15):

—a good friend.

Amberly: There you go.

Ann: You’re pretty remarkable.

Amberly: Thank you; thank you; thank you. But mostly, I’m just excited to be here.

Dave (02:21):

Good.

Amberly (02:21):

I’m glad we’re going to unpack some stuff today.

Ann: Me, too.

Dave (02:24):

One of the Bible studies you’ve written is Untangling Faith: Reclaiming Hope in the Questions Jesus Asked. We’ve already talked about a couple of those, but how many questions did Jesus ask?

Amberly (02:35):

Over 300. That’s just in the New Testament; isn’t that crazy?

Dave (02:38):

Yeah, I would’ve never thought it was that many.

Amberly (02:40):

No, me neither. I went to Bible college; I have a master’s degree from a Bible college. When I started this, I thought, “This is crazy.” But once the Holy Spirit kind of heightens your awareness of something, now, I can’t read it without all the questions. It’s unbelievable.

Dave (02:52):

You dive in, and it’s a six-week—

Amberly (02:54):

It is a six-week study.

Dave (02:55):

—video-based Bible study. You look at all these different questions. You don’t look at all of them, obviously.

Amberly (03:01):

I don’t; I don’t. I kind of put them in categories; and then, every day of the study is a different question. You’d think that questions would bring about more uncertainty; but actually, I think, honestly, the questions of Jesus teach us more about His character and the depth of His love for us. It grounds us even more than we thought possible.

Dave (03:21):

One of the questions that I looked at, in your study, is what I just brought up. It’s in Matthew 6; Jesus says, “Can any one of you, by worrying, add a single hour to your life?” Do you ever worry?

Amberly (03:36):

I do. I think it’s so interesting that you bring up the empty nest. We have one child, who’s living at home; but one who moved across country. I think it’s harder to parent now than it did when they were little. For those—

Ann: I agree.

Amberly: — young moms and dads, who are listening, don’t feel like I’m minimizing your pain; because I totally get the pain—but I think now it’s harder because we have no control. At least, when they were younger, we thought we had some modicum of control. We have zippity-von-doo-dah when it comes to control now; I think there’s definitely a little bit more worry.

I love Jesus’ questions about: “Can any of you add an hour to your life by worrying?” There is a silly meme that came from a movie, years ago, that Cher was in; it was Cher and Nicholas Cage. She says this thing, where she hits him upside the head; she says, “Snap out of it!” I feel like the Holy Spirit—when I read that, that’s what I hear—is saying, “Amberly, snap out of it.” Not that the Holy Spirit would knock me upside the head. However, I know that He’s saying, “I see what you’re worrying about. I’m not negating what you’re worrying about, but I am negating the energy you’re spending, not remembering Who I am.”

(04:42) The God of heaven and earth cares about what you care about—the God who made the heavens and earth, the God who made the stars—that same God cares about all those things. I think worry happens—worry creeps in—when we take our eyes off of Jesus. I know that that sounds like the Sunday school answer—but guess what?—it’s the Sunday school answer for a reason. It’s because then we are focused more on those issues more than we are on the character of God.

(05:16) The last time we met, we talked about the Ebenezers. That was because I needed a visual representation of how God provides. I’ve never been a bird person. I’ve often laughed, and said, “Depending on the season of your life, birds have a different meaning. When you’re little, at least for me, I thought birds were what followed Snow White around. I wanted them to follow me around, where I sing.” But it’s been so cool to look at that same section of Scripture in Matthew talking about God providing for the birds. Watching them trust, that they come. Even when I’ve blown it, and I haven’t filled it [bird feeder] up, they still come. For me, I feel like I should come, even when I don’t see His provision; I should still show up and be a part of it.

Dave (05:54):

I heard a preacher—it was my son—he’s preaching, and he said this statement; and he wasn’t even talking about worry. He said, “Whatever you look at the most is your God.” I think worry’s the same thing. It’s like: “Whenever you’re worrying about it, it just grabs you. In fact, the word, “worry,” in the German, means “to choke.”

Amberly (06:18):

Yeah, yeah; I’ve heard that.

