Avoiding Us vs. You
Maria and her young adult children had many complaints about her husband. Clearly she needed to ask him to help find solutions, but I warned her not to use language like "you" and "we" or the gap between him and her kids would widen and she would be tempted to side with them. I said, "Emphasize you want to strengthen your marriage and you need his help to make things better for the family." Don't pit people against each other; lead with your desire for closeness so you tackle problems together.
Show Notes
About the Guest
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Maria and her young adult children had many complaints about her husband. Clearly she needed to ask him to help find solutions, but I warned her not to use language like "you" and "we" or the gap between him and her kids would widen and she would be tempted to side with them. I said, "Emphasize you want to strengthen your marriage and you need his help to make things better for the family." Don't pit people against each other; lead with your desire for closeness so you tackle problems together.
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Ron Deal
Ron L. Deal is one of the most widely read and viewed experts on blended families in the country. He is Director of FamilyLife Blended® for FamilyLife®, founder of Smart Stepfamilies™, and the author and Consulting Editor of the Smart Stepfamily Series of books including the bestselling Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages® and Becoming Stepfamily Smart (with Dr. Gary Chapman), The Smart Stepfamily: 7 Steps to a Healthy Family, and ...more
Be careful. Don’t turn a stepfamily problem into “Us vs. You.”
Ron: Be careful. Don’t turn a stepfamily problem into “Us vs. You.”
Announcer: For FamilyLife Blended®, here’s Ron Deal.
Ron: Maria wrote to us on social media. She and her young adult children had a lot of complaints about her husband. Clearly she needed to ask him to help her find some solutions, but I warned her not to use language like “you” and “we” or the gap between him and her kids would just get wider and she would be tempted to side with them. I said, “Emphasize that you are searching for a way to strengthen your marriage and that you need his help to make things better for the family.”
Yeah, these things are delicate. Don’t pit people against each other; lead with your desire for closeness so you can tackle problems together. For FamilyLife Blended I’m Ron Deal.
Announcer: To find out more visit familylifeblended.com.
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