From Survival Mode to Stronger Marriage: The Power of Emotional Check Ins – David and Meg Robbins

Episode Transcript

FamilyLife Today® with Dave and Ann Wilson – Web Version Transcript

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From Survival Mode to Stronger Marriage: The Power of Emotional Check Ins

Guests:David and Meg Robbins

From the series:From Survival Mode to Stronger Marriage (Day 1 of 2)

Air date:March 26, 2026

David Robbins (00:04):

Back years ago when we were 29 to 32, having our first kids and learning some really valuable lessons of right-sizing idolatry in my heart of living mission as my purpose when no intimacy with God as my purpose, and though I covenant relationships of my family, no one else can live out those relationships and everything else. Someone’s going to be the president of Campus Crusade for Christ International someday. And I want to be faithful and steward that currently, but man, I had to learn some hard lessons.

Ann (00:41):

Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Ann Wilson.

Dave Wilson (00:48):

And I’m Dave Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

We’ve got the President of Cru, David Robbins, and Meg Robbins in the studio.

Ann:

David and Meg!

David Robbins:

You guys, good to be back. This is amazing.

Meg:

It’s been too long.

Dave Wilson (01:10):

How long has it been? You don’t know.

Ann (01:11):

We don’t know.

Meg:

We couldn’t figure it out.

Ann:

But we’re happy to have you back.

Meg Robbins (01:15):

We’re glad to be back.

David Robbins:

It feels like home. It’s amazing. Thank you, guys.

Dave Wilson:

Yeah, you guys look younger.

Meg:

Oh!

David Robbins:

Wow. You’re just saying things that aren’t true in order to butter us up.

Dave Wilson:

That’s what you do as a host, right?

Ann:

I agree. I agree.

Meg:

Make people feel good about stuff.

David Robbins:

You’re supposed to say true compliments.

Dave Wilson (01:32):

I was going to say, you might’ve heard, this last weekend I did something that I found out less than 1% of people that ever exist on the planet get to do. I did the Olympic bobsled in Lake Placid, New York. We did it in 46 seconds.

David Robbins:

Wow.

Dave Wilson:

And if you watch Cool Runnings, remember the Jamaican—

Meg (01:47):

I’ve seen many times. We love that movie.

Dave Wilson (01:49):

They qualified if they got under a minute, so we beat them, anyway. No, the only reason I’m bringing this up is it was the most exhilarating, out of control, scary—I mean we’re off the ice at points and you’re shaking. It was literally the Thailand bobsled. They thought they’re going to give us this guest—they put guests in. It’s all comforting. It’s all—

David Robbins:

That’s amazing.

Dave Wilson:

Like, ah, we just got the Thailand one. The only reason I’m bringing this up; it was the ride of my life. You guys have just taken the ride of your life. You’ve sort of been on a bobsled—I’m kidding. What a stupid analogy, but—

David Robbins (02:25):

No, year one, it was not 78 seconds or less, but it was—

Dave Wilson:

—46 seconds.

David Robbins:

46, sorry, Dave.

Meg (02:33):

And I think that stepping into this new phase has felt probably like getting into the bobsled.

Dave Wilson:

That’s what I thought.

Meg:

What are we doing?

Ann (02:39):

New phase, meaning tell our audience that don’t know. I think most of them do, but what are you doing now?

David Robbins (02:45):

Well, it was a treat of a lifetime for seven years to get to lead FamilyLife and to get to be around this table with you guys frequently and to team up with the team.

Dave Wilson (02:55):

I mean, we’re here because of you guys. You chose us. That’s why we’re here.

Meg (03:00):

Thank you for saying yes.

David Robbins (03:01):

You were a provision. I reflect back to that decision when Dennis Rainey and I and Bob Lepine were discussing what’s next. We took a year to really pray about it, and we were praying, “Lord, would you lead toward a couple where a perspective of a husband and a wife and a mother and a father could be guiding listeners through all sorts of conversations.” And I’m so grateful for the provision you guys have been to FamilyLife and continue to be and so grateful for Luke and Kristina Middendorf as they continue to lead well. But Luke and Kristina are in the role now, Luke as President because it was about a year and a half ago that we got installed as the President of Cru, which is what the ministry is known in the U.S. It’s Campus Crusade for Christ International in the U.S. that’s known as Cru.

