Speaking Light to Others in the Darkness

When God created the heavens and the earth, there was a specific moment when he “spoke” the lights on, forever separating the light from the darkness (Genesis 1:3). We are made in God’s image, both male and female (v. 27). Though we can’t speak and cause planets, animals, and trees to appear out of nothing, we do carry the inherited image of the Creator and the legacy of speaking light into dark places.

If we are to speak light, we must be able to pay attention to those moments when someone we love is stuck in darkness. In these times, we may have to overlook or delay the deserved correction that could be offered. We need to see them for who and where they are, calling out in them what the shadows of shame and doubt may be hiding from their self-awareness.

When I began to speak more life into people, Dave was not the only one in our home on the receiving end. I remember one night when one of our sons was a senior in high school. He came into our bedroom to tell us something. It was the spring semester, and he would soon be heading off to college to play football. I don’t remember noticing any shadows within him, but for some reason, I felt compelled to speak light into him anyway. Before he left, I grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him squarely in the eyes.

“Look at you,” I beamed. “You are amazing in every way. Your leadership gifts are unlike any I’ve seen in people your age. You’re going to go to college and going to be a man who influences many people for good, even if you don’t even know it yet.”

Honestly, he seemed fairly unimpressed. But that didn’t stop me. I kept going. “When you speak, people are drawn to you, and God is going to use you mightily. And I cannot wait to see it happen!”

Finally he was like, “Okay, Mom. I get it. Thank you.” You know, typical teenage boy response.

I kissed him good night, and he shuffled off to bed. But about a half hour later, he came into our bedroom, crying.

“What happened?” I asked. 

“Mom, I’m not that guy. All those things you said, none of it’s true!” Tears were falling from his eyes and plopping onto the floor. His face was flush with anguish.

“No, honey. I promise it’s true.”

He cut me off. “No, you don’t know that I actually drank for the first time last weekend. That’s who I am. You don’t even know who I am, Mom.” He continued to sob.

Now this was one of those moments when I definitely needed to surrender my own ways and deny speaking from my primary feelings. I wanted to set him straight about his poor decision. But when you’re in a situation like that, the best move is to try not to freak out. Somehow I stayed calm and whispered a prayer to God for help in knowing what to say. Trust me, if you ask God to help in moments like these, He absolutely will.

I took my son by the shoulders again and said, “That may be what you did last weekend, but that’s not who you are. All the things I said about you are absolutely true.”

His demeanor began to change. He became more peaceful. I could tell that God was using my words to strengthen him.

Thinking back, I wish I had also said, “And this is who you are. A man who makes mistakes, but whose heart always returns to the Lord. A man who is brave enough to admit to what he did. I’ve never been prouder of you!”

Now before you bring out the “Mom of the Year” sash and tiara, please know there have been many times I haven’t responded in the right way. And what I wanted to say then was, “You’re grounded for life, and I’m going to homeschool you through college and med school!” But my best strength would not display itself by coming down on him strongly; it would show up by being weak enough to let go of my momentary harsh instincts, which meant letting go of control so I could take hold of something better—powerful encouragement. The good news is that we’re all already weak, so we’re already halfway there. You don’t have to be strong; you just have to surrender.

Finally, one more piece of wisdom on these kinds of matters. Let’s go back to Ephesians 4:29, which urges us to speak “only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” You know what I take from this? It is always the right time to speak light into darkness. There will be plenty of time and opportunities for correction and conflict resolution. But when you find yourself in doubt (and you often will), no matter what it is, speak light into darkness. Speak truth. Speak love. Speak encouragement. Speak hope. Speak life.

Before we go any further, take a minute to go to our gracious God and confess to Him all that you are feeling and thinking. I’ve experienced many days when I’ve had to repent over my many harsh words and attitudes. It’s okay; just talk to God about it. Tell Him the truth, which is the definition of confession. He sees you and wants the best for you and your family.

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Adapted from How To Speak Life to Your Husband: When All You Want to Do is Yell at Him. Copyright © 2025 by Dave and Ann Wilson. Published by Zondervan. Used with permission. All Rights Reserved.

Dave and Ann Wilson are the co-hosts of FamilyLife Today®. They are also cofounders of Kensington Church, a national, multi-campus church that hosts more than 14,000 attendees every weekend. Dave and Ann are authors of Vertical Marriage: The One Secret That Will Change Your Marriage, and Ann’s new book, How to Speak Life to Your Husband: When All You Want to Do Is Yell at Him. The Wilsons live in the Detroit area where Dave served as the Detroit Lions chaplain for 33 years. Dave and Ann have three grown sons, CJ, Austin, and Cody, as well as three daughters-in-law and six grandchildren.