FamilyLife Today® Podcast

Applied Masculinity, Part 2

with Stu Weber | January 7, 2014
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How can men love others as boldly as Christ did? Author and speaker Stu Weber calls men to follow in Christ's footsteps and love their wives and children passionately, diligently, and unselfishly.

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  • About the Host

  • About the Guest

  • How can men love others as boldly as Christ did? Author and speaker Stu Weber calls men to follow in Christ's footsteps and love their wives and children passionately, diligently, and unselfishly.

  • Dave and Ann Wilson

    Dave and Ann Wilson are hosts of FamilyLife Today®, FamilyLife’s nationally-syndicated radio program. Dave and Ann have been married for more than 38 years and have spent the last 33 teaching and mentoring couples and parents across the country. They have been featured speakers at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway since 1993 and have also hosted their own marriage conferences across the country. Cofounders of Kensington Church—a national, multicampus church that hosts more than 14,000 visitors every weekend—the Wilsons are the creative force behind DVD teaching series Rock Your Marriage and The Survival Guide To Parenting, as well as authors of the recently released book Vertical Marriage (Zondervan, 2019). Dave is a graduate of the International School of Theology, where he received a Master of Divinity degree. A Ball State University Hall of Fame quarterback, Dave served the Detroit Lions as chaplain for 33 years. Ann attended the University of Kentucky. She has been active alongside Dave in ministry as a speaker, writer, small-group leader, and mentor to countless wives of professional athletes. The Wilsons live in the Detroit area. They have three grown sons, CJ, Austin, and Cody, three daughters-in-law, and a growing number of grandchildren.

How can men love others as boldly as Christ did? Author and speaker Stu Weber calls men to follow in Christ’s footsteps and love their wives and children passionately, diligently, and unselfishly.

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Applied Masculinity, Part 2

With Stu Weber
January 07, 2014
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Bob: There is a big difference between being a godly servant leader and being a tyrant.

Stu: What we normally think of first is the big shot—

Man: Wife, bring me a drink.

Woman: Yes, king husband. Would you like milk, or water—

Stu: —the boss—

Woman: —orange juice, Pepsi®

Man: No.

Woman: —or Diet Pepsi or Coke®?

Man: A drink, wife—a drink—produce of the vine.

Woman: Oh, well, we’re all out of wine, your majesty. I could—

Stu: —the dominant one.

Woman: —pour some—

Man: Out of wine! My castle—out of wine!

Woman: We do have some grapes in the fridge, sir; but they’ll take a while to ferment.

Man: Just feed them to me. I don’t care.

Woman: Yes, sir; right away, your husbandly highness.

Man: Be sure to peel the grapes. I’ll have no grape skins in my castle—

Stu: You see, when the King Pillar begins to lean, you get a tyrant.


Man: No seeds!

Woman: Yes, sir, king husband. Peel grapes. No seeds. Right away—



Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, January 7th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I’m Bob Lepine. We’re going to hear today from pastor and author, Stu Weber, about what happens when a man gets out of balance in any area of his life. Stay tuned.

And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You know, most of the time when you hear a man say, “I’m the king of my castle,” he’s not saying something noble. He’s typically saying something pretty selfish.

Dennis: “I’m the dictator of my castle.”

Bob: Yes. “I’m the guy who gets everything brought to him on a silver platter,” rather than what Stu Weber is calling men to when he calls them to embrace their responsibility as a king; that is, to be a protector for his home and his family.



Dennis: Stu is a really good friend. He is a champion for Jesus Christ—been a pastor for, I would imagine, close to four decades. He and his wife live in Gresham, Oregon. They used to speak at our Weekend to Remember® marriage conferences. We serve on the Board of Directors of Dallas Theological Seminary together. We just thought it would be good to pull a great message out of the archives. If you’ve ever wondered what the voice of Gabriel might have sounded like—[Laughter]

Bob: The angel, you mean?

Dennis: The angel. This is probably it.

Bob: You think Stu got it.

Dennis: It’s just a magnificent voice! What Stu does here is he calls men to step up. He really does. He calls them to be a king, a warrior, a protector—one who gives up his life for his wife, his family, his community, his nation. Stu knows a little about this. He was a green beret. He has some incredible stories to tell from Vietnam.