Dave (06:19):

You’re choking God out of your life. It’s like: “If I’m worry about finances, guess what? Money’s probably my God. If I’m worried about…” Again, there’s nothing wrong with those things; those are good things. But if it’s got you, it’s choking you. It’s probably an indicator that: “Oh, this might be really a lot more important than you think it is.” The question, then, is like what Jesus said is: “Can that add anything to your life?” Jesus is saying, “No; take your eyes off that and look at the One Who provides for the birds, and say, ‘If it’s money that [I’m] worried about, [He’s] the answer.’”

Amberly: It’s so good.

Dave: It isn’t like: “Don’t take care of your bank account,” “Don’t be careful with your budget,”—that kind of thing—but it is [Him] saying, “I am the supplier of the food for the birds, so you as well.” That’s what you’re getting at in that question.

Amberly: (07:04):

So you’re going to sleep super well tonight.

Dave (07:05):

I hope so.

Ann (07:06):

Well, I think, too, Dave worries about money. I worry about kids, worry about grandkids. We have a grandchild who had a 45-minute seizure. This was a couple years ago,—

Dave (07:18):

Very scary.

Ann (07:18):

—but she hasn’t since. I don’t worry about myself, sometimes; but I’ll worry about—again, the things that I don’t feel in control of—that kind of thing, like, “I have no control of this. I can’t do anything about this.” I’m thinking about the listener, who maybe has had a really hard diagnosis for themselves or for a family member; or a child that’s walked away. Now, it’s really hard: “How do I not worry about that?”

My sister was 44 when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. I had a pattern of, when I would start thinking about something, I would try to solve it in my mind by walking through the entire scenario. “If she has cancer,”—and then, I try to solve all the problems with it—”well, what should we do? Where should we go? What’s the best oncologist? What should we do with the kids?” That would seem to make me feel more at peace, as long as I had some control.

But it started getting worse and worse, and the diagnosis was not good. I realized, “This is doing no good. I need to take every thought captive—

Amberly: —captive, you betcha.

Ann (08:33):

—”and lay it before the King.” I remember thinking, “I’m not going to think about the future. Jesus, all I’m going to do is hand You the moment; hand You my worries; hand You my fears—and say them, out loud, to You—Lord, now I need Your peace that surpasses all understanding; and I need You to help me to guard my mind and my heart in Christ Jesus.”

Amberly (08:49):

Absolutely. And when you think about holding every thought captive—we’ve all watched those movies ,where the captives, what do they want to do?—they want to get free. Those thoughts want to do the same thing. When we think: “Okay, fully-bound—this thought is fully-bound—I’ve totally relinquished it to the Lord.” That captive wants to get free. And oftentimes, they do in my mind. And then, I’m back to: “Oh, man; I need to go…”—I’m worried again.

Ann (09:10):

So do you just go back again? Let’s say you’ve given it to Jesus—you’ve bound it; you’ve given it to Him—and then, half hour later, you’re triggered by something; and it comes back. What do you do?

Amberly (09:21):

I often ask myself: “What do you know to be true?”—God is good; He’s in control; He’s working in my best interests. The way that I bind those thoughts is with the truth of God—of His character—

Ann (09:39):

—and the truth of His Word.

Amberly (09:40):

Absolutely; the truth of His Word: “So what do I know to be true?”

When I meet with young ladies whom I’m discipling, that’s often when they tell me their story. That’s the first question that comes out of my face: “What do you know to be true?” Because it gives a great framework for where they’re at, spiritually—where they still have room to grow, spiritually—which we all have.

Ann (09:58):

What will they often say when you say, “What do you know to be true?”

Amberly (10:00):

“This is real,” or “My pain is in my face”; or “I know that God is good, but this is really scary!” or “…whatever happens to me.”

You know what? That’s okay. I love the Psalms and the Proverbs, especially when we talk about the Proverbs that we should seek for wisdom as hidden treasure. That’s not a beautiful, simple process. Seeking for hidden treasure means we have stuff that we need to dig up; we need to get serious with our fervor and getting to the bottom of it. We have to know that it’s worth it. All of those things factor into finding hidden treasure. I think being willing to get to the bottom of some of our spiritual questions, we need to have that same kind of fervor. We need to be diligent in trying to get to that and know it’s messy.

Ann (10:48):

And it can often take us back to the question we asked earlier: “Who do you say that I am?”

Amberly (10:52):

Right, absolutely; absolutely.

Ann (10:53):

“If we’re not trusting Him, why is that? Who don’t we believe Him to be?”

