Embracing Marriage Together
Joe and Cindi Ferrini talk candidly about walking through life with their 38-year-old son Joey, who has special needs. Acknowledging the strain a child with disabilities can put on a family, the Ferrinis tell what they did to strengthen their marriage in the midst of doctor visits, therapy sessions, and meeting Joey's continual needs. They also talk about the importance of finding a care team or community of people who will be an emotional and practical support in the daily care of their child.
Show Notes
About the Host
About the Guest
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Dave and Ann Wilson
Dave and Ann Wilson are hosts of FamilyLife Today®, FamilyLife’s nationally-syndicated radio program. Dave and Ann have been married for more than 38 years and have spent the last 33 teaching and mentoring couples and parents across the country. They have been featured speakers at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway since 1993 and have also hosted their own marriage conferences across the country. Cofounders of Kensington Church—a national, multicampus church that hosts more than 14,000 visitors every weekend—the Wilsons are the creative force behind DVD teaching series Rock Your Marriage and The Survival Guide To Parenting, as well as authors of the recently released book Vertical Marriage (Zondervan, 2019). Dave is a graduate of the International School of Theology, where he received a Master of Divinity degree. A Ball State University Hall of Fame quarterback, Dave served the Detroit Lions as chaplain for 33 years. Ann attended the University of Kentucky. She has been active alongside Dave in ministry as a speaker, writer, small-group leader, and mentor to countless wives of professional athletes. The Wilsons live in the Detroit area. They have three grown sons, CJ, Austin, and Cody, three daughters-in-law, and a growing number of grandchildren.
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Joe and Cindi Ferrini
Dr. Joe Ferrini practiced dentistry for 41 years and has recently retired. He and Cindi are on self -supporting staff with Cru. Cindi is a speaker and author (Balancing the Active Life, Get it Together, No Regrets, Pause for Prayer). Together they authored Unexpected Journey-When Special Needs Change Our Course. Their new book (12/19/2019) is Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey. They have been guests on such radio broadcasts as Focus...more
Joe and Cindi Ferrini talk candidly about walking through life with their 38-year-old son Joey, who has special needs.
Bob: Yes.
Dave: —I’m sitting here, thinking, “God is talking to somebody right now.”
Cindi: Sure.
Joe: Right.
Dave: You know who needs help; you’ve seen them. Maybe, you’re good friends with them; and you’re the one God’s saying, “Go tell them.”
Ann: We’re talking about an important relationship with our spouse; but I’m also listening to you, thinking, “How do you do your walk with God?” Because I know you guys—Jesus oozes out of you—you can tell your love for Him is so apparent. Here you have a special needs child; you also had two more daughters. Your lives are full and busy; how did you carve out time for a dynamic walk with God?
Cindi: Well, a couple of things. First of all, I would very rarely miss a quiet time; but a quiet time wouldn’t necessarily mean it was an hour long. It might have been a verse, or a chapter, or maybe a couple of verses until I learned something new. It wasn’t always this great spiritual high of getting out your Bible and your teaching manuals and having this big quiet time—though I would have loved to have done that—I think sometimes we just have to steal those moments when we can.
Joey points us to Jesus all along the way. He knows the Lord. I would have to say, for sure, that Joey has taught us things that the Bible itself, just reading it, would never have taught us.
Joe: It was learned, by God’s grace, in a way that we never could have learned from reading a book or hearing a sermon. We tell people, all the time, that: “If you want to learn how to worship/if you want to learn how to come to the throne of God, stand behind us in church. Joey will take you there.”
Dave: What’s that mean? What’s that look like?
Joe: His eyes are closed; his hands are up. He’s—
Cindi: —singing.
Joe: —doesn’t know the words—he’s singing. He’s not in tune at all, but you know what?—he’s in worship.
Ann: It’s interesting, too—because when our kids have struggled—God gives us a different view. We see them as struggling; yet, God sometimes gives us: “Wait. You’re not looking at it the way I’m looking at it.”
Our son—I remember realizing and getting a diagnosis of ADD—and he just struggled in school. I remember I was on an elliptical bike, and I was reading Exodus that day. I read this in Exodus 4:10—it says, “But Moses said to the Lord, ‘O my Lord, I’m not eloquent either in the past or since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and of tongue.’” Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute or deaf or seeing or blind? Is it not I the Lord?”
I remember putting down my Bible—and I’ve never read that in that way before—it was as if God said: “I am delighting in your son. I have made your son. Can you not delight in him as I have made him?” It changed my whole perspective—
Joe: That’s right; that’s right.
Ann: —whereas: “If God’s delighting in him,—
Cindi: Yes.
Ann: —“I’m going to delight in him too.”
Cindi: Yes.