He is a man’s man; but most importantly, he is God’s man.

Bob: And you really talk about that in your book, Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood.

Dennis: That’s right.

Bob: This message beats in your heart, as well.

Dennis: It does. I took almost 12 years, Bob, as you know, to write this book. The reason I wanted to get it out was I just feel like men today need to be encouraged. Also, their wives—their wives need to be encouraged to help their husbands step up.

If there has ever been a time in our nation’s history when men needed to step up, it is today because marriages / families are in trouble. Our nation’s morality is slipping and sliding. I think if men will be men, we’ll stop the slide; and we’ll turn it around with a spiritual reformation.

Bob: In Part Two of this message, we are going to hear from Stu Weber. He talks about our need, as men, to be kings and warriors and what that ought to look like according to God’s design. Here is Stu Weber.



[Recorded Message]

Stu: I am not going to work on all the differences between males and females. You work on that already here. You understand how different we are. The reason we are different is because we represent, together, the full-orbed image and glory of God. That’s why we’re different. We complement one another so magnificently when we will just recognize the differences. Somehow, equality has come to mean sameness; and we’ve, in the process, attacked the very image of God.

We’re different, as men and women—our brains are made differently in their function and their structure. The presence of testosterone in the male does some things to the brain structure that makes us think and experience life differently. It’s beyond debate. Even our culture is recognizing that—technologically and scientifically. What we don’t recognize is the way that reflects upon our relationships with each other, as men and women, and therefore glorifies God, ultimately, and displays His image.



So, I’d like to work on that a little bit with you this morning—at least, on the masculine half of the race—because I think that is the one that is probably the most confused and most in disarray in our culture. So, I’d like to turn with you, if you would, in your Bibles to the early chapters of the book of Genesis and see if we can’t go right back to the Genesis spring and find out a little bit about what God intended when He made a man a man. There’s something of a king in his heart to provide, something of a warrior in his heart to protect, something of a mentor in his heart to teach, and something of a friend in his heart to connect.

I’m not bright enough to remember a whole lot of things—especially, in the heat of everyday life—but I can remember four. If I can see these four pillars of masculinity—the king, warrior, mentor, friend pillars—if I can see them as tall, and straight, and balanced—then, all I need to ask myself is, “In this particular circumstance, where I find myself at this moment, which of these four masculine pillars of a man’s heart—which of these four pillars needs to bear the weight of this moment?



“Is it the king?”—to provide vision, the forward look, the horizon, the goal, the mission, and the purpose or, “Is it the warrior?”—to protect spiritually and soulishly or, “Is it the mentor?”—that needs to teach a little bit about life, here in this moment, where I find myself or, “Is it the friend?”—when I find myself in tension with my teenage son, for example.

I need to be sure that the right pillar bears the weight. Whichever pillar bears it, it must be standing straight. For pillars that lean, what good are they? Pillars that lean don’t support anything; do they? I really do believe that God intended for the weight—of a marriage, and the weight of a family, and the weight of a community, and the weight of a nation—to rest upon a man’s shoulders. When that man is walking biblically—like the ultimate Man, who was the ultimate king, warrior, mentor, and friend—then, everybody flourishes.



But when that man lets his pillars lean, one way or the other, everything collapses around him; and everybody pays a price.

I think that’s what we’re seeing happening in our country. When men fail, everybody hurts. That’s what we see in this chapter, here, coming up—Chapter 3 of the book of Genesis. For sin enters the planet; doesn’t it? When it enters the planet, everybody hurts. Who sinned first—the man or the woman? The woman ate the fruit first; did she not? But the man was held responsible; wasn’t he?

When God came looking for them, what did He say: “Adam, where are you?” Now, had He lost track of him? No, this is the omniscient God. He knew perfectly well where he was. He was asking—I believe, in an attempt to teach this man—He was asking:

Where are you? Where is the man in you? Where were you, Adam? Where was the king in you when your realm began to crumble—



and the issues of authority, and honesty, and integrity, and Scripture, and God’s Word began to be debated?

Where were you?—because you are the king that is to look ahead for these things. Where was the warrior in you, Adam, when that snake slipped into your home and destroyed it? Were you asleep on guard duty? Were you AWOL? Where were you, Adam?

