Loneliness and Marriage: Steve & Jennifer DeWitt

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Loneliness and Marriage

Guests:Steve and Jennifer DeWitt

From the series:Loneliness: Don’t Hate It or Waste It (Day 2 of 3)

Air date:November 19, 2024

Shelby: Hey, Shelby Abbott here. Okay, so I know that we’re already starting to think about gifts that we’re going to be giving to our loved ones this holiday season. And it’s kind of weird to think about it this early, isn’t it? I just don’t know when people started buying gifts for Christmas in July; but here we are, and we’re approaching the season, so it feels a little bit more appropriate now.

Starting today, our Weekend to Remember® gift cards are 50 percent off. No better gift to give than working on your marriage—talking about how you can grow closer to one another and, more importantly, grow close to God—well, that’s what Weekend to Remember does. Our gift cards, again, are 50 percent off. In addition to that, our devotionals are 20 percent off, now through Cyber Monday, December 2. Whether it’s daily guidance that you need, or a marriage retreat, these gifts are designed to really help you and your loved ones grow closer to the Lord and closer to each other. If you’re looking for a gift that’s really going to impact your life and your marriage, I’d encourage you to head over to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the Weekend to Remember banner. There, you can get Weekend to Remember gift cards for 50 percent off and our devotionals for 20 percent off.

Alright, now onto the program.

Steve:You lose your loneliness by losing yourself and giving it away for the needs of other people. And in the mystery of the imago dei, loneliness recedes into the background of our emotional experience. All of a sudden, you’re kind of like, “Where did my loneliness go? I can’t seem to find it.”

Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.

Ann: This is FamilyLife Today.

Ann: I can’t remember what year it was in our marriage, but we were struggling in our marriage. We had three kids.

Dave:That would be a lot of years.

Ann: Right. Well, I’m just saying we had three kids; we had two dogs. I can remember sleeping in our queen-sized bed. You were turned toward the wall; and I was crying into my pillow, because I remember thinking, “I am so lonely.” It caught me off guard because I assumed that, being in marriage, I would never feel loneliness; and I did. I think that’s really common—whether you’re married or single, whether we’re doing great or we’re struggling—I think every single one of us has faced a time in our lives, where we feel lonely.

Dave:And we’ve got—I don’t know, I don’t want to call you Steve, the expert on loneliness—but you have written a book on it, Steve. And we’ve got his wife Jennifer in the studio with us today. Welcome, guys, to FamilyLife Today.

Steve:We’re happy to be here.

Jennifer: Thank you.

Steve: Yes, thanks.

Ann: Steve and Jennifer DeWitt. And Steve, having you on yesterday, sharing a little bit of your story and why you wrote it. We thought it would be fun to capture your married story together.

Dave:Yeah. And one of the things you write in your book, Loneliness, and I love the subtitle: Don’t Hate It or Waste It. Redeem It. You know what? We didn’t even talk about that yesterday. Why that subtitle? What do you mean by that?

Steve:Well, it flows out of a conviction that I have that people approach loneliness entirely the wrong way. We easily view it as something that’s negative—it’s bad, and we try to avoid it—

Ann: —run from it.

Steve:—rather than—yeah; exactly—rather than realizing that God put it in there for a reason: that it is a part of what it means to be made in the image of God. The pricks and prods, and the aches of loneliness, are part of the gift of loneliness. Like the prick and the prod, and the ache of hunger or the longing of thirst, are good for us, loneliness is as well. Once we can free ourselves from sort of the bondage of hating it and resenting it, now, we can actually use it, or redeem it, which is why God put it there in the first place.

Ann: And you were a single pastor at a mega church for how many years?

Steve:Well, I pastored—I have to do the math on that quickly—I think I was 15 years at Bethel Church, in northwest Indiana, as a single bachelor pastor.

Dave:What a title: “The bachelor pastor”; I could write a song on The Bachelor Pastor.

Steve:It didn’t say that on the website, but that’s what some people called me.

Ann: Do you think women were coming to the church to meet you? Oh! Jennifer is shaking her head!

