FamilyLife Today®

Why Physical Health Matters for your Marriage: Dave & Ashley Willis

January 14, 2025
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Could your physical health influence how you act toward your spouse? Bestselling authors Dave & Ashley Willis chat about genuine change in your bodies & relationship.

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Why Physical Health Matters for your Marriage: Dave & Ashley Willis
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Show Notes

About the Guest

Dave and Ashley Willis

Dave and Ashley Willis spent thirteen years in full-time church ministry before joining the XO Marriage team to build stronger, Christ-centered marriages. With XO Marriage―the largest marriage-focused ministry in the world―their books, blogs, podcasts, speaking events, and media resources have reached millions of couples worldwide. Dave and Ashley speak at all XO events, host The Naked Marriage Podcast and regularly create new marriage resources. They also co-host the MarriageToday broadcast on Daystar Television Network, which features their teachings alongside MarriageToday founder, Pastor Jimmy Evans. Dave and Ashley have four young sons and they live near Augusta, GA.

Episode Transcript

FamilyLife Today® National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript

References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.

Why Physical Health Matters for Your Marriage

Guests:Dave and Ashley Willis

From the series:Healthy Intimacy (Day 2 of 3)

Air date:January 14, 2025

Dave: I’ll tell you: one of the greatest moments of my life was that guy that came up to

us at the Hershey Weekend to Remember® conference and asked us to rip up his

divorce papers.

Ann: That was the greatest moment.

Dave: That was incredible. And it was so incredible, because he didn’t want to come to

this conference. His wife sort of made him come; and he said, “I’ll go just Friday.” But he

ended up liking Friday night—stayed through Saturday and Sunday morning—and said,

“God did a miracle. We were going to get divorced tomorrow on Monday, but God did a

miracle. We’re going home with hope and a plan.” And let me tell you: that’s what

happens at FamilyLife Weekend to Remembers all over the country.

Ann: And you might be intimidated thinking, “Are we going to have to bunch up and talk

to people?” No, this is just the two of you. You’ll be sitting with people, but it’s just the

two of you interacting—mostly listening, laughing—digging into some areas maybe that

you just haven’t had time to talk about. This conference can change marriages for the

better.

Dave: Yeah; we’re going to tell you, right now—you can sign up and get 50 percent off

through January 20—50 percent off your registration. So I would just encourage you:

“Go to FamilyLife Today right now; click on the banner and sign up for FamilyLife’s

Weekend to Remember. Or if you want to give us a call, call us at 800-358-6329; that’s

800-F as in Family, L as in Life, and the word, TODAY.”

Ann: This might sound crazy; but one of the things that I’ve always appreciated that you do, Dave, is you really do take care of yourself. Even the fact that you would make an appointment; go to the doctor.

Dave: You told me to. [Laughter]

Ann: I know, but you actually did it! I feel—

Dave: No, I’m kidding! You didn’t tell me to, but there have been times where I didn’t take care—I didn’t get a physical—but now, I’m like, “No, this is something—

Ann: Yes, and that makes me—

Dave: —“it’s important.”

Ann: It’s crazy; because I feel loved, and I feel secure.

Dave: —when I—what?!

Ann: Yes! Like knowing that you’re taking care of yourself/that makes me not worry about the future. That makes me think, “Oh, he’s going to be around a little bit; because he’s taking care of himself.”

Dave: So you’re telling me that I should go play more golf? That’s what I’m hearing. [Laughter]

Ann: Is it physically exerting? Is that good for your heart?

Dave: You’re telling me I should go work out; that’s a good thing.

Ann: No, no; it doesn’t matter to me what you do, but I do like that you’re taking care of yourself.

Dave: Do you think all wives feel that way?

Ann: I think that we worry about our man’s health—you know?—because we love you, and we want you to be around.

Ann: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Ann Wilson.

Dave: And I’m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Dave: So we’ve got Dave and Ashley Willis back in the studio with us at FamilyLife Today. Welcome back.

Ashley: Thank you! Glad to be back.

Dave Willis: Thanks for having us.