(03:49):

FamilyLife is one of the ministries underneath Cru. And so it’s been a blast of a year getting to know staff and volunteers all around the world. That first year really was about getting to every region of the world, as many staff conferences as we could, meeting staff, meeting volunteers, getting to hear their stories around meals of, I mean these are people just like you and me, but also raised up in corners of the world that they’re facing persecution from their families. They’re seeing God show up in phenomenal ways. Jesus shows up in someone’s dream and then the next day meets one of the missionaries or volunteers and disciples that’s there and leads them to Jesus. That is happening around the world, and it’s been a gift to be a part of it, and it’s been a gift to downshift a little in this last six months.

Ann (04:43):

From the bobsled ride.

David Robbins (04:44):

From the bobsled ride of year one, yes! We have a senior in high school, so her senior year has allowed us to not only wake up to, okay, how do we get more into a routine but also prioritize her and time we have remaining.

Dave Wilson (04:58):

I mean everything I see when I follow you on social media is it looks like a bobsled ride. It looks like, wow, the winds, your hair’s blowing back, you’re flying, you’re around the world because a lot of your job is I got to know what’s happening in this new to you world.

Meg (05:16):

Especially that first year, you had a learning curve of—I mean you had a goal of trying to get to every region around the world, which went, you made it almost all of them. And I actually got to join you for most of those, which was amazing. But just trying to balance that with the stage of life we’re in. We have three kids still at home, only one in college and our family—we don’t get these days and weeks and years back with our kids obviously, and we’re the only one who can be their mom and dad. So trying to keep that right in front of our face all the time I feel like is challenging but crucial.

Ann (05:55):

Well, that’s the perfect segue because maybe not everybody’s the president of some gigantic ministry or organization, but we all feel the pressure of our jobs, ministry, family, that balancing act and it can be hard to balance that.

Meg:

Absolutely.

David Robbins (06:13):

I just would say—

Dave Wilson:

Teach us.

David Robbins:

—teach us. Yeah, right. Learn as we go and let’s learn from our mistakes, but let’s keep learning. I mean the way you said that, Ann, I go, yes, we’ve said yes because God said it would be disobedience if we didn’t to this current role. But I think back to the lessons learned from 29 to 32 for me in particular of right sizing work and ministry, no matter what your current yes is vocationally and the things that you love to fill your time with in purpose, that temptation’s always there and whether you’re leading a large organization or at 29 we were leading a team of 10 people on a local campus having a blast, but I felt like I had more idolatry controlling my time in that season, but that was things that shaped me now we’re forged in that season and we keep growing and learning and certainly we have missteps. In year one, we did not live it out perfectly, but yet, man, it was really formed back years ago when we were 29 to 32 having our first kids and learning some really valuable lessons of right-sizing idolatry in my heart of living mission as my purpose when no intimacy with God as my purpose, and though I covenant relationships of my family, no one else can live out those relationships and everything else. Someone’s going to be the president of Campus Crusade for Christ International someday, and I want to be faithful and steward that currently. But man, I had to learn some hard lessons early on.

Dave Wilson (07:47):

I mean, Meg, as you watched your husband do that, how’d he do? I mean, was there a time where you’re like, “Hey, I’m over here. We’re over here.”

Ann (07:57):

So you’re not talking necessarily now, but that 29.

Meg (08:01):

Early on, yeah, in those years.

Dave Wilson (08:02):

Then and now, I mean you’ve gone through it as a wife. I know what Ann would say. I want to know what you think.

Meg (08:06):

Well, I think the way that came to a head for us actually is we had someone that he was coaching in ministry was really struggling in their marriage and we were just praying for them, talking about them, and he was trying to update me because I was talking with the wife as well and he said, “I mean talking about their marriage so much, does that make you kind of wonder about our marriage?”

David Robbins (08:31):

We get to role play here. I get to be you. Yeah, you get to be. So we’re in the car on the way to a Wednesday night church. Wednesday night church when you’re in survival mode and you’re like, just get the kids into something.

Meg (08:39):

We had three kids—

Ann:

How old were your kids?

Meg:

—three and under, three and under.

David Robbins (08:42):

Three kids, three and under. And so I said the question—

Meg (08:46):

He said, “So talking about their marriage so much, does that make you wonder about how our marriage is?”

David Robbins (08:51):

And Meg said, “Ha” and I go, “Oh, I guess we need to talk about this.” I was not laughing.

Meg (08:59):

It wasn’t funny at the time because I was feeling like he was driving ahead in so many ways in ministry and what he was giving out to other people and pouring into this couple’s marriage and yet feeling like I’m really struggling over here. We had these three kids, three and under, our youngest was 10 months old at the time, and I was still feeling like I was in survival mode. And with the first one, you’re in survival mode for six to eight weeks. I don’t know, this was me. And then the next one a little longer, maybe four months because you’ve got two, you’re trying to adjust. But when the third one came along, I mean I was hanging by a thread at the 10-month mark, and I felt like he had no idea. He didn’t see me is what I was feeling like.

