Day 7: The Aroma of Marriage

by Carlos Santiago

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1-2

When my son was younger, he loved to follow me around and mimic my every move. If I crossed my legs, so did he. If I shaved, he would stand right beside me scraping shaving cream off his face with a bladeless razor. Whatever I said or did, my little shadow wanted to copy it.

He was especially interested in the way I romanced his mother. He listened to me tell stories about how we met, watched as we interacted, and whenever I hugged her, he was right there trying to wiggle in between us.

I didn’t realize how closely he had been paying attention until one spring afternoon when my then 5-year-old boy walked into the kitchen with his hands hiding behind his back. He marched up to his mother, dropped to one knee, presented a big red tulip he had just cut from our garden, and asked her to marry him. It was adorable. I knew right then that he’d make some girl very happy one day.

When Paul told the Ephesian church to be imitators of God as beloved children, this is the picture that comes to my mind. One of a son, eyes fixed on his father, learning from and watching his every move.

My son took time to follow and study me. He stayed close. He learned how I operated, and when the time was right, he stepped out and followed my example. To be an imitator of God, we need to do the same. We need to study His Word. We need to stay close to Him through prayer. When we do, we learn how He operates. Then we can step out in faith and try to follow His example. 

Everything Christ did was driven by His love for the Father and His love for us. His love was pure and sacrificial. And like the tulip in my son’s hands, it gave off a lovely fragrance. The closer we get to Jesus, the easier it will be for His ways to rub off on us.

If someone were to look at your marriage, would they be able to see Christ’s influence? Could the fragrance of your marriage be described as a sweet-smelling offering and sacrifice to God, or would the description be less pleasant?

The interesting thing about a flower is that its fragrance is not dependent on its circumstance. It doesn’t matter if it is growing in a garbage-filled lot or if it is surrounded by other flowers, a rose can’t help but smell like a rose. A perfect greenhouse environment is not required.

That is good news, because life can be hard. Seldom do we experience perfect greenhouse conditions in our marriages. At various times, we may find ourselves facing relational conflicts, financial pressures, parenting drama, illness, or even death. Sometimes several of these descend upon us at once, and it can take all our strength just to make it through the day. During these seasons, it can be difficult to imagine how our marriages can have the aroma of Christ. Yet, that is often due to a misunderstanding of what it is to be Christlike.

Think about it . . . when was Jesus most ”Christlike”? What images jump into your mind?

Was it when He captivated thousands with His wisdom during the Sermon on the Mount, or when He spoke through His exhaustion and thirst to the woman at the well? Was it when His head was anointed with expensive perfume, or when crowds threatened to stone Him? It didn’t matter if He was well rested or tired, loved or loathed. In each of these examples, Jesus was still Jesus whether circumstances were going His way or not.

Perhaps the most vivid example of “Christlikeness” is that of Jesus’ beaten and bloodied body nailed to a cross as He died for our sins. It’s hard to imagine life getting much more difficult than that. Yet the intensity of His suffering didn’t suppress the essence of who He was. On the contrary, it was the wind that carried it to the four corners of the world.

In a similar way, it isn’t just a well-structured bible study or singing hymns as a family that produces the aroma of Christ in our homes. It can also be detected when we are the first to respond to the baby crying in the night, or when we choose to bite our tongues and de-escalate a situation. Whenever we lay down our rights and sacrifice for someone else, the aroma of Christ is found.

Our homes don’t need to be neat and tidy in order to reflect the image of Christ. Sometimes how we respond in the midst of pain and difficult circumstances says more than our words ever could.

What’s your story?

1. What stressors are you currently dealing with in your marriage?
2. How can your marriage better emanate the aroma of Christ in your circumstance?

Pray Together:

Read over Ephesians 5:1-2 together. Pray for your home to be filled with the fragrance of His love. Ask Him to draw you closer to Him and to each other. Pray that He would show you how you can better imitate Him through the way you love your spouse.