Dave: We are glad you guys are back. You know, many know you as the authors of Naked Marriage and the Naked Marriage podcast. And your latest book, Naked & Healthy—which means you guys are health nuts; right?—that means you’re just nutritionists and physical specimens; right?

Dave Willis: Totally!

Ashley: Sometimes. [Laughter]

Dave Willis: Why do I feel like everyone is smirking when they look at me, saying, “You look like a heath nut”? [Laughter] The irony is I’m not in that great of shape; okay? [Laughter] I have love handles, and God called me to write a health book.

Ann: We would never know that, Dave.

Dave Willis: Well, it’s all about baggy clothing.

Dave: There you go!

Ashley: He’s in great shape.

Dave Willis: I’ve found that, if you wear the right shirts, you can cover a multitude of sins.

Dave: Well, it’s interesting; in this book, as we’re going to talk about, you say: Uncover the Lifestyle Your Mind, Body, Spirit, and Marriage Need. We’ve already talked sort of about the mind and the emotions; today’s about the body.

Ashley: Yes.

Dave: Right.

Dave Willis: Well, let me say really quickly why this came together the way that it did anyway. It’s/folks would ask: “Well, how do you have a healthy marriage?” “How do you have a healthy marriage?”

There are all of these relationship principles that you always share; but when we really started digging into it, and researching, like: “What is it that the couples, who are healthy in every way, what does that look like?” We found, you know, what seems like would kind of be common sense: when we prioritize our own health; and we encourage one another toward healthy living, mind, body, and soul; then the health of our marriage, as a by-product, is naturally going to get healthier too.

But sometimes, part of the reason why the marriage isn’t healthy is because we’ve neglected our own health;—

Ann: —so we feel bad, physically.

Dave Willis: —so we just feel bad!

Ann: Yes.

Dave Willis: It’s like we’re feeling bad; we’re not at our best, so we can’t be the best spouse that we could be. God wants us to have a healthy life, a healthy marriage—it’s mind, body, and soul; and if we’ll do those things, while at the same time, prioritizing our marriage—then we’re both going to be at our best. That was the goal behind the book: is helping both spouses be at their best, individually, and learning the principles, where they could learn to do that together within marriage.

Dave: Yes; and I mean, we’ve read it; it’s a fantastic book. Everything you do—you’re really helping marriages—not just here, but everywhere in the world. It’s pretty exciting!

Dave Willis: We want to be like you guys!

Ashley: Yes, like you guys.

Dave Willis: You’re role models.

Dave: And I do want to say something because it is a pretty cool week for our listeners.

Our Weekend to Remember marriage getaways with FamilyLife are, right now, half

price. We talk about this kind of stuff; I mean, there’s a session on the physical in the

weekend. And—

Ann: —the intimacy of marriage—physically, emotionally; kind of like what you guys

are talking about—and even why God instituted marriage.

Dave: Yes; so many people are confused about: “What does the Word of God have to say about the physical, even in a marriage?” We dive into everything in that weekend.

It changed our marriage. It was the first place, as an engaged couple we went to, where we ever got a vision for what God wanted marriage to be. We had no idea until that weekend. It’s great for marriages at 20, 30, or 40 years as well. Anyway, all of that to say, “You should sign up.” Half price! Come on, man: half price!

Dave Willis: Half price.

Dave: FamilyLifeToday.com; you can sign up.

Ann: This is your opportunity to pull away and really invest in your marriage.

Dave: Yes; okay, so Willises, talk about: “How does the physical impact a marriage?” We’re not—obviously, you wrote the book—it’s not just about the sexual part of your marriage, but physical health/physical everything. Talk to us about it, because we often think about mental and emotional; we think about spiritual. Often, we think the body is important; but it’s not really going to impact my marriage in a great way. How does it impact?

Ashley: Oh, my goodness. Well, if you’re not feeling good, then you’re probably not

going to treat people as well. I know that, for me, has definitely been the case. That can

be feeling good physically—or even hungry—if you’re hungry. You guys have heard the

term before—

Ann: Hangry?

