The No Threat Message
The answer to this question is important because a child who thinks you’re trying to take their parent’s place will likely work hard to prevent you from doing so. So, just tell them and tell the biological parent, too. A stepmom might say to the Mom: “I want you to know, that I know, you’re the mom, not me. My job is to bless your kids, not get in the way.†Doing this lowers the child’s and the parent’s sense of threat and their need to oppose the stepparent. It invites cooperation.
About the Guest
Ron Deal
Ron L. Deal is one of the most widely read and viewed experts on blended families in the country. He is Director of FamilyLife Blended® for FamilyLife®, founder of Smart Stepfamilies™, and the author and Consulting Editor of the Smart Stepfamily Series of books including the bestselling Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages® and Becoming Stepfamily Smart (with Dr. Gary Chapman), The Smart Stepfamily: 7 Steps to a Healthy Family, and Preparing to Blend. Ron is a licensed marriage and family therapist, popular conference speaker, and host of the FamilyLife Blended podcast. He and his wife, Nan, have three sons and live in Little Rock, Arkansas. Learn more at FamilyLife.com/blended.
About the Host
Ron Deal
Ron L. Deal is one of the most widely read and viewed experts on blended families in the country. He is Director of FamilyLife Blended® for FamilyLife®, founder of Smart Stepfamilies™, and the author and Consulting Editor of the Smart Stepfamily Series of books including the bestselling Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages® and Becoming Stepfamily Smart (with Dr. Gary Chapman), The Smart Stepfamily: 7 Steps to a Healthy Family, and Preparing to Blend. Ron is a licensed marriage and family therapist, popular conference speaker, and host of the FamilyLife Blended podcast. He and his wife, Nan, have three sons and live in Little Rock, Arkansas. Learn more at FamilyLife.com/blended.
Episode Transcript
Ron: How do you let stepchildren know you’re not trying to take their parent’s place?
Announcer: For FamilyLife Blended®, here’s Ron Deal.
Ron: The answer to this question is important because a child who thinks you’re trying to take their parent’s place will likely work hard to prevent you from doing so. So, I say, just tell them. And while you’re at it, tell the biological parent, too.
A stepmom might say to the Mom: “I just want you to know, that I know, you’re the mom, not me. I will always respect that and I will speak well of you to your children. My job is to bless your kids, not get in the way.” Now see, doing this lowers the child’s and the parent’s sense of threat and their need to oppose the stepparent. It invites cooperation. For FamilyLife Blended®, I’m Ron Deal.
Announcer: To find out more visit familylifeblended.com.
FamilyLife Blended with Ron Deal is a production of FamilyLife.
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