FamilyLife Today® Podcast

Fanning the Flames of Love

with Daniel Akin | February 8, 2011
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What happens outside of the bedroom directly affects what happens in the bedroom. That's according to author Dr. Daniel Akin, professor of preaching and theology at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and today's broadcast guest.

  • Show Notes

  • About the Host

  • About the Guest

  • What happens outside of the bedroom directly affects what happens in the bedroom. That's according to author Dr. Daniel Akin, professor of preaching and theology at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and today's broadcast guest.

  • Dave and Ann Wilson

    Dave and Ann Wilson are hosts of FamilyLife Today®, FamilyLife’s nationally-syndicated radio program. Dave and Ann have been married for more than 38 years and have spent the last 33 teaching and mentoring couples and parents across the country. They have been featured speakers at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway since 1993 and have also hosted their own marriage conferences across the country. Cofounders of Kensington Church—a national, multicampus church that hosts more than 14,000 visitors every weekend—the Wilsons are the creative force behind DVD teaching series Rock Your Marriage and The Survival Guide To Parenting, as well as authors of the recently released book Vertical Marriage (Zondervan, 2019). Dave is a graduate of the International School of Theology, where he received a Master of Divinity degree. A Ball State University Hall of Fame quarterback, Dave served the Detroit Lions as chaplain for 33 years. Ann attended the University of Kentucky. She has been active alongside Dave in ministry as a speaker, writer, small-group leader, and mentor to countless wives of professional athletes. The Wilsons live in the Detroit area. They have three grown sons, CJ, Austin, and Cody, three daughters-in-law, and a growing number of grandchildren.

What happens outside of the bedroom directly affects what happens in the bedroom.

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Fanning the Flames of Love

With Daniel Akin
February 08, 2011
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Bob:  Well, and don't you think that sometimes a husband will say something affirming to his wife, and his wife will say, "Oh, I don't think that's true," or she'll downplay the praise.  And the husband will think to himself, "I'm not going to mess around saying stupid stuff like that if she's just going to act that way."

Danny:  And he throws in the towel too soon.

Bob:  And she's going, "Do you really believe that?  Say it again sometime, because I doubt it, and I'm not sure I really believe it."  Even if she says, "Don't say those kinds of things,” he needs to persevere and say, "But, honey, it's true."

Danny:  Right.

Bob:  And just stay after it, doesn't he?

Danny:  Absolutely.

Dennis:  And if there's a guy listening right now who is not convinced at the end of what we just said here, just try it with your wife.  Just try a little extra layer of icing, a little sweetness to the relationship. 

I know, with Barbara, that she doesn't seem to ever get tired of hearing the words, "I love you," "I appreciate you for doing the household duties” that she does so faithfully, “for running errands,” “for helping me be able to do what I'm able to do.”  She's never once said, "You know, sweetheart, I wish you'd stop doing that." 

Now, she has said this.  She has said, "You know, I wish you wouldn't brag on me so much publicly."  But, honest, Danny, and you can comment on this, if you would, I'm not sure I really believe her. 

Danny:  Barbara is like Charlotte, because I brag on her, too, because I'm proud of her, like you are with Barbara.  Charlotte is a hero to me like Barbara is to you, and so even though she says that, I do think on another level she is so thrilled to know that the number-one man in her life thinks that about her.

Bob:  Well, you know what?  Charlotte is like Mary Ann, because Mary Ann would say the same thing, and we've talked about it.  She said, "I just don't want the attention drawn to me in public."  And so there is part of her saying “I love being praised but just don't keep me in the spotlight too long.”

Dennis:  Too long – you can let it kind of glance by there.  I want to say here, we've just bragged on all three of our wives publicly before several hundred thousand people here on our radio program.  I want you to know that we're not talking about three women who are perfect.

Danny:  No, but they're great women.

Dennis:  They are great women, and I think it's a matter of perspective of the husband that's so important here.  A godly husband is not focused on his wife's flaws, failures, or weaknesses.  I promise you, with all three of the women we've talked about around this table, there isn't a man at this table who couldn't find enough flaws in his own wife to focus on for a few minutes, all right? 

But we've decided we're going to focus on what's right, not what's wrong.  We're going to praise for what she does right, not what she does wrong.  And what person today in fighting the good fight of faith and trying to live their lives out and raise a family today doesn't need another person to be on their team.  It's like a law of gravity – who doesn't need it, you know?  You need someone to be for you today.

Danny:  Absolutely.

Bob:  Well, and the truth is, your wives are great women but mine exceeds them all, I'm sorry.

Danny:  Oh, now we're going to have a debate here.


Bob:  You know, I imagine there may be some guys listening who they know you wrote the book, God on Sex, and they think this doesn't sound like we're talking much about sex, but we've got to understand how the sexual dimension of marriage is really wrapped up in the whole relationship.  You can't isolate it.  You can't take the act and separate it from the souls of two people, and I think you point that out so well in your book.

We have copies of it in the FamilyLife Resource Center, and I would encourage our listeners to get a copy.  Maybe a husband and wife would want to read through this book together – a book from a seminary president on intimacy in marriage.  Contact us and ask about Danny Akin's book, God on Sex.  You can go to our website,, and request a copy from us there, or call 1-800-358-6329, 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and just mention that you’re interested in the book God on Sex when you contact us and we’ll send it out to you.

And when you get in touch with us, if you’re able to help with a donation to support the ministry of FamilyLife Today we would appreciate that.  We are listener-supported and what really makes it possible for us to be here each day with this program is when you call or write or go online and make a donation to help support the ministry.  Those donations make up more than 65 percent of our annual budget, so if we don’t hear from you we’ve got to make changes.  We do appreciate those of you who, either from time to time or on a regular basis, get in touch with us and help support the ministry.

If you’re able to make a donation this month to support FamilyLife Today, we want you to feel free to request the four-CD romance pack that we put together.  There’s a message from Dennis in there talking about how you keep romance alive and how you keep the spark going even when it’s a little drizzly inside.  And then there are three CDs where we have a conversation with Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus around the book that they wrote which is called Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Women Ask About Intimacy and Sex.

We’ll include all four of those CDs as a thank you gift when you support the ministry this month with a donation.  If you donate online be sure to type the word ”ROMANCE” in the online key code box so we know to send the CDs to you, or if you call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation by telephone, ask for the romance CDs and we’ll get those to you as well.  Again, we appreciate your support of this ministry.

And we want to encourage you to be back with us tomorrow when we’re going to continue the conversation with our guest this week, Dr. Danny Akin.   I hope you can be with us. 

I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.  Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow.

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