Ashley: Yeah; you’re hangry, right? And it’s not a good time to necessarily bring up a

really important conversation at that time because you’re not feeling good. And I think

that in marriage, like you said, we tend to forget the importance of that. Dave and I have

learned this the hard way. We literally started out our marriage kind of doing—and we

go into great detail about this in the book—but we kind of challenged each other,

actually in our engagement, to get in the best shape we could before our wedding night.

Dave: The honeymoon vibe.

Ashley: The honeymoon, right?

Dave: That’s right.

Ashley: And so we did, and we actually got in some really good shape. And then we

went to an all-inclusive resort on our honeymoon. And I don’t think we’ve ever eaten so

many calories in our life. I think I gained—because I had lost too much weight—and I

think I gained something like five to ten pounds or something on our honeymoon.

Ann: Are we not supposed to do that?

Ashley: Maybe we should—

Dave Willis: —keep eating.

Dave Willis: We say, “Some people love each other in sickness and in health. We’ve loved each other in thickness and in health.” we have. That’s what we’ve said because we’ve had the full spectrum. And we try to come back though to what God, actually, this is the biblical principle we come back to in the book. Everything we do; we try to base it completely on God’s Word. I had a preacher-mentor of mine who said [imitating voice], “Now, Dave, whenever you speak, try to use a lot of Scripture. That way you’ll know, at least, something you said is actually true.” [Laughter] I always come back to that!

Dave: Is that his accent too? That’s pretty good.

Dave Willis: That’s how he talks; that’s how he talks.

Ashley: It is.

Dave Willis: So we always try to come back to Scripture. What Scripture says on this, in 1 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul is challenging the church in Corinth; in one of the strongest ways he says it on this topic is/he says, “Honor God with your bodies.” And in the broader context, it’s: “You’ve been bought with a price.” You know, people in Corinth were sinning sexually; getting caught up in a lot of the gluttony, and hedonism, and a lot of things of the culture. He was saying, “Hey guys, listen! I know these bodies are temporary, but what we do in these bodies can have an eternal significance. You need to train and discipline your body like an athlete, and you need to honor God with your bodies.” That doesn’t mean we all have to have six pack abs. I’ve never seen my abs—I believe they’re there—it’s a faith thing, that I believe.

Ashley: It’s a faith thing. [Laughter]

Dave Willis: There’s a lot of feasting in the Bible too. I don’t think Christians are supposed to be too skinny. I’m always a little skeptical of really skinny Christians.

Ashley: Oh, my goodness.

Ann: But what about the pushback that people are saying, “We shouldn’t be consumed

with worldly things. Looking really good—that’s worldly—what would you say to that?

Dave Willis:Well, it’s not about vanity; it’s about stewardship. God has given us one body, and we’ve got to do our best to be at our best in it. Because what we do—and again, Paul’s analogy—we’re training our bodies, not just to win a trophy or a prize like the world gives out—even though there’s nothing wrong with an athlete working hard to win a medal, or a trophy, or whatever. But we’re training our bodies because what we do in these bodies has eternal significance: for God’s work in God’s kingdom. For us to be able to do all He’s called us to do—for ministry, for marriage, for our own legacy—we need to be healthy. I mean, I think we’ll still enjoy life.

And my goodness—I have good desires in this area—but when it comes to food, let me tell you a quick example. I was in a grocery store recently, and there’s something about being in a grocery store around food: my judgment just plummets. [Laughter] I’m not as good—

Ann: Dave, I am with you on this!

Dave Willis: —I ran into someone that—she and I used to have an unhealthy relationship—I thought that she was just part of my past and was not going to be part of my future—but I saw her in the store, and I just felt these old feelings. Her name is Little Debbie®. [Laughter] I saw her displays, and I just—I don’t know—a lot of—

Dave: I was wondering, “Where are you going with that?”

Ashley: “Where is this going, Dave?”

Dave Willis: —a lot of old feelings came back, and I put a few boxes there in the cart.

Ashley: There’s a specific Little Debbie, though.

Dave Willis: Oatmeal crème pie.

Dave: You took her home; huh?

Dave Willis: I took her home. [Laughter]

Ashley: He took her home.