Dave:Were they?

Jennifer: Oh, absolutely! I was tempted to be one of them, but I didn’t.

Dave:When we started our church in Michigan, Detroit area, in 1990, our youth guy was a single guy, Dave. I’m not kidding: weekly, he’d have women coming up, and say, “God told me/God told me I’m supposed to marry you.” And he’s like, “Yeah; God hadn’t told me that yet, so we’re not going to even date.”

Ann: Steve is shaking his head.

Dave: Did you have that whole thing?

Steve:I totally did, and have some funny stories that I can’t share about some dear sisters—“Lord, bless them,”—but they were hearing voices that I wasn’t hearing. I would have to have some awkward conversations at times.

Dave:Now, were you the only single pastor of a large church in the country? I mean, it’s pretty rare.

Steve:Well, all I can say is that the experts on megachurches claim that I was the only unmarried megachurch pastor in the United States. I didn’t know it at the time; but apparently, it’s true.

Dave:Wow. So you don’t get married until you’re 44. Tell us the Jennifer story. She wasn’t one of those girls who came up, after the sermon, and said, “God told me…”; right?

.

Steve:No, no, no, no. So the story—and in this way—I owe loneliness a debt in that I wrote an article on loneliness, entitled: “Lonely Me: A Pastoral Perspective on Loneliness.” The Gospel Coalition published it, and it had a broad readership.

Ann: Why do you think it had that broad readership?

Steve:Well, I think it taps into a huge problem.

Dave: Yeah; yeah.

Ann: I do, too.

Steve:Yeah, a huge societal problem. Friends, who had been members of [my] church, had moved to Kansas City and had started attending a church. In that church, they had met this woman. They saw the article, and they thought, “Oh, maybe, Jennifer would like to read this article.”

I don’t know if you want to pick up the story here, because this is your side of the story.

Dave:Talk about a matchmaker; what a crazy story.

Ann: Okay, so you get this article. Did you read it, Jennifer?

Jennifer: Well, I did. The reason why they sent it to me, I think initially, was because I had just shared my testimony; and it had echoed what he had written, although I didn’t know he existed at the time.

Ann: What did the echo—you gave a talk—what was the talk on?

Jennifer: I just shared my testimony; and recently, I had just gone through a really difficult season, personally. One of the things that I shared with the ladies is that—you can be single; you can be dating someone; you can be engaged—it really doesn’t matter your life circumstance; you can be lonely, no matter your circumstances. And that the true point is to find your essence/your hope in your relationship with Christ.

That is what I was encouraging the ladies to do, as a single person, serving in my church. And they just happened to be/she happened to be in attendance that evening. She said, “This reminds me of what you just shared; I thought you might find it encouraging.” At that point, that’s all I knew. I actually forwarded the article to all my single girlfriends, and said, “Maybe you’ll be encouraged, too, by this.” But then, there was a follow-up message she sent afterwards; and she said, “By the way, did you think that Pastor Steve guy was cute?”

Ann: Because it had a little picture of him?

Jennifer: There was a small picture of him in the article.

Ann: —and?

Jennifer: She said, “He was our pastor in northwest Indiana, and he’s single,”—well, obviously single; because that was the essence of his part of what he was saying. And I said, “Yes.”

Ann: Okay; so then, what happened?

Jennifer: Nothing.

Steve:Well, they reached out to me, and said, Hey, I don’t know of what your status is right now; but if you were interested, we have a woman here, in Kansas City, that we think highly of; and that you may want to meet her.” It was some weeks later that I thought, “Hey, what about that girl in Kansas City?”

Jennifer: A few months, to be exact.

Steve: I did a little online stalking and decided to reach out to her. And so I did over Facebook, and I think our first interactions were just Facebook messaging.

Ann: Okay; then, what did you say, Jennifer? What did you feel when you got that message?