Where was the mentor in you? You know I told you about these things. Did you not believe what I was telling you about life? Did you not absorb it for yourself? Did you not communicate it to those who were near and dear to you; namely, Eve, in this case?

Where was the friend in you, Adam? Were you so aloof and distant that she found herself looking in another direction? Where are you man?

I really think that’s what God was working on.



I do believe He holds the man responsible for the corporate solid—the family—in a way that he does not hold the woman. I have to conclude that as I read this Bible. I think that is how God has wired a man. I think His original intentions were for—something of a king, something of a warrior, something of a mentor, and something of a friend—to be those masculine pillars. I’d like to spend a few minutes kind of working on each one if we could.

The King Pillar: What do we mean when we say the King Pillar? Well, we’re not talking King Tut. We’re not talking palm branches, and peeled grapes, and, “Bring me this and do me that,” and all that sort of thing—quite the opposite. We’re talking King Jesus. God clarified, in no uncertain terms, what kind of leader He was looking for in His home and in His kingdom.



He said, “You know that pagan people—they lord it over—it will not be so amongst you; but he, who would lead, will be the servant of all.” So, we’re talking about a very different kind of king than what has become known in our world—who willingly gave Himself up for those who were near and dear to Him.

So, the King Pillar has got to stand straight and tall—the pillar that provides, the pillar that sees—provideo / provision—sees ahead—that pillar needs to stand straight. When that pillar leans to the right, all you’ve got is a tyrant. No one loves to live with a tyrant. Everybody hurts when there is a tyrant leading. Just as bad as a tyrant—perhaps, worse in many respects—is a King Pillar leaning way out of balance to the left—an abdicator—who never leads, who never initiates, who never speaks up, who never takes leadership, who never takes headship. But if that pillar’s standing tall and straight, we have King Jesus. That’s what we want in a man. He’s a provider who is in balance.



Most of us think of ourselves as providers, as men; but we tend to relate it primarily to the material world—so, we invest in stock portfolios, college funds, insurances, and this and that—and try to provide for the future. We’ve missed the bottom line of provision, which is first and foremost, spiritual. For the bottom line of all these functions are, first and foremost, spiritual. God wants a king to look ahead for the things that are matters of spirit and soul. He wants a man to give spiritual direction and definition to those who are near and dear to him.

Let me tell you about a king in my life. William Joseph Weber was a little man. He was about 5’6”. He was my grandpa. I loved to spend time with my grandparents because I was the focus of the day. I was the apple of their eye. I remember one time playing Parcheesi. When you’re a little seven-year-old boy, the last thing in the world you want to do is lose to your own grandmother. [Laughter]



I mean, how humiliating could that be? So, like any entrepreneurial seven-year-old boy, I cheated. I’m glad that I’m not a very good cheater and that I got caught. Part of the reason I’m not a very good cheater is because of my grandpa and my grandma. I can still see them, with their glasses down on their nose, looking at me across the game board, with this surprise on their faces. He said: “Stu! You’re a Weber boy! Weber boys don’t lie, or cheat, or steal.”

How many times have you heard Dennis say: “You ain’t just part of the human herd—you belong to us. We’re together. We’re in this together,”? You see, my grandpa was looking way down the line for me. He knows that God has us on a leash. If we become liars, and cheaters, and stealers, and thieves, we’re going to pay a price. We are going to hurt. My grandpa was providing for me, as a king in my life, by giving definition and direction to my spirit and my soul down the way.



I remember coming up against some affidavits in the military—that I was asked to sign—that would not have been correct or true. I couldn’t do it—not because I was particularly walking with the Lord at the time—but because a king in my life had given direction, and I couldn’t do that. It saved me from all kinds of trouble. It saved those around me from all kinds of trouble because a king, when I was a little seven-year-old boy at a table game, was providing for my soul. That’s a king that was in balance there—not a king who’s a tyrant, not a king who was an abdicator—but a king who is walking after Jesus’ heart—giving spiritual definition to those he must provide for.

Then, there is the Warrior Pillar. The Warrior Pillar is the one that old Dave Barry described so well [“Over the Line on the Freeway”]. When the Warrior Pillar leans to the right all you have got is a brute. Nobody wants to live with a brute. A brute is hellish. When the Warrior Pillar leans out of line to the left, all you have got is a coward. Nobody wants to be around a coward.