Dave Willis: I mean, I had to confess to Ashley: “Ashly, I brought Little Debbie home. I just want you to know.” [Laughter]

Ashley: He even—guys, he even hid it in a cabinet, like in a special cabinet.

Dave: You really did?

Ann: Wait; this is for real.

Ashley: —for real, for real.

Dave Willis: No, no! No, no; I can’t, because our kids eat everything! They eat so much stuff.

Ashley: We have four boys;—

Dave Willis: It’s just a lot.

Ashley: —big appetites.

Dave Willis: Now, when I do bring Little Debbie home, I have to hide the box.

Ann: Oh, yes; I get it.

Dave Willis: I have a special hiding place, because they will find it; they will just find it.

Ashley: They will.

But we try to have balance. I think, you know, some people listening might be going, like, “Well, what does this even have to do with marriage?” I think—not only do we want to feel at our best for each other, and be at our best for each other, and to live a longer life together—you know, there are a lot of things we can’t control about our physical health that comes our way, with different diagnoses we get—or maybe, a tragedy—maybe, we’re in a terrible wreck that kind of causes us to have some permanent damage and changes we have to make in our life.

We’re talking about doing what you can, with the body God has given you, to be at your best; but we need to pay attention to the fact that it’s never our job, though, to be our spouse’s critical coach.

Dave Willis: Oh, no, no, no!

Ashley: And that’s where we’ve literally seen this one issue of physical health become the thing that causes the most marital problems: where one spouse, maybe, values physical health more than the other spouse; and they keep on being critical of their spouse/of their spouse’s body. It just makes their spouse feel less-than, and it causes a lot of fights; and it causes a lot of disagreements over what food to have in the house and what routine to do.

Ann: Oh, yes!

Ashley: I mean, it can really get out of hand. I think, for some people, this may be a minor issue; but I can’t tell you how many times we’ve counseled couples, where this is the issue!

I think that there’s truth on both sides. If that’s your marriage dynamic:

If maybe you’re listening, and you have always been a healthy person; maybe you’re an athlete, and health has been a huge part of your life; you’ve always pretty much been in good shape, and it’s been something that you take pride in—that’s awesome! That’s a good thing. I mean, kudos to you for staying healthy and using the gifts that God has given you.

But then there are other people where, maybe they’ve just not valued health as much—maybe they grew up in a home, where it wasn’t valued as much; or maybe they’ve had bodies that don’t cooperate: I mean, there are some people who aren’t as coordinated, or they’re not gifted physically when it comes to sports and such; or maybe their metabolism doesn’t work like their spouse’s, and they’re constantly battling gaining weight—and they’re trying the best they can, but they just can’t lose the weight they want to lose. You know, there are both sides to this.

I think that what happens, when a husband and wife find themselves in this dynamic—and they don’t really, you know, try to look at their spouse as being just different—you know, they don’t/I think sometimes they think, “Well, I’m right!”—like—“I’m right; you’re wrong.”

Ann: They’re not offering grace to the spouse.

Ashley: They don’t offer grace!

Ann: Yes.

Ashley: And that’s where we see so many fights. It really can affect your sex life, majorly. I mean, if you feel your spouse doesn’t like your body, and isn’t attracted to you, I mean, it really kills the mood. And there are things like that. We really have to pay attention to kind of how we’re approaching our spouse—and what we say about their body; how we look at them—if we’re being critical, we need to stop!

Dave: So what do you do? I mean, if you see your spouse—and again, not being super-critical like they’ve just gone off the deep end, and they don’t care; but if they’re starting to, you think, make unhealthy choices,—

Ashley: Yes.

Dave: —physically and with food, and you don’t want to be critical; but you also want to be helpful.

I mean, I’m not talking about our marriage; I’m just talking about somebody. [Laughter]

Ann: Yes, but he’s looking! Did you see? [Laughter] He just spied at me in the corner of his eyes.

Dave: I’m thinking Ann’s felt that toward me.

Ann: No, I haven’t! [Laughter]

Dave: No; I know there’s a couple listening, or a spouse listening, going, “Well, yes; but I see that he’s drifting,” or “…she’s drifting. Do I say nothing?”