Jennifer: Very insightful, Ann. He was a weary dater, because he had dated for so long, if I can respectfully say that. And I was a wounded, inexperienced dater. He was saying, “I’m sure you’ve had this happen before; and if you’re interested, maybe you could even stick your toe in the water and share with me your phone number; and I could give you a call.” I was currently in a store; I dropped everything. I ran out to my car, and I started screaming with excitement; because I had been, for the last two months, listening to his sermons, trying to figure out: “Is this guy worth even being interested in?” And unexpectedly, I was starting to fall for him; because I loved his heart for Jesus. And he had a very handsome voice.

Ann: You must be a good pastor!

Jennifer: He’s a very good pastor.

Dave: He’s got a handsome voice.

Jennifer: The man can preach.

Steve:I have no comment on this.

Jennifer: And my response was: “My toe is in, and this is my number”; that was it. And he called me fairly quickly after that.

Dave:—like in five minutes?

Ann: Wait! What were you thinking, Steve?—like, “Hmm; okay”?

Steve:Well, part of this goes back to the story, where I had a couple decades of people—who cared for me, wanted the best for me—would similarly say: “I’ve got a niece,” “I’ve got a friend,” “…my sister,”—that sort of thing. And so I had been around that block many, many times. I came to this one with some skepticism and just having done that before. But sincerely, I prayed for my wife and a family for 25 years. Nearly every week, for a quarter century. I had prayed for her and for God’s provision of her in my life. And so I remained hopeful. And every time you start something like this, there’s that little hope that springs alive again. And I was curious.

Dave:Was it a fast courtship?

Steve:Well, we met Thanksgiving weekend; and then, six months later—Memorial Day weekend—I asked her to marry me in front of the church.

Ann: Wait, wait, wait.

Dave: —in front of the church.

Steve:—in front of the church.

Dave: Did you know? Did you know it was coming?

Jennifer: No!

Steve:No; it was a surprise.

Jennifer: I was hopeful, but I didn’t know.

Ann: Okay, reenact it. What happened? You’re at the pulpit…

Steve:Well, I preached a sermon; and the whole sermon, I knew, at the end of the sermon, I was going to ask her to marry me. So as I’m preaching the sermon—which I don’t remember the sermon at all—

Jennifer: It was on the Holy Spirit.

Dave: She remembers.

Steve:Every time I turned a page, I was like, “Well, I’m one page closer to getting engaged. Hopefully, she’ll say, ‘Yes.’”

I had the advantage of, obviously, years of preparing; and I had a whole tech team, with the staff, who were in on it. It ended up being quite the production that we pulled off. I got to the end of the sermon, and I said, “Hey everybody, I want to introduce a new friend to you.” And I said, “Jennifer, would you come up?” Jennifer comes up; and everyone in the church is like, “What’s going on here?”

Dave:You have no idea?

Ann: Wait, wait, wait. Jennifer had a face when you said that.

Jennifer: Well, he said, “…introduce a friend,” which I was hoping he would call me more than a friend.

Steve:Well, I did in the next sentence; I said, “This is my girlfriend, Jennifer.”

Ann: I see.

Jennifer: Oh no, you didn’t quite—well, maybe, you did—yes; okay. But he had told me, in dating, that he wouldn’t introduce me publicly until he was going to make it serious. He introduced me on the stage; and then, he asked the church to pray for us. I thought, “What is there to pray about? We’ve already been praying about this and we know what we—

Steve:I was setting her up; it was a total setup.

Jennifer: It did throw me off a wee bit.

Ann: So you’re getting sidetracked, like, “What’s happening?!”

Jennifer: I mean, “I love Jesus, and I do want to pray about this; but we have prayed and—

Ann: —”we know.”

Jennifer: —”we better know. I know; I know what I want: ‘I want you.’”

Ann: Yes; and that was a setup.

Steve:Oh, I was setting her up, totally. And so I said—

Dave:Is there video of this?

Steve:There is; you can watch it online.

Dave: We might have to put that in the show notes. You might have to send that to us.

Jennifer: It’s very romantic.

Steve:Anyway, it involved music, and video from Venice, and falling rose petals from the sky.

Ann: No!

Steve:The ring—

Ann: Are you serious?!