David Robbins (09:44):

I think you had tried to communicate, but I was just doing things to try to keep together at home, keep it going at work. I was so proud that I was going in at seven and coming back at three to avoid Atlanta traffic. And I was like, aren’t I a great husband? But I’m coming home exhausted. No rhythms of sleep and really just functioning well together, but really not thriving at all, spiritually, emotionally connected. And I think it took me giving so much energy to another marriage trying to help them set up. It wasn’t a bitterness, it was a realization of wait, we’re not okay, and all these little things like Song of Solomon says, catch the little foxes that hinder and destroy the garden. I’m like, foxes come in and out and you don’t know the first few nights and then as they keep adding up and time keeps going, your garden’s destroyed or you—

Meg (10:45):

No grapes on the vine.

David Robbins (10:47):

And yeah, we were at a pretty empty place. What I chuckle though is, did I know? Well, I think I knew something enough to ask, but then was I ready for what was really coming? Because this month we go to bed, “Are you okay?” Well what am I really saying? That’s a really lazy question for I know something’s not quite right and I’m going to put responsibility upon you to help declare it or not. I’m learning slowly.

Meg (11:17):

The other thing that I feel like we are learning and have to remind ourselves is if I’ve shared something that I’m struggling with or I’m feeling, Hey, I’m really feeling like we’re going from trip to trip, visiting people all over and we’re not getting the time that we normally do just for the two of us. I don’t know. That’s probably not a very good example, but we’re still kind of in that place. But he hasn’t come back to say, Hey, how are you feeling? Are we connecting better than we were a month ago? It’s revisiting the thing that I have shared about or we’ve talked about.

Ann (11:52):

It’s a check-in.

Meg (11:52):

Yeah. Rather than being like, are you okay? Because that sets me up to have to go into the whole thing all over again rather than like, oh, it could just be that same thing.

David Robbins (12:01):

I think back to this time of 29 to 32 and that moment, the simplest step we did, this was overly simple, but it’s what we had time for and space for is we said, you know what? That church on Wednesday nights, we usually drop the kids off and hang out with friends in the common area

Meg (12:22):

After the Wednesday night dinner.

David Robbins (12:25):

Yeah, we don’t have these anymore at our current church, but how about we go to that marriage class they’re offering. You guys, it was that simple and it was Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, Mark Gungor.

Dave Wilson (12:37):

Oh yeah.

David Robbins (12:37):

It was an old videotape. I would say there was something to laughing together, but that’s why Art of Marriage is such a great video series. It makes you laugh some, but then it makes, it sets up some conversation where you end up looking each other in the eye and it’s this micro check-in. I look back and I go, that was overly simple, but it just took us, somebody setting up something for us, then to go talk about and to have something fresh in our marriage to go, let’s get realigned. We’ve had to realign a lot over years. Other times there’s been much, feeling much more apart in that moment. I feel like it was a quick realignment in those coming weeks when we said yes to go into that marriage small group. We talked about it honestly.

Dave Wilson (13:21):

I mean, how would you coach up a wife? I guess I’m asking, maybe a man.

Ann (13:24):

And I think it can go either way too. Let me just say that too because I can get—

Dave Wilson (13:29):

Let’s coach up both then.

Ann (13:31):

Yeah, because my schedule may not be quite what yours was back in the day. Now it is. But I still find myself—

Dave Wilson (13:39):

You know what she just said? Now my schedule’s as crazy as yours.

Ann (13:43):

Basically.

Dave Wilson (13:44):

It was just you, now it’s both of us.

Ann (13:44):

But I find myself so preoccupied in my mind with not only work, all of that, but also, have I spent time with the kids and the grandkids and am I touching base, that it can pull me away from Dave because we haven’t been with them. And so I can feel distracted in my mind and not as focused on him because he’s fine. I can think that as a wife especially, and so I think it can go both ways. Okay, now go to—

Meg:

And we can feel like—

Dave Wilson (14:15):

No, no, you just raised something else though. We got to talk about that.

Meg (14:17):

But it’s like he’s still going to be there.

Ann:

He’s in the bobsled.

Meg:

These other things. This is a timeline has to happen or whatever. I’ll get back to that or I’ll get—

Ann (14:27):

Yes.

Meg (14:27):

—to that later when it’s like, actually this is a huge important lifeline that, I mean, we know these things that if we’re not doing well, all the trickle-down effect that has, but it’s easy to focus on the other things.