Ann: Well, I have a friend, whose husband gave her a gym membership for Christmas. She’s already been struggling, and she knows it. But for him to give that to her, she felt like, “Wow! He thinks I’ve totally lost control.” And then she gained more weight, because she felt so much shame.

Dave Willis: Yes.

Ashley: Yes.

Dave: So don’t do the gym membership? [Laughter]

Ashley: —unless she’s asked for it!—or he’s asked for it; you know?

Dave: Yes.

Dave Willis: I think, in marriage, we’ve got to be each other’s biggest cheerleader, not each other’s biggest critic.

Dave: Yes.

Dave Willis: You know, the spiritual gifts list in the Bible includes the gift of encouragement.

Ann: Yes.

Dave Willis: But the gift of critic is nowhere in there. And some people think, in marriage, that they have this gift or this responsibility to criticize their spouse, or parent or coach their spouse. And that crushes the partnership dynamic that God intended marriage to be, so just encourage each other toward good things.

That doesn’t mean we put our heads in the sand—

Ashley: Right.

Dave Willis: —if a spouse is going off the deep end.

Ashley: He just motioned to me. [Laughter]

Dave Willis: No, no! [Laughter]

Dave: I didn’t see that.

Ashley: He did; he did!

Dave: She did, Dave.

Dave Willis: She is the more disciplined in every part of our marriage. [Laughter]

Dave: I think he was motioning toward me.

Ashley: Right; right.

Dave Willis: She is the more disciplined by far; but for us, we’ve just tried to like encourage each other by saying, “Hey, let’s get in the habit together. Let’s go on a walk every night,”—you know? —which is where our best conversations happen. You know, when we can just get outside, go on a walk; we’re getting some exercise together; but it’s also about connecting—

Ashley: Right.

Dave Willis: —instead of just saying, “Hey, here’s a gym membership; you know, you could use it.”

If either one of us ever wants to make an investment in our own health, we try to always support that, even if it’s a lean time, financially. If one of us says: “Hey, I want to get a gym membership,” or “I would like to, you know, buy this home equipment,”—or whatever it might be—then it’s like, “Well, let’s figure out a way to make that happen”; because an investment in our health is good. It’s going to help us be at our best, and we want to help each other be at our best.

An image we use in the book is—like if your life/it’s sort of like built on a three-legged stool—and the three legs of that stool are mental health, physical health, and spiritual health. A lot of us will get two of those three right. I think, especially sometimes in Christian circles, we prioritize the two—the mental and spiritual—and we don’t at all the physical.

And when we don’t at all with the physical, then that table is missing a whole leg—and it’s going to make things wobbly, even if your heart’s in the right place, your mind’s in the right place, and your relationship with God’s right—but if you’re constantly battling with the physical stuff—like Ashley said: “Sometimes it’s out of your control.”

Ashley: Yes.

Dave Willis: If you’re dealing with an issue like cancer—or my gosh, whatever issue it is—as spouses, it’s a privilege to just serve each other in those areas, and to carry your spouse, and hold them in their moments of weakness.

Like Ashley said before, as far as it depends on us, even if we are dealing with an injury—and like I share I’ve gone through a thyroid disorder that’s kind of put my whole body out of whack and changed a lot about my life—it’s just you do the best you can with what you’ve got.

Ashley: You do.

Dave Willis: And say, “Well, one day we’re going to get a new body in heaven anyway;”— that will have abs; I’m convinced—[Laughter]—“but right now, with this one I’ve got, I want it to be as healthy as I can; and let’s encourage each other in that.”

Ashley: Yes.

Dave: And I think one of the beautiful parts of the physical with your spouse—and again, we often go right to the sexual relationship—but when you’re going through something physically, and you have a spouse there as your partner, what a gift!

What you just said, Dave, whether it’s cancer—I mean, I went through a back surgery thing, where I was fighting sciatica for—oh, I don’t know—

Ann: —years!

Dave: —seven or eight years.

Dave Willis: Wow.

Dave: I kept putting off surgery; and you know, I did different things at work. But when I finally went in for surgery—which, by the way, is one of the best things I’ve ever done; I’ve never had sciatica one second since.