Steve: —the ring coming down—

Jennifer: —on a string—

Steve: —on a string—

Jennifer: —from the ceiling.

Dave:The ring came down on a string?

Jennifer: —in a box.

Steve: You didn’t do that?

Dave:Ah, no.

Steve: You didn’t do that, Dave?

Dave: Mine was pretty spectacular, but not that spectacular.

Ann: This is like better than anything on TV right now.

Dave:Did you see the ring coming down?

Jennifer: I heard everyone cheering, and I couldn’t see it. I didn’t know why they were, but it came behind me.

Ann: Did you come up, or were you still sitting in your seat?

Jennifer: I was on the stage.

Steve:She was on the stage.

Dave: She’s on stage.

Jennifer: Rose pedals had fallen over our heads.

Steve:Yes.

Jennifer: Yes, I was hopeful.

Steve:The lengths I went to get her to say, “Yes.”

Jennifer: It worked.

Steve:Yeah.

Ann: Okay; so when the rose pedals started falling, did you think, “This is it”?

Jennifer: I got a little excited at that point.

Ann: So then, they start cheering/the people are cheering.

Steve: Right; and I got on my knee and asked her to marry me in front of everybody.

Jennifer: And I laid a big kiss on him,—

Steve: And she said, “Yes.” And then, we kissed in front of everyone.

Jennifer: —which embarrassed me. And I said, “Oh dear, I just kissed you in front of the whole church.” And he said, “Let’s do it right”; and he really did it good.

Ann: This is the best engagement story ever!—the proposal.

Steve: I had a pastor come up, to whom I said, “I want you to pray the longest prayer you’ve ever prayed in your whole life. Pray for every missionary we’ve ever heard of.” And we escaped—and took very quick engagement photos outside the church; jumped in the car that pulled up for us; and off we went before anybody could catch us—and that’s how we got engaged.

Ann: Jennifer, how old were you?

Steve:You had just turned 32.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Ann: Okay.

Dave:So that was six months in. And how long until you got married?

Steve:We got married three months later in front of the church, so we got married at the church. Big party, of course; and that was 12 years ago.

Jennifer: It was very special.

Ann: You have two girls; how old are they?

Jennifer: Kiralee is our oldest; she just turned 11; we got pregnant right after our honeymoon. And then, Madeline is nine; she just turned nine.

Ann: Well, let me ask both of you—you assume: “This is the perfect story. You’ll never be lonely again,”—and I think some people listening, think, “Oh, see, if my wedding proposal and if my marriage happened like that, that would be such a sign from God. I would not experience loneliness.” Steve, based on your book, you’re saying, “Oh no; everybody experiences loneliness, even married couples.”

Steve:I would argue marital loneliness is the worst loneliness.

Ann: See, that’s why I started—yeah!

Steve:Possibly second only to losing/spousal loneliness if you lose your spouse. When you understand that loneliness—why we feel lonely—this was yesterday’s broadcast; but we’re made in the image of God. We’re made for complete unity with God and with others. That perfection of the Garden, we long for it—that ancient harmony—and we never quite get it in this world.

And even marriage—which is a gift from God and is a blessing—is also a context where acute loneliness can be felt. And when it is—different than a single, who thinks: “Well, if I had a family,” “If I had a spouse, then maybe I wouldn’t feel this way”; they have something that they hope will take it away—a married person has what they thought would take it away, and they still feel often profoundly lonely.

Dave:I have said, many times—maybe you have, as well, in sermons—and it always gets a laugh. I mean, once or twice a year, I’ll say something like this, if I’m talking about relationships or marriage; I’ll say, “Hey, a lot of the singles are sitting here today—not all of them, but a lot of them—are thinking, ‘Oh, if I just got married, then I’d be happy.’ And let me tell you what the [marrieds] are thinking; they’re thinking, ‘Oh, if I was just single, I’d be happy.’”