Amberly (10:58):

Yeah; “And which of you, by worrying, can add an hour to your life? None of you.” So, essentially, “Snap out of it. Focus on the character of God.” I mean, I think that’s really what it comes down to. When I’m on the struggle bus, it is because I have taken my eyes off of the Lord and focused on myself.

Dave (11:15):

It’s interesting, three verses later, what does Jesus say? “Seek first—

Ann (11:20):

—“first the kingdom.”

Dave (11:21):

—“the kingdom, and all these things will be added.” As I look back over six decades of life, every one of those worries that kept me up at night, I look back on them, and I’m like: “Oh, God provided,” “God took care,” “God showed up.” Again, they weren’t all perfect little tie-a-bow on them things; some of them were really hard. But as I look back, the track record is you don’t have to lay in bed and be up all night. Get out of your bed, get on your knees, and say, “God, I’m going to seek first You. I’m going to give this to You. I’m going to go back to sleep, knowing that You got it.”

Again, I don’t know what that means, in terms of the result; but to be able to put it in [His] hands, and be like a robin, and say, “Okay, He will provide,” is a big one.

Amberly (12:01):

In Jeremiah 29—we talk about Jeremiah 29:11—but [verse] 13 is: “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all of your heart.” When you’re struggling with that worry, seek the heart of God. Seek, with everything in you, to try to figure out: “What is true?”

Dave (12:16):

I’ll say this real quick: I was just thinking of a family listening. If there’s a dad like me, or a mom that used to lay in bed—I used to lay in bed and think about paying for my three sons’ college education—that was one of them. I don’t know if you laid in bed—

Ann (12:29):

I never once worried about that; but I did worry: “Are they going to party their guts out in college?” Those are the kind of things I worried about.

Dave (12:35):

And I thought, “Yes, they will.” I remember many nights: “We’re putting money away, but it’s not going to be enough.” And now, I can look back; they’re, all three, graduated. God showed up in amazing ways.

Amberly (12:49):

Immeasurably more than you’d ask or imagine.

Dave (12:51):

He provided. And it’s like: “I wasted all those nights” I just want to say that dad, or that mom, “Go to sleep. You can go to sleep tonight; He’s got them.” Again, I’m not saying you don’t invest; you don’t put money aside—you do all the things, on our side—but He will reveal Himself in a way that you will go, “Wow, I didn’t know He could be trusted that way.”

Amberly (13:10):

Right; why could Jesus sleep when the storm was happening? Because He knew who was in charge of the waves. When we are having tumult in our lives, when we’re facing those waves, we can sleep, knowing that the One who controls those waves is on our side.

Ann (13:24):

Amberly, you’ve talked about going through nine years of struggling with infertility.

Amberly (13:29):

Yeah.

Ann (13:30):

That is a long time.

Amberly: It’s a long time.

Ann: I can’t imagine the ups and the downs, the trauma, how that affected your marriage. You can just say it, but there’s a whole lot to that.

Amberly (13:42):

Oh, you betcha.

Ann (13:43):

How did you give that to Jesus? What were some of the struggles in that?

Amberly (13:48):

Some of the struggles for us—especially, from my family; because they weren’t believers—were like, “Well, if the Jesus couple can’t get what they want out of God, how do the rest of us have a shot?” I kept saying, “Lord, this could be such a great tool for my family.” It’s so funny. I have to beseech the Lord by appealing to His intellect as if He’s not the most—He’s all logic, He is everything—so there was that.

Physically, I just felt like, “Wow, I’m not enough.” We say, “Oh, in Bible times, a woman’s worth is having children,”—and we can look back on that—

Ann: —“used to be…”

Amberly: —but the truth is: “It’s still a thing when they were like, ‘When are you going to start a family?’” “Wait, we’re a family already.”

Somehow, we bought and sold—and probably, perpetuated—the idea that we were incomplete without having children. We had this great desire. I would say, “If You don’t want me to have a baby, Lord, just rip this desire out of my…”; it was such a deep desire. I wanted to give my husband a child. I didn’t grow up in a Christian family; I wanted a Christian family. There was a lot of that.

(14:51) But also, physically, it was really hard on my body. What we found out later—probably, too much information—but when we finally had Judah—our daughter’s name is Judah, which means: “I will praise God for this child,”—my mother was like, “I don’t know if I like that name.” I was like, “Well, you don’t have to pay for the therapy; so it’s fine”; she loves it now.