Ashley: Awesome!

Dave: But all I can remember about that time period in my life is she was right there.

Dave Willis: Yes.

Dave: I mean, I had a partner sympathizing with me, understanding, supporting me.

Ann: —at least, to your face. [Laughter]

Dave: Yes! I heard later, after the surgery—I came home; and I’m lying on the couch, like, “I’m going to do everything the doctor said. I’m never going to get up. I’m never…”—she and my son went in the other room and just laughed! [Laughter] I heard, later, they laughed: “Look at Dad! He’s so…”

Dave Willis: They’re mocking.

Dave: Yes. [Laughter]

Ann: But we didn’t do it to his face.

Ashley: Right.

Dave Willis: And that’s compassion.

Ann: Right; exactly.

Dave Willis: It’s all in good fun.

Ann: And so many women would say, “My husband is such a baby when he gets sick.”

Dave: I am a baby! Aren’t you a baby?

Dave Willis: I am! I’m telling you—

Ann: I wish you could see Ashley’s face right now. [Laughter]

Dave: She just affirmed that: “You’re a baby.”

Dave Willis: She broke her toe a couple weeks ago in the kitchen. She just rammed her pinky toe and snapped it in half.

Ann: Oh!

Ashley: —like I knew it was broken right away.

Dave Willis: I mean, snapped it. And I heard it.

Dave: I didn’t notice you limp at all.

Dave Willis: No; she’s—

Dave: Dave would be on crutches!

Ann: —because she’s a warrior.

Dave Willis: She’s Jason Bourne over here. [Laughter] She snapped her toe, and all she does go, “Umm; well, I broke my toe.” [Laughter] If it had been me, I would still be weeping—gnashing of teeth, crying—there’d be a prayer chain; meal [train] at church. [Laughter] It’s like, “Keep people bringing meals.” I would have milked it! But she is just so tough.

I think that most marriages are like this: women are tougher. Men act like we’re tougher.

Dave: Yes.

Dave Willis: And our wives let us believe that we are, but we all know.

Dave: I know.

Dave Willis: I could not deliver a baby!

Dave: I agree.

Dave Willis: I wanted an epidural for her childbirth. [Laughter] I wanted it!

You ladies are just so much tougher.

Dave: They’re tougher.

Well, talk about this—we don’t have a lot of time left—but you know, let’s do talk a little bit about the sexual physical part of a marriage. And because of time, if you could say one thing, what would be the first thing—maybe it’s different for both of you—that you would say to a couple, who say, “How could you help me in my marriage in this area? How should I think differently/act differently? Talk to me about God’s heart for the sexual aspect of our marriage.”

Ashley: I would say sex is important.

Dave Willis: Amen.

Ashley: And it needs to be happening regularly. It’s going to look different for every couple. I mean, we have so many couples write us and say, “How many times a week? How many times a month should we have sex?” And wanting us to give a number. I would say, “You know, we can’t do that. It’s different for every couple.” One thing that is for sure is, as you grow older, that’s going to change a little bit; your body is changing.

Dave: Oh, yes; you’re sitting here with a couple that’s older, so we can affirm that.

Ann: Yes.

Ashley: Well, yes; of course!

I think, though, sometimes, too, we’ll kind of reach some stumbling blocks, where things aren’t working the same as they did, or maybe the libido has changed or something. We find where couples kind of come to a crossroads where, you know, maybe one spouse feels frustrated by it is like: “You know what? This is just it. I guess we’re just never going to have sex again,” or “…not nearly the amount we used to.”

I would just say, “Let’s not make excuses. First of all, let’s have compassion for each other, but let’s also not make excuses. Yes, things are going to change as we get older; but sometimes, there are underlying issues.” Like Dave’s thyroid issue; it really affected his testosterone, just to be honest about our own situation.

Dave Willis: That’s personal!

Ashley: He talks about it all the time. [Laughter] But he didn’t just sit back and say, “Well, this is just me! Guess there’s nothing I can do.” He did research, and he went and talked to his doctor; and he got on some supplements. He knew he wasn’t feeling quite like himself. And so, I think, you know, just being willing to talk to the professionals who can maybe help you.