I’ve had single people come up, and go, “I’ve heard you say that. That’s not true, right?” I go, “No, it is true.” They don’t think it is true. And I think, when we get married and we feel that loneliness or that disappointment, I think we think, “I married the wrong person, because marriage shouldn’t feel like this.” But you’re saying it’s part of life; it’s the fall!

Ann: You’re even saying, as you said yesterday: “It’s part of God’s plan. It’s part of God’s working in it.”

Steve:It’s a reminder of what was lost in the Garden, and what is restored through Jesus; but not yet. We’re in that “already; not yet” thing. Even marriage is an indication that—even a Christian marriage, with godly people, has blessings and wonderful enriching experiences with one another—but as C.S. Lewis writes, “Even the best marriage always has this little sense that something’s missing; and that little something missing is what will be someday restored in the new creation.” We won’t feel lonely ever again, someday; but for now, it’s a part of the fallen world that we live in.

Dave:Now, Steve, you know this—I mean, you wrote about it; you’ve been studying it; this is part of your message—were you surprised, at all, at feeling some of the loneliness in your marriage? Did it hit you; or were you just like, “Yep, this is exactly what I knew would happen”?

Steve:Well, that’s the challenge of: it’s easier to preach it than to live it. And that’s one thing about marriage is that it forces your nose into the reality of the fall, and the reality of your own sinfulness and selfishness, which is the bad news. It’s also the good news, because that’s part of what the Holy Spirit is redeeming in the life of a Christian. Marriage is like a laboratory of redeeming that; it’s a pressure cooker. I would say the selfishness that I have now, I had when I was single; but the context didn’t reveal it. It’s like I jokingly say, “I didn’t snore until I was married.” But marriage brings—

Dave:Sounds like you snore, because Jennifer just gave a look.

Steve:Marriage brings out those things that are always latently there, but singleness didn’t expose it; marriage exposes all of these things—and just speaking for myself—to realize how selfish I am. And then, to have children—which parenting is also another experience of unveiling your own selfishness—all of these things can come out, which means they can be dealt with. I would like to think that I am more sanctified now than I was or that I would’ve been if I hadn’t got married. Marriage has been a very refining experience, and it is for everyone.

Ann: —everyone.

Steve: Absolutely. Even, it was an advantage to get married older; I was more mature than I would’ve been if I was 24—I think a better husband; a better dad—but even with that, it has been hard.

And to have what you hoped would take that [loneliness] away; and then, to still experience it can be utterly devastating.

Ann: I think what I did was I was blaming Dave for my loneliness: “If he would be ‘X,’ ‘Y,’ or ‘Z,’ then I probably wouldn’t feel this loneliness,” “If he would see me…” “If he would talk to me…” “If he would ask me deeper questions…” “If he would partner with me…” I felt like I had this path—that it felt like the enemy, Satan, was taking me—“It’s his fault.” And yet, I feel—

Dave:Well, it’s good to know it wasn’t my fault.

Ann: No! But I feel like God is wooing us,—

Dave:Yeah, through that—

Ann: —”Come back.”

Dave: —through that ache.

Ann: It’s what you said—it’s the light on the dashboard blinking, where God’s calling me back to Himself—because honestly, I made my marriage and I can make—and we can make people are idols—thinking that that will fill those holes in the wounds and the loneliness.

Dave:I mean, Jennifer, you were single into your 30s. Did you feel some of the same stuff, even after you got married?

Jennifer: It makes me a little nervous to be too transparent. But I will say that I think what Steve and I, as single people, before we even met each other—anchoring our hearts in the Word of God, and working through that, even in the disillusionment and singleness in marriage—we had the information in our head. We had the knowledge; we had the desire. But different circumstances sometimes bring out different feelings that you didn’t anticipate. And so it can be very disillusioning. I would always say, “The saying: ‘The grass is always greener on the other side,’ is a temptation we have in singleness; but then, ironically, you get a marriage; and you realize, ‘Oh, there’s more to that saying.’”

And so that’s where I think—back to the article he wrote and what I had shared in my testimony—is that no matter your circumstances, we knew, as single people, that you could be married and be lonely. But it is disillusioning when you’re married; because all of what you’ve heard, and movies, and things is that: “Oh, happily ever after,” “Everything’s going to be fine.” You have to still keep preaching the same truth to yourself, no matter your relational status.