But when we got pregnant with Judah—when I finally got to a place where we knew this one was going to stick or whatever—they didn’t know why she wasn’t turning. We did surgery, and the doctor said—she’s not a believer, but she was like—”I know you guys are like God-people, so thank whatever God you’re supposed to; because there is no way this baby should have gone long-term.” I had a misshapen uterus, so that’s why all the babies were dying. They would grow to a certain place; and then, they would stop. She was like, “This is unbelievable.”

My husband said, “Well, what about subsequent children?” I was like, “Dude, back off! I just had a baby!” And he was like, “No, I just want to know.” She said, “Your daughter’s made away for future babies.” We understood all of that, but there was a lot of testing—there was a lot of—it’s very intrusive on a marriage—lots of questions from our church ladies. Because my husband was on staff, all these cute little church ladies would say, “Well, tell me about this…” I’d be like: “I do not want to have this conversation with you! Just pray for us,” “Just pray for us,” “Just pray for us.” But even if God had not provided the opportunity for us to have biological children, He’s still God, and He still loves us, and He was still working in our best interests.

(16:23) I’m so thankful for Judah and Josiah. We have a daughter, Judah Catherine.

Ann: That’s the best names.

Amberly: I know! And Josiah Caleb; we’re so thankful for them. Man, they teach us a lot about Jesus; I’ll just tell you. Our daughter is so full of life, and joy, and passion. I love that that we get to explore the creative part of God.

And then, our son is so methodical; he wants to be a patent lawyer. I said, “So Josiah, tell me why that’s your choice.” And he says, “Mom, it’s like the marriage of engineering and law. Can you think of anything more exciting?” “I don’t know: dental work?” [They’re] so different. He teaches us so much about the logical, mathematical—not a God of disorder, but a God of order and of peace—he teaches us so much about that. I’m so thankful for the things that I see in them; it’s pretty awesome.

But yes, it’s very hard on a marriage; it’s very hard on each individual person. Scott felt terrible, because he couldn’t help me deal with any of the mourning. I think, actually, when you lose a child, it’s as hard on the man. All the focus is put on the woman, because she’s going through the physical stuff; but the man is left—

Ann:—forgotten.

Amberly: —crushed and forsaken—for sure. I’m glad that that’s in the rear view mirror for us.

Ann: Thanks for sharing.

Amberly: Yeah, of course.

Dave (17:47):

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Ann (17:59):

And we’d be so honored to have you on the journey with us; we really would. So here’s the question: “Will you join us today?”

Dave (18:08):

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Dave: In our last few minutes, you got another question in there; you got a bunch of them.

Amberly (18:26):

I do.

Dave (18:27):

I’d love to hear your thoughts on when Jesus says, “Do you want to be healed?”—

Amberly (18:31):

Yeah.

Dave (18:32):

—which seems like: “Why would He even ask that?” Of course, somebody who’s—

Ann (18:37):

“Who doesn’t want to be healed?”

Amberly: Agreed.

Dave (18:37):

—sick wants to be healed. But He asked, “Do you want to be healed?” What’s that all about?

Amberly (18:42):

I took the same approach you did, which is like, “Well, Jesus, of course, he wants to get well.” And yet, we can get really complacent and comfortable in our suffering, in our pain; but also, sometimes, in our sin. I think it’s so gracious of Him that He would say to this man, “Do you want to get well?”—giving the man the opportunity to make the choice. That’s the gentleman that Jesus is: He does give us a choice. No matter what the situation is, He gives us this opportunity, to say, “I have the power to heal you; do you want to get well? Are you willing to leave the comfort of that?”

(19:29) Years ago, we used to watch a television program; it’s not a Bible-study based television program. It was called ER. There was a character on there, who had a cane. The whole length of the show, she had a cane. Somebody said to her—it was like the end of the shift—and they said, “So Carrie, you have your surgery tomorrow. What is it going to feel like to not have your cane anymore?” And she says, “I’ve had it for so long; I don’t know who I am without it.”

Ann: It had become her identity.

Amberly: It had become her identity. Sometimes, we hold onto past mistakes, past choices—even current situations—we hold on so tight that we don’t know who we are apart from it. God says, “Do you want to get well?” That can be a myriad/a litany of things that it could be.