A lot of times, there are things—especially even when it comes to energy level or, you know, our hormone levels being off—there are things that we can do. You know, God gave us these amazing people, who become doctors and do all this research, and can help us in this area.

And also, pray about it! Don’t be afraid to pray about your sex life; God created sex! It was completely His idea for marriage,—

Dave Willis: Thank you, Lord.

Ashley: —as a blessing and an amazing way for a married couple to connect. So don’t be afraid if you’re having issues in this area; pray about it. God actually cares about your sex life.

Dave: I don’t know who we were talking to—I don’t know if it was on FamilyLife Today

or not, or I just heard a podcast—but the couple talked about praying before they made

love. You pray that God would show up in this church service; you pray that God would

show up when we do something with our kids. Why wouldn’t you pray, and say, “God,

I’m asking You to bless us now as we make love”? It’s like, “Whoa! That’s a concept.”

Ashley: Absolutely!

Dave Willis: Yes; that’s a good prayer.

Ashley: It is a good prayer.

Dave Willis: It is; it’s a beautiful and holy moment that God created. I think that, as a

culture, even within the church, we’ve kind of bought into this myth that the devil owns

sex now; and we’re embarrassed to talk about it. We’re embarrassed to enjoy it;

because we think, “No, this feels wrong.” And maybe, it’s because of mindsets we were

raised with and all that. And that’s why we talk so much about it on the Naked Marriage

podcast and the book.

Dave: You guys talk about it a lot.

Ann: You do.

Ashley: We do.

Ann: I thought we did, but you’re more even than us.

Dave Willis: Well, it’s all Ashley ever wants to talk about; it makes me uncomfortable.

Ashley: Oh, right; right.

Ann: I’m sure that’s it.

As we end our time together on this topic, give us some application as we close: like

maybe a couple things that we can do in this area that would really be beneficial to the

physical part of our health.

Dave Willis: Well, starting just to be as practical as I can with—

Dave: I know what you’re going to say: “No more Little Debbies.”

Dave Willis: No more little Deb—no—you know what? I think Little Debbie is an angel

sent from the Lord to bring His comfort in our dark times.

Ashley: My goodness.

Dave Willis: And I’m going to hold onto that—

Ashley: —in moderation.

Dave Willis: —moderation.

Ashley: Moderation.

Dave Willis: I think, sometimes, a couple—or an individual within marriage—will get

into the mindset—we’re talking about physical health, which is maybe an issue where

you already have some discomfort there or insecurity there—and it is painful to even

talk about or think about, because you don’t like your own body right now. I think, a lot of

times, what holds a couple back from experiencing sexual intimacy and fulfillment is

when one or both just has these insecurities; they’re like: “I don’t like the way that I feel,”

“I don’t like the way that I look,”

Ann: —especially, as we age.

Dave Willis: “It’s changing, and I don’t like it,” and “I’d rather just shut off that whole part

of life and my marriage, so that I don’t have to think about it,” or “Maybe, if I got in really

good shape, then I could enjoy making love again. Someday, off in the future, we’ll have

a great sex life—but certainly, not right now—not while I weigh this,” or “…look like this.”

But listen: God wants you to have, in marriage, a beautiful, intimate, fulfilling sex life

right now. And you might think: “But I don’t like the way that I look,” “I don’t like the way

that I feel.” And it’s like: “But look: you are fearfully and wonderfully made. And you just

enjoy one another right where you are. Yes, still continue to strive to have health goals

and all that; but right now, don’t put this part of your marriage on hold.”

Say: “Let’s prioritize our physical intimacy—our sex life right now—and ‘What would that

look like right now?’—not after I lose ‘X’ amount of pounds; or not after we get on a diet

or something like that, even though you might want to do those things just for your own

overall wellbeing. But right now: ‘What would it look like?’ Don’t wait; don’t hit the

snooze button on it.” I believe every couple—and it is going to look different in every

season, every context, every age, every set of circumstances—but every couple, who is

physically able, can and should be able to connect and have a fulfilling sexual

relationship with one another because that’s something that God desires. Don’t deny

yourself or your spouse of that.

