Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, May 18th. Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We’ll hear more today about guys like Little Boy Larry and other men who need to step up and be men. Stay tuned.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Monday addition. I don’t know that our listeners know this. You’ve been working on a book in recent days. A book written to men about the need to step up and be men, right?
Dennis: I’ve been working on it for five years.
[laughter]
Dennis: This is a…every book is a challenge to write but this one has really been tough. I’ve started this book on two or three different occasions. One time Barbara got deathly ill and we had to kind of evacuate the area where we were writing and everything and rush her back here to see a doctor. That kind of put an end to that writing episode. The most recent of course have been the economic challenges we’ve been facing as a ministry. In this economy it’s all hands on deck.
Bob: right.
Dennis: to keep things sturdy and strong and safe and secure for the future. So, I am working on the book. It is going to be a call to men to be courageous. I think there’s a lot of men today who need encouragement. Not to be beat up. To be challenged to step up. That’s what it’s going to be all about.
Bob: Well, in the midst of working on this somebody sent you a link to a recent sermon
Dennis: [laughter]
Bob: From Pastor Mark Driscoll up in Seattle and we featured a message by Mark a couple of weeks ago right before Mother’s Day.
Dennis: Yes, Mark’s not taking over our broadcast but after you hear what we’re about to play on FamilyLife Today
Bob: We’re going to play a couple of excerpts from this message you listened too, right?
Dennis: We are. I have not met Mark. We’ve corresponded. He’s a stout guy and you’re about to hear what may be some of the stoutest words you will ever hear from the pulpit from any preacher anywhere on the planet.
Bob: He was preaching on 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7. Husbands live with your wives in an understanding way and he started talking to the men about what he is observing with men in the culture. And he said a lot of guys are cowards.
Dennis: Yeh, and I feel like what’s about to happen with our listeners is it’s a little bit like plopping a canoe in the midst of the white water
Bob: we’re not starting at the beginning of the message.
Dennis: No, we’re not easing you out in the calm stretch kind of paddling and enjoying the sites. Oh, isn’t this a beautiful day. You’re going to start out with some strong strident words from Mark Driscoll.
Bob: And Mark is saying here as he’s observing it today men who are cowards fall into four different categories.
Mark Driscoll: The first is Little Boy Larry. Little Boy Larry, he’s a total sweetheart. He’s a guy 20’s, 30’s, god forbid 40’s. Can’t keep a job. Forgets to set his alarm. He’s eight years into his undergraduate studies. Works part time because it stresses him out. Still lives with his mom. Maybe he moved out but his mom’s always worried about him so she brings him groceries and picks up his laundry and helps pay his bills. Little Boy Larry is a totally nice guy. He’s a real sweetie pie. So nobody ever kicks him in the batteries. He gets away with murder. Little Boy Larry really loves his mom because she’s always changing his proverbial diaper. And his hope is to meet a really nice gal with a good job and a house.
[laughter]
So that he can go from his mom to his girlfriend or wife. He’ll come up with dumb ideas like I’ll be the stay at home dad.
[laughter]
I’m really good with kids since I am one.
[laughter]
They really like me because we relate to one another as children. Little Boy Larry is a joke. He gets away with murder especially in the Christian church where he tends to be majority. Women who are attracted to these men say, “but I really love him.” Yes, you’re attracted to him as a mother is attracted to an orphaned child. But that’s not a marriage. That’s a mother-child affection. That is not a wife-husband affection. You don’t look at this man, ladies, and say, I respect him. I want my sons to be like him. I want my daughters to marry men like him. You say things like, “he has a lot of potential and no one understands him.” I do. He’s an idiot.
[laughter]
And, he’s fooled you.
Number 2—there’s sturdy oak, Owen. This is the dad who goes to work and comes home, pays the bills, turns on the TV and checks out. This is the dad who he is physically present but emotionally absent. He’s always working on his car, he’s always on the internet, he’s always in his study, he always in the garage, he’s always in the yard. You’ll say, “Dad, you were never there.” He’s like, “I was always there.” Yes, in a comatose state. There are some of you here your dad never said I love you. He never hugged you. He never encouraged you. And what he would say is, what do you mean I wasn’t a good dad? I put food on the table. I put a roof over your head and I came home every night and I was there. He was there. Present. Connected. Participating. That’s a coward. That guy is ultimately a coward. He’s afraid to get involved in the lives of his wife and children.