You and I, as men, need to be warriors whose pillar is standing tall and straight and is a protecting pillar. A warrior’s strength is not so much in his biceps or his quadriceps as the warrior’s strength is in his soul. The great leaders on the battlefield have always been men with a warrior’s heart and a warrior’s vision—who understood the cause and understood the ramifications—and then, gave themselves in the defense of those principles, such as David.

David was man of the in-between; you remember? He was just a little boy, so to speak—probably, 17/18 years old. As the youngest of the sons, his older brothers were in the military. They were not good days to be in the military in Israel—in those days—because it was a tough time. The Philistines had come to the Valley of Elah to the west of where David’s family was growing up. His parents had sent him down to the troops to take some sandwiches to his brothers—so to speak.



As he walked into the valley, and saw the Philistines on the one side and saw the armies of Israel on the other, he found himself saying, “What is this?!” You see, there was a warrior in Israel, who was the champion of his people. His name was Saul, but he wouldn’t go down into the in-between. There was a warrior in Philistia—something of a mutant, actually—by the name of Goliath, who would go down. He taunted the armies of the living God because Israel had no champion. She had no warrior. She had no man of the in-between.

This little fella—with a heart after God—having been raised in the wilderness, walking with the Lord, and singing songs, and spent a lot of time with his slingshot—he said, “I’ll go down.” They tried to put the armor on him. It wouldn’t fit. He—who was head and shoulders above his people, Saul—wouldn’t go down. So, David went down, as the man of the in-between, and protected his people.

A warrior is the man of the in-between. He stands between those who are near and dear to him and that which would harm them.



Jesus is the ultimate warrior—the ultimate man of the in-between—who walked up a hilltop to take the crest in the battle of the cosmos. He paid with his blood—like a warrior will do, you see. God wants his men to be that kind of a warrior—a warrior with a clear, spiritual cause. So, then, a warrior, who is in balance, doesn’t find his strength in his physical prowess but in his spiritual prowess—standing between all that would harm those who are near and dear spiritually and soulishly. So, he gets involved in things.

I remember, one time, having to go to school to meet with one of Blake’s teachers. He was a sophomore, I think, in high school. It was a political theory class. It is just so vivid in my mind because it was a traumatic experience for me. I found myself with a boy who had an assignment. If he was going to get an “A” in his political theory class, he had to watch a movie. I said, “Well, get to it.” He said: “Well, I don’t think you’re going to want me to watch it, Dad. It is R-rated to begin with. The word is this is really ‘R’ for racy.”



So, I had a little bit of a dilemma. I went down and rented the video. It was called The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I put a few seconds of the early part of the film on the screen. There were naked bodies all over it. I jumped into the middle of the film really quickly and watched a moment or two, and there was skin everywhere. The same was true at the conclusion of the movie. I couldn’t let my 14- or 15-year-old watch this because I couldn’t watch it. So, what do I do? I didn’t want to be the man of the in- between. I mean, I’m a pastor. The last thing a pastor wants to do is carry a Bible to school and beat somebody over the head with it; you know?

I found myself making an appointment with his teacher, and I walked into the room. I sat down across from his desk. I remember saying something like: “We’re together on this. We both want the same thing for my son—that he become the man that he should be—a capable, upright, conscious, careful citizen. We’ve got a little conflict here.”



I shared with him my concern about the film. I told him: “I’m a man in middle age, and I can’t watch this stuff. How can I let my 14- or 15-year-old watch it with all that virility ready to explode in his veins? What do I do?” Then, I thought I’d just get lambasted. The teacher’s head dropped. He kind of went from side to side with it. I thought, “Boy, he’s just cocking his weapons;’ you know? “I’m going to get killed.” So, I kind of got my helmet on, and my flight jacket, and got all ready. [Laughter]

He said: “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it.” I thought, “Whoa, I’m really going to get it!” Then, he said, “I can’t believe I made that assignment either.” That was the end of the discussion. He said, “I’ll make an alternative available, and I won’t make that assignment in the future.” That was the end of the discussion. This was a man with a reputation that is quite liberal. I couldn’t believe it. It was as though the Lord said, “Okay, little, tiny warrior you tried one little time; and so, we’re going to give you a little victory here.” [Laughter]



God wants his guys to be warriors. Go ahead and stay it. Stand up, take initiation, be on guard duty, walk your post, be on the alert, and protect those who are near and dear to you.