Dave Wilson (14:44):

Well, we’ve been speakers at the Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway for 36 years and every single conference we’re a part of lives are changed.

Ann (14:52):

Oh, the stories are incredible where God meets couples, great things happen. And you know what? There’s a sale going on that you are not going to want to miss.

Dave Wilson (15:02):

The sale is right now between March 20th and 30th; it’s 40% off. Who doesn’t want to deal like that?

Ann (15:08):

That’s a good deal.

Dave Wilson (15:09):

Not only will your marriage be changed, but your kids’ marriages and your legacy. I’m telling you it’s transformational for your legacy. You can go to WeekendtoRemember.com and sign up there. You don’t need a promo code, just sign up. You’ll get 40% off between March 20th and 30th.

Ann (15:23):

Again, that’s WeekendtoRemember.com.

Dave Wilson (15:29):

If you’re a wife—let’s start there—that’s feeling resentful because your man is driving hard in a high-pressure job. I mean, what you’re leading is a high-capacity, needy pressure. There’s a lot of things that you’re carrying, and a lot of guys carry a lot of things and women do too. There’s jobs that they’re carrying the same thing.

Meg (15:51):

Absolutely.

Dave Wilson (15:51):

But it feels like, okay, that’s outside my home and I’ve got my wife at home who’s really feeling neglected. How would you coach up a wife? Either one of you two, maybe David or I could say, “I’ll tell you how to do it,” but how does she say to her husband, I’m really feeling neglected. It isn’t just you’re not getting home at 5:15, you haven’t been here all week and even when you do get home, you’re not here and I’ve got three kids or teenagers or whatever stage. I know Ann felt abandoned. And I think a lot of wives—and again, we can flip it because guys can feel the same thing—

Meg:

Very true.

Dave Wilson:

—but how would you coach up a wife to say, don’t say this, say this or—

Meg (16:34):

Yeah, I think the number one thing that comes to my mind is actually the first couple of years in the role at FamilyLife leading FamilyLife, I was really struggling and David was carrying—I mean we were both carrying a lot because we did a lot of things together in that space—but I feel like there came a point where I realized, okay, I am feeling like my role was a little more ambiguous. And so I was trying to figure that out but also pour into our kids. We had moved and trying to help them survive and find my friends and our family friends, whatever it is. And he’s so focused on things at work and starting to feel that. But what I did, I didn’t realize it, but I finally had this aha moment of, oh, I’m keeping that from him. I’m not telling him how I feel and I’m not sharing about this resentment because I’m being too careful. I didn’t want to put one more thing on him because I saw how much he was dealing with and carrying and I felt like that’s just going to be one more thing. And some of the things I was feeling, they weren’t necessarily new. We often go back to the same struggles, the same things that he’s always going to be someone who is—I mean, he’s very gifted at doing a lot of things and leading ahead and a lot of things at once. So that means there’s going to be a temptation always to take on more.

(18:03):

And so the good giftedness of that, well, there’s always a flip side of okay, then how does that play out in our marriage and family? It’s like, okay, choosing to have healthy boundaries. So those same things come back for us a lot, I feel like.

David Robbins (18:19):

You had someone share, Hey, you Meg, need to stop being so careful.

Meg (18:25):

Just meaning it’s not my place to decide if he has too much on his plate. And I mean, I know in my head that our marriage is more important than all of those other things, but it was just easy for me to think, oh, it’s not a good time. Or I know he has so much and this is just going to be one more boulder for him to carry.

(18:48):

And I think the reality was no, I was actually keeping him from knowing me. I wasn’t letting him in to what I was really feeling and experiencing. And whether part of that was resentment or part of that was just the challenge of trying to find my place and where do my giftings fit and what God’s called me to at that time in FamilyLife. For me, if I’m telling a younger wife or another person, how do you do that? How do you let your husband in? I think first I realized I have to process this with the Lord. I need to take some time and probably journal and pray about it. I mean, I love to journal. I don’t always make time for it, but it always gives me clarity of what I’m actually feeling rather than just this fuming anger. So I mean, it helps me realize what are the things that I need to own in this and what are the things that I can say, Hey, I’m feeling like this. And I’m wondering if maybe it’s because when you come home, we’re not really talking about how we’re doing. We’re always talking about the kids or we’re talking about the sports or the job or whatever it is.

Dave Wilson (19:57):

Yeah, I know you know our story, but I think what Ann did, you can talk to this, maybe you stop saying to me because you thought I wasn’t listening, but we get to the point where on our 10 anniversary she says I lost my feelings for you. And whenever we tell that story, which is in the Art of Marriage, it’s this journey of I was angry, I was resentful. This is what you say. Then I realized I’ve become numb and now I just don’t have feelings. So it’s like she probably said it and I didn’t hear it.