Ann: Yes, that’s a good word in how to say it.

Dave:I mean, if there’s a couple listening right now—and man, they are really feeling it probably more because we’re talking about it—we’ve sort of put a spotlight on that ache in their soul and they’re really feeling lonely—the husband or the wife—“What would you say?” “I mean, where do they look?” “What do they do?”

Ann: And maybe you would say that to a single or a married person.

Steve: Well, that’s why I say: “The same rules apply; it doesn’t matter if you’re single or married: ‘How do we redeem loneliness?’ We redeem loneliness by giving it away. You lose your loneliness by giving it away.” And the great thing about marriage is that it’s a built-in person to give it away to. The single has to go to the church,—

Dave: —small group or wherever.

Steve: —or the community center, Y, or something to find somebody I can pour into. Marriage provides a built-in person that I can sacrifice for—that I can put their needs ahead of my own—that I can serve for their joy.

And so, sometimes, I talk about even a pet. “How does a pet help with loneliness?” A pet helps with loneliness because you have to orient your life a little bit around the pet. You got to leave the party early, because you got to take the pet out; and the pet’s going to cost you some money at the vet; and “Who’s going to watch the pet while [I’m] off on vacation?”—just that level of getting outside of myself.

Ann: Taking your eyes off yourself.

Steve:Exactly; it does/it can help. How much better, a human being—in this case, a spouse—to view that spouse as the context within which I am going to give my loneliness away by thinking about their needs, by seeking to meet their needs, by treating them and giving them the love that I long for. Here we are in the Golden Rule: “Give unto others as you have them love you.” When we do that in marriage—again, we never get rid of it; at best, it moves into the background of our emotional experience—but it can do that as we give our loneliness away to meet the needs of our spouse.

Jennifer: And if I can just add one small little caveat: is that, in the process of doing that, I think in marriage, particularly—it’s easy to expect a response to whatever you’re doing, trying to give away your loneliness—you’re hoping to get a response. But if you can reorient your motivation so that it’s an act of worship, regardless of the response of the other person, then it truly is a sacrificial giving. You find delight because you aren’t disappointed if they don’t respond in the way that you want, and you’re honoring the Lord in the process.

Ann: And I was going to ask the question: “What if you really don’t like your spouse right now? What if you’re mad at them?” But what you’re saying, Jennifer, answers that question. It’s not necessarily unto your spouse—if you’re mad, you might not feel like they deserve it—but it is/can be an act of worship because our Father sees every one of those sacrificial acts. And as you’re saying, Steve, it helps fill that gap; it helps take our eyes off of ourselves and meet that loneliness need.

Steve:It’s not having somebody in your life; it’s sacrificing for somebody in your life.

Ann: It’s so much harder!

Steve:Yes. Well, Dave, you pastored for so many years, you’ve probably observed this: people come to your church; and they’re like, “Hey, I hope we meet somebody that’s going to sort of fill this void in our life.” And you just can think to yourself, as a pastor, “They’re not going to be here long.”

Dave:“We’re going to let them down.”

Steve:Exactly. It’s not adding somebody to your life—it is subtracting; it’s losing—and the losing is you: you lose your loneliness by losing yourself and giving it away for the needs of other people. And in the mystery of the imago dei, loneliness recedes into the background of our emotional experience. And all of a sudden, you’re kind of like, “Where did my loneliness go? I can’t seem to find it.”

Dave:I remember, years ago, we heard an older gentleman named Sidlow Baxter. Do you know that name?

Steve:I do.

Dave:He’s written a major whole Bible commentary. He spoke at a staff conference we were at. I remember, when he walked on stage, I remember turning to Ann—I don’t think I said it, but I thought—“What am I going to learn from this guy?” He’s 85 years old; he’s speaking to this big—thousands of people—conference. “Why this guy? Why not the hottest, coolest author-guy?”