Ashley: Absolutely. I would say: “Do whatever you can to support each other in your quest toward physical health.” This is something I had to learn the hard way, but don’t expect your spouse to do the exact same regimen that you do. I remember, early in our relationship, I did—after we had, I think, our first or second child—I had a little extra weight on me, and I did Weight Watchers®. I was expecting Dave to know all the point system, and to do it with me.

Dave: It was as close to divorce as we’ve ever come. [Laughter] “Do you know how many points are in that ice cream?” And I’m like, “I don’t care!”

Ashley: I just—I know! He was like, “You’re killing the moment!”; you know? But I just really was like, “We’ve got to do this together. Any health-thing I do, you’ve got to do. Anything you do, I have to do.”

You know, obviously, we want to enjoy all things in marriage together; but it doesn’t mean you do the exact same thing. You know, you can encourage each other in your health journey by really just making the time and space for your spouse to do that thing: like if they need to go to that class/that spin class at the gym, and you have children, just make sure you’re home at a certain time, so you can be with the kids while they go to that class; or if they want to go to that Weight Watchers meeting, you know; the same thing.

I think just making the time and space and arrangements to help them do this. Don’t sabotage them. Like if Dave’s on a huge health kick, and really trying to meet certain goals, I’m not going to go out and buy Little Debbies; because I know I’m just going to sabotage him. I think just being able to encourage each other is how we really can encourage each other to be at our best. I mean, every day, not judging, just encouraging.

Dave Willis: You’re so wise, my love.

Dave: Yes; I would add, for our marriage, it’s been really fun, especially as the kids have left and we’re empty-nesters, to do physical things together.

Ashley: Yes!

Dave: I’m not talking about sex: I’m talking about a walk; I’m talking about a workout. I love it! I probably say it every week: “Let’s go hit a tennis ball,” because she’s a great tennis player.

Ann: Pickle ball.

Dave: Pickle ball.

Ann: But I mean, that’s kind of who we are.

Dave: If I’m playing golf,—

Ann: We’re alike that way.

Dave: Yes.

Ashley: That’s awesome.

Dave: But I did not want to walk with her.

Ann: —ever!

Dave: And she’s always walking.

Ann: For years, he’s like, “Are we going to get our heart rates up?”

Dave: Yes.

Ann: I’m like, “I don’t know, but it would be fun; wouldn’t it?”

Dave: And then, I go walk with her; and she’s the fastest walker I’ve ever—[Laughter]—I can’t even—

Dave Willis: “I can’t breathe.”

Dave: I’m jogging to get beside her. But we talk. Our marriage is enhanced. I just thought, “Man, the physical part”—which I always thought—“I have my physical regimen, and you have yours.” No; “Let’s blend sometimes.”

Ashley: Yes!

Dave: And it’s a beautiful thing.

Dave: We’re Dave and Ann Wilson. And we’re not walking now, but we have had a

great time with Dave and Ashley Willis on our program. I’m telling you: “You’re going to

love their book.” Here’s how you can get it: go to FamilyLifeToday.com; and pick up

Naked & Healthy: Uncover the Lifestyle Your Mind, Body, Spirit, and Marriage Need.

Again, just go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get that book. Or if you want, give us a call at

800-358-6329; that’s 800-F as in Family, L as in Life, and then the word, TODAY.

Ann: And I don’t know if you picked this up, if you listened to us yesterday, but the

Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway is half price right now. That sale is ending

January 20, so now is the time to sign up for a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember.

Dave: Yeah, and it’s a fabulous weekend. It will literally transform your marriage; we

can pretty much guarantee that. And again, to get a deal—half off— only goes through

January 20; so now’s the time to do it. So FamilyLifeToday.com is where you can sign

up. Hope to see you there!

Ann: I’m not sure if you follow us on social media, but you should. Head over to

Instagram at FamilyLife Insta, or you can find us on Facebook FamilyLife for more

encouragement. That’s what we want to do—we love you guys—and we want to keep

encouraging you.

Dave: We’re Dave and Ann Wilson, and we will see you back next time for another

edition of FamilyLife Today.

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