Ann (20:27):

But the way I said it wasn’t great. You’re never home anymore. I wish. And here’s the thing, I think when you’re resentful, what I found myself doing is the more you store bitterness in your heart, the more distant I become from God. And when I would go to God, which it’s so funny, when I take my eyes off of Jesus, I automatically—I still do this—I look at Dave to fill me up.

David Robbins (20:55):

Yeah, sure.

Ann (20:56):

It’s just a natural thing. I see what he’s doing wrong and he becomes the idol. And I think that’s really natural to happen. But I do think, Meg, I wish I would’ve said it in a way. I wish I would’ve taken it to Jesus. How can I say this? But what happens is once you say it and nothing changes, that’s when it gets really hard. And I can also get into like, okay, we’re in a hard season. For you guys, this is going to be a year of grind. Maybe you, your husband’s taking a new job or you’re in a new location and I think what we can do as a spouse is we gear up, all right, but then when it goes on and on and it doesn’t change, we get desperate. And that’s when we don’t know what to do. And I was going to say and agree with you, Meg, I tend to say way too much. I wasn’t protecting Dave. I am just pounding him with my words.

David Robbins (21:47):

That’s the other side of it. Yeah, that’s true.

Ann (21:49):

But when he—

Meg (21:50):

I retreat away.

Ann (21:51):

And Dave seldom says anything negative to me.

Dave Wilson (21:55):

What are you talking about?

Ann (21:56):

No, you don’t. To be truthful and honest, I think you’re scared of me and I need you to be, I want him to tell me the truth because how am I going to change if I don’t know what the truth is of what you’re feeling?

Dave Wilson (22:10):

Yeah. I think what happened to me, and I wonder how many guys feel this or if you ever felt it, I don’t even admit this. This is so childish and selfish.

Ann (22:19):

Oh good. What is it?

Dave Wilson (22:20):

I don’t want to say it. It’s just like what an immature, selfish baby. But it was like God was blessing the ministry and okay, if you’re not in ministry, God’s blessing your job and think good things are happening. And the more you give to it, the better it seems like it got. And for us, we’re starting a church, so we’re a church planter and it just starts growing and that’s a dream. And I felt every time she would bring something up about me being home or even the kids needing me—and they were babies at the time—I found inside I was resentful. I just wanted to go, don’t you see what’s happening over here, leave me alone. Which is terrible, but I sort of felt it. I didn’t ever said it, but underneath I sort of gave the vibe just, you’re good, right? Please be good. You don’t want to mess up this. This is what we’re on the planet to do and God’s doing it.

Meg (23:17):

That’s something, anyone could justify that in any job or any vocation, but I will say it’s probably, in ministry, it is probably even more of something that we’re tempted to do.

Dave Wilson (23:31):

Look what God’s doing over here.

Ann (23:31):

And as a spouse, you can think, well, now I’m competing against God.

Meg:

I really shouldn’t say anything.

Ann:

I shouldn’t say anything because God is blessing him.

Dave Wilson (23:38):

Yes. And what’s terrible to think back about those days is we were on the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember speaker team. And so we were talking about how important marriage is.

Meg (23:47):

That’s okay, we were leading FamilyLife.

David Robbins (23:48):

Good thing God uses us in our weakness, that’s for sure. But He grows us in that spot.

Dave Wilson (23:55):

I forgot how much I love the Robbins.

Ann (23:58):

You do.

Dave Wilson:

They’re awesome.

Ann:

We could talk with them forever.

Dave Wilson (24:00):

I know but don’t worry, we’re not going to talk with them forever. Just another day tomorrow. So they’ll be back with us. And you don’t want to miss it. I tell you what, a lot of people don’t know this, but we’re on YouTube and you’re a lot prettier than you sound.

Ann (24:12):

No, I don’t even watch it because it’s scary but—

Dave Wilson (24:15):

You can watch it.

Ann (24:15):

But I love watching YouTube clips. You get a lot more out of it; I think when you’re watching people.

Dave Wilson (24:21):

And the next generation’s probably going to watch it rather than just listen to it. So you can do either or. But if you want to watch and enjoy it, youtube.com/FamilyLife, just go to youtube.com/FamilyLife, or if you’re a big YouTube person, just go to YouTube and type in FamilyLife, one word.

Ann (24:37):

I put three words on there and it still worked. FamilyLife Today.

Dave Wilson (24:45):

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