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One Simple Habit That Will Transform Your Marriage

Praying together regularly has helped us resolve conflicts, keep communication flowing, and acknowledge our dependence upon God.


Maybe you’ve had a similar experience with your own spouse: One night, my wife, Barbara, and I ended up in bed facing opposite directions.

Since early in our marriage, we have prayed together each night before we go to bed. But that night, I didn’t want to pray with her. In my conscience, however, Jesus Christ was asking me, Are you going to pray with her?

I don’t like her tonight, Lord, I replied.

I know you don’t, He said. But you’re the one who tells people that you pray with your wife all the time.

Slowly, the Lord turned me over, and I said, “Sweetheart, will you forgive me?” And Barbara and I talked and prayed.

I thank God for that tradition of prayer He helped us build early in our marriage. I am not exaggerating when I say that Barbara and I might not still be married had it not been for daily prayer.

‘Pray together daily’

If there is one simple ritual I would urge couples to begin adopting in their marriages, it is this one—the habit of praying together every day.

When I was still a newlywed in 1972, I asked my boss and mentor, Carl Wilson, for his single best piece of marital advice. He and his wife had been married 25 years and had four children.

“That’s easy,” he said. “Pray daily together. Every night for 25 years we have prayed together as a couple.”

Since that day several decades ago, Barbara and I have missed daily prayer fewer than a dozen times. That discipline has helped resolve conflicts, kept communication flowing, and, most importantly, acknowledged our utter dependence upon Jesus Christ as the Lord and Builder of our family.

Surveys at our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways indicate that less than eight percent of all couples pray together on a regular basis. I suspect that less than five percent of all Christian couples pray together daily.

Let’s bring back a popular slogan from the 1950s: “The family that prays together stays together.” I believe that if every Christian couple would pray together regularly, our nation would experience a spiritual renewal of historical proportions, including a dramatic drop in the Christian community’s divorce rate.

And when the divorce rate drops within the church, we will see a spiritual and moral awakening in America.

I want to challenge you to something today: Commit to praying with your spouse for one week before you go to bed each night. Better yet, take the 30-Day Oneness Prayer Challenge.

Please don’t say you’re too busy for this. Don’t let time in front of the TV watching a ball game or a sitcom keep you from praying together. The average American adult watches 30 hours of television a week, and there has to be a little time in there to pray!

By the same token, don’t let the internet, social media, or working at the church keep you from praying together. It’s easy to get busy—we all have a lot going on in our lives. But don’t get so busy that you can’t make the time to pray together with your spouse. Avoid living independently of one another. God gave you your spouse, and your marriage is the single most important relationship you have on this earth.

Of course, you’ll have interruptions when you pray together. Anyone with a telephone, children, or even pets can be guaranteed of that! But I encourage you to go past the interruptions. Time for devotions and prayer with your wife or husband is just too important.

When you pray together, you multiply your joys, divide your sorrows, add to your experiences with God together, and help subtract your haunting past from your life. During the rugged times of your marriage, you can share your burdens. Prayer can also take away the desire to get even and replace it with a willingness to work things out.

I urge you to make this commitment with your spouse. You may be afraid to start, and let me assure you, you are not alone. Many people are hesitant to start praying with their spouses. The hardest thing is just getting started, but once you make it a priority, it becomes a habit, which becomes a discipline in your life.

To help you get started on the road to making prayer together a habit, we encourage you to take the 30-Day Oneness Prayer Challenge during the month of September. You can sign up for a daily, five-minute devotion that will guide you and your spouse through a Scripture reading and prayer. It’s an easy way to connect as a couple as you learn to connect together with God.

I can promise you, it will be one of the most rewarding things you will ever do for your marriage and for your family.


Copyright © 2001 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

FamilyLife is a donor-supported ministry offering practical and biblical resources and events to help you build a godly marriage and family.



Meet the Author: Dennis Rainey

Dennis Rainey

Dennis Rainey is the president and chief executive officer of FamilyLife, a subsidiary of Campus Crusade for Christ. Since the organization began in 1976, Dennis' leadership has enabled FamilyLife to grow into a dynamic and vital ministry that offers families blueprints for living godly lives.  Dennis is host of FamilyLife Today radio program and has written numerous books.  He and his wife, Barbara, live near Little Rock, Arkansas.  They have six children and many grandchildren.

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