He walks up. I remember there was a piano. He went over, and he starts jamming on the piano. First of all, as a musician. I’m like, “Okay, I like this guy.” And then, his energy was off the roof. I don’t have any idea what he said; I remember this one story. He said, “You know what I do, when I’m just down; and I’m feeling lonely; and my walk with God is just sort of dry; and I’m sitting in my apartment? This is what I do: I put on my coat; I walk out on the streets, and I share Christ. I just go serve whoever God brings to me. I go help them. You know what? I come back: I’m on fire. You don’t find life by filling yourself up; you find life by emptying yourself in service of others.” That’s what you’re saying.

Steve:Yes; and then, you think about marriage—“Okay, do you have to put your coat on and walk out and find somebody?”— No; they’re on the couch, right there.

Ann: But sometimes, it’s easier to do it to the stranger than your spouse. But you’re right; they’re right there. That’s who God has put with you.

Steve:Well, I think, in some ways, it’s the ultimate death to self; because you got all this baggage: “She said this,” “He did that.”

Dave: Yeah, you’re hurt.

Steve: “She’s disappointed me; I’m hurt,” and all of that. But what better way to love your “enemy” or to do good to those who mistreat you than to look at your spouse, and say, “You don’t deserve it, but I’m going to love you anyway”?

Jennifer: You don’t say that though, just to be clear.

Steve:But to say to yourself—

Dave:—say to yourself.

Steve:Exactly; “You don’t deserve it; I’m going to love you anyway.” In that, we are reenacting the love of God through Jesus Christ to us: we did not deserve it; it is utterly His grace.

Ann: It’s the gospel.

Steve:Yeah; you’re gospelizing your loneliness.

Ann: There it is.

Steve: Gospelize your loneliness: reenact it towards other people.

Ann: So good.

Dave:And I would say, “If you want to be inspired to do it, pick up Steve’s book, Loneliness, at FamilyLifeToday.com; you can get it right there.” And I’m telling you—I’m telling you—we endorsed it. When you sent me the manuscript, I’m like, “I’m going to endorse a book on loneliness? I don’t know.” And then, I read it; I was like, “Wow! This is life-changing stuff.”

Shelby: I’m Shelby Abbott; and you’ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson, with Steve and Jennifer DeWitt, on FamilyLife Today. As Dave mentioned, Steve has a book called Loneliness: Don’t Hate It or Waste It. Redeem It. This book is really for anyone who is wrestling with feelings of loneliness, whether you’re single, or married, or in leadership. It really gives you biblical insight and practical guidance for transforming isolation into meaningful connection with God and with others. You can get your copy, right now, by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com or clicking on the link in the show notes. Or give us a call at 800-358-6329 to request your copy. Again, that number is 800-F as in family, L as in life, and then the word, TODAY.

Are you tired of the tension and the division that exists in your friend groups; or in your family; and certainly, on social media? Well, Psalm 1:33 tells us that it’s good for believers to live in unity with one another; but in today’s easily-angered and often-offended world, it can just feel like wishful thinking: “Yeah, good luck with that.” Well,

I’m actually excited to invite you to join us for a five-week video series from our friend—author and comedian—Amberly Neese. It’s called “Moving Toward Each Other in the Middle of a Divisive World.” In this five-week video series, Amberly guides us on how

to build peace in our own backyards when our differing thoughts, and our opinions,

and beliefs threaten to create division. You can sign up, right now, for this five-week video series for free by clicking on the link in the show notes. Or go to FamilyLife.com/FindingCommonGround; FamilyLife.com/FindingCommonGround.

Do you follow us on social media? Well, if you’re on Instagram, you can look us up at FamilyLife Insta; or if you’re on Facebook, you could find us at FamilyLife for more regular encouragement about marriage and parenting.

Now, coming up tomorrow: “How do we help those who experience loneliness due to various circumstances, like the death of a loved one?” Well, Dave and Ann Wilson are back with Steve and Jennifer DeWitt tomorrow to talk about just that; we hope you’ll join us. On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I’m Shelby Abbott. We’ll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

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