But He’s said it to me, many times, in my life. I held onto being infertile for a long time; and He says, “Do you want to get well, even if the child never comes?” or “…unforgiveness; there was some past hurt in my life. Going back to our original—there are lots of knots in my tree—He said, “Do you want to give Me glory, or do you want it to be about your knots?” Even then, He says, “Do you want to get well?”

(20:36) I also love me some food; I’m Italian. I don’t know why the UN doesn’t just say to Italy: “Just feed the world”; because nobody would go hungry. However, food has become a thing for me; it has become an idol for me. Many times, He has said, lovingly, caringly, in the most gentle way: “Amberly, do you want to get well? Are you ready for Me to be your portion? Are you ready to taste and see that I’m good? ” He’s been gentle, and He’s been patient. Every day is a new opportunity to explore that: “Do you want to get well?”

Ann (21:07):

I think that I was doing that in our marriage. In year ten, David become my idol. I had taken my eyes off of Jesus; and I thought, “Dave, you could make me well.” In other words, “You can make me happy. It’s your job to make me happy.” And then, I could also—if that wasn’t working—it would be easy for me to place that on my children:—

Amberly (21:27):

Oh, yes.

Ann (21:27):

—“Oh, you guys can make me happy. You can fulfill me. You can meet the needs that your dad isn’t meeting.” And yet, Jesus is saying, “Do you want to get well? Because they—ultimately, everything and everyone—will let you down; but I can heal the depths of your pain, the depths of your longings. That’s My job.”

I love that you’re asking these questions. I love that Jesus asked the questions, because He’s asking us those questions every day.

Dave (21:55):

Well, I think what you just got at—it just hit me when you were talking—I think, if we were honest, we would say,” Actually, I don’t; I don’t want to get well.” Because how many guys—

Amberly: “I don’t know who I am without this/separate from this.”

Dave: I was thinking—even as we’re thinking of listeners right now—I think of so many guys to whom I have said, “Get to a marriage conference. We have a conference called the Weekend to Remember; come to it.” They’re like, “… ” “You really don’t want a better marriage do you? You’re satisfied.” or “…go to a counselor,”—”No, I’m not going to go to a counselor.“ “Why?” “Well…”—whatever. It’s like you really are okay being unhealthy, and your marriage isn’t well. You know what I mean? Even a wife has probably said to her husband, “You should listen to FamilyLife Today every day”; yeah, he’s not doing it.

Again, I’m ripping on guys here; it could be either way. But I think, when we don’t take that step, it’s almost like God is saying to us, “I’ve given you a way to get well.” Because you’ve said: “It’s too much money,” or “I’m not going to go away for a weekend,” or “I can’t miss this football game,” —or whatever reason it is—you’re really saying, “I’m okay; I don’t need to get well. I’m not even sick”; when everything around you is saying, “You are sick!”

“Will you accept Jesus’ invitation?”—which could be from your neighbor, or your pastor, or a friend, or a small group leader, who is even saying, “Hey, let’s go through this Untangling Faith small group together,”—“I don’t have time”; you’re saying, “I don’t want to get well,”—because this study’s going to help you get well. That’s our answer.

Amberly (23:18):

Yeah, exactly. So even though Jesus asked these questions, thousands of years ago, to people we will never meet, this side of glory, these questions still ring true for us. They still are open invitations for us to invest in these questions and get to the bottom of our own spiritual stuff.

Ann (23:35):

I love that question: “So listeners, friends, do you want to get well?”

Dave (23:40):

If you do, prove it; prove it. Prove it to your wife; prove it to your kids: “I really want to get well, and I know what it’s going to take. It’s going to take going to this,” or “…showing up,”—it might be: “Go to church. Get in a church this weekend, and lead your family there. Watch God help your family get well.”

Dave: It’s great having Amberly back with us. Again, her video-driven small group study is called Untangling Faith. It jumps into the questions that Jesus asked, and you’re going to love it.

Ann (24:13):

And you can get the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.

Dave (24:17):

What if the questions you’re to embarrassed to ask are the ones your marriage needs answered?

Ann: Marriage After Dark is FamilyLife’s newest podcast, where a real married couple talks openly about healthy, God-honoring sex. Yes, the stuff you never asked your pastor or your friends.

Dave: For more, go to FamilyLife.com/MarriageAfterDark; because intimacy shouldn’t stay in the dark. Again, that’s FamilyLife.com/MarriageAfterDark.

Ann (24:45):

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