Ann: And to hear Joey delighting in God, himself, is inspiring.
Cindi: Yes.
Joe: Absolutely.
Cindi: I really feel, too, in our family—having Joey has allowed for our girls to become—through no/I wish I could say, “Oh, we did such a good job”; you know?—but through no fault of our own, if you will, they have turned into the loveliest of young ladies—how they love and care for their brother and other people.
One of our daughters is looking into foster care. Another is working with an improv group, that are Downs Syndrome young adults, having a blast. That’s her background—musical theater/improv—she’s loving it. Would they have gone those directions without Joey? It’s more far-reaching; but I think, as parents, we have to come to a place, which that Scripture verse took you—
Ann: Yes.
Joe: That’s beautiful.
Cindi: —to where you say, “I do delight in them like You delight in them.” It gives you a whole different perspective for that day and for that goal, that I said earlier, where you are looking, “Will we have a legacy, when we look back on this child’s life, and in our marriage?”
Dave: And you think—well, at least I thought—when you describe Joey worshipping, I thought, “Someday, he’ll be doing that in heaven, and you’ll be there.”
Cindi: That’s right.
Joe: That’s right.
Dave: You know, when you described earlier, Joe—looking into his eyes when he was a little baby and seeing that look—what do you think you’re going to see in his eyes then?
Joe: Ooh! Glory!
Dave: Yes, it’ll be amazing.
Joe: That’s right.
Cindi: You know, we prayed for Joey for many years. I remember going into his room and him just going, “Uh”; and I thought for sure that was going to be the morning he’d be healed. I stopped praying; because I realized he is just who he is, and I am going to love him just how he is.
When he was little, I think, if you would have said, “Would you like Joey healed?”—and if Jesus would walk in the room and heal him—I would have said, “Yes, yes; heal him right now.” But at 38 years old—and we’ve said this for a number of years—if Jesus came to us and said, “Would you like Me to heal him?” I think we’d say, “No”; because he has taught us so much. We have learned to love him in all ways, and I believe he has loved us in all ways.
Joe: Absolutely.
Bob: You know, whether our kids have acute special needs or—they all have special needs; don’t they?—
Joe: Absolutely.
Ann: So do we. [Laughter]
Joe: That’s right.
Bob: —their [special needs child] needs are clear, and present, and obvious; and they make them known to us, right?
Our marriage has needs, but it’s not always as acute or obvious. I think part of what we’re hearing this week is we have to be smart enough to know to address the less obvious need of our marriage, even if it means setting aside some of those immediate needs that our kids are coming with. If we don’t put the priority on the marriage, there is not going to be the strength available, long term, to meet the special needs of our kids.
Joe: Absolutely.
Bob: And you guys address this so well in your book, Love All Ways, which is a book we want to encourage our listeners—if you are dealing with this personally—or if you know a couple in your church—get a copy of this book, and pass it on to them.
Thank you guys for being with us, and for sharing this, and for encouraging others through this book and through this time together.
Joe: Well, thank you for the opportunity.
Cindi: Thank you so much.
Joe: Appreciate it.
Bob: We’ve got both of Joe and Cindi’s books available in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. They wrote another book called Unexpected Journey: Caring for Those with Special Needs. Both books are available; go to FamilyLifeToday.com. If you know somebody, who has a special needs child, get them copies of these books and pass them onto them as a gift. Just let them know that you are there for them and that you are available. Offer these books as a way of saying, “We care about you.”
Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get the books, Love All Ways and Unexpected Journey, by Joe and Cindi Ferrini. You can order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. One more time, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-358-6329—that’s 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”
We want to give a shout-out today to those of you who have made today’s program possible/those of you who make each of these conversations possible, along with our website, our resources, our events. All that we do at FamilyLife happens because listeners, like you, are more than listeners. Listeners like you—some of you take the next step and pay this forward—make it possible so that others can benefit from the practical biblical help and hope we provide each day, here on FamilyLife Today.
We are grateful for those of you who have stood with us in the past and those of you who are standing with us today. In fact, if you can help with a donation today, we’d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a couple of books by our friends, Matt and Lisa Jacobson, who were with us this week. Their books are called 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to make an online donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate by phone; and just request your copies of Matt and Lisa Jacobson’s book as a thank-you gift for your ongoing support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today. We appreciate you.
Now, tomorrow, we’re going to tell you about a movie that is premiering this weekend. It’s available, online, for you to watch. It’s a movie that’s a great Father’s Day film; it’s called Selfie Dad. Brad Silverman, who is the director and screenwriter for the movie, is going to be with us. We’re also going to tell you about how Kayne West got involved in this film a little bit. That’s all coming up tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.
I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I’m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.
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