Bob: Well, we’ve been listening, again, to Stu Weber—Part Two of a message on what authentic manhood looks like and the need to be protectors. I’m guessing—if you opened your Bible as he was talking—First Corinthians 16:13-14—is that where you went?

Dennis: You got it, Bob. [Laughter] “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” You know, I’ve heard that same little voice of God that Stu heard, “Okay, little boy, I’m going to give you a tiny victory because you just kind of stepped up—you just kind of made your feeble effort to push back against evil or against sin.” Bob, I think that’s what men do.



I think men today need to be stepping up and stepping into issues of our culture in business, in education, in the marketplace, in their neighborhoods, in their children’s lives. But it takes courage to step up. That’s part of the reason why we’re playing this series of broadcasts from a message that Stu Weber gave a number of years ago because it’s kind of like one of those ESPN classics.

Bob: Right.

Dennis: This is a FamilyLife Today classic.

Bob: I don’t know how many of our listeners could hear you actually pounding the table as you talk about this. [Laughter] Obviously, you are passionate about it.

Dennis: Well, I am passionate because I think, today, men have had their courage taken from them. We have emasculated men where men can’t step up. They won’t step up because there is no applause—there is no reward.

Well, you know what? One of the most powerful places you can step up is a place you may not get any applause or any rewards instantly—but it is at home. It is at home where, if you step up and be the man, I’m going to promise you: “You’re legacy can be mighty.



You can leave a legacy of values to your kids and to future generations where others will be praising you long after you are gone.”

Bob: We’ve had a lot of guys who resonate with that message—who have gotten in touch with us, over the last couple of months—and these guys are going to be hosting a one-day Stepping Up video event on the day before the Super Bowl®—that’s Saturday, February 1st, in communities all across the country—local churches / other locations. They’re going to be hosting a one-day event for men that features guys like Stu Weber, and Crawford Lorritts, you, and Voddie Baucham, and Matt Chandler, and Robert Lewis, and others.

It’s a day designed to rally guys to step up and to be the men that God has called us to be, as men. In fact, you can go to our website,, click on the link you see there for men’s Stepping Up. You can see a map of where all of these Stepping Up events are going to be held in communities all across the country.



There is still time. If you’d like to host an event in your community, and you don’t see one being hosted, you can order the material from us, and rally the guys, and plan to have a Stepping Up event in your church or in your local community. Again, go to and click on the link for men’s Stepping Up to find out how you can host one of these one-day events. We realize in some communities there’s not an event being hosted. Maybe, you can’t pull everything together to host your own event, but we are doing a Stepping Up in-home edition on that same weekend.

Here’s how it works—you contact us, and order a manual for yourself, and manuals for your sons, or your small group, or whoever you want to invite to be a part of the event at your house. Maybe, it’s just you—whatever. You order the manual, and we will include an access code that will give you access to the four videos that are a part of the Stepping Up one-day event. You can access those videos that weekend only, February 1st and 2nd.



But you can fit the event around your schedule. You want to do it early Saturday morning—you can do that. You want to wait until later in the day—that’s fine. You want to do half on Saturday / half on Sunday—you can do that, as well. You can find out about the Stepping Up in-home edition when you go to and click the link for men’s Stepping Up. All of the information you need is available there.

That might be a great way to get together with a group of guys and go through this material before you watch the game together—or do it with your sons—whatever works for you. Again, go to Click the link for men’s Stepping Up, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We can answer any questions you have about the material that’s available, both for the one-day event and for the Stepping Up ten-week series. We have a coaching team that can help you execute your event. If you have questions, or if you need their help, they’re available.



Again, go to or call us at 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then, the word, “TODAY”. Join with men, all across the country, in stepping up on the weekend of the Super Bowl.

Now, tomorrow, we’re going to continue to hear from Stu Weber about what real biblical masculinity looks like. I hope you can tune in. He’s got some great insights to share tomorrow.

I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

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