Number 3—there’s hyper spiritual Henry. This guy drives me insane. This guy drives me insane. This is the guy with Christian t shirts, Christian bumper stickers, always listening to praise music, always reading the latest trendy Christian garbage book. Everything’s about God but it never really makes any sense. He wants everybody to know how hyper spiritual he is to the point where his wife and children are embarrassed by him. Some of you had this dad. You’re out to dinner guy comes to pour the water and he’s like do you know Jesus is the water of life and he could have streams of living water come from you. The 14 year old kid grabs a salad fork and is trying to go under the table and find their jugular just to end their life.
[laughter]
Because their dad is embarrassing. Last name is Flanders. Terrible.
[laughter]
To be the spiritual leader, gentlemen, does not mean that you’re just a total freakish oddball.
Number 4—there’s good time Gary. Good time Gary. Everybody loves him. Life of the party. He is funny. He is charming. He is winsome. He is entertaining. There’s always a crowd of people around him. Everybody likes him. He gets along with everybody. And here’s the key. Everybody loves him. Nobody respects him. Because he’s a joke. That’s why he’s so funny. He doesn’t just tell jokes. He is one. Every time something happens in his life he just turns it into a joke. He doesn’t realize that his life is the joke. Can’t hold a job. Can’t pay his bills. Can’t get out of bed in the morning. Can’t follow through on a commitment. Can’t stay organized. Can’t see anything through to completion. Everybody loves him. Nobody respects him. He’ll draw a crowd but they won’t follow him because he’s not going anywhere. He’s not a leader.
A wife who is married to this guy eventually he becomes not so cute. Not so funny. Not so clever. He becomes profoundly annoying. She’s tired of the jokes and the good times and the everything’s funny and aren’t I clever and cute. She wants a real man she can depend on. She gets sick of it.
Men are prone toward chauvinism or cowardice. Too much. Too little.
Bob: I was watching you as you were listening to that. You were laughing sometimes but nodding and shaking your head a lot. You think that’s a pretty fair description of where a lot of guys are?
Dennis: I think we need to be speaking the truth in love. We don’t want to unnecessarily beat anybody up with the scripture or shame them or whatever but you know what. It’s time for men to be men who are courageous. In Joshua chapter 1 four times God commands the nation of Israel fear not, be courageous. Fear not, be courageous. And I think if there is a man listening right now and he’s going I was one of those four. Then you know what you need to find another man who is a real man. Who can help you step up and coach you out of where you are because you don’t have to stay there. Life is too short to live all wrapped up in yourself and that’s what all four of those are. Cowardly men who were not laying down their lives on behalf of others.
Bob: In that message Mark said that there is an opposite error to cowardice and that’s the error of chauvinism. It’s the error of being a dictatorial abuser. Well, he had four different descriptors for the chauvinist and not only did he have descriptors for them but he always has some strong words for them.
Dennis: And if you felt like the canoe just got placed in the white water we’re about to move into a class 5 rapids in the middle of the Grand Canyon. Now, some of you are going to recoil at the intensity with which Mark shares these points. But I have to tell you I felt like the intensity was right.
Bob: Well, here’s Mark’s description of the four different kinds of chauvinists that you find in the church today.
Mark: I’ve been dealing with men for enough years at this point and I’ll share with you some of these guys. The chauvinist don’t understand masculinity and how to treat a woman so there are four basic versions of this failure that I have witnessed.
The first is no sissy stuff Sam. This is the guy he doesn’t know what a man is he just knows a man is not a woman. So whatever a woman is he’s going to be the opposite. Right? Some of you guys have this dad. Mom hugs so he doesn’t hug. Mom says she loves you so he doesn’t say he loves you. Mom kisses you so he doesn’t kiss you because that’s girl stuff. This guy doesn’t understand that men and women are both made in the image and likeness of God. That they have the same emotions and passions and experiences and they tend to express them in masculine or feminine ways but being a man is not the opposite of being a woman that you are both made in the likeness of God and you express yourself in masculine and feminine ways. These guys tend to think that to be a man means this, you can belch the loudest, spit the farthest, and punch the hardest. That’s a man. That’s not a man. That’s a joke. That’s a joke. There is no woman here today praying God send me that. I want a real man.
[laughter]
But too many guys especially guys that a single too long and guys who put 27 guys into a one bedroom apartment so they can each spend $30 dollars a month on red and spend all their time just rocking out to guitar hero that’s what those guys think.
[laughter]
And they are idiots.
Number 2—success and status Stuart. This is the guy he defines himself the Bible says by what he has and does. He has this sort of left over hyper jock competitive mentality. Here’s how much I make. Here’s how my company is doing. Here’s my car. Here’s my house. Here’s my success. Here’s my wins. Here’s my victories. And he treats his wife just like another trophy. Her job is to look pretty and be quiet. Just make him look good as yet another notch on his belt. He doesn’t love her well. He doesn’t serve her well. He’s more worried about his income and possessions than wife and his children.
Number 3—there’s give em hell Hank. This is the guy he’s got anger, violence, short temper, rude, crude, mean. He’s harsh. He’s overbearing. He’s intimidating. He’s scary. He is scary. Are you this guy? Is your wife scared of you? What kind of man intimidates a woman?
Number 4—I’m the boss, Bob. This guy is just bossy. He thinks wherever he is that he is the king of the whole thing. He’s always telling everybody what to do. He stands back at a distance like a drill sergeant and just barks out orders to his wife and barks out orders to his children. He has a hard time keeping a job because he always is bossing around his employer and his employees and no one can stand him. He thinks that being a man means being bossy and overbearing. These guys are the worst when they show up at church. They want to be in authority not under authority. These are the guys who show up and immediately say, “I want to lead. Put me in charge of something.”
You’re in charge of shutting up. That can be your specialty. These are the guys when you rebuke them they just leave the church and they take their wife and children with them and their wife and children suffer because this is a guy who loves to be in authority, refuses to be under authority, likes to tell everyone what to do, and he himself can’t be told anything.
I’ve got a list of these guys. You can see it in their wife’s face. She’s miserable. You can see it in their children. They despise their father. And he’s oblivious because he’s an imbecile. And they go from church to church to church and evidentially it’s like well, we can’t find a good church meaning I can’t find a pastor dumb enough to take my orders.
That’s how chauvinism works itself out. Men, when you read the Bible and you read words like head of the household if you think it means something like this you’re an idiot. You’re abusive. You’re dangerous and you’re a fool.
Some of you guys. It’s so frustrating. Some of you guys have been coming here for years. You still have your hands all over your girlfriend. Some of you guys have been coming here for years and you’re still not praying with your wife. Some of you guys have been coming here for years and you’re still single and having sex. Some of you guys will even even as I’m preaching this sermon some of you will be sitting next your girlfriend, fiancé, or your wife some of you guys have already given her that look. Don’t cry, don’t let them know they are talking about me just hold it together. You’ve already intimidated her right here. Some of you guys have already whispered in her ear, “I don’t want to hear it. We’re not talking about this in the car on the way home.” Some of you have already whispered in her ear, “I’m sorry, I’ll do better. Trust me. Let’s just move on real quickly.
How dare you? Who do you think you are? Abusing a woman. Neglecting a woman. Being a coward. A fool. Being like your father Adam. You’re not god. You’re just a man. You’re not an impressive man. You’re not a responsible man. You’re not a noble man. You’re not a respectable man. You’re not a responsible man in any regard. I don’t care how successful you. In this area if you are a failure it clouds all of your dignity. It robs all of your masculinity. There is no excuse for any man who claims the name of Christ to treat a woman in a dishonorable, disrespectable way. Some of you right now you’ll get all angry. How dare he yell at me. That’s the Holy Spirit telling you it’s you. I didn’t name you He did. You change now little boy. You change right now. You shut up. You put your pants on. You get a job. You grow and maybe one day you can love a woman. It’s for men not for boys. And those of you men who are here and your wives are suffering under your folly and failure. Shame on you. And shame on you if you say you’re a Christian. And shame on you if you’ve been attending Mars Hill. And shame on you if you’ve been surrounded by good men and have pursued none of them. And shame on you if you’ve not become a member and submitted to spiritual authority. And shame on you if you’ve not joined a community group so you can walk in darkness. And shame on you if you show up to put communion in your hands representing the body and blood of your murdered Savior and then go put them on your girlfriend or download porn from the internet or raise your hand in a threat to your wife. Shame on you. You guys are a joke.
And there’s a handful of good men that are tired of picking up your mess. So you step up. You shut up. You man up. You do business with God. You use all that anger you have toward me right now to repent.
Bob: I don’t think there’s any way to describe that other than let’s take care of business, heart to heart, we need to have a man to man talk here.
Dennis: Yes. You know I think he’s on target. I’ve listened to this three times now and it makes me sad. It really does make me sad that any man would need to be shamed to step out of their mess but some do. And Paul writes, he says be watchful. Stand firm in the faith. Act like men. Be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. And there may be a man who is listening to this right now and he’s going, how do I do that. Well you know what. He talked about getting next to a man in your church who knows how to do it. Get your bride or your fiancé get to a weekend to remember marriage conference and find out how you can turn your relationship into a real marriage and real relationship. How you can be a real man and know how to provide real love and real leadership for your wife and your children. And then for those of you who are doing this pretty well and your resonating with this I want to challenge you to send this broadcast to as many men as you know. Send it. There will be two groups of men. Those who are offended and need to hear it. And those who agree with it and are going to send it to even more. Let’s flood the nation with this message. Why? Because men need to be God’s men today.
Bob: You mentioned the “Weekend to Remember” marriage conference. There is information on our web site FamilyLifeToday.com about how you can register for one of the few remaining “Weekend to Remember” conferences we’re hosting this Spring. We’ve got a whole slate of them scheduled for the fall. The details are all available at FamilyLifeToday.com. And I should also mention that what are listeners have heard today are just a few selected excerpts from an entire message that Mark Driscoll preached at Mars Hill Church and we have a link on our web site at familylifetoday.com so you can either view or listen to the entire message. I should mention that he spoke rather directly and boldly and in some cases using language that folks might find challenging in his message but again there’s a link to it on our web site at familylifetoday.com. If you are interested in listening to or viewing the entire message and then let me encourage guys who resonated with what they heard today. Get together with a group of guys and all of you get a book like the one that Stu Weber wrote a number of years ago called Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart. As I was listening to Mark I was thinking about some of the themes from that book. Get together with a group of guys and go through that book chapter by chapter. Do a little self examination. Am I being a chauvinist? Am I being a coward? Stu’s book will help you diagnose where your weaknesses may be as a guy and help call you up to biblical manhood. We’ve got copies of the book, Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart in our FamilyLife resource center. You can go to our web site familylifetoday.com and the information you need about that book and other resources we have available for guys can be found there. Again, it’s FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. 1-800-358-6329. That’s 1-800-F as in family L as in life Today.
Let me say a quick word of thanks to those of you who have been responding this month to our matching gift challenge. We’ve been letting our listeners know about some of the financial challenges we’ve been facing as a ministry. Right now we are down about a million dollars in donations from where we were at this point last year and we’re asking listeners to help out if you can. And we’ve had some friends who have come along and offered to match every donation we receive during the month of May on a dollar for dollar basis up to a total of $356,000.
We are grateful to those of you who have already responded but we still need to hear from more of you if we’re going to take full advantage of this matching gift challenge. So can I encourage you to go either go online at familylifetoday.com or call 1-800-FL-Today. Make a donation. When you do your donation is being matched dollar for dollar and you’re helping us continue this ministry on this station and on other stations all across the country. You can donate online at familylifetoday.com or call 1-800-F as in family L as in life Today and I’ll just say in advance, thank you for whatever you’re able to do. We’re hoping that everyone will do something and we hope to hear from you.
Now, tomorrow Dennis has some suggestions for all of us on how can make sure our home is weather tight in the middle of a financial storm. That comes up tomorrow. Hope you can be here for that.
I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.
FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas – help for today; hope